Til Schweiger – Behind the Proscenium

New Year’s Eve

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

New Year’s Eve.

Really?

A painless romantic comedy with 20 big stars about 10 different stories twisted together with a background in New York (New York).

Beyond the site (New York, dumb ass), time is the most important parameter which moves the narrative academic standards (I’m so high), and we are in the New Year’s Eve and all shows on first sight cheerful and festive.

Bullshit.

So, is it better than “The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence)”?

No. Hell no.

The characters through many emotional and less comical situations are easily predictable in a pleasant but dull (like an AM/PM hamburger, yummy, and yet gross) in the whole movie follows the same recipe last year’s “Valentine’s Day” by the same director (Garry Marshall – who has giant big teeth… creepy).

That “little bit of everything” – loves all types and ages.

Here of course the nature of the celebration that unites or reunites families (as opposed to“Valentine’s Day” where we saw first young love, but without guilt and boners) seeing traumatic relationships and people in crisis who are required to overcome the wounds of the past or to retrieve media a second chance (like you, Kyrle – your obsession with pecs was your undoing – I said it!).

Usually the New Year people make “self” for their mistakes and set goals for the new (or drunk, and then the regret, and then the pregnancy).

Experiential endoscopy – I think – makes the standing on the story of New YORK’S Eve – sorry, New YEAR’S Eve.

The story of an estranged, and severe ill father (Robert De Niro – he must pay the bills, poor bastard) of Hillary Swank (no character name that I remember but major boobs), responsible for the celebration in Times Square (she fails) is typical of the dramatic tone that introduces us to the plot of Big Tooth Man Director and the character of Michelle Pfeiffer (yes!) who give up everything for to live within a few hours, as did a whole life, shows that things do not always go as we dream, chasing unrealistic time.

(This is an homage to The Talking Heads, from me, Kimmo Mustonenen I’m pretty high.)

The melancholy touches, however, is temporary and as time is pressing everyone to catch up to complete the remaining issues created some grotesque comic situations such as the birth of babies(!) by Jessica Biel. I guess Timberlake finally got busy. Tap it, Justin!

It is gratifying to planning something carefully and setting goals which will then happen by hard effort, but some things make nature itself …as twins.

WTF?!?

Can arrange a time for a natural phenomenon? With the help of technology, perhaps!

(This is an homage to DEVO. Holy crap, I may never come down!)

This is not, damage to the “countdown to the ball” in the Times Square of New York causes a confusion in the already fragile nature of the Swankster (she said I could call her that), but the right decision to put the right person for the repair of the short time until midnight (an electrician who had been dismissed in the past) shows that, in some relationships inevitably “make cycle”.

(This is an homage to my bong. Son of a bitch. I’m wasted.)

Then there is the shit-ton avalanche of other stars: Ashton Kutcher (The Cougar Tamer), Lea Michelle (Playskool’s “My First Streisand”), Sarah Jessica Parker (My Little Pony), Abigail Breslin (Why Are You In This Shit?), Halle Barry (Another Razzie?) and Zac Efron (“It’s a trap!”).

This is a soup lesson.

How?

You want a soup to make. You have ingredients for the soup in the millions. You know in reality the best soup? Maybe five ingredients. Maybe ten.

Instead, all ingredients go into the soup.

All millions.

And the soup? Shit.

You have now spent time and treasure to create shit soup.

And the name of your shit soup?

New Year’s Eve.

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. Soon I will see Charlize Theron in “Young Adult”. Ginnifer Goodwin, you are so out of my mind (in the not good way).

P.P.S. I’m so fried. I have a total hard-on for the Flame Flavored Cheeto. Tell me the favorite of your high Cheeto in the comments! Damn, I’m hungry.

What?

The Three Musketeers

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

No! NO!!!

Bad Hollywood!

Bad!

It is no longer summer.

You cannot, now in the fall, return like a dog to your own vomit.

This movie was made before – and once good! Oliver Reed, Michael York, and Faye Dunaway (before she got a case of uglies and olds) had the awesome.

Now?

Bad Hollywood!

Assholes.

So here we are, another old ham is warmed up again, this time there are “The Three Musketeers” by Alexander Dumas.

The last film, “The Musketeer”, it was almost 10 years ago, but the film flopped at the box office and flopped with lack of talent.

Now dares Paul W.S. Anderson (“Resident Evil”, “Alien vs. Predