Billy Connolly – Behind the Proscenium

The Hobbit – The Desolation of Smaug

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

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Here are the facts:

The Fellowship of the Ring – Book pages 432 – Film minutes 2:58

The Two Towers- Book pages 352 – Film minutes 2:59

Return of the King- Book pages 512 – Film minutes 3:21

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The Hobbit – Book pages 300

Now for the movies.

The Hobbit – An Unexpected Journey – 2:49

The Hobbit – Desolation of Smaug – 2:41

The Hobbit – Ka-ching!!! – Who the hell knows?

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So, The Lord of the Rings – Book pages 1296, Total Time 9:18

The Hobbit – Book pages 300, Total Time (so far) 5:30

‘Nuff said.

Are we still there for the caring?

I am done.

How long can this go on?

The Hobbit (Kim Kardashian) continues on its quest.

Things go on forever. BUT, 3-D IMAX made my pants a place for the peeing.

Awesome!!

Go see it.

You will if I do or if I do not say the right things.

As much as thinking Peter Jackson drools over money, the film still makes the mind flop on itself.

Good work, moneygrubber!!!

In other ways, go see “Afternoon Delight.” Independent films make on feel the smarter.

This is the time of year when Hollywood makes the liking of Hollywood seem like the boning of one’s sister.

Kind of hot. Totally sleazy.

If Hollywood was a man, “The Hobbit” would have been 10 movies.

Hollywood – you are a pussy.

So…Two thumbs up.

Made up story is still good story. IMAX 3-D is still IMAX 3-D.

Hey, Hollywood whoredom works. I must deal with this.

See this three times.

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. Now for brain expanding Vonnegut (Dead Eye Dick – 1982 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deadeye_Dick) – “We all see our lives as stories, it seems to me, and I am convinced that psychologists and sociologists and historians and so on would find it useful to acknowledge that. If a person survives an ordinary span of sixty years or more, there is every chance that his or her life as a shapely story has ended, and that all the remains to be experienced is the epilogue. Life is not over, but the story is.

Some people, of course, find inhabiting an epilogue so uncongenial that they commit suicide.

P.P.S. “Survivor” finale on Sunday! Whoop dee whoop!!

Brave

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Readers – I live.

My man liver is alive.

Kossu can be again for the drunkening.

Kimmo cannot be tamed.

Like the beast of the wood – drinking, smoking, eating, drinking, watching movies, drinking, smoking, writing reviews, and then some drinking and smoking – I am back.

And in front.

The fear is out of me.

No longer can the movies of summer make me puke.

I am a man.

And this man is in heart love with “Brave”.

Sucker for red-heads? Guilty.

Sucker for the Pixar? Even more!

Can they be better now than in the past? Hells yes.

And they have shitty, Kimmo-like accents. Only more the better than mine.

Plot? Are you kidding the Kimmo?

Amidst the wilds of the 10th Scottish Century the growing small and skilled archer Merida (Kelly Macdonald) to, daughter of King Fergus (Billy Connolly) and Queen Elinor (Emma Thompson).

While the rebellious girl was marked with the red hair, frolicking in the first place by their father – who lost the fight with a bear leg (a bear leg! Hollywood, hear this!) – is planning her mother Elinor, with her very different things.

To Merida finally tame it is one of the sons of the leading clan lords are married and so asks the Lord MacGuffin (Kevin McKidd), Lord Dingwall (Robbie Coltrane) and Lord Macintosh (Craig Ferguson) and her sons into the castle in order to offer them at an archery competition the winner was the hand of her daughter.

Of course, Merida very different things in my head and said this team wins competition not only themselves, but evokes an old witch with a sinister curse…

What the fuck?!? Wow.

Genius.

No more spoilers.

This movie is a bomb. (Editors note: In Kimmo’s world, this means great).

My man-crush on the computer generated Merida makes me not of this world wanting to be.

Send me to Pixar land.

Let me frolic with the hot red-head pixels.

She is now my life.

Maybe with enough of the sweet, sweet smoke I can someday be there.

For now, Kossu.

For now, I want.

And now, two thumbs striding skyward.

There is not enough in my heart love for this.

It is the greatness.

See it twice. Then take your kids.

Then buy the Blu-ray when available for red-head self-love.

Tell no one I said that. Just between you (my readers) and my bong (my best friend).

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. The Glee Project is back! That blind kid has all asshole about him. Dick. Same with boob-bouncing fat chick. Ho. All are unlikeable. Ryan Murphy, I think, may be a gay guy. I can’t take my eyes off of the thing. Smoke, cheetos, Glee Project = Heaven. Watch it, and then comment.

Tag: Billy Connolly

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

Brave [REVIEW]