Jim Passon – Behind the Proscenium

The Amazing Spider-Man

With Wit, Reviewed by Kimmo Mustonenen

Reboot.

I have the confusion.

What have there the meaning for this?

Example: Take something that was cool. And made money by the crap load. Say “this is too old for the liking – who will understand the oldness?” Say, “how can more crap loads of money can be milked if already the thing is owned by the kids?”

Reboot!

So, ten years after the Spider-Man now is new Spider-Man (amazing!) is all up in the cinemas!

Money must be made, the good must be good again, what is old is now new (and is for the cash to be had – thanks for the consistency,Hollywood!).

REBOOT!!!

Spider-Man is now The Amazing Spider-Man.

Already better.

AMAZING!!!

Some is different, some the same.

Most the same, really.

How?

Spider-Man. Tobey Maguire. Real nerd. Only cool with the spider juice flowing in the veins.

Andrew Garfield. Tormented. Could be cool without spider juice, but gets the juice bitten just the same.

Torment! Angst! It is the suck to have superpowers.

Bad guy. Still green. But different. English dude (Rhys Ifans) is not as a creeper as the Willem Defoe. But, other than the John Malkovich, no one is the creeper as Defoe.

No Malkovich in “The Amazing Spider-Man.”

Damn. Maybe the next reboot (mark the calendar 10 years in the future).

Girlfriend. Emma Stone is the hotness for the Spider-Guy at this time. It was, in before the reboot, Kirsten Dunst.

Stone has a lisp.

Dunst gave us her boobies in “Melancholia.”

We can – only for the hoping – wish that now in the future Emma Stone boobs will be for the seeing, drooling, and then the wanting. To touch. In reality.

Soon. Please.

Oh. And they’re tied.

Newspaper. No contest.

Denis Leary is angry. Every character laid on by Leary is angry. Some less. Some more. All angry. Angry, angry, angry. J.K. Simmons? Loveable. Gruff. Sometimes angry.

Wow, he has a range for something other than his one note! He wins this one.

Plot? Really?

Nerd gets bit by the spider juice. Gets powers that are so cool.

Crazy scientist somehow with the family entangles and death and sad and Peter needs an ass to kick.

And a cute chick.

Sub-plot. Big fight! Spider-Man wins again – and learns a lesson.

Some kind of lesson. I forget (damn you, kossu!).

One thumb is up for “The Amazing Spider-Man.” The other thumb can’t figure why I’m seeing what I just saw in the past.

But I get it.

Money.

Do you have the brain knowledge the Harry Potter movies are now 11 years old? Get on it Hollywood!

The shit-pile of money made by those make the embarrassment on Spider-Man.

Reboot now!

Reboot Harry Potter!

Or not. Assholes.

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. New “Glee Project” tonight! Predictions: Crying, “this is so important to me”, “no one understands what I’m going through”, “this is my life!”, crying, yelling, singing, “this is my only shot”, flirting, then gay Ryan Murphy saying a cliché, then more crying, and song. I cannot wait! My bong is full…

Brave

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Readers – I live.

My man liver is alive.

Kossu can be again for the drunkening.

Kimmo cannot be tamed.

Like the beast of the wood – drinking, smoking, eating, drinking, watching movies, drinking, smoking, writing reviews, and then some drinking and smoking – I am back.

And in front.

The fear is out of me.

No longer can the movies of summer make me puke.

I am a man.

And this man is in heart love with “Brave”.

Sucker for red-heads? Guilty.

Sucker for the Pixar? Even more!

Can they be better now than in the past? Hells yes.

And they have shitty, Kimmo-like accents. Only more the better than mine.

Plot? Are you kidding the Kimmo?

Amidst the wilds of the 10th Scottish Century the growing small and skilled archer Merida (Kelly Macdonald) to, daughter of King Fergus (Billy Connolly) and Queen Elinor (Emma Thompson).

While the rebellious girl was marked with the red hair, frolicking in the first place by their father – who lost the fight with a bear leg (a bear leg! Hollywood, hear this!) – is planning her mother Elinor, with her very different things.

To Merida finally tame it is one of the sons of the leading clan lords are married and so asks the Lord MacGuffin (Kevin McKidd), Lord Dingwall (Robbie Coltrane) and Lord Macintosh (Craig Ferguson) and her sons into the castle in order to offer them at an archery competition the winner was the hand of her daughter.

Of course, Merida very different things in my head and said this team wins competition not only themselves, but evokes an old witch with a sinister curse…

What the fuck?!? Wow.

Genius.

No more spoilers.

This movie is a bomb. (Editors note: In Kimmo’s world, this means great).

My man-crush on the computer generated Merida makes me not of this world wanting to be.

Send me to Pixar land.

Let me frolic with the hot red-head pixels.

She is now my life.

Maybe with enough of the sweet, sweet smoke I can someday be there.

For now, Kossu.

For now, I want.

And now, two thumbs striding skyward.

There is not enough in my heart love for this.

It is the greatness.

See it twice. Then take your kids.

Then buy the Blu-ray when available for red-head self-love.

Tell no one I said that. Just between you (my readers) and my bong (my best friend).

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. The Glee Project is back! That blind kid has all asshole about him. Dick. Same with boob-bouncing fat chick. Ho. All are unlikeable. Ryan Murphy, I think, may be a gay guy. I can’t take my eyes off of the thing. Smoke, cheetos, Glee Project = Heaven. Watch it, and then comment.

Tag: Jim Passon

The Amazing Spider-Man [REVIEW]

Brave [REVIEW]