G. A. Aguilar – Behind the Proscenium

March 16, 2012March 19, 2012

21 Jump Street [REVIEW]

21 Jump Street

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

First, a truth.

In a second week – I was having the déjà vu, right in my face.

Something else from my happy child times is under attack.

From Hollywood.

The greatest showing in television that wasn’t “Baywatch” (which is the best if only for the great mammary swings in a slower motion – hot stuff!).

And even I, when high or even not, was not much for the original of “21 Jump Street.” Richard Grieco freaked me out – his skin was unnatural and unholy.

But still – why do the Hollywood persons have to bend over everything that was from our pasts and violate the brown eye?

Sometimes the past memory needs its hole revisited.

This past memory is this movie.

If you were to judge the success of a movie-play simply by how much or how little you made me laugh, “21 Jump Street“ would be one of the best I’ve seen in a while.

The effectiveness of the film is amazing, especially based on the same television series of the 80’s whose greatest legacy to cinema it was Johnny Depp (what in bloody hell have you done to Barnabas Collins, Johnny? – I will hurt you when I see you next).

The directors of “Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs”, Phil Lord and Chris Miller, transfer the same energy and humor that characterized that great this new animated comedy, thankfully, is rated “R”, for full of delicious dirtiness.

The dick jokes were particularly welcome from the mouths of the leads.

Among the best sequences are a feature film that revolves around a trip of hallucinogen (I sure love drugs!) and one in which our “heroes” are involved in a chase on the highway.

Absurd first in nature and the second with his parody of the clichés of the genre of action, show that neither the directors nor the screenwriter Michael Bacall are taken very seriously, which invites the audience to laugh at and with the film.

And then the invitation is make to fire up the bong.

Then the movie is near perfect and good – simultaneously.

Thank you, weed.

Plot? Come on, a plot is needed?!?

O.K. it exists.

Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum star as Schmidt and Jenko, two incompetent cops are reassigned to an old unit not activated from the 80’s that infiltrates as students in a college to stop the transfer of a deadly narcotic.

Ice Cube scowls as the new superior, Captain Dickson, and then he scowls again. And scowls one more time.

I wanted to smoke him out and bring on the smiling. Next time, Mr. Cube.

Things happen. Roles from High School (heh, high school) are reversed.

A big dick in olden days is no longer respected. Fat kids who were openly slapped for smelling like bacon are now the cool.

Up is down.

Sideways is straight.

And comedy is had by all.

Note to self – when stoned at funny movie DO NOT hold ice cream bon bons in the lap – without knowledge you can freeze your nuttles.

Pain!

So, two thumbs higher than I was when seeing this screening!

Funny, clever and no Richard Grieco leather face to give me nightmares.

Better than the stupid show it was “based” on (really only the title is shared correctly).

And my testicles have thawed sufficiently so that the panic is gone from my voice.

Success!

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo on Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

Next week – “The Hunger Games.” My Katniss inspired wood is filling with sap.

P.S. To the “sports expert” who helped me with my first NCAA March Insanity pool… you are an asshole. Thank you for saying “Kimmo, take Montana all the way.” No money for me now. I hope your eyeballs fall out and are eaten by your cat. This I mean! Dick.

January 27, 2012January 27, 2012

Man On A Ledge [REVIEW]

Man On A Ledge

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Action and adventure in January?

What is this film “Man on a Ledge”?

Is Hollywood sucking more smoky bong openings than film reviewers (ME!)?

Oh, my mind anticipates with wet quivering smart action fun.

Also smart. But no.

July movie in January – but July/January movie has no boobs or explosions. At least not like July movie.

This confusion haunts my brain-stem and makes thinking hurt.

Plot? I think so.

Nick Cassidy (Sam Worthington) was once a successful and highly respected cop until one day he was arrested for a robbery he never committed (really? This defense works as often as “Glee” makes sense).

As a cop, he also sits years later under difficult conditions in the prison where he has to defend his fellow prisoners in the first place. Especially the soap dropping prisoners. They need defending. From rape. In the butt.

Completely desperate, he uses the first available opportunity to escape and increases with an elaborate plan on the window ledge of a New York hotel (original!), where he soon gets the attention of passers-by and the police.

The police recognize him – because they’re smart.

During his conversation with the psychologist Lydia Anderson (Elizabeth Banks) time trying to give, this is still for a second plan.

At the same time break his brother Joey (Jamie Bell) and his girlfriend Nina (Pooja Kumar) in the adjacent high-rise of the industrial David Englander (Ed Harris) to the allegedly stolen diamonds now really stealing.

While Nick is running (shuffling) out on the windowsill, the time begins not only the special police unit to be restless, but also those corrupt colleagues who were involved in the diamond robbery at the time.

Corrupt colleagues are the suck.

How far would a man go when he is accused wrongly and arrested for something he has never committed?

Well, out on a ledge – that’s for sure.

And then stand, and talk… and stand… and talk… action in other places, stand… then talk.

Then run! On a ledge!

Son of a bitch – a man is on a ledge!

The marquee did not lie on me!

There is really a MAN ON A LEDGE!

The he gets off of it.

Other shit happens, too.

“Man on a Ledge” brings to fans of this genre, unfortunately, not much new with it.

While the cast – led by Elizabeth Banks and Sam Worthington – truly deliver a solid performance and blend together perfectly, the story still runs off to familiar patterns.

Maybe it should be then “Man In A Phone Booth”. Because that has never been done.

Conclusion: Wait until the lateness of March and rent. It will please your eye orbs more on your cool HDTV and cheaper than cinema. And you can make to fire up your pipe without old people (like mothballs and urine smell) telling you against lighting up.

Chill, old people. Take a hit. Your jello will never cover your tongue with more joy after the sweet, sweet smoke.

This I know. Trust Kimmo.

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. Stop NOW the reading of this! Go see “The Artist”. Go see “The Descendants”. Maybe even “The Iron Giant’s Lady”.

Beware! The summer film shit storm is on the horizon… and then the suck really starts.

Please Mayans – be right!

November 4, 2011

Tower Heist [REVIEW]

Tower Heist

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

I don’t understand.

My mind is flowing with the fire.

Kyrle, I want to see the revels inside the “Anonymous”.

Or, to make me give a dolphin smile, “Harold and Kumar’s 3D Christmas” with the pot and a rad review to make.

But no.

I see the hot in the 1990s film “Tower Heist”.

In 1991, this is a (the s)hit.

Today?

Snooooooooozeeeeee……….. suuuuuuuuuuuuckkkkkk.

With “Tower Heist” director Brett Ratner does try the balancing act between the amusing comedy genre and heist movie. For those who can spontaneously start to the second term (heist, mush brain) – A-OK!:

A heist movie romp usually a couple of cool guys who then work out another plan much more cool to either cash to steal or a lot of any valuable thing (like steak). Many heist movies are popular because they often come up with many twists and surprises to you as a viewer, feels fun-surprised and how the thieves because now want to get the loot.

Comedies are popular NOT when explain they must why you have to for the laugh, right?

Stop laughing. You never started.

Unfortunately fails (shocker!), “Tower Heist” almost sensational about it, the strong elements from both genres take up in plain-text – the planned robbery is not exciting to offer only minimal surprises and humor is far too short, or non existent (like, “How do you get a nun pregnant?” Answer in the comments below!).

The jokes are bad pointedly dropped listless (for that’s particularly true on several one-liners to already-worn by a number of other films – 20 years ago!).

Humor is indeed a matter of taste, and it only one time exists (to me, in my taste that matters), Eddie Murphy holds a little dreamy monologue about the relationship between lesbian women and firm breasts.

That was it.

It tries to be long 100 minutes of comedy. But only 4 minutes. Yet, but it seems much, much longer.

The disappointing part, of many in this “comedy”, is unfortunately hand in hand with the robbery of the money for a sympathetic force. The supposedly equipped with the world’s best security system tower can then still be won relatively easy – so easy that as would Ben Stiller would not have to bother the apartment of the victim with Lego recreate – a small addendum to the subject of humor – the Lego model should be FUNNY.

The coup ends in exaggerated scenes on the outside wall of the skyscraper, does not even in the inner logic of the film exposes the meaning and the lousy script.

“Tower Heist by Retards” would be truth, but not correct, politically. “Tower Heist by Retards” would have brought the fun.

Curiously, attempts Bratt Ratner plan and the absurd comedy of the soft-rinsed with the theme of “99 percent to stick into the 1% anal pore”. That is to provide a current political and social superstructure.

Of course it is cool in principle, that the film on the side of workers and says Wall Street is Las Vegas (without the hot legal hookers).

Too much plot explanation for so little of the plot.

My bad. I’ve switched to slivovitz and am woozy.

The motley troupe can wrest from viewers unfortunately no great sympathy. Ben Stiller exudes a desperate charm and can play alongside Casey Affleck, the most interesting character.

Eddie Murphy’s role could be funny, but is not being fully implemented.

Matthew Broderick and Gabourey Sidibe (now in “Tower Heist” based on the novel Suck by Hack Writer) sink into the irrelevance.

So? What happens when you make a genre mix, where you combine a burglary without exciting plan and a comedy without jokes? “Tower Heist”! Which rises from the toilet and tries to bite your wankie.

Don’t let it!

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. Go “Glee”, go! In Finland, we always make out with the teacher who is the momma now to our baby! BUT… no Lindsay to be seen. Just the mick. Ryan Murphy, I am watching you…

October 14, 2011October 14, 2011

Footloose [REVIEW]

Footloose

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

There was many times ago an original idea in Hollywood.

D.W. Griffith was that guy who had it.

Since then, maybe Blake Edwards or Eli Roth.

Now we can go to a cinema knowing that we will see what already we have seen yesterday, last summer, five summers, childhood or (in this example) 1984.

How did Kevin Bacon not kill these people?

New game for this film’s greenlighters – Six Degrees From Grim Reaper (remember to enter my new Dead Pool – info appearing to the future!).

For those who live under rocks – the story: Ren MacCormack moves from Boston to the small town Bomont in the southern USA, where he has a real culture shock (every movie lately lives next to “The Help”).

Some years before, the congregation – by the tragic death of five teenagers – has been plagued by celebrations after that one night. Then spoke the local politicians and the popular Reverend Shaw, a ban on loud music and dancing.

Ren (not Stimpy) wants to accept it, however, being a teen, rebels against the ban.

He breathed life back in the village and falls in love with it?

No, just in Ariel (Julianne Hough – Ryan Seacrest‘s beard), the daughter of the pastor.

She is hot.

In the remake of the cult MTV dance film “Footloose (1984)” has not exactly changed much (the story is still playing in southern backwater Bomont).

Ren (Kenny Wormald) wants to abolish the local ban on dancing and his queen of hearts Ariel (Juliann Hough, still hot) is still situated on meaningless tests of courage and the patience of the audience to the test.

Why must hot chicks test us?

On Cinemax they just get naked.

New story, new characters?

Forget it!

Why is there this stencil-like remake anyway?

Are you stupider, already? MONEY!

I love it as much (more) than you (money).

Yet the suck that is making movies over and over the same makes my sitting butt crack wish that no longer the theater I must inhabit. I stand by this.

Where were we?

Attractive teens, rebelling, attract to each other. Teen conflicts are indicated and the skeptical view of the pastor Shaw (Dennis Quaid).

Then all dance enthusiasts are in the house. Successful entry, retro feel sprayed, may now be as wild dancing – you might think!

After director Craig Brewer has lulled us positively tap toeing, he is taking a wrong direction and to illuminate characters who are simply not worth that one is concerned more with their background.

Ariel’s problems with race car driver Chuck, her problems with her daddy, her problems with her friend and top it up with their innocence – Julianne Hough (she is very hot) has to bear all sorts of character with their parcels, which do not really care about anyway.

We care about her nakedness. Our cares end up meaning nothing.

Felt her character has the most screen time and leaves actor Kenny Wormald in reverse always appear sympathetic.

He plays the cool James Dean blend, cooked up here and there at times and ultimately mimics exactly the kind of singleness dance rebel, the one in a movie called… wait for it… “Footloose”!

The different characters, whether it makes sense, annoying or charming, all have a common weakness:

They do not do the forbidden dance! Which, in Bomont, is every dance.

Instead of focusing on the movement of talented performers (Julianne Hough, did I mention her?), the audience must always fight words by books and dialogues and are hoping for a extravagant finale.

But until it comes to this final move, agonizing over long dialogues, danceable tracks are burned in the background and just after half the movie is clear that this remake is completely unnecessary.

Conclusion: “Footloose” is a usefulness-free remake of the ’80s cult film starring Kevin Bacon (I tread on his foot in New York – ONE DEGREE!). Music and dance are unfortunately too short, since director Craig Brewer puts his focus instead on the background of his characters, interchangeable.

So, one thumb, rebelling and trying to dance for Julianne Hough (muy caliente!) – the other thumb ready to be rammed up idea-free Hollywood’s arse-hole.

Excuse me while I watch “Intolerance” (which will be re-made soon, I’m SO sure).

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. “Terra Nova” has one flaw – no persons with a working mind train would ever bring teenagers to the 85 million year past. They mess shit up.