Paranormal Activity 4
With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen
*****SPOILER ALERT*****
Where could this possibly go?
#1 was near past.
#2 was near past and nearer past.
#3 was way back past.
#4 is the now (powered by iPhone and laptop).
More found footage.
More of the crazy that would put my body in a hotel but doesn’t affect dumb people.
My ears say a demon is walking around the house I run like a girl.
A fast girl!
If you are not having the viewing experience of “Paranormal Activity 1, 2, 3” read this no further. And why would you read about 4 if you haven’t seen the first three?
Are you drunk?
Are you high?
If “no” is answered get drunk or high and see 1 and 3 – read about 2 online (crap-fest I am wishing not to talk about, so I won’t – 2 sucked so hard it slurped and messed with the dog – no kidding).
Plot? Same as always.
As my fingers typed “Paranormal Activity 4” is the now time – if November 2011 is kind of the now time. No more California, but Nevada is where is Demon-town now. Henderson.
Mom and Dad (generic actors), cute adopted (holy sheet!) youngest Wyatt (Aiden Lovekamp), and hot (but of illegal young age, crap) Alex (Kathryn Newton). She is into the video of everything which is annoying.
All is happy… then creepiest of all kids, Robbie (Brady Allen) moves into the next door. He likes to shake hands, the freaky weirdo!
And he has a fork.
Alex computer talks with her sort of boyfriend Ben (Matt Shively). He sees creepy shit in the background places.
The coolest character is Kinect. You will see the meaning of this in the movie. Disco front room, with demon!
So, Paranormal checklist:
Creepy shadows doing the creeper in the background – check.
Something normal jumps into screen view, making you do a Cola spill on reviewer in front of you (and wow, was he pissed)– check.
Characters not running away screaming but walking TOWARDS demon sounds – check.
Characters getting a lethal smack down like from the Shaq in his prime – check (poor Mom).
Loud footsteps like from the fat kid in the apartment of my upstairs – check.
Katie – check.
Someone’s neck broken, Chuck Norris style – check.
People being dragged around by unseen Demon strongman – check.
Sleeping person sheet removal with not waking- check.
Did I on the checklist miss anything? Add them to the comments below.
So, two really disappointed thumbs hanging down.
The want for good was there, just not the good. Even the Spanish crap crazy stuff after credit time was “meh.”
I was thinking series full circle coolness, but no. Just set up for sequel after sequel after sequel after sequel. A damn shame.
Save your money for the buying of smoke and Cheetos – let this be a mind film all of your own making in your head. It will be better than “Paranormal Activity 4”. Truth.
Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium
P.S. “Revolution” makes no sense. And it is the suckage for acting. And writing. Off the DVR forever! Suck it, “Revolution”!