Martin Freeman – Behind the Proscenium

The Hobbit – The Desolation of Smaug

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

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Here are the facts:

The Fellowship of the Ring – Book pages 432 – Film minutes 2:58

The Two Towers- Book pages 352 – Film minutes 2:59

Return of the King- Book pages 512 – Film minutes 3:21

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The Hobbit – Book pages 300

Now for the movies.

The Hobbit – An Unexpected Journey – 2:49

The Hobbit – Desolation of Smaug – 2:41

The Hobbit – Ka-ching!!! – Who the hell knows?

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So, The Lord of the Rings – Book pages 1296, Total Time 9:18

The Hobbit – Book pages 300, Total Time (so far) 5:30

‘Nuff said.

Are we still there for the caring?

I am done.

How long can this go on?

The Hobbit (Kim Kardashian) continues on its quest.

Things go on forever. BUT, 3-D IMAX made my pants a place for the peeing.

Awesome!!

Go see it.

You will if I do or if I do not say the right things.

As much as thinking Peter Jackson drools over money, the film still makes the mind flop on itself.

Good work, moneygrubber!!!

In other ways, go see “Afternoon Delight.” Independent films make on feel the smarter.

This is the time of year when Hollywood makes the liking of Hollywood seem like the boning of one’s sister.

Kind of hot. Totally sleazy.

If Hollywood was a man, “The Hobbit” would have been 10 movies.

Hollywood – you are a pussy.

So…Two thumbs up.

Made up story is still good story. IMAX 3-D is still IMAX 3-D.

Hey, Hollywood whoredom works. I must deal with this.

See this three times.

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. Now for brain expanding Vonnegut (Dead Eye Dick – 1982 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deadeye_Dick) – “We all see our lives as stories, it seems to me, and I am convinced that psychologists and sociologists and historians and so on would find it useful to acknowledge that. If a person survives an ordinary span of sixty years or more, there is every chance that his or her life as a shapely story has ended, and that all the remains to be experienced is the epilogue. Life is not over, but the story is.

Some people, of course, find inhabiting an epilogue so uncongenial that they commit suicide.

P.P.S. “Survivor” finale on Sunday! Whoop dee whoop!!

The World’s End

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

There are times in which life is art.

And then the art is also life, in reality.

The brain sees, with his eyeball friends, things that are not real reality – but film reality which is sometimes MORE real, although not at all.

This is that time, or was.

When I was in “The World’s End.”

Or so I had the thought that it was true.

I’ll explain.

“The World’s End” is my life story without me and my life.

“How am this be possible, Kimmo?” shouts your thoughts.

So did my own thinking thoughts, with the shouting. I was confusion.

See if this helps:

Plot? Hell right!

In the distant past, before internet porn, Gary (Simon Pegg) was too cool for most school. He had too cool friends – Peter (Eddie Marsan), Oliver (Martin Freeman), Steven (Paddy Considine) and funny fat guy Andrew (Nick Frost).

They are different actors when younger. Even with the sweet, sweet smoke there was no brain confusion from this.

They went on the most ever of all epic pub crawls (in Finland we call this “pretty much every day of the week”) – “The Golden Mile” only to become whimpy nerds after six.

This failing causes them all to be boring older persons, except for Gary, who is still good at drinking.

In the today times, Gary wants to recreate the moment and defeat “The Golden Mile” and make it to the last pub (The World’s End) where there will be much vomiting if done correctly.

He gathers his older, more hairless gang, and head to town.

Then weird shit hits the fan.

I will give no spoiling, only to say that the trailer had robots and the movie has robots. On a pub crawl.

This is where it is my life.

In Finland, there are many crawling to pubs AND there are robots. Son of a bitch.

Why is my living life on the movie screen? I am in freak out mode.

Simon Pegg is playing me. WTF?

When I had a calmer time, I began to see the genius of it all. Make a movie about Kimmo, without Kimmo, and Kimmo will love the damn thing!

So, what have my feelings on this to say?

First, great, great movie!

Friends, beer, hot chicks, beer, shots, beer, robots, beer, and then more beer.

Acting – great! Andy drinks water and Gary is all “you are for the drinking of rain!”. So, writing is good, too.

If you are of the drinking person type, you will drool into your popcorn.

I did.

The beer is luxuriously photo’d. Damn, the beer was pretty.

Then there are three girls known in the past as “The Marmalade Sandwich.”

They deserve it, and prove it in the best sequence that had no nudity but was still “ooo la la” to my nether regions. My loins quivered.

My only fault finding with this film was that the three were not butt naked. The movie would have then been an instant classical movie.

So, two thumbs straining to the sky! I am all happiness, for now I know that Hollywood (English Hollywood – they talk more better and party hearty!) knows how my mind thinks and that makes me happy.

For I miss Finland.

I miss crawling to pubs.

And I miss crawling to pubs with robots.

Go to Finland and one day you will miss these things, too.

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. American football is almost here. I have now eaten a hot wing, a nacho, and those quesadilla things. American football will make me a fatty fatterson! And I am in love with it!

Tag: Martin Freeman

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

The World’s End [REVIEW]