Pompeii [REVIEW]

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo On Kino, Pompeii, Paul W. S. Anderson, Janet Scott Batchier, Michael Robert Johnson, Kit Harrington, Carrie-Anne Moss, Emily Browning, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Jessica Lucas, Jared Harris, Joe Pingue, Kiefer Sutherland, Currie Graham, Dylan Schombing, Maxime Savaria, Ron Kennell, Tom Bishop Sr., Rebecca Eady, Sasha Roiz, Jean-Francois Lachapelle, Jean Frenette, Dalmar Abuzied, Emmanuel Kabonga, Brock Johnson, Kristine Nicoll, Janine Theriault, Mark Whelan, Anais Frenette, Donna Christo, Thomas STumpo, Melantha Blackthrone, Milan Camona, Jimmy Chimarios, Jay Da Costa, Derek Herd, Patrick Kerton, Ben Lewis, Alain Moussi, Jon Rhys, Goran Stjepanovic, Joe Vercillo, Jeremy Bolt, Don Carmody, Harley Gorenstein, Robert Kulzer, Martin Moszkowicz, Peter Schlessel, Clifton Shorter, Glen MacPherson, Paul Austerberry, Jeffrey Melvin, Wendy Partridge, Cassie Bragg, Hartley Gorenstein, Andrea Marotti, Aric Dupere, Jesse Daniel Glass, Jennifer Haufler, Pierre Henry, Karl Irvine, Robert Lee, Helga Rossi, Siluck Saysanasy, Deirdre Bowen, Hannah D'Angerio, Christopher Richards, Kevin Banks, Tony Blndal, Roberto Campanella, Stephanie Ahlen, Nuno Capitao de Salles, Sarah Crompton, Ryan Grassby, Jenna Hamilton, Sara Holmes, Jimmy Keegan, Kyle Limkilde, Bianca Marini, Angela Mastronardi, Jonathan Matthews, Jennifer Mesich, Andrew G Munro, Friederich Oetker, Rebecca Pearson, Jonathan Pencharz, Jerome Persaud, John Rakich, Tracey Savein, Craig Seitz, Sonia Singh, Adam Smith, Stefan Steen, Alan Sutton, Christian Bobak

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo On Kino, Pompeii, Paul W. S. Anderson, Janet Scott Batchier, Michael Robert Johnson, Kit Harrington, Carrie-Anne Moss, Emily Browning, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Jessica Lucas, Jared Harris, Joe Pingue, Kiefer Sutherland, Currie Graham, Dylan Schombing, Maxime Savaria, Ron Kennell, Tom Bishop Sr., Rebecca Eady, Sasha Roiz, Jean-Francois Lachapelle, Jean Frenette, Dalmar Abuzied, Emmanuel Kabonga, Brock Johnson, Kristine Nicoll, Janine Theriault, Mark Whelan, Anais Frenette, Donna Christo, Thomas STumpo, Melantha Blackthrone, Milan Camona, Jimmy Chimarios, Jay Da Costa, Derek Herd, Patrick Kerton, Ben Lewis, Alain Moussi, Jon Rhys, Goran Stjepanovic, Joe Vercillo, Jeremy Bolt, Don Carmody, Harley Gorenstein, Robert Kulzer, Martin Moszkowicz, Peter Schlessel, Clifton Shorter, Glen MacPherson, Paul Austerberry, Jeffrey Melvin, Wendy Partridge, Cassie Bragg, Hartley Gorenstein, Andrea Marotti, Aric Dupere, Jesse Daniel Glass, Jennifer Haufler, Pierre Henry, Karl Irvine, Robert Lee, Helga Rossi, Siluck Saysanasy, Deirdre Bowen, Hannah D'Angerio, Christopher Richards, Kevin Banks, Tony Blndal, Roberto Campanella, Stephanie Ahlen, Nuno Capitao de Salles, Sarah Crompton, Ryan Grassby, Jenna Hamilton, Sara Holmes, Jimmy Keegan, Kyle Limkilde, Bianca Marini, Angela Mastronardi, Jonathan Matthews, Jennifer Mesich, Andrew G Munro, Friederich Oetker, Rebecca Pearson, Jonathan Pencharz, Jerome Persaud, John Rakich, Tracey Savein, Craig Seitz, Sonia Singh, Adam Smith, Stefan Steen, Alan Sutton, Christian BobakPompeii

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

This did not happen – yet the reality would make a fool of he who ignored what did not happen, yet happened… in reality.

In the cinema.

With the greatest comedy ever being made – the soon to be funny classic “Pompeii 3D.”

There was no expecting of this happening.

I know the story.

Rome spring break party place (Pompeii) is built next to Kaboom Mountain.

Kaboom Mountain goes “kaboom.”

Pyroclastic flow zips down from above (at 450 miles an hour – take that “Not So Fast, And Not As Furious as Kaboom Mountain” movies), and all the spring breakers turn into sad statues under the ash.

We learn from this that we will live further from volcanoes. This makes sense.

The sad statues say to Hollywood – “We were once happy and hot (in looks, not from volcano). We had love, horses, and greasy gladiator fighters. And togas. What a movie we will be!”

Hollywood says to the sad statues “Well, OK!!! All will be used! Laugh riot is coming to the multiplex!”

It was not funny in the begin times.

Plot? Yes.

The Celt (soon to be, in the future past, Kit Harington) watches Corvus (Kiefer Sutherland) overact his family into death.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo On Kino, Pompeii, Paul W. S. Anderson, Janet Scott Batchier, Michael Robert Johnson, Kit Harrington, Carrie-Anne Moss, Emily Browning, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Jessica Lucas, Jared Harris, Joe Pingue, Kiefer Sutherland, Currie Graham, Dylan Schombing, Maxime Savaria, Ron Kennell, Tom Bishop Sr., Rebecca Eady, Sasha Roiz, Jean-Francois Lachapelle, Jean Frenette, Dalmar Abuzied, Emmanuel Kabonga, Brock Johnson, Kristine Nicoll, Janine Theriault, Mark Whelan, Anais Frenette, Donna Christo, Thomas STumpo, Melantha Blackthrone, Milan Camona, Jimmy Chimarios, Jay Da Costa, Derek Herd, Patrick Kerton, Ben Lewis, Alain Moussi, Jon Rhys, Goran Stjepanovic, Joe Vercillo, Jeremy Bolt, Don Carmody, Harley Gorenstein, Robert Kulzer, Martin Moszkowicz, Peter Schlessel, Clifton Shorter, Glen MacPherson, Paul Austerberry, Jeffrey Melvin, Wendy Partridge, Cassie Bragg, Hartley Gorenstein, Andrea Marotti, Aric Dupere, Jesse Daniel Glass, Jennifer Haufler, Pierre Henry, Karl Irvine, Robert Lee, Helga Rossi, Siluck Saysanasy, Deirdre Bowen, Hannah D'Angerio, Christopher Richards, Kevin Banks, Tony Blndal, Roberto Campanella, Stephanie Ahlen, Nuno Capitao de Salles, Sarah Crompton, Ryan Grassby, Jenna Hamilton, Sara Holmes, Jimmy Keegan, Kyle Limkilde, Bianca Marini, Angela Mastronardi, Jonathan Matthews, Jennifer Mesich, Andrew G Munro, Friederich Oetker, Rebecca Pearson, Jonathan Pencharz, Jerome Persaud, John Rakich, Tracey Savein, Craig Seitz, Sonia Singh, Adam Smith, Stefan Steen, Alan Sutton, Christian BobakThe Celt becomes slave, and soon grows amazing abs that leak their own oil. He becomes a gladiator and moves from rain drippy London to super awesome Pompeii.

On a road, he sees Cassia (Emily Browning). She is so hotly beautiful and rich that The Celt must break a horse’s neck.

The horse is OK with this.

Romance is in the air, the horse is on the ground.

Many things happen.

Badass Atticus (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje) is gladiator version of poor retiring cop on last day of cop job. He is toast and also a friend.

There are other actors and not much fun for first hour. 

We learn The Celt is really The Milo. He not only has oily abs, but is a horse whisperer. 

He longs to use Cassia’s pouty mouth lips as flesh pillows. 

Don’t we all.

Kaboom Mountain says “This is my film, now, son.”

And next is the seeing of flying volcano bombs from “2012” and earth rattle buildings to dust.  In 3D, the sweet, sweet smoke in my head makes my arm throw popcorn from fear!

Corvus is angered and chews scenery.

Milo and Cassia are concerned for they may never bone.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo On Kino, Pompeii, Paul W. S. Anderson, Janet Scott Batchier, Michael Robert Johnson, Kit Harrington, Carrie-Anne Moss, Emily Browning, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Jessica Lucas, Jared Harris, Joe Pingue, Kiefer Sutherland, Currie Graham, Dylan Schombing, Maxime Savaria, Ron Kennell, Tom Bishop Sr., Rebecca Eady, Sasha Roiz, Jean-Francois Lachapelle, Jean Frenette, Dalmar Abuzied, Emmanuel Kabonga, Brock Johnson, Kristine Nicoll, Janine Theriault, Mark Whelan, Anais Frenette, Donna Christo, Thomas STumpo, Melantha Blackthrone, Milan Camona, Jimmy Chimarios, Jay Da Costa, Derek Herd, Patrick Kerton, Ben Lewis, Alain Moussi, Jon Rhys, Goran Stjepanovic, Joe Vercillo, Jeremy Bolt, Don Carmody, Harley Gorenstein, Robert Kulzer, Martin Moszkowicz, Peter Schlessel, Clifton Shorter, Glen MacPherson, Paul Austerberry, Jeffrey Melvin, Wendy Partridge, Cassie Bragg, Hartley Gorenstein, Andrea Marotti, Aric Dupere, Jesse Daniel Glass, Jennifer Haufler, Pierre Henry, Karl Irvine, Robert Lee, Helga Rossi, Siluck Saysanasy, Deirdre Bowen, Hannah D'Angerio, Christopher Richards, Kevin Banks, Tony Blndal, Roberto Campanella, Stephanie Ahlen, Nuno Capitao de Salles, Sarah Crompton, Ryan Grassby, Jenna Hamilton, Sara Holmes, Jimmy Keegan, Kyle Limkilde, Bianca Marini, Angela Mastronardi, Jonathan Matthews, Jennifer Mesich, Andrew G Munro, Friederich Oetker, Rebecca Pearson, Jonathan Pencharz, Jerome Persaud, John Rakich, Tracey Savein, Craig Seitz, Sonia Singh, Adam Smith, Stefan Steen, Alan Sutton, Christian BobakThen it happens.

This is truth.

The giggles start in the screening theater. They infect everybody, but for an infection it is fine with me.

The dumb on the screen is actually comedy.

Paul W.S. Anderson, you are genius! We have been fooled on by you.

This is disaster laugh time! And laughter is everywhere. No one can stop.

I laughed with hardness at the last 15 minutes so hard that my abs almost leaked oil, too. My eyes leaked tears. My face felt the pain of joy. Pants may have also been pee’d.

We all (audience) walk to the lobby as credits roll.

All audience (we all) keep laughing. And laugh some more. We are now friends in laughter.

Unreal, but real.

“Pompeii 3D” is the funniest movie in my life that has danced on my eye balls. No shit. 

Advice: Take a nap for first hour – nothing to be seen (damn PG-13, no Emily Browning boobies so rent “Sleeping Beauty” instead – you will thank me later). But as soon as Kaboom Mountain kabooms, all is well.

I am happy. I will see it again!

So go. You must. Kit Harington’s oily abs demand it.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Reese Witherspoon, Water For Elephants, Robert Pattinson, Christoph Waltz, Paul Schneider, Jim Norton, Hal Holbrook, Mark Povinelli, Richard Brake, Stephen Monroe Taylor, Ken Foree, Scott MacDonald, James Frain, Sam Anderson, John Aylward, Brad Greenquist, Tim Guinee, Donna W. Scott, E.E. Bell, Kyle Jordan, Aleksandra Kaniak, Ilia Volok, Bruce Gray, Jim Jansen, James Keane, Ivo Nandi, Karynn Moore, Andrew Connolly, Doug McDougal, Tracy Phillips Rowan O'Hara, Water for Elephants, Tai, Uggie, Ice, Sita Acevedo, Danny Castle, Michael Coronas, Aloysia Gavre, Francis Lawrence, Andrew R. Tennenbaum, Erwin Stoff, Gil Netter, Kevin Halloran, Alan Edward Bell, Ana Maria Quintana, Chad Holmes, David Crank, Denise Chamian, Molly Allen, Sasha Veneziano, Kimmo MustonenenKimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S.  Sweden, you are cheaters! Ice hockey is for men, not Swedes. Why did you poison Tuukka Rask?!? With his god-like wall powers in net you would be lucky if bronze was on you.  Now you play for gold? To you Sweden I say “may all your children die before you and your old age be cold and alone.” I have cursed you. Choke on your silver medal. Cheating cheaters. Damn.

RoboCop [REVIEW]

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscnium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo on Kino, RoboCop, Jose Padilha, Joshua Zetumer, Edward Neumeier, Michael Miner, Joel Kinnaman, Gary Oldman, Michael Keaton, Abbie Cornish, Jackie Earle Haley, Michael K Williams, Jennifer Ehle, Jay Baruchel, Marianne Jean-Baptiste, Samuel L Jackson, Aimee Garcia, Douglas Urbanski, John Paul Ruttan, Patrick Garrow, K.C. Collins, Daniel Kash, Zach Grenier, Maura Grierson, Stewart Arnott, Matt Cook, Steve Cumyn, Noorin Gulamgaus, Marjan Neshat, Meysam Motazedi, Khaliya Hosein, Savana Hosein, Phillip Akin, Paul Haywood, Adrian Griffin, Rich Huges, Raffi Atounian, Melanie Scrofano, Kelvin Wheeler, Alex Mallan, Dwayne McLean, Tattiawna Jones, Wayne Downer, Robert Thomas, Jordan Johnson-Hinds, Ian Peters, Ricardo Betancourt, Evan Stern, Ishan Morris, Ambrose Wong, Mark McKay, Aurora Browne, Rory o'Shea, Shondra Kayd, Stacey Unsworth, Jeana Lowes, Kanu Giddings, Tamara Almeida, Shane Invervary, Paul Sun-Hyung Lee, Thomas Mitchell, Ian Butcher, Rocky Anderson, Dallas Blake, Barry Nerling, Dean Redman, Demord Dann, Darcy Hinds, Sean Francis, Steve Wright, Kirby Morrow, David Harcourt, Kevin Hare, Carlyn Burchell, Markus Panilo, Jessica Booker, Joe Merritt, Raiden Eastman, Aallyah Cinello, Meghan Hoople, Prince Massey, Mark Baldesarra, Jason Bigio, Tommy Chang, Jimmy Chimarios, Raven Cinello, Brian Cranstone, Tazito Garcia, WBBrown, Diezel Ramos, Jon Rhys, Rebecca Rodley, Azra Valani, Joe Vercillo, Joshua William James, Peter Yan, Marc Abraham, Gary Barber, Roger Birnbaum, Bill Carraro, Brad Fischer, Mike Medavoy, Arnold Messer, Eric Newman, Pedro Bronfman, Lula Varvalho, Peter McNulty, Daniel Rezende, Diane Kerbel, Martin Whist, Patrick Banister, April Ferry, Greg Denny, Lyn Lucibello, Lisa Rodgers, Jeff JJ Authors, Yari Azzopardi, Mitch Cappe, Penny Charter, Romy Barber, Brett Carroll, Mary Juric, Kacie Kane, Blair Miller, Mitch Paulson, Gustavo Borner, Marc Miller, Nick Carraro, Scott Alexander, Lynell Bangs, Gavin Behrman, Kameron Bodaly, Jared Burton, Jason Chan, Joel Cyr, Colin Czarnecki, Hans Dayal, Kait Dubbiestyne, Katharine Duke, Andrea Eisen, Joe Everett, Davina Faye, Meredith Garstin, Sabine Graham, Jenna Hamilton, Marie-Claude Hamois, Jessica Johnston, Paul Kalkman, Ainslee Kennedy, Michele Kokkinakis, Carmen Levy, Volney McFarlin, Jeff Mohs

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscnium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo on Kino, RoboCop, Jose Padilha, Joshua Zetumer, Edward Neumeier, Michael Miner, Joel Kinnaman, Gary Oldman, Michael Keaton, Abbie Cornish, Jackie Earle Haley, Michael K Williams, Jennifer Ehle, Jay Baruchel, Marianne Jean-Baptiste, Samuel L Jackson, Aimee Garcia, Douglas Urbanski, John Paul Ruttan, Patrick Garrow, K.C. Collins, Daniel Kash, Zach Grenier, Maura Grierson, Stewart Arnott, Matt Cook, Steve Cumyn, Noorin Gulamgaus, Marjan Neshat, Meysam Motazedi, Khaliya Hosein, Savana Hosein, Phillip Akin, Paul Haywood, Adrian Griffin, Rich Huges, Raffi Atounian, Melanie Scrofano, Kelvin Wheeler, Alex Mallan, Dwayne McLean, Tattiawna Jones, Wayne Downer, Robert Thomas, Jordan Johnson-Hinds, Ian Peters, Ricardo Betancourt, Evan Stern, Ishan Morris, Ambrose Wong, Mark McKay, Aurora Browne, Rory o'Shea, Shondra Kayd, Stacey Unsworth, Jeana Lowes, Kanu Giddings, Tamara Almeida, Shane Invervary, Paul Sun-Hyung Lee, Thomas Mitchell, Ian Butcher, Rocky Anderson, Dallas Blake, Barry Nerling, Dean Redman, Demord Dann, Darcy Hinds, Sean Francis, Steve Wright, Kirby Morrow, David Harcourt, Kevin Hare, Carlyn Burchell, Markus Panilo, Jessica Booker, Joe Merritt, Raiden Eastman, Aallyah Cinello, Meghan Hoople, Prince Massey, Mark Baldesarra, Jason Bigio, Tommy Chang, Jimmy Chimarios, Raven Cinello, Brian Cranstone, Tazito Garcia, WBBrown, Diezel Ramos, Jon Rhys, Rebecca Rodley, Azra Valani, Joe Vercillo, Joshua William James, Peter Yan, Marc Abraham, Gary Barber, Roger Birnbaum, Bill Carraro, Brad Fischer, Mike Medavoy, Arnold Messer, Eric Newman, Pedro Bronfman, Lula Varvalho, Peter McNulty, Daniel Rezende, Diane Kerbel, Martin Whist, Patrick Banister, April Ferry, Greg Denny, Lyn Lucibello, Lisa Rodgers, Jeff JJ Authors, Yari Azzopardi, Mitch Cappe, Penny Charter, Romy Barber, Brett Carroll, Mary Juric, Kacie Kane, Blair Miller, Mitch Paulson, Gustavo Borner, Marc Miller, Nick Carraro, Scott Alexander, Lynell Bangs, Gavin Behrman, Kameron Bodaly, Jared Burton, Jason Chan, Joel Cyr, Colin Czarnecki, Hans Dayal, Kait Dubbiestyne, Katharine Duke, Andrea Eisen, Joe Everett, Davina Faye, Meredith Garstin, Sabine Graham, Jenna Hamilton, Marie-Claude Hamois, Jessica Johnston, Paul Kalkman, Ainslee Kennedy, Michele Kokkinakis, Carmen Levy, Volney McFarlin, Jeff MohsRoboCop

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

I don’t want to sound like a bitch bitching.

Yet things are forever the same.

Scene: Interior: Hollywood. Oldsters with the graying heads talk.

Oldster One: I have no idea of anything.

Oldster Two: I have to poop.

Oldster Three: Back in the day…

Then, into the room walks a younger oldster – a goddamn MBA.

Goddamn MBA: We don’t for having ideas. I just saw “RoboCop” from year’s long gone last night on IFC. Let’s make it three more times! If I had one original idea it would be my FIRST!!!

End Scene.

So I see the new “RoboCop.” 

I fall back in to old ways.

I smoke the sweet, sweet smoke. I drink the Kossu. Ice cream bon-bons pressed against my taint. And I wonder – can this not be a suck-fest?

Can this be a mind changing of my mind event? Then there is the movie start.

MGM lion makes “Thrrrrrbbb, thrrrbbb” sound with the lion lips instead of “roar, I will eat your ass” sound.

So I turn to hot Finnish date Aino (her boobs are like rockets). Her look says “you are not too high – the lion just “thrrrrrbbbb”-ed.”

Man, this is movie done right!!!

And, do lions have lips?

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscnium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo on Kino, RoboCop, Jose Padilha, Joshua Zetumer, Edward Neumeier, Michael Miner, Joel Kinnaman, Gary Oldman, Michael Keaton, Abbie Cornish, Jackie Earle Haley, Michael K Williams, Jennifer Ehle, Jay Baruchel, Marianne Jean-Baptiste, Samuel L Jackson, Aimee Garcia, Douglas Urbanski, John Paul Ruttan, Patrick Garrow, K.C. Collins, Daniel Kash, Zach Grenier, Maura Grierson, Stewart Arnott, Matt Cook, Steve Cumyn, Noorin Gulamgaus, Marjan Neshat, Meysam Motazedi, Khaliya Hosein, Savana Hosein, Phillip Akin, Paul Haywood, Adrian Griffin, Rich Huges, Raffi Atounian, Melanie Scrofano, Kelvin Wheeler, Alex Mallan, Dwayne McLean, Tattiawna Jones, Wayne Downer, Robert Thomas, Jordan Johnson-Hinds, Ian Peters, Ricardo Betancourt, Evan Stern, Ishan Morris, Ambrose Wong, Mark McKay, Aurora Browne, Rory o'Shea, Shondra Kayd, Stacey Unsworth, Jeana Lowes, Kanu Giddings, Tamara Almeida, Shane Invervary, Paul Sun-Hyung Lee, Thomas Mitchell, Ian Butcher, Rocky Anderson, Dallas Blake, Barry Nerling, Dean Redman, Demord Dann, Darcy Hinds, Sean Francis, Steve Wright, Kirby Morrow, David Harcourt, Kevin Hare, Carlyn Burchell, Markus Panilo, Jessica Booker, Joe Merritt, Raiden Eastman, Aallyah Cinello, Meghan Hoople, Prince Massey, Mark Baldesarra, Jason Bigio, Tommy Chang, Jimmy Chimarios, Raven Cinello, Brian Cranstone, Tazito Garcia, WBBrown, Diezel Ramos, Jon Rhys, Rebecca Rodley, Azra Valani, Joe Vercillo, Joshua William James, Peter Yan, Marc Abraham, Gary Barber, Roger Birnbaum, Bill Carraro, Brad Fischer, Mike Medavoy, Arnold Messer, Eric Newman, Pedro Bronfman, Lula Varvalho, Peter McNulty, Daniel Rezende, Diane Kerbel, Martin Whist, Patrick Banister, April Ferry, Greg Denny, Lyn Lucibello, Lisa Rodgers, Jeff JJ Authors, Yari Azzopardi, Mitch Cappe, Penny Charter, Romy Barber, Brett Carroll, Mary Juric, Kacie Kane, Blair Miller, Mitch Paulson, Gustavo Borner, Marc Miller, Nick Carraro, Scott Alexander, Lynell Bangs, Gavin Behrman, Kameron Bodaly, Jared Burton, Jason Chan, Joel Cyr, Colin Czarnecki, Hans Dayal, Kait Dubbiestyne, Katharine Duke, Andrea Eisen, Joe Everett, Davina Faye, Meredith Garstin, Sabine Graham, Jenna Hamilton, Marie-Claude Hamois, Jessica Johnston, Paul Kalkman, Ainslee Kennedy, Michele Kokkinakis, Carmen Levy, Volney McFarlin, Jeff MohsPlot? OK.

Then the movie really starts. We have seen this in the before. Cop Murphy (Joel Kinnaman), soon to be Cop – Robo, has hot marriage ruining wife (Reese Witherspoon thanks you, Abbie Cornish).

He is good cop. He must fight cops for who to them good is just bad.

And more profitable.

Then the kaboom.

Enter Dr. Norton (Gary Oldmam) who works for the worst Batman (Michael Keaton) to make a robot cop a human/robot cop that will make liberals squeal and let drones fly our skies and walk our streets.

And he does.

Black Bill O’Reilly (Samuel L. Jackson) lets from his mouth place propaganda squirt. We must have robot cops. Drones are for the making of the friendly sky.

OK. I get it. Today has so many more troubles than 1987 things must be redone.

Or maybe not.

Damn, thinking is harder than not for thinking.

But the remake must be the remade. We have no choice.

For one more time this year I feel that I am watching Brad on the X-Box. (Brad is asshole roommate, but he did replace his eaten PB with the crunchy. Nice first step, Brad. Dick.)

Brad’s RoboCop rides a motorcycle. Well done!

Brad’s RoboCop hunts down bad guys with face mask giving him cheats. Done even better!

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscnium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo on Kino, RoboCop, Jose Padilha, Joshua Zetumer, Edward Neumeier, Michael Miner, Joel Kinnaman, Gary Oldman, Michael Keaton, Abbie Cornish, Jackie Earle Haley, Michael K Williams, Jennifer Ehle, Jay Baruchel, Marianne Jean-Baptiste, Samuel L Jackson, Aimee Garcia, Douglas Urbanski, John Paul Ruttan, Patrick Garrow, K.C. Collins, Daniel Kash, Zach Grenier, Maura Grierson, Stewart Arnott, Matt Cook, Steve Cumyn, Noorin Gulamgaus, Marjan Neshat, Meysam Motazedi, Khaliya Hosein, Savana Hosein, Phillip Akin, Paul Haywood, Adrian Griffin, Rich Huges, Raffi Atounian, Melanie Scrofano, Kelvin Wheeler, Alex Mallan, Dwayne McLean, Tattiawna Jones, Wayne Downer, Robert Thomas, Jordan Johnson-Hinds, Ian Peters, Ricardo Betancourt, Evan Stern, Ishan Morris, Ambrose Wong, Mark McKay, Aurora Browne, Rory o'Shea, Shondra Kayd, Stacey Unsworth, Jeana Lowes, Kanu Giddings, Tamara Almeida, Shane Invervary, Paul Sun-Hyung Lee, Thomas Mitchell, Ian Butcher, Rocky Anderson, Dallas Blake, Barry Nerling, Dean Redman, Demord Dann, Darcy Hinds, Sean Francis, Steve Wright, Kirby Morrow, David Harcourt, Kevin Hare, Carlyn Burchell, Markus Panilo, Jessica Booker, Joe Merritt, Raiden Eastman, Aallyah Cinello, Meghan Hoople, Prince Massey, Mark Baldesarra, Jason Bigio, Tommy Chang, Jimmy Chimarios, Raven Cinello, Brian Cranstone, Tazito Garcia, WBBrown, Diezel Ramos, Jon Rhys, Rebecca Rodley, Azra Valani, Joe Vercillo, Joshua William James, Peter Yan, Marc Abraham, Gary Barber, Roger Birnbaum, Bill Carraro, Brad Fischer, Mike Medavoy, Arnold Messer, Eric Newman, Pedro Bronfman, Lula Varvalho, Peter McNulty, Daniel Rezende, Diane Kerbel, Martin Whist, Patrick Banister, April Ferry, Greg Denny, Lyn Lucibello, Lisa Rodgers, Jeff JJ Authors, Yari Azzopardi, Mitch Cappe, Penny Charter, Romy Barber, Brett Carroll, Mary Juric, Kacie Kane, Blair Miller, Mitch Paulson, Gustavo Borner, Marc Miller, Nick Carraro, Scott Alexander, Lynell Bangs, Gavin Behrman, Kameron Bodaly, Jared Burton, Jason Chan, Joel Cyr, Colin Czarnecki, Hans Dayal, Kait Dubbiestyne, Katharine Duke, Andrea Eisen, Joe Everett, Davina Faye, Meredith Garstin, Sabine Graham, Jenna Hamilton, Marie-Claude Hamois, Jessica Johnston, Paul Kalkman, Ainslee Kennedy, Michele Kokkinakis, Carmen Levy, Volney McFarlin, Jeff MohsWhen is my turn? I would like to have the game for the playing.

But no. I must watch.

God dammit.

The last half of “RoboCop” is watching the roommate bogart the controller.

Don’t bogart the controller, my friend – pass it over to me!

So, thumbs are confused. Stuff is cool. Stuff is remade, but not better. 

Where is Red (“come on, dumbass!”)?

Will there ever be new ideas? 

Will the new “300” movie be more guys covered with oil? 

This job is hard and then harder. 

And with summer movies coming, my face makes a sad.

Summer is coming.

Crap storm.

Who will survive?

See “RoboCop” if you must.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Reese Witherspoon, Water For Elephants, Robert Pattinson, Christoph Waltz, Paul Schneider, Jim Norton, Hal Holbrook, Mark Povinelli, Richard Brake, Stephen Monroe Taylor, Ken Foree, Scott MacDonald, James Frain, Sam Anderson, John Aylward, Brad Greenquist, Tim Guinee, Donna W. Scott, E.E. Bell, Kyle Jordan, Aleksandra Kaniak, Ilia Volok, Bruce Gray, Jim Jansen, James Keane, Ivo Nandi, Karynn Moore, Andrew Connolly, Doug McDougal, Tracy Phillips Rowan O'Hara, Water for Elephants, Tai, Uggie, Ice, Sita Acevedo, Danny Castle, Michael Coronas, Aloysia Gavre, Francis Lawrence, Andrew R. Tennenbaum, Erwin Stoff, Gil Netter, Kevin Halloran, Alan Edward Bell, Ana Maria Quintana, Chad Holmes, David Crank, Denise Chamian, Molly Allen, Sasha Veneziano, Kimmo MustonenenKimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S.  Austria, Finland will crush you. In hockey. In other things, maybe not. Aino (of the buxom wonderness), you can watch the game in my apartment. I promise I will not go psychotic. I cannot promise this for my brother, Olli. He may psychotic and die. Such is being a Finn in Olympics time.

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Total Recall [REVIEW]

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Behind The Proscenium, Kimmo On Kino, Total Recall, Len Wiseman, Kurt Wimmer, Mark Bomback, Ronald Shusett, Don O'Bannon, Jon Povill, Phillip K. Dick, Colin Farrell, Kate Beckinsale, Jessica Biel, Bryan Cranston, Bokeem Woodbine, Bill Nighy, John Cho, Will Yun Lee, Milton Barnes, James McGowan, Natalie Lisinska, Michael Therriault, Stephen MacDonald, Mishael Morgan, LinLyn Lue, Dylan Smith, Andrew Moodie, Kaitlyn Leeb, Leo Guivab, Nykeem Provo, Steve Byers, Danny Waugh, Geoffrey Pounsett, Jesse Bond, Warren Belle, Vincent Rother, Matthew Nette, Brooks Darnell, Brett Donahue, James Downing, Simon Sinn, Lisa Chandler, Miranda Jade, Shereen Airth, Philip Moran, Clive Ashborn, Emily Chang, Bill Coulter, Merella Fernandez, Alicia-Kay Markson, Brian Rodriguez, Leigh Folsom, Brian Delaney, Cam Clarke, Bridget Hoffman, Gregoire Akcelrod, Mark Baldesarra, Sarah Colford, Dan Cristofori, Steaphen Diego, Mike Emme, Will Ennis, Stephone Fuller, Currie Graham, Ethan Hawke, Dexter Howe, Phil Huynh, Despina Lossifidis, Adrian Jaworski, Tony Kelly, Camille Kennedy, Jay Kow, Johnny Larocque, Ryan Le Bar, Wing Lee, Kane Mahon, Justin Major, Sarah Marshall, Samuel Mekonnen, Teebone Mitchell, Shane Pollard, MOrgane Slemp, Marc Andrew Smith, Jailar Tabugay, Kevin Tran, Denise Vasquez, Joe Vercillo, Filip Watermann, Amir Wilker, Toby Jaffe, Rick Kidney, Neal H. Moritz, Harry Gregson-Williams, Paul Cameron, Christian Wagner, Debra Zane, Patrick Tatopoulos, Patrick Banister, Oana Bogdan, Kevin Carter, Sanja Milkovic Hays, Greg Denny, Lyn Lucibello, Lisa Rodgers, Sam Alvelo, Aric Depere, Luc Etienne, Jonathan Gajewski, Justin Gajewski, Alexander Gayner, Jennifer Haufler, Judith Landale, Nick Lopez, Grant Lucibello, Brad Martin, David Mendoza, Spira Razatos, Andrew Robinson, Jodi Tario, Karen Young, Allison Klein, Dave Rosa, Casey Adams, Fraser Aitcheson, Mick Alachiotis, Krista Bell, Brian Ho, Sam Looc, John macDonald, Layton Morrison, Gabriel Nunez, John Stead, Rorelee Tio, Alicia Vela-Bailey, Rich Volp, Brian Broz, Julia Seidman, Jay Sheveck, Robert Stecko, Dempsey Tillman, Scott Alexander, Ryan Babbs, Cathy Coulson-Alfronso, Marty Dejczak, Kevin Drysdale, Taryn Feingold, Mark Foster, Junko Goda, Sabine Graham, Joe Everett, Diwa d'Souza, Marty Dejczak, Ester Chae, Nadja Buglieri, Neville Hadfield, Cam Harrod, Tim Hay, Paula Kucharski, Candace Kunderman, Kyla McFeat, Tien Hguyen, Andrew Munro, Erin Rowe, Justyn Roy, Jasper Salon, Taylor Scherberger, Nadine Wilson, Jane Spencer

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Behind The Proscenium, Kimmo On Kino, Total Recall, Len Wiseman, Kurt Wimmer, Mark Bomback, Ronald Shusett, Don O'Bannon, Jon Povill, Phillip K. Dick, Colin Farrell, Kate Beckinsale, Jessica Biel, Bryan Cranston, Bokeem Woodbine, Bill Nighy, John Cho, Will Yun Lee, Milton Barnes, James McGowan, Natalie Lisinska, Michael Therriault, Stephen MacDonald, Mishael Morgan, LinLyn Lue, Dylan Smith, Andrew Moodie, Kaitlyn Leeb, Leo Guivab, Nykeem Provo, Steve Byers, Danny Waugh, Geoffrey Pounsett, Jesse Bond, Warren Belle, Vincent Rother, Matthew Nette, Brooks Darnell, Brett Donahue, James Downing, Simon Sinn, Lisa Chandler, Miranda Jade, Shereen Airth, Philip Moran, Clive Ashborn, Emily Chang, Bill Coulter, Merella Fernandez, Alicia-Kay Markson, Brian Rodriguez, Leigh Folsom, Brian Delaney, Cam Clarke, Bridget Hoffman, Gregoire Akcelrod, Mark Baldesarra, Sarah Colford, Dan Cristofori, Steaphen Diego, Mike Emme, Will Ennis, Stephone Fuller, Currie Graham, Ethan Hawke, Dexter Howe, Phil Huynh, Despina Lossifidis, Adrian Jaworski, Tony Kelly, Camille Kennedy, Jay Kow, Johnny Larocque, Ryan Le Bar, Wing Lee, Kane Mahon, Justin Major, Sarah Marshall, Samuel Mekonnen, Teebone Mitchell, Shane Pollard, MOrgane Slemp, Marc Andrew Smith, Jailar Tabugay, Kevin Tran, Denise Vasquez, Joe Vercillo, Filip Watermann, Amir Wilker, Toby Jaffe, Rick Kidney, Neal H. Moritz, Harry Gregson-Williams, Paul Cameron, Christian Wagner, Debra Zane, Patrick Tatopoulos, Patrick Banister, Oana Bogdan, Kevin Carter, Sanja Milkovic Hays, Greg Denny, Lyn Lucibello, Lisa Rodgers, Sam Alvelo, Aric Depere, Luc Etienne, Jonathan Gajewski, Justin Gajewski, Alexander Gayner, Jennifer Haufler, Judith Landale, Nick Lopez, Grant Lucibello, Brad Martin, David Mendoza, Spira Razatos, Andrew Robinson, Jodi Tario, Karen Young, Allison Klein, Dave Rosa, Casey Adams, Fraser Aitcheson, Mick Alachiotis, Krista Bell, Brian Ho, Sam Looc, John macDonald, Layton Morrison, Gabriel Nunez, John Stead, Rorelee Tio, Alicia Vela-Bailey, Rich Volp, Brian Broz, Julia Seidman, Jay Sheveck, Robert Stecko, Dempsey Tillman, Scott Alexander, Ryan Babbs, Cathy Coulson-Alfronso, Marty Dejczak, Kevin Drysdale, Taryn Feingold, Mark Foster, Junko Goda, Sabine Graham, Joe Everett, Diwa d'Souza, Marty Dejczak, Ester Chae, Nadja Buglieri, Neville Hadfield, Cam Harrod, Tim Hay, Paula Kucharski, Candace Kunderman, Kyla McFeat, Tien Hguyen, Andrew Munro, Erin Rowe, Justyn Roy, Jasper Salon, Taylor Scherberger, Nadine Wilson, Jane SpencerTotal Recall

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Son of a bitch.

My working life is now my life of my life.

Sometimes the pain is so much, that there is howling where none is wanted.

Was I kicked in the right ball?

Stabbed in the lower right gut, pain flashing like a flashing pain light?

Made like the Lohan, when she moans the “Coke has run out” moan?

No.

Life life = kidney stone.

Pee that looks like oil of the motor, pain that is for the yelling until the sweet, sweet Dilauded in my new vein hole makes me the smiling man.

Pain is for the drug-free. I like drugs.

Work life = “Total Recall.”

Really?

Has the farting monkey classic “Ed” already been re-animated?

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Behind The Proscenium, Kimmo On Kino, Total Recall, Len Wiseman, Kurt Wimmer, Mark Bomback, Ronald Shusett, Don O'Bannon, Jon Povill, Phillip K. Dick, Colin Farrell, Kate Beckinsale, Jessica Biel, Bryan Cranston, Bokeem Woodbine, Bill Nighy, John Cho, Will Yun Lee, Milton Barnes, James McGowan, Natalie Lisinska, Michael Therriault, Stephen MacDonald, Mishael Morgan, LinLyn Lue, Dylan Smith, Andrew Moodie, Kaitlyn Leeb, Leo Guivab, Nykeem Provo, Steve Byers, Danny Waugh, Geoffrey Pounsett, Jesse Bond, Warren Belle, Vincent Rother, Matthew Nette, Brooks Darnell, Brett Donahue, James Downing, Simon Sinn, Lisa Chandler, Miranda Jade, Shereen Airth, Philip Moran, Clive Ashborn, Emily Chang, Bill Coulter, Merella Fernandez, Alicia-Kay Markson, Brian Rodriguez, Leigh Folsom, Brian Delaney, Cam Clarke, Bridget Hoffman, Gregoire Akcelrod, Mark Baldesarra, Sarah Colford, Dan Cristofori, Steaphen Diego, Mike Emme, Will Ennis, Stephone Fuller, Currie Graham, Ethan Hawke, Dexter Howe, Phil Huynh, Despina Lossifidis, Adrian Jaworski, Tony Kelly, Camille Kennedy, Jay Kow, Johnny Larocque, Ryan Le Bar, Wing Lee, Kane Mahon, Justin Major, Sarah Marshall, Samuel Mekonnen, Teebone Mitchell, Shane Pollard, MOrgane Slemp, Marc Andrew Smith, Jailar Tabugay, Kevin Tran, Denise Vasquez, Joe Vercillo, Filip Watermann, Amir Wilker, Toby Jaffe, Rick Kidney, Neal H. Moritz, Harry Gregson-Williams, Paul Cameron, Christian Wagner, Debra Zane, Patrick Tatopoulos, Patrick Banister, Oana Bogdan, Kevin Carter, Sanja Milkovic Hays, Greg Denny, Lyn Lucibello, Lisa Rodgers, Sam Alvelo, Aric Depere, Luc Etienne, Jonathan Gajewski, Justin Gajewski, Alexander Gayner, Jennifer Haufler, Judith Landale, Nick Lopez, Grant Lucibello, Brad Martin, David Mendoza, Spira Razatos, Andrew Robinson, Jodi Tario, Karen Young, Allison Klein, Dave Rosa, Casey Adams, Fraser Aitcheson, Mick Alachiotis, Krista Bell, Brian Ho, Sam Looc, John macDonald, Layton Morrison, Gabriel Nunez, John Stead, Rorelee Tio, Alicia Vela-Bailey, Rich Volp, Brian Broz, Julia Seidman, Jay Sheveck, Robert Stecko, Dempsey Tillman, Scott Alexander, Ryan Babbs, Cathy Coulson-Alfronso, Marty Dejczak, Kevin Drysdale, Taryn Feingold, Mark Foster, Junko Goda, Sabine Graham, Joe Everett, Diwa d'Souza, Marty Dejczak, Ester Chae, Nadja Buglieri, Neville Hadfield, Cam Harrod, Tim Hay, Paula Kucharski, Candace Kunderman, Kyla McFeat, Tien Hguyen, Andrew Munro, Erin Rowe, Justyn Roy, Jasper Salon, Taylor Scherberger, Nadine Wilson, Jane SpencerHollywood, if there was a God with a shit to give you would all have the ball pain that made me Mr. Vicodin.

I think watching Colin Ferrell, take on the Arnold head a major crap, would have been O.K. if I was still Mr. Vicodin.

Or Mr. Kossu. Or Mr. Lemon Skunk Sativa.

Just being Mr. Kimmo made me cry.

Plot?  There was one, in 1990.  And it was good.

Now, white bread crap fest.

“Total Recall” and no Mars.  I see.

Now is the time to re-do, yet take out all that made the first to be made.

Smart!

Sony, way to be!

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Behind The Proscenium, Kimmo On Kino, Total Recall, Len Wiseman, Kurt Wimmer, Mark Bomback, Ronald Shusett, Don O'Bannon, Jon Povill, Phillip K. Dick, Colin Farrell, Kate Beckinsale, Jessica Biel, Bryan Cranston, Bokeem Woodbine, Bill Nighy, John Cho, Will Yun Lee, Milton Barnes, James McGowan, Natalie Lisinska, Michael Therriault, Stephen MacDonald, Mishael Morgan, LinLyn Lue, Dylan Smith, Andrew Moodie, Kaitlyn Leeb, Leo Guivab, Nykeem Provo, Steve Byers, Danny Waugh, Geoffrey Pounsett, Jesse Bond, Warren Belle, Vincent Rother, Matthew Nette, Brooks Darnell, Brett Donahue, James Downing, Simon Sinn, Lisa Chandler, Miranda Jade, Shereen Airth, Philip Moran, Clive Ashborn, Emily Chang, Bill Coulter, Merella Fernandez, Alicia-Kay Markson, Brian Rodriguez, Leigh Folsom, Brian Delaney, Cam Clarke, Bridget Hoffman, Gregoire Akcelrod, Mark Baldesarra, Sarah Colford, Dan Cristofori, Steaphen Diego, Mike Emme, Will Ennis, Stephone Fuller, Currie Graham, Ethan Hawke, Dexter Howe, Phil Huynh, Despina Lossifidis, Adrian Jaworski, Tony Kelly, Camille Kennedy, Jay Kow, Johnny Larocque, Ryan Le Bar, Wing Lee, Kane Mahon, Justin Major, Sarah Marshall, Samuel Mekonnen, Teebone Mitchell, Shane Pollard, MOrgane Slemp, Marc Andrew Smith, Jailar Tabugay, Kevin Tran, Denise Vasquez, Joe Vercillo, Filip Watermann, Amir Wilker, Toby Jaffe, Rick Kidney, Neal H. Moritz, Harry Gregson-Williams, Paul Cameron, Christian Wagner, Debra Zane, Patrick Tatopoulos, Patrick Banister, Oana Bogdan, Kevin Carter, Sanja Milkovic Hays, Greg Denny, Lyn Lucibello, Lisa Rodgers, Sam Alvelo, Aric Depere, Luc Etienne, Jonathan Gajewski, Justin Gajewski, Alexander Gayner, Jennifer Haufler, Judith Landale, Nick Lopez, Grant Lucibello, Brad Martin, David Mendoza, Spira Razatos, Andrew Robinson, Jodi Tario, Karen Young, Allison Klein, Dave Rosa, Casey Adams, Fraser Aitcheson, Mick Alachiotis, Krista Bell, Brian Ho, Sam Looc, John macDonald, Layton Morrison, Gabriel Nunez, John Stead, Rorelee Tio, Alicia Vela-Bailey, Rich Volp, Brian Broz, Julia Seidman, Jay Sheveck, Robert Stecko, Dempsey Tillman, Scott Alexander, Ryan Babbs, Cathy Coulson-Alfronso, Marty Dejczak, Kevin Drysdale, Taryn Feingold, Mark Foster, Junko Goda, Sabine Graham, Joe Everett, Diwa d'Souza, Marty Dejczak, Ester Chae, Nadja Buglieri, Neville Hadfield, Cam Harrod, Tim Hay, Paula Kucharski, Candace Kunderman, Kyla McFeat, Tien Hguyen, Andrew Munro, Erin Rowe, Justyn Roy, Jasper Salon, Taylor Scherberger, Nadine Wilson, Jane SpencerReplace Arnold with boring Colin – check.

Replace Sharon Stone with a boring (but hot) vampire chick – check.

Interesting stuff replaced with same old crap – check.

Three-breasted woman – check.

I have seen the trailer – I have seen the movie.

Sony, my butt is for the kissing… get back there, pucker up, I like tongue!

That is all to say about this nothing pile. No reason to exist, no reason to write about it.

Rent it – smoke the sweet Sativa – eat Cheetos – maybe nap.  Check out the Beckin-butt (Kate Beckinsale).

But… that is all.

Please Odin, give me another stone for the passing before my eyeballs must hurt my brain with another crappy re-do. Please.

Now, that is all.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Reese Witherspoon, Water For Elephants, Robert Pattinson, Christoph Waltz, Paul Schneider, Jim Norton, Hal Holbrook, Mark Povinelli, Richard Brake, Stephen Monroe Taylor, Ken Foree, Scott MacDonald, James Frain, Sam Anderson, John Aylward, Brad Greenquist, Tim Guinee, Donna W. Scott, E.E. Bell, Kyle Jordan, Aleksandra Kaniak, Ilia Volok, Bruce Gray, Jim Jansen, James Keane, Ivo Nandi, Karynn Moore, Andrew Connolly, Doug McDougal, Tracy Phillips Rowan O'Hara, Water for Elephants, Tai, Uggie, Ice, Sita Acevedo, Danny Castle, Michael Coronas, Aloysia Gavre, Francis Lawrence, Andrew R. Tennenbaum, Erwin Stoff, Gil Netter, Kevin Halloran, Alan Edward Bell, Ana Maria Quintana, Chad Holmes, David Crank, Denise Chamian, Molly Allen, Sasha Veneziano, Kimmo MustonenenKimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S.  You, the children, who want to watch movies for the money all day and night like Kimmo?  This is the shit that is your 90%. Study dentistry. Less pain all around.

P.P.S.  Olympics.  Why do the flippy pre-pubescent girls get the ratings?  Why not the beach ladies with the ass crack assaulting shorts? That is entertainment! And Ryan Seacrest must be stopped. Before he multiplies! Hey Sony, there’s an idea that’s not a remake. Assholes.