Snow White and the Huntsman
With Wit, Reviewed by Kimmo Mustonenen
Strange things are strange.
The expected is not reality.
The world is inside out.
Kristen Stewart can act.
I am not drunk.
I am not high.
Kristen Stewart is not only the non-suck, but damn fantastic!
The largeness of my eyeballs was for the surprise of the seeing what could not be the truth.
I saw the “Twilight” turds.
My brain is the dumber for with the seeing of them.
Now this.
Can nothing be counted on?
Plot? Eh.
“Snow White and the Huntsman” is a quite remarkable result of his ham. What can be silly or melodramatic dialogues spoil everything in the fantasy genre.
Not the case here, I say.
At least the original version here applies mostly to the right, concise tone.
How many times have you seen that the effects are working against history and starting to block everything?
Maybe I am (a little) drunk.
But as brilliant as the dwarf throng of normal height, shrunken actors is tricky, as little is the film with it.
And how often fantasy movies take on the love story to the girls something to offer – here is waived boldly on the topic of love, and in general to any psychology that goes beyond simple motivations.
But this movies motivations? Not silly.
It is Snow White and a frickin Huntsman! This is not “Citizen Kane.”
Or even the subject of my current cinematic hard-on, “Prometheus.”
And Thor was in it. Cool.
Charlize Theron? Hot. And icy.
Like a sore muscle balm, but one that is ready for the sex. No Icy-Hot on my Johnson!
Dwarves? Seven!
Had I smoked the sweet smoke I would have freaked the fuck out.
The dwarf from “Deadwood” was my the favorite. The “Roger Rabbit” dwarf was cool, too.
Back to Kristen Stewart.
What the hell?
WHAT THE HELL?
I would like to write my reviews in advance. She has put the fool on my brain.
My pre-write: “As wooden as the Pinocchio, with fish charisma, Stewart brought sleep to my face in minutes. The sound of major suckage was her acting – suck, suck, suck went Kristen Stewart.”
I cannot now use this. I must now stay awake for entire movie times.
God dammit!
Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium
P.S. Next week I review, finally, “Prometheus.” It had better be the good – or even better. The review has been for months written. Best movie ever. I am now scared. With this new knowledge, I will have to see every movie that is by me reviewed. Shit.
P.P.S. The title of “America’s Got Talent” is a lie. Title more better would be “America Is Full Of Weird People That Want On The T.V. More Than They Have Any Sense Of Shame.” Summer television. Son of a bitch.