K.C. Bailey – Behind the Proscenium

Footloose

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

There was many times ago an original idea in Hollywood.

D.W. Griffith was that guy who had it.

Since then, maybe Blake Edwards or Eli Roth.

Now we can go to a cinema knowing that we will see what already we have seen yesterday, last summer, five summers, childhood or (in this example) 1984.

How did Kevin Bacon not kill these people?

New game for this film’s greenlighters – Six Degrees From Grim Reaper (remember to enter my new Dead Pool – info appearing to the future!).

For those who live under rocks – the story: Ren MacCormack moves from Boston to the small town Bomont in the southern USA, where he has a real culture shock (every movie lately lives next to “The Help”).

Some years before, the congregation – by the tragic death of five teenagers – has been plagued by celebrations after that one night. Then spoke the local politicians and the popular Reverend Shaw, a ban on loud music and dancing.

Ren (not Stimpy) wants to accept it, however, being a teen, rebels against the ban.

He breathed life back in the village and falls in love with it?

No, just in Ariel (Julianne Hough – Ryan Seacrest‘s beard), the daughter of the pastor.

She is hot.

In the remake of the cult MTV dance film “Footloose (1984)” has not exactly changed much (the story is still playing in southern backwater Bomont).

Ren (Kenny Wormald) wants to abolish the local ban on dancing and his queen of hearts Ariel (Juliann Hough, still hot) is still situated on meaningless tests of courage and the patience of the audience to the test.

Why must hot chicks test us?

On Cinemax they just get naked.

New story, new characters?

Forget it!

Why is there this stencil-like remake anyway?

Are you stupider, already? MONEY!

I love it as much (more) than you (money).

Yet the suck that is making movies over and over the same makes my sitting butt crack wish that no longer the theater I must inhabit. I stand by this.

Where were we?

Attractive teens, rebelling, attract to each other. Teen conflicts are indicated and the skeptical view of the pastor Shaw (Dennis Quaid).

Then all dance enthusiasts are in the house. Successful entry, retro feel sprayed, may now be as wild dancing – you might think!

After director Craig Brewer has lulled us positively tap toeing, he is taking a wrong direction and to illuminate characters who are simply not worth that one is concerned more with their background.

Ariel’s problems with race car driver Chuck, her problems with her daddy, her problems with her friend and top it up with their innocence – Julianne Hough (she is very hot) has to bear all sorts of character with their parcels, which do not really care about anyway.

We care about her nakedness. Our cares end up meaning nothing.

Felt her character has the most screen time and leaves actor Kenny Wormald in reverse always appear sympathetic.

He plays the cool James Dean blend, cooked up here and there at times and ultimately mimics exactly the kind of singleness dance rebel, the one in a movie called… wait for it… “Footloose”!

The different characters, whether it makes sense, annoying or charming, all have a common weakness:

They do not do the forbidden dance! Which, in Bomont, is every dance.

Instead of focusing on the movement of talented performers (Julianne Hough, did I mention her?), the audience must always fight words by books and dialogues and are hoping for a extravagant finale.

But until it comes to this final move, agonizing over long dialogues, danceable tracks are burned in the background and just after half the movie is clear that this remake is completely unnecessary.

Conclusion: “Footloose” is a usefulness-free remake of the ’80s cult film starring Kevin Bacon (I tread on his foot in New York – ONE DEGREE!). Music and dance are unfortunately too short, since director Craig Brewer puts his focus instead on the background of his characters, interchangeable.

So, one thumb, rebelling and trying to dance for Julianne Hough (muy caliente!) – the other thumb ready to be rammed up idea-free Hollywood’s arse-hole.

Excuse me while I watch “Intolerance” (which will be re-made soon, I’m SO sure).

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. “Terra Nova” has one flaw – no persons with a working mind train would ever bring teenagers to the 85 million year past. They mess shit up.

The Smurfs

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

What the Smurf?!?

Another Smurfing CGI poopfest of the summer of pooping Smurfed-up films?

The movie studios have Smurfed us again – right up the Smurfhole.

If animated characters take on real actors, then alarm bells should ring. Excluding again the extraordinary movie gem Beowulf (genius!), it is also already hard at all to call a movie of this kind that can convince.

Then, when a studio then tries the popular cartoon series The Smurfs and in this, is messed up, then red alert should be achieved!

Success!

Anyone who is curious nonetheless: Yes, The Smurfs is really a very weak movie that nobody has to look at – but if you do, blame only yourself (or your Smurfingly annoying mate who said it would be good – dump her now!).

Smurfs live concealed in a village, hidden from the outside world. And it also has a good reason: Among others, it has the evil wizard Gargamel (Hank Azaria) who dicks with Smurfs (not literally – it’s kids movie!). But eventually he succeeds and his cat, Azrael (who does not dick), still make the village identified and found.

During their flight, a little Smurf group, including Papa Smurf and Smurfette (whore), in a magic vortex that brings them into an alien world: New York City – in and of our time.

Then, even Smurfs can’t get a ticket to Book of Mormon (sad Smurfs). And since Gargamel was also to New York, they seek refuge with Grace (Jayma Mays – boring in Glee. Have sex with Mr. Schuester already!) and Patrick (Neil Patrick Harris – ladykiller!), who are trying to help the Smurfs on their way back.

The concept is simple: Take a well-known franchise (in this case, The Smurfs), invent a hair-raising story line and try with as simplistic gags at least a little pep in the boring construct bring.

Or not.

The Smurfs makes it quite simple and shipped the blue little people with the help of a rather cheap gimmick in our world to be found (this is confusing).

As a consequence of a classic culture clash show is taken off, but unfortunately it lacks the rear to the front of even a semi-good idea.

The highlight is when there already is a hopelessly misplaced Gargamel heedless of a braking car.

Hurp durp.

Yes, The Smurfs actually tried it with only the very stale gags that were boring 25 years ago (or more – think vaudeville… IF YOU DARE!) and have since been contradicted by constantly chewed just such ideas and soulless, embarrassing movies.

For any half-experienced viewers of the film ensures only for a large dollop of boredom and who is looking for something for children, should be no problems have a better alternative to find the pool of wonderful animated films.

Even Neil Patrick Harris fans can save the visit as the How I Met Your Mother star burned here is just merciless.

Something like The Smurfs comes out just when they (money grubbing studio tycoons like Khan Manka, Jr.) tries again every last cent out of an old franchise to push.

The story is bleh, the gags are all lukewarm damp squishy sandwich and otherwise it is primarily a high dumbness.

View may well be the only very young audience, but otherwise everyone else of the moviegoers already implemented have seen better.

If I had paid any Smurfing money to see this Smurf-fest… well, I would have yelled “Smurf off and die!” Smurfing Smurf Smurfers. So, one thumb – Smurfing… downward.

Kimmo Mustonenen (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. This learned from The Glee Project – Ryan Murphy is a tool.

Tag: K.C. Bailey

Footloose [REVIEW]

The Smurfs [REVIEW]