Cinderella [REVIEW]

Manka Bros., Khan Manka., Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Behind The Proscenium, Cinderella, Kenneth Branagh, Chris Weitz, Cate Blanchett, Lily James, Richard Madden, Helena Bonham Carter, Nonso Anozie, Stellan Skarsgard, Sophie McShera, Holliday Grainger, Derek Jacobi, Ben Chaplin, Hayley Atwell, Rob Brydon, Jana Perez, Alex Macqueen, Tom Edden, Gareth Mason, Paul Hunter, Eloise Webb, Joshua McGuire, Matthew Steer, Mimi Ndiweni, Laura Elsworthy, Ella Smith, Ann Davies, Gerard Horan, Katie West, Daniel Tuite, Anjana Vasan, Stuart Neal, Adetomiwa Edun, Richard McCabe, Joseph Kloska, Andy Apollo, Craig Mather, Jonny Owen-Last, Nari Blair-Mangat, Michael Jenn, Josh O'Connor, Bhanu Alley, Elina Alminas, Scherrikar Bell, Francesca Bennett, James Butcher, Laurie Calvert, Arielle Campbell, Janet Dawe, Andrew Fitch, Robert J Fraser, Edward Lewis French, Melissa Galloway, Monique Geraghty, Alexander Gillison, Riley Halden, John WG Harley, Ant Henson, Phoenix James, Rajesh Kalhan, Sayed Kassem, Joe Kennard, Victoria Ann Kenway, Alex Marek, Barrie Martin, Henry McCook, Joao Costa Menezes, Bronwyn Pearson, Gino Picciano, Laurent Plancel, Jd Roth-round, Julian Seager, Drew Sheridan-Wheeler, Peter Stacey, Zizi Strallen, Tom Swacha, Georgie-May Tearle, Dolapo Umar, Leila Wong, Charlotte Worwood, Elliott Wright, David Barron, Simon Kinberg, Tim Lewis, Allison Shearmur, Barry H Waldman, Patrick Doyle, Haris Zambarloukos, Martin Walsh, Lucy Bevan, Dante Ferretti, Ravi Bansal, Gary Freeman, Paul Laugier, Casey Banwell, Sandy Powell, Kat Ali, Sophie Ashworth, Sylvia Atkins, Hayley Barkway, Helena Card, Orla Carrol, Mary Cooke, Paul Bennett, Mark Cockren, William Dodds, Claire Frayn, Mark Gillespie, Ryan Newberry, Richard Oxford, Richard Whelan, Alexander Witt, Laura Wootton, Vanessa Baker, Liz Bichard, Emily Brockmann, Ruth Key, Sheara Abrahams, Marlek Al-Habib, Karen Beale, Kitty Bennett, Naomi Bonner, Lucy Brookes, Valeria Cantelli, Melanie Carter, Kay Manasseh, Clo Neary, Kim Pickering, Tessa Phillips, Liz Harkin, Trevor Brown, Herbert Butler, Michael Davis, Nick Davis, Matthew Tucker, Christopher Benstead, Peter Clarke, Rupert Cross, Fiona Cruickshank, Jake Jackson, Rael Jones, Laura Nakhla, MIchael Part, Maggie Rodford, Aaron Shang, James Shearman, Claire Elizabeth Alberie, Jason Alvidrez, Rob Ashford, Ruby Avards, Ross Barnwell, Lewis Barron, Holly Bates, Barbar Berkery, Mary Boulding, Sarah Bowden, Fred Bonham Carter, Steven Clarke, James Cleave, James Fingers Buxton, Rebecca Collis, Tom Crooke, Roxanne Cuenca, Patrick Cullen, Ella Daines-Smith, Richard Daldry, Vanessa Davies, Matt Day, Same Dent, Nilan Dharmadasa, Wayne Docksey, Cathy Doubleday, Eleanor Downey, Shaun Emery, DR Farquharson, Lucia Foster Found, Adam Foster, Catherine Francis, Stephen Gallacher, Michael Gentry, Donna Glasser-Hancock, Gail Gostick, Richard Grand, Faye Green, Emma Gunnery, Anna Hall, Sam Hare, Harry Hewitt, milo Hewitt, Turner Hodsoll, Paul Hornsby, Jamie Kemp, Amanda Koh, Charles Larcombe, Rob Levy, Philip Lobban, Cazzie Loveday, Nicoletta Mani, Jenny Maybour, Matthew Redding, David Taylor, Will Samuelson, Hamish Secrett, Rebecca Wolf, Jo Winter, Richard Wild, Ashley Wild, Joan Washington, Jimmy Yuill, Lenart Cernilogar, Brandon Jones, Aaron Broghamer, Brent Primus

Manka Bros., Khan Manka., Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Behind The Proscenium, Cinderella, Kenneth Branagh, Chris Weitz, Cate Blanchett, Lily James, Richard Madden, Helena Bonham Carter, Nonso Anozie, Stellan Skarsgard, Sophie McShera, Holliday Grainger, Derek Jacobi, Ben Chaplin, Hayley Atwell, Rob Brydon, Jana Perez, Alex Macqueen, Tom Edden, Gareth Mason, Paul Hunter, Eloise Webb, Joshua McGuire, Matthew Steer, Mimi Ndiweni, Laura Elsworthy, Ella Smith, Ann Davies, Gerard Horan, Katie West, Daniel Tuite, Anjana Vasan, Stuart Neal, Adetomiwa Edun, Richard McCabe, Joseph Kloska, Andy Apollo, Craig Mather, Jonny Owen-Last, Nari Blair-Mangat, Michael Jenn, Josh O'Connor, Bhanu Alley, Elina Alminas, Scherrikar Bell, Francesca Bennett, James Butcher, Laurie Calvert, Arielle Campbell, Janet Dawe, Andrew Fitch, Robert J Fraser, Edward Lewis French, Melissa Galloway, Monique Geraghty, Alexander Gillison, Riley Halden, John WG Harley, Ant Henson, Phoenix James, Rajesh Kalhan, Sayed Kassem, Joe Kennard, Victoria Ann Kenway, Alex Marek, Barrie Martin, Henry McCook, Joao Costa Menezes, Bronwyn Pearson, Gino Picciano, Laurent Plancel, Jd Roth-round, Julian Seager, Drew Sheridan-Wheeler, Peter Stacey, Zizi Strallen, Tom Swacha, Georgie-May Tearle, Dolapo Umar, Leila Wong, Charlotte Worwood, Elliott Wright, David Barron, Simon Kinberg, Tim Lewis, Allison Shearmur, Barry H Waldman, Patrick Doyle, Haris Zambarloukos, Martin Walsh, Lucy Bevan, Dante Ferretti, Ravi Bansal, Gary Freeman, Paul Laugier, Casey Banwell, Sandy Powell, Kat Ali, Sophie Ashworth, Sylvia Atkins, Hayley Barkway, Helena Card, Orla Carrol, Mary Cooke, Paul Bennett, Mark Cockren, William Dodds, Claire Frayn, Mark Gillespie, Ryan Newberry, Richard Oxford, Richard Whelan, Alexander Witt, Laura Wootton, Vanessa Baker, Liz Bichard, Emily Brockmann, Ruth Key, Sheara Abrahams, Marlek Al-Habib, Karen Beale, Kitty Bennett, Naomi Bonner, Lucy Brookes, Valeria Cantelli, Melanie Carter, Kay Manasseh, Clo Neary, Kim Pickering, Tessa Phillips, Liz Harkin, Trevor Brown, Herbert Butler, Michael Davis, Nick Davis, Matthew Tucker, Christopher Benstead, Peter Clarke, Rupert Cross, Fiona Cruickshank, Jake Jackson, Rael Jones, Laura Nakhla, MIchael Part, Maggie Rodford, Aaron Shang, James Shearman, Claire Elizabeth Alberie, Jason Alvidrez, Rob Ashford, Ruby Avards, Ross Barnwell, Lewis Barron, Holly Bates, Barbar Berkery, Mary Boulding, Sarah Bowden, Fred Bonham Carter, Steven Clarke, James Cleave, James Fingers Buxton, Rebecca Collis, Tom Crooke, Roxanne Cuenca, Patrick Cullen, Ella Daines-Smith, Richard Daldry, Vanessa Davies, Matt Day, Same Dent, Nilan Dharmadasa, Wayne Docksey, Cathy Doubleday, Eleanor Downey, Shaun Emery, DR Farquharson, Lucia Foster Found, Adam Foster, Catherine Francis, Stephen Gallacher, Michael Gentry, Donna Glasser-Hancock, Gail Gostick, Richard Grand, Faye Green, Emma Gunnery, Anna Hall, Sam Hare, Harry Hewitt, milo Hewitt, Turner Hodsoll, Paul Hornsby, Jamie Kemp, Amanda Koh, Charles Larcombe, Rob Levy, Philip Lobban, Cazzie Loveday, Nicoletta Mani, Jenny Maybour, Matthew Redding, David Taylor, Will Samuelson, Hamish Secrett, Rebecca Wolf, Jo Winter, Richard Wild, Ashley Wild, Joan Washington, Jimmy Yuill, Lenart Cernilogar, Brandon Jones, Aaron Broghamer, Brent PrimusCinderella

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

I have for a while, been away.

Not for purpose, but because damn dumb bad.

I had measles.

Not any measles.

Disneyland Measles.

Some disease child left his funk on Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride and then I was with the infection.  Or maybe it was stupid Tea Cups (they are good for nothing).

Damn. I was with icky red spots covered – as if a jar of jam had exploded and vaporized over my body – but not delicious.

All that was delicious was the Kossu I drank by the liter, putting out my jam inspired skin fire.

For weeks I got to think, “why were my parents in my baby pooping times dirty hippies living in North Finland commune?”

As is known to all not dirty hippies, they don’t put dead or weak viruses in their children. They are too high to worry about science. Or bathing. Or shaving arm pits.

But mainly science.

When my parents became clean and with jobs again and now being good society people (but still high) they forgot that I never had the only needle that I wanted for germ killing.

So, at the Happiest Place on Earth (no way really, best happy place is Six Flags “Now We Puke With Our New Hispanic Friends” Magic Mountain – just not on “Gang Night” – too many casualties) I get crappy Disneyland Measles.

And neither Kossu or the sweet, sweet smoke could made it OK.

But something just did make things OK.

Or someone.

And that someone was hot piece of 99% woman – she gave me the tingles. In my man place. And in my man mind.

She is Cinderella (Lily James).

Manka Bros., Khan Manka., Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Behind The Proscenium, Cinderella, Kenneth Branagh, Chris Weitz, Cate Blanchett, Lily James, Richard Madden, Helena Bonham Carter, Nonso Anozie, Stellan Skarsgard, Sophie McShera, Holliday Grainger, Derek Jacobi, Ben Chaplin, Hayley Atwell, Rob Brydon, Jana Perez, Alex Macqueen, Tom Edden, Gareth Mason, Paul Hunter, Eloise Webb, Joshua McGuire, Matthew Steer, Mimi Ndiweni, Laura Elsworthy, Ella Smith, Ann Davies, Gerard Horan, Katie West, Daniel Tuite, Anjana Vasan, Stuart Neal, Adetomiwa Edun, Richard McCabe, Joseph Kloska, Andy Apollo, Craig Mather, Jonny Owen-Last, Nari Blair-Mangat, Michael Jenn, Josh O'Connor, Bhanu Alley, Elina Alminas, Scherrikar Bell, Francesca Bennett, James Butcher, Laurie Calvert, Arielle Campbell, Janet Dawe, Andrew Fitch, Robert J Fraser, Edward Lewis French, Melissa Galloway, Monique Geraghty, Alexander Gillison, Riley Halden, John WG Harley, Ant Henson, Phoenix James, Rajesh Kalhan, Sayed Kassem, Joe Kennard, Victoria Ann Kenway, Alex Marek, Barrie Martin, Henry McCook, Joao Costa Menezes, Bronwyn Pearson, Gino Picciano, Laurent Plancel, Jd Roth-round, Julian Seager, Drew Sheridan-Wheeler, Peter Stacey, Zizi Strallen, Tom Swacha, Georgie-May Tearle, Dolapo Umar, Leila Wong, Charlotte Worwood, Elliott Wright, David Barron, Simon Kinberg, Tim Lewis, Allison Shearmur, Barry H Waldman, Patrick Doyle, Haris Zambarloukos, Martin Walsh, Lucy Bevan, Dante Ferretti, Ravi Bansal, Gary Freeman, Paul Laugier, Casey Banwell, Sandy Powell, Kat Ali, Sophie Ashworth, Sylvia Atkins, Hayley Barkway, Helena Card, Orla Carrol, Mary Cooke, Paul Bennett, Mark Cockren, William Dodds, Claire Frayn, Mark Gillespie, Ryan Newberry, Richard Oxford, Richard Whelan, Alexander Witt, Laura Wootton, Vanessa Baker, Liz Bichard, Emily Brockmann, Ruth Key, Sheara Abrahams, Marlek Al-Habib, Karen Beale, Kitty Bennett, Naomi Bonner, Lucy Brookes, Valeria Cantelli, Melanie Carter, Kay Manasseh, Clo Neary, Kim Pickering, Tessa Phillips, Liz Harkin, Trevor Brown, Herbert Butler, Michael Davis, Nick Davis, Matthew Tucker, Christopher Benstead, Peter Clarke, Rupert Cross, Fiona Cruickshank, Jake Jackson, Rael Jones, Laura Nakhla, MIchael Part, Maggie Rodford, Aaron Shang, James Shearman, Claire Elizabeth Alberie, Jason Alvidrez, Rob Ashford, Ruby Avards, Ross Barnwell, Lewis Barron, Holly Bates, Barbar Berkery, Mary Boulding, Sarah Bowden, Fred Bonham Carter, Steven Clarke, James Cleave, James Fingers Buxton, Rebecca Collis, Tom Crooke, Roxanne Cuenca, Patrick Cullen, Ella Daines-Smith, Richard Daldry, Vanessa Davies, Matt Day, Same Dent, Nilan Dharmadasa, Wayne Docksey, Cathy Doubleday, Eleanor Downey, Shaun Emery, DR Farquharson, Lucia Foster Found, Adam Foster, Catherine Francis, Stephen Gallacher, Michael Gentry, Donna Glasser-Hancock, Gail Gostick, Richard Grand, Faye Green, Emma Gunnery, Anna Hall, Sam Hare, Harry Hewitt, milo Hewitt, Turner Hodsoll, Paul Hornsby, Jamie Kemp, Amanda Koh, Charles Larcombe, Rob Levy, Philip Lobban, Cazzie Loveday, Nicoletta Mani, Jenny Maybour, Matthew Redding, David Taylor, Will Samuelson, Hamish Secrett, Rebecca Wolf, Jo Winter, Richard Wild, Ashley Wild, Joan Washington, Jimmy Yuill, Lenart Cernilogar, Brandon Jones, Aaron Broghamer, Brent Primus

Plot? Hells yeah, and more.

Lust and politics.

CGI mice.

Did I mention Lily James?

Poor Cinderella. She lives in Make Believe with Cool Dad (British Guy) and Hot Mom (British Chick).

In Make Believe, the 99% live in McMansions and have servants. But they want to be the 2%, like Prince Kit (Rob Stark).

Prince Kit’s Dad (Derek Jacobi) wants Kit to marry into the 1%.

When Cool Dad and Hot Mom die, Cinderella is forced to live with Stepmother (MILF Cate Blanchett) and Step Sisters (bitch face women from “Fashion Police”, I think).

