Peter Jacobson – Behind the Proscenium

White House Down

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Hollywood has hit me in my surprise place.

How is this possible?

I have large Hollywood knowledge – it cannot sneak up on myself.

But it did.

“Olympus Has Fallen Over” was released to us in March. It is June and the remake is already out!

Surprise!!!

A movie film that made $93 million is for to be a new movie costing $150 million in making.

Hollywood is smart.

“White Houses Downer” jumped from Roland Emmerich’s head and onto the screen with a splatter.

Bummer to me? Sure – but at least I didn’t have to review “The Heat” – flaming pain death would be better than that.

Or a kick to the ball sack.

Plot? Sure.

“White Houses Downer” is another “Die Hard” in the White House.

Django (Jamie Foxx) is as President Obama. He is for the quipping and is cool. Mike the Magician (Channing Tatum) is John McClane, with shoes.

There is a kid stuffed with cute. Hans Gruber (Who Cares) is running wild after falling from Nakatomi Plaza. Argyle (Nicolas Wright) has with a promotion now tours for the White House (not a downer, nor falling over) and is somehow whiter.

Maggie Gyllenhall looks more for the weird than ever (impossible! Yet true… would still do her if drunk).

Now (drums roll with excitement) – summer action movie roll-call… BEGIN!

CGI explosions: Here, sir!

CGI buildings falling down: Here, sir!

CGI car chases: Here, sir!

CGI aircraft: Here, sir!

Two dimensional characters: Here, sir!

Interesting thought inducing story:

Oh, shit.

Not here.

Ever.

Damn.

Where have you gone, Steven Seagal? You were never “just the cook.” Your “Die Hard” was better than this “Die Hard.” And on a boat.

And Magic Mike – why? Lucky for you there is more clothes than the last movie where you wear a mere banana hammock.

Terrorists could easily have defeated you in your budgie smugglers.

You have the muscles for wearing the nut huggers, but when defeating bad guys, the packed lunch is not to be out front.

Good job Magic Mike.

So… my thumbs know not what they have to do. I stayed awake. Is that good?

Maybe there is a yes – but the movie had so much loud ka-bang that not even the dead could stay asleep.

My butt did not hurt. But, again, the ka-bang made my seat into magic fingers that caressed my gluteus nicely with love.

I still had yearnings for the sweet, sweet smoke (I’m for the cutting down of it – to many munchies making me Mr. Fat Finn) but not so much that I cried for “White Houses Downer” to end.

See it if you missed “Olympus Has Fallen Over.”

Or have so much time for wasting that your life is a worthless pile. Then see the thing. That is all.

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. “Under the Dome” is the shit. A cow was cut in to two pieces. There was teenager sexing, plane explosions and death. How to be perfection? Acting lessons. And maybe Malin Akerman’s little sister. She is candy in my eye. Make it so, CBS. Now.

Cars 2

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Wow! Maybe over thinking was the downfall. Or over loving of money by Pixar.

Whatever.

No longer “wonder kid” crazy movie makers supreme. Now, just another assaulting to my eyeballs.

All for my dollars. Bastards! In sucky 3-D.

Written by Ben Queen from a previously devised by John Lasseter, Brad Lewis and Dan Fogelman, the script for Cars 2 hit by investing in a different story from that seen in the original instead of making the same mistake most of the proceedings and try to repeat the previous formula – and it is a pity, then, that the plot is chosen by the team as bad and equally formulaic.

What?

Adopting the genre “espionage” as the basis of the narrative, the film features Lightning McQueen (Owen Wilson) and his best friend Mate (Larry the Cable Guy) on a trip around the world while the race car part in a series of disputes promoted to prove efficiency of an alternative fuel, clean and renewable – or “green” to you and me.

However, Mate turns out to be mistaken for an American spy and goes on to spearhead several adventures along the agent McMíssel Finn (Michael Caine – not acting, but Reacting!) and his assistant Holley Box (yowza!) Brita (Emily Mortimer) as they try to discover the identity of the villain who seeks to sabotage the race discredit the new fuel.

The desperation of Cars 2 to establish some kind of solidity in its plot, in fact, reaches its peak at the instant kill, for no apparent reason, a loose unbelievable device, only to conclude that there can “do it” by not feel secure in himself, forcing his old friend to encourage him (I don’t even know what I wrote right now, but you will) – and this kind of unfortunate crud is spread throughout the work, starting on the scene, at the beginning of the film, in which Lightning mourns the death of Doc Hudson in a monologue accompanied by an artificial track just to forget about the very second he leaves the museum dedicated to old mentor (apparently, Pixar decided to delete the character after the death of his voice actor, Paul Newman, although the van originally voiced by George Carlin has not deserved the same consideration – words you can’t say on T.V. being said to Pixar right now).

This is now my longest sentence.

If nothing else, the film still takes care of sending anything positive for their young audience, planting the idea that “junk” (the “old”, “different”, “rejected”) see the world with envy, resentment and bad intentions (whatever!).

And what about their supposed ecological message, which at first seems to advocate the importance of a clean fuel and sustainable only to conclude with the mantra so unbelievable. So unbelievable that I shan’t mention it.

Ha!

A mantra that replaced the word “gasoline” for “Pixar” unfortunately no longer applies.

There, I said it.

Kimmo Mustonenen for Kimmo On Kino – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. The Glee Project brings me tears of joy. I have much hope for those poor, weirdo reject kids. And they’re not in their 20’s! Or auto-tuned! Yet.

Tag: Peter Jacobson

White House Down [REVIEW]

Cars 2 [REVIEW]