Curtis Bush – Behind the Proscenium

Godzilla

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Godzilla.

GodZIRRA.

Big em-effin’ lizard.

I am so with the exciting.

As a baby Finn, in Finland, I saw him.

“T.V. Scary So That You Pee Pants and Poop Young Children” horror Night Theater was on the television thing.

Olli and I, eating fish that was dry, sucking a box that was juice (Pirkka Mixed berry juice – send me some if you have love for Kimmo).

Happy, happy – because the great of all great monsters that stomp and kill was to stomp and kill.

And he (GodZIRRA) stomped all of the shit. Even Ironside (Raymond Burr).

Then Tokyo took a lizard foot up the anus.

BOOM!!!

My eyes leak as I remember the best.

But now. Now is the exciting.

GodZIRRA is back.

When one time he was 50 meters tall – he has more calorie dumped in his mouth hole for he is 150 meters tall!

Suck it, Mr. Cloverfield.

I smoke the sweet, sweet smoke. I slurp the Kossu from my Godzilla mug. I refill the mug and the slurping occurs again.

High, drunk, and with expectations on my brain sitting like a midget jockey – with full control.

Then… well, damn.

Gosh darn damn.

The boring starts.

Plot? Too much!

We go to be in 1999. Joe Brody (Bryan Cranston) has a wig. Things are to the crapper from the first.

Death. Sadness.

This takes thirty minutes.

Why? Answers do not come.

Then is the now.

There is boring guy son of Walter White (Aaron Taylor-Johnson). He is the guy who is the life sucker from the film. His wife (Elizabeth Olson), is good.

Other actors, good.

Monsters? Fucking great.

Script? Scripts should be written as if making something exciting is a good thing.

Good monsters, mostly good actors, me snoring in my seat.

Fuck you, script.

Two moth beasts. So big that they could eat all of your clothes.

Instead, they must mate and eat nuclear stuff.

And interesting is the last stuff that happens.

Worst thing on a movie that the makers can do – make the thing so that my brain sleeps before

I know that I am asleep.

Suck. Suck, suck , suck.

Damn you GodZIRRA!

Monsters are A-1, awesome, yelling, scratching, flying, fire-vomiting, and everything.

One thumb jumps to the sky for this.

Then the script. As before I said through my fingers, GodZIRRA! must be the awesome.

No. This is not the awesome.

See on the big screen only for the monsters. Be the drunk and high. Take a trusted friend to wake you from happy nap land only when monsters occur.

Ugh. Summer has arrived.

This is not the total Summer suck. This is just boring.

The Total Summer Suck is coming.

I am afraid.

And the fact that I am more of a sober person than the Kimmo that started this review scares me.

And makes me cry. Like a tiny little suck-tit.

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. The 100 is the greatest show ever on my television watcher. I am not ashamed. Octavia gives me a man-bone. The truth was just typed.

HEAR/SEE KIMMO’S REVIEWS EVERY WEEK RIGHT HERE:

Battleship

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Once again, the youth is easy picking for the child predators.

Our youth be the memories.

The predator?

Hollywood.

Again.

B4 – Hit! But in an inappropriate way on my child thoughts.

J1 – Miss! But not for your lacking at the trying.

J10 – Oh, you sunk my Battleship memories of fun and now is just CGI shit-fest! (I slap my forehead and into the lake backwards off the dock I reel, “You sunk my childhood!”).

My excitement rises like a boil in my armpit.

What’s next? “Bingo – The Movie?”

So, it seems that sailors are the cool.

So cool that they must fight a Transformer-like army from a wet dream on the Michael Bay sheets.

Mom, his sheets need changing.

His camera moves even in the night. It never stops.

Would that he would go blind. Michael Bay.

And he had nothing to do with this – except inspire it – with his camera frantic wet penis dreams.

I hate him.

HATE HIM.

So, like a turd in a punchbowl, “Battleship” floats.

Like the turd, we wish for its existence to end.

Like the turd, its existence is demanded.

It’s in our damn punchbowl.

Fuck.

Plot? Really?

Are you kidding my brain?

Battleships. Other ships. Crazy alien shit.

Kaboom!!!!

Destroyers. Cruise missiles. Actors.

Kablooie!!!. Waves. More actors.

Fizzle.

I need a drink.

Burp.

Good things, though? Hells yeah!.

Rhianna (character irrelevant) in shrink-to-fit with a blow-dryer body suit carrying a gun as big as a redneck making up for his short penis… Hells yeah!

She is #1 in my Masturbation Memory Bank – with a bullet (take a seat Christina Aguilera).

Brooklyn Decker’s cleavage?

If heaven was of boobs, I’m in heaven.

Liam Neeson (character irrelevant, but higher rank – not in my MMB, but in Navy) growls like a bear.

Poor Liam. Wife dead from ski head rock, but will take any movie like a new generation Michael Caine.

I understand. Take the money.

But, son of a bitch buddy, not this!

You sunk my “give a shit!”

Could I write more? If, by the word paid, then yes.

But this is the summer movie shit-storm beginning. I will see the same thing. I will write the same thing. Greed will overtake my mind more than the Rhianna-lust.

Shit movie is shit movie.

This reviewer is drooling on the coming of “Prometheus.”

Wrong? I could be.

But the belief that summer BANG movies can be smarter than me? I hope. I believe.

As for “Battleship?” I am sad with the thought that for some retards, this turd will float.

No. Please.

And “no” again.

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. “American Idol.” Make me proud. White Guy With Guitar #5 FTW!!!!!! And then disappear quickly. That is the pattern.

Tag: Curtis Bush

Godzilla [REVIEW]

Battleship [REVIEW]