Manka Bros., Khan Manka., Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Behind The Proscenium, Cinderella, Kenneth Branagh, Chris Weitz, Cate Blanchett, Lily James, Richard Madden, Helena Bonham Carter, Nonso Anozie, Stellan Skarsgard, Sophie McShera, Holliday Grainger, Derek Jacobi, Ben Chaplin, Hayley Atwell, Rob Brydon, Jana Perez, Alex Macqueen, Tom Edden, Gareth Mason, Paul Hunter, Eloise Webb, Joshua McGuire, Matthew Steer, Mimi Ndiweni, Laura Elsworthy, Ella Smith, Ann Davies, Gerard Horan, Katie West, Daniel Tuite, Anjana Vasan, Stuart Neal, Adetomiwa Edun, Richard McCabe, Joseph Kloska, Andy Apollo, Craig Mather, Jonny Owen-Last, Nari Blair-Mangat, Michael Jenn, Josh O'Connor, Bhanu Alley, Elina Alminas, Scherrikar Bell, Francesca Bennett, James Butcher, Laurie Calvert, Arielle Campbell, Janet Dawe, Andrew Fitch, Robert J Fraser, Edward Lewis French, Melissa Galloway, Monique Geraghty, Alexander Gillison, Riley Halden, John WG Harley, Ant Henson, Phoenix James, Rajesh Kalhan, Sayed Kassem, Joe Kennard, Victoria Ann Kenway, Alex Marek, Barrie Martin, Henry McCook, Joao Costa Menezes, Bronwyn Pearson, Gino Picciano, Laurent Plancel, Jd Roth-round, Julian Seager, Drew Sheridan-Wheeler, Peter Stacey, Zizi Strallen, Tom Swacha, Georgie-May Tearle, Dolapo Umar, Leila Wong, Charlotte Worwood, Elliott Wright, David Barron, Simon Kinberg, Tim Lewis, Allison Shearmur, Barry H Waldman, Patrick Doyle, Haris Zambarloukos, Martin Walsh, Lucy Bevan, Dante Ferretti, Ravi Bansal, Gary Freeman, Paul Laugier, Casey Banwell, Sandy Powell, Kat Ali, Sophie Ashworth, Sylvia Atkins, Hayley Barkway, Helena Card, Orla Carrol, Mary Cooke, Paul Bennett, Mark Cockren, William Dodds, Claire Frayn, Mark Gillespie, Ryan Newberry, Richard Oxford, Richard Whelan, Alexander Witt, Laura Wootton, Vanessa Baker, Liz Bichard, Emily Brockmann, Ruth Key, Sheara Abrahams, Marlek Al-Habib, Karen Beale, Kitty Bennett, Naomi Bonner, Lucy Brookes, Valeria Cantelli, Melanie Carter, Kay Manasseh, Clo Neary, Kim Pickering, Tessa Phillips, Liz Harkin, Trevor Brown, Herbert Butler, Michael Davis, Nick Davis, Matthew Tucker, Christopher Benstead, Peter Clarke, Rupert Cross, Fiona Cruickshank, Jake Jackson, Rael Jones, Laura Nakhla, MIchael Part, Maggie Rodford, Aaron Shang, James Shearman, Claire Elizabeth Alberie, Jason Alvidrez, Rob Ashford, Ruby Avards, Ross Barnwell, Lewis Barron, Holly Bates, Barbar Berkery, Mary Boulding, Sarah Bowden, Fred Bonham Carter, Steven Clarke, James Cleave, James Fingers Buxton, Rebecca Collis, Tom Crooke, Roxanne Cuenca, Patrick Cullen, Ella Daines-Smith, Richard Daldry, Vanessa Davies, Matt Day, Same Dent, Nilan Dharmadasa, Wayne Docksey, Cathy Doubleday, Eleanor Downey, Shaun Emery, DR Farquharson, Lucia Foster Found, Adam Foster, Catherine Francis, Stephen Gallacher, Michael Gentry, Donna Glasser-Hancock, Gail Gostick, Richard Grand, Faye Green, Emma Gunnery, Anna Hall, Sam Hare, Harry Hewitt, milo Hewitt, Turner Hodsoll, Paul Hornsby, Jamie Kemp, Amanda Koh, Charles Larcombe, Rob Levy, Philip Lobban, Cazzie Loveday, Nicoletta Mani, Jenny Maybour, Matthew Redding, David Taylor, Will Samuelson, Hamish Secrett, Rebecca Wolf, Jo Winter, Richard Wild, Ashley Wild, Joan Washington, Jimmy Yuill, Lenart Cernilogar, Brandon Jones, Aaron Broghamer, Brent Primus

Her new family is the suck.

Cinderella is so effed up she is talking to mice, a stag, some lizards, a bird, and (gasp) even the help.

One day, while out on a horse (that she is not talking to), she runs into Mr. Stag. He’s all like “Rob Stark wants to gut me” and Cinderella is all like “No way, Jose. Light that rocket in your ass and jet on out.”

Mr. Stag is all like “Don’t have to say that twice girlfriend” and bounces.

Rob Stark shows up and is all like “Damn, girl, you are fine! And nice. You are mine.”

Manka Bros., Khan Manka., Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Behind The Proscenium, Cinderella, Kenneth Branagh, Chris Weitz, Cate Blanchett, Lily James, Richard Madden, Helena Bonham Carter, Nonso Anozie, Stellan Skarsgard, Sophie McShera, Holliday Grainger, Derek Jacobi, Ben Chaplin, Hayley Atwell, Rob Brydon, Jana Perez, Alex Macqueen, Tom Edden, Gareth Mason, Paul Hunter, Eloise Webb, Joshua McGuire, Matthew Steer, Mimi Ndiweni, Laura Elsworthy, Ella Smith, Ann Davies, Gerard Horan, Katie West, Daniel Tuite, Anjana Vasan, Stuart Neal, Adetomiwa Edun, Richard McCabe, Joseph Kloska, Andy Apollo, Craig Mather, Jonny Owen-Last, Nari Blair-Mangat, Michael Jenn, Josh O'Connor, Bhanu Alley, Elina Alminas, Scherrikar Bell, Francesca Bennett, James Butcher, Laurie Calvert, Arielle Campbell, Janet Dawe, Andrew Fitch, Robert J Fraser, Edward Lewis French, Melissa Galloway, Monique Geraghty, Alexander Gillison, Riley Halden, John WG Harley, Ant Henson, Phoenix James, Rajesh Kalhan, Sayed Kassem, Joe Kennard, Victoria Ann Kenway, Alex Marek, Barrie Martin, Henry McCook, Joao Costa Menezes, Bronwyn Pearson, Gino Picciano, Laurent Plancel, Jd Roth-round, Julian Seager, Drew Sheridan-Wheeler, Peter Stacey, Zizi Strallen, Tom Swacha, Georgie-May Tearle, Dolapo Umar, Leila Wong, Charlotte Worwood, Elliott Wright, David Barron, Simon Kinberg, Tim Lewis, Allison Shearmur, Barry H Waldman, Patrick Doyle, Haris Zambarloukos, Martin Walsh, Lucy Bevan, Dante Ferretti, Ravi Bansal, Gary Freeman, Paul Laugier, Casey Banwell, Sandy Powell, Kat Ali, Sophie Ashworth, Sylvia Atkins, Hayley Barkway, Helena Card, Orla Carrol, Mary Cooke, Paul Bennett, Mark Cockren, William Dodds, Claire Frayn, Mark Gillespie, Ryan Newberry, Richard Oxford, Richard Whelan, Alexander Witt, Laura Wootton, Vanessa Baker, Liz Bichard, Emily Brockmann, Ruth Key, Sheara Abrahams, Marlek Al-Habib, Karen Beale, Kitty Bennett, Naomi Bonner, Lucy Brookes, Valeria Cantelli, Melanie Carter, Kay Manasseh, Clo Neary, Kim Pickering, Tessa Phillips, Liz Harkin, Trevor Brown, Herbert Butler, Michael Davis, Nick Davis, Matthew Tucker, Christopher Benstead, Peter Clarke, Rupert Cross, Fiona Cruickshank, Jake Jackson, Rael Jones, Laura Nakhla, MIchael Part, Maggie Rodford, Aaron Shang, James Shearman, Claire Elizabeth Alberie, Jason Alvidrez, Rob Ashford, Ruby Avards, Ross Barnwell, Lewis Barron, Holly Bates, Barbar Berkery, Mary Boulding, Sarah Bowden, Fred Bonham Carter, Steven Clarke, James Cleave, James Fingers Buxton, Rebecca Collis, Tom Crooke, Roxanne Cuenca, Patrick Cullen, Ella Daines-Smith, Richard Daldry, Vanessa Davies, Matt Day, Same Dent, Nilan Dharmadasa, Wayne Docksey, Cathy Doubleday, Eleanor Downey, Shaun Emery, DR Farquharson, Lucia Foster Found, Adam Foster, Catherine Francis, Stephen Gallacher, Michael Gentry, Donna Glasser-Hancock, Gail Gostick, Richard Grand, Faye Green, Emma Gunnery, Anna Hall, Sam Hare, Harry Hewitt, milo Hewitt, Turner Hodsoll, Paul Hornsby, Jamie Kemp, Amanda Koh, Charles Larcombe, Rob Levy, Philip Lobban, Cazzie Loveday, Nicoletta Mani, Jenny Maybour, Matthew Redding, David Taylor, Will Samuelson, Hamish Secrett, Rebecca Wolf, Jo Winter, Richard Wild, Ashley Wild, Joan Washington, Jimmy Yuill, Lenart Cernilogar, Brandon Jones, Aaron Broghamer, Brent Primus

Cinderella is all like (in her mind thoughts) “Mmmm, mmm, mmm – we are gonna be getting’ busy… in our married future which may never come.”

What happens next? Smoke the smoke, drink the drink, request Uber, and GO TO THE MULTIPLEX.

PUBLIC SERVICE MESSAGE: Always smoke, always drink, and always Uber.  Kimmo approves of this message.

There are disappointments in Cinderella.

Rob Stark wears tight pants but they strap down his “Hamm-aconda” (Jon Hamm’s conjoined twin – groin beast – in “Mad Men” – it is legendary).

Now, it could be that Rob Stark isn’t packing… but we all know that is a damned liar lie. It would have been nice for the ladies.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka., Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Behind The Proscenium, Cinderella, Kenneth Branagh, Chris Weitz, Cate Blanchett, Lily James, Richard Madden, Helena Bonham Carter, Nonso Anozie, Stellan Skarsgard, Sophie McShera, Holliday Grainger, Derek Jacobi, Ben Chaplin, Hayley Atwell, Rob Brydon, Jana Perez, Alex Macqueen, Tom Edden, Gareth Mason, Paul Hunter, Eloise Webb, Joshua McGuire, Matthew Steer, Mimi Ndiweni, Laura Elsworthy, Ella Smith, Ann Davies, Gerard Horan, Katie West, Daniel Tuite, Anjana Vasan, Stuart Neal, Adetomiwa Edun, Richard McCabe, Joseph Kloska, Andy Apollo, Craig Mather, Jonny Owen-Last, Nari Blair-Mangat, Michael Jenn, Josh O'Connor, Bhanu Alley, Elina Alminas, Scherrikar Bell, Francesca Bennett, James Butcher, Laurie Calvert, Arielle Campbell, Janet Dawe, Andrew Fitch, Robert J Fraser, Edward Lewis French, Melissa Galloway, Monique Geraghty, Alexander Gillison, Riley Halden, John WG Harley, Ant Henson, Phoenix James, Rajesh Kalhan, Sayed Kassem, Joe Kennard, Victoria Ann Kenway, Alex Marek, Barrie Martin, Henry McCook, Joao Costa Menezes, Bronwyn Pearson, Gino Picciano, Laurent Plancel, Jd Roth-round, Julian Seager, Drew Sheridan-Wheeler, Peter Stacey, Zizi Strallen, Tom Swacha, Georgie-May Tearle, Dolapo Umar, Leila Wong, Charlotte Worwood, Elliott Wright, David Barron, Simon Kinberg, Tim Lewis, Allison Shearmur, Barry H Waldman, Patrick Doyle, Haris Zambarloukos, Martin Walsh, Lucy Bevan, Dante Ferretti, Ravi Bansal, Gary Freeman, Paul Laugier, Casey Banwell, Sandy Powell, Kat Ali, Sophie Ashworth, Sylvia Atkins, Hayley Barkway, Helena Card, Orla Carrol, Mary Cooke, Paul Bennett, Mark Cockren, William Dodds, Claire Frayn, Mark Gillespie, Ryan Newberry, Richard Oxford, Richard Whelan, Alexander Witt, Laura Wootton, Vanessa Baker, Liz Bichard, Emily Brockmann, Ruth Key, Sheara Abrahams, Marlek Al-Habib, Karen Beale, Kitty Bennett, Naomi Bonner, Lucy Brookes, Valeria Cantelli, Melanie Carter, Kay Manasseh, Clo Neary, Kim Pickering, Tessa Phillips, Liz Harkin, Trevor Brown, Herbert Butler, Michael Davis, Nick Davis, Matthew Tucker, Christopher Benstead, Peter Clarke, Rupert Cross, Fiona Cruickshank, Jake Jackson, Rael Jones, Laura Nakhla, MIchael Part, Maggie Rodford, Aaron Shang, James Shearman, Claire Elizabeth Alberie, Jason Alvidrez, Rob Ashford, Ruby Avards, Ross Barnwell, Lewis Barron, Holly Bates, Barbar Berkery, Mary Boulding, Sarah Bowden, Fred Bonham Carter, Steven Clarke, James Cleave, James Fingers Buxton, Rebecca Collis, Tom Crooke, Roxanne Cuenca, Patrick Cullen, Ella Daines-Smith, Richard Daldry, Vanessa Davies, Matt Day, Same Dent, Nilan Dharmadasa, Wayne Docksey, Cathy Doubleday, Eleanor Downey, Shaun Emery, DR Farquharson, Lucia Foster Found, Adam Foster, Catherine Francis, Stephen Gallacher, Michael Gentry, Donna Glasser-Hancock, Gail Gostick, Richard Grand, Faye Green, Emma Gunnery, Anna Hall, Sam Hare, Harry Hewitt, milo Hewitt, Turner Hodsoll, Paul Hornsby, Jamie Kemp, Amanda Koh, Charles Larcombe, Rob Levy, Philip Lobban, Cazzie Loveday, Nicoletta Mani, Jenny Maybour, Matthew Redding, David Taylor, Will Samuelson, Hamish Secrett, Rebecca Wolf, Jo Winter, Richard Wild, Ashley Wild, Joan Washington, Jimmy Yuill, Lenart Cernilogar, Brandon Jones, Aaron Broghamer, Brent Primus

So, I have two thumbs (and other things, I am winking at you with innuendo) straining to the CGI sky.

Cinderella is good.

No shit.

You may even have eye water leaks (damn romance stuff – maybe there was dust in the air).

See it, if you have a heart.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Reese Witherspoon, Water For Elephants, Robert Pattinson, Christoph Waltz, Paul Schneider, Jim Norton, Hal Holbrook, Mark Povinelli, Richard Brake, Stephen Monroe Taylor, Ken Foree, Scott MacDonald, James Frain, Sam Anderson, John Aylward, Brad Greenquist, Tim Guinee, Donna W. Scott, E.E. Bell, Kyle Jordan, Aleksandra Kaniak, Ilia Volok, Bruce Gray, Jim Jansen, James Keane, Ivo Nandi, Karynn Moore, Andrew Connolly, Doug McDougal, Tracy Phillips Rowan O'Hara, Water for Elephants, Tai, Uggie, Ice, Sita Acevedo, Danny Castle, Michael Coronas, Aloysia Gavre, Francis Lawrence, Andrew R. Tennenbaum, Erwin Stoff, Gil Netter, Kevin Halloran, Alan Edward Bell, Ana Maria Quintana, Chad Holmes, David Crank, Denise Chamian, Molly Allen, Sasha Veneziano, Kimmo MustonenenKimmo Mustonenen – Kimmo On Kimmo – Behind The Proscenium

P.S.  “The 100!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Damn, Clarke. You are one stone cold-assed assassin. Now learn to forgive and go make out with Lexa. It is your destiny. And it will be appointment TV. At least in the house of Kimmo.

P.P.S.  Pete Carroll, you are owning me $500. Passing on the 1? With two time outs and Marshawn Lynch? Huh. Really. There is in Seattle Aquarium a hermit crab named Marshawn Pinch. This is the truth. Marshawn Pinch would have from the 1 scored. Damn.

Marshawn Pinch, Marshawn Lynch, Pete Caroll

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo on Kino, Behind The Proscenium, The Hobbit The Desolation of Smaug, JRR Tolkien, Peter Jackson, Fran Walsh, Phillippa Boyens, Guillermo del Toro, Ian McKellen, Martin Freeman, Richard Armitage, Ken Stott, Graham McTavish, William Kircher, James Nesbitt, Stephen Hunter, Dean O'Gorman, Aidan Turner, John Callen, Peter Hambleton, Jed Brophy, Mark Hadlow, Adam Brown, Orlando Bloom, Evangeline Lilly, Lee Pace, Cate Blanchett, Benedict Cumberbatch, Mikael Persbrandt, Sylvester McCoy, Luke Evans, Stephen Fry, Ryan Gage, John Bell, Peggy Nesbitt, Mary Nesbitt, Manu Bennett, Lawrence Makoare, Ben Mitchell, Stephen Ure, Craig Hall, Robin Kerr, Eli Kent, Simon London, Brian Sergent, Peter Vere-Jones, Mark Mitchinson, Kelly Kilgour, Sarah Peirse, Nick Blake, Dallas Barnett, Matt Smith, Katie Jackson, Richard Whiteside, Greg Ellis, Ray Henwood, Tim Gordon, Jabez Olssen, Stephen Colbert, Evelyn McGee, Peter Colbert, John Colbert, Norman Kali, Carter Nixon, Zene Weiner, Allan Smith, Billy Connolly, Ian Holm, Christopher Lee, Michael Mzrahi, Terry Notary, Andy Serkis, Conan Stevens, Jeffrey Thomas, Hugo Weaving, Carolynne Cunningham, Matthew Dravitzki, Callum Greene, Ken Kamins, Zane Weiner, Howard Shore, Andrew Lesnie, Victoria Burrows, Dan Hennah, Ra Vincent, Bob Buck, Natalie Abizadeh, Belindalee Hope, Jason Pomerantz, Danielle Blake, Guy Campbell, Emma Cross, Bryon Darling, Bruno Du Bois, Teuila Field, Andy Serkis, Bob Asquith, Simon Barker, Brett Blenkin, Genevieve Aitken, Mark Atkin, Cory Beeston, Mustafa Beyter, Paul Booth, Jason Aldous, Dan Best, Clare Brody, Clare Burlinson, Peter Cobbin, Karen Elliott, Steve Gallagher, Mark Graham, Sarah Allman, Mark Atkin, Rich Baer, Danielle Baneham, Trevor Bau, Julie-Anne Bayliss, Katherine Beyda, Dion Boothby, Shane Boulton, Andy Buckley, Roisin Carty, David Comer, Jared Connon, Bonny Crayford, Leroy Cross, John Cubelic, Nour Dardari, Natalie Doherty, Danield Eady, Kevin Estey, Katie Frost, Rachel Gilkison, Matthew Gordon, Amy Gurr, Jonathan HArding, Jamie Haugh, Johnny Hawkins, Barratt Henry, Cale Hetanni, Tim Hope, Shelley Hopkins, Jake Hurrell, Dean Knowsley, Jon Kuyper, Dale Martin, Danielle Mason, Leith McPherson, Sebastian Meek, Randy Miller, Rohinal Ravinesh Narayan, Jack Nicol, Sharon Ninness, Simon Noakes, Terry Notary, Petra Novotna, Steve Old, Akshay Parbhu, Paul Randall, Vanessa Redmond, Barnaby Riggs, Stephanie Scott, Kiran Shah, Teresa Shand, Rachel Stewart, Paul Stieglbaurer, Hannah Touhy, Brenna Townshend, Tom Treasure, Nick Trugly, Davin Voot, Karla Wallace, Fiona Walsh, Jessica Walsh, Jonathan Weber, Jennifer Whiting, Laurie Wright, Craig Young, Justin Young

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo on Kino, Behind The Proscenium, The Hobbit The Desolation of Smaug, JRR Tolkien, Peter Jackson, Fran Walsh, Phillippa Boyens, Guillermo del Toro, Ian McKellen, Martin Freeman, Richard Armitage, Ken Stott, Graham McTavish, William Kircher, James Nesbitt, Stephen Hunter, Dean O'Gorman, Aidan Turner, John Callen, Peter Hambleton, Jed Brophy, Mark Hadlow, Adam Brown, Orlando Bloom, Evangeline Lilly, Lee Pace, Cate Blanchett, Benedict Cumberbatch, Mikael Persbrandt, Sylvester McCoy, Luke Evans, Stephen Fry, Ryan Gage, John Bell, Peggy Nesbitt, Mary Nesbitt, Manu Bennett, Lawrence Makoare, Ben Mitchell, Stephen Ure, Craig Hall, Robin Kerr, Eli Kent, Simon London, Brian Sergent, Peter Vere-Jones, Mark Mitchinson, Kelly Kilgour, Sarah Peirse, Nick Blake, Dallas Barnett, Matt Smith, Katie Jackson, Richard Whiteside, Greg Ellis, Ray Henwood, Tim Gordon, Jabez Olssen, Stephen Colbert, Evelyn McGee, Peter Colbert, John Colbert, Norman Kali, Carter Nixon, Zene Weiner, Allan Smith, Billy Connolly, Ian Holm, Christopher Lee, Michael Mzrahi, Terry Notary, Andy Serkis, Conan Stevens, Jeffrey Thomas, Hugo Weaving, Carolynne Cunningham, Matthew Dravitzki, Callum Greene, Ken Kamins, Zane Weiner, Howard Shore, Andrew Lesnie, Victoria Burrows, Dan Hennah, Ra Vincent, Bob Buck, Natalie Abizadeh, Belindalee Hope, Jason Pomerantz, Danielle Blake, Guy Campbell, Emma Cross, Bryon Darling, Bruno Du Bois, Teuila Field, Andy Serkis, Bob Asquith, Simon Barker, Brett Blenkin, Genevieve Aitken, Mark Atkin, Cory Beeston, Mustafa Beyter, Paul Booth, Jason Aldous, Dan Best, Clare Brody, Clare Burlinson, Peter Cobbin, Karen Elliott, Steve Gallagher, Mark Graham, Sarah Allman, Mark Atkin, Rich Baer, Danielle Baneham, Trevor Bau, Julie-Anne Bayliss, Katherine Beyda, Dion Boothby, Shane Boulton, Andy Buckley, Roisin Carty, David Comer, Jared Connon, Bonny Crayford, Leroy Cross, John Cubelic, Nour Dardari, Natalie Doherty, Danield Eady, Kevin Estey, Katie Frost, Rachel Gilkison, Matthew Gordon, Amy Gurr, Jonathan HArding, Jamie Haugh, Johnny Hawkins, Barratt Henry, Cale Hetanni, Tim Hope, Shelley Hopkins, Jake Hurrell, Dean Knowsley, Jon Kuyper, Dale Martin, Danielle Mason, Leith McPherson, Sebastian Meek, Randy Miller, Rohinal Ravinesh Narayan, Jack Nicol, Sharon Ninness, Simon Noakes, Terry Notary, Petra Novotna, Steve Old, Akshay Parbhu, Paul Randall, Vanessa Redmond, Barnaby Riggs, Stephanie Scott, Kiran Shah, Teresa Shand, Rachel Stewart, Paul Stieglbaurer, Hannah Touhy, Brenna Townshend, Tom Treasure, Nick Trugly, Davin Voot, Karla Wallace, Fiona Walsh, Jessica Walsh, Jonathan Weber, Jennifer Whiting, Laurie Wright, Craig Young, Justin YoungThe Hobbit – The Desolation of Smaug

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

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Here are the facts:

The Fellowship of the Ring – Book pages 432 – Film minutes 2:58

The Two Towers- Book pages 352 – Film minutes 2:59

Return of the King- Book pages 512 – Film minutes 3:21

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The Hobbit – Book pages 300

Now for the movies.

The Hobbit – An Unexpected Journey – 2:49

The Hobbit – Desolation of Smaug – 2:41

The Hobbit – Ka-ching!!! – Who the hell knows?

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So, The Lord of the Rings – Book pages 1296, Total Time 9:18

The Hobbit – Book pages 300, Total Time (so far) 5:30

‘Nuff said.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo on Kino, Behind The Proscenium, The Hobbit The Desolation of Smaug, JRR Tolkien, Peter Jackson, Fran Walsh, Phillippa Boyens, Guillermo del Toro, Ian McKellen, Martin Freeman, Richard Armitage, Ken Stott, Graham McTavish, William Kircher, James Nesbitt, Stephen Hunter, Dean O'Gorman, Aidan Turner, John Callen, Peter Hambleton, Jed Brophy, Mark Hadlow, Adam Brown, Orlando Bloom, Evangeline Lilly, Lee Pace, Cate Blanchett, Benedict Cumberbatch, Mikael Persbrandt, Sylvester McCoy, Luke Evans, Stephen Fry, Ryan Gage, John Bell, Peggy Nesbitt, Mary Nesbitt, Manu Bennett, Lawrence Makoare, Ben Mitchell, Stephen Ure, Craig Hall, Robin Kerr, Eli Kent, Simon London, Brian Sergent, Peter Vere-Jones, Mark Mitchinson, Kelly Kilgour, Sarah Peirse, Nick Blake, Dallas Barnett, Matt Smith, Katie Jackson, Richard Whiteside, Greg Ellis, Ray Henwood, Tim Gordon, Jabez Olssen, Stephen Colbert, Evelyn McGee, Peter Colbert, John Colbert, Norman Kali, Carter Nixon, Zene Weiner, Allan Smith, Billy Connolly, Ian Holm, Christopher Lee, Michael Mzrahi, Terry Notary, Andy Serkis, Conan Stevens, Jeffrey Thomas, Hugo Weaving, Carolynne Cunningham, Matthew Dravitzki, Callum Greene, Ken Kamins, Zane Weiner, Howard Shore, Andrew Lesnie, Victoria Burrows, Dan Hennah, Ra Vincent, Bob Buck, Natalie Abizadeh, Belindalee Hope, Jason Pomerantz, Danielle Blake, Guy Campbell, Emma Cross, Bryon Darling, Bruno Du Bois, Teuila Field, Andy Serkis, Bob Asquith, Simon Barker, Brett Blenkin, Genevieve Aitken, Mark Atkin, Cory Beeston, Mustafa Beyter, Paul Booth, Jason Aldous, Dan Best, Clare Brody, Clare Burlinson, Peter Cobbin, Karen Elliott, Steve Gallagher, Mark Graham, Sarah Allman, Mark Atkin, Rich Baer, Danielle Baneham, Trevor Bau, Julie-Anne Bayliss, Katherine Beyda, Dion Boothby, Shane Boulton, Andy Buckley, Roisin Carty, David Comer, Jared Connon, Bonny Crayford, Leroy Cross, John Cubelic, Nour Dardari, Natalie Doherty, Danield Eady, Kevin Estey, Katie Frost, Rachel Gilkison, Matthew Gordon, Amy Gurr, Jonathan HArding, Jamie Haugh, Johnny Hawkins, Barratt Henry, Cale Hetanni, Tim Hope, Shelley Hopkins, Jake Hurrell, Dean Knowsley, Jon Kuyper, Dale Martin, Danielle Mason, Leith McPherson, Sebastian Meek, Randy Miller, Rohinal Ravinesh Narayan, Jack Nicol, Sharon Ninness, Simon Noakes, Terry Notary, Petra Novotna, Steve Old, Akshay Parbhu, Paul Randall, Vanessa Redmond, Barnaby Riggs, Stephanie Scott, Kiran Shah, Teresa Shand, Rachel Stewart, Paul Stieglbaurer, Hannah Touhy, Brenna Townshend, Tom Treasure, Nick Trugly, Davin Voot, Karla Wallace, Fiona Walsh, Jessica Walsh, Jonathan Weber, Jennifer Whiting, Laurie Wright, Craig Young, Justin YoungAre we still there for the caring?

I am done.

How long can this go on?

The Hobbit (Kim Kardashian) continues on its quest.

Things go on forever. BUT, 3-D IMAX made my pants a place for the peeing.

Awesome!!

Go see it.

You will if I do or if I do not say the right things.

As much as thinking Peter Jackson drools over money, the film still makes the mind flop on itself.

Good work, moneygrubber!!!

In other ways, go see “Afternoon Delight.” Independent films make on feel the smarter.

This is the time of year when Hollywood makes the liking of Hollywood seem like the boning of one’s sister.

Kind of hot. Totally sleazy.

If Hollywood was a man, “The Hobbit” would have been 10 movies.

Hollywood – you are a pussy.

So…Two thumbs up.

Made up story is still good story. IMAX 3-D is still IMAX 3-D.

Hey, Hollywood whoredom works. I must deal with this.

See this three times.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Reese Witherspoon, Water For Elephants, Robert Pattinson, Christoph Waltz, Paul Schneider, Jim Norton, Hal Holbrook, Mark Povinelli, Richard Brake, Stephen Monroe Taylor, Ken Foree, Scott MacDonald, James Frain, Sam Anderson, John Aylward, Brad Greenquist, Tim Guinee, Donna W. Scott, E.E. Bell, Kyle Jordan, Aleksandra Kaniak, Ilia Volok, Bruce Gray, Jim Jansen, James Keane, Ivo Nandi, Karynn Moore, Andrew Connolly, Doug McDougal, Tracy Phillips Rowan O'Hara, Water for Elephants, Tai, Uggie, Ice, Sita Acevedo, Danny Castle, Michael Coronas, Aloysia Gavre, Francis Lawrence, Andrew R. Tennenbaum, Erwin Stoff, Gil Netter, Kevin Halloran, Alan Edward Bell, Ana Maria Quintana, Chad Holmes, David Crank, Denise Chamian, Molly Allen, Sasha Veneziano, Kimmo MustonenenKimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S.  Now for brain expanding Vonnegut (Dead Eye Dick – 1982 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deadeye_Dick) – “We all see our lives as stories, it seems to me, and I am convinced that psychologists and sociologists and historians and so on would find it useful to acknowledge that. If a person survives an ordinary span of sixty years or more, there is every chance that his or her life as a shapely story has ended, and that all the remains to be experienced is the epilogue. Life is not over, but the story is.

Some people, of course, find inhabiting an epilogue so uncongenial that they commit suicide.

P.P.S.  “Survivor” finale on Sunday! Whoop dee whoop!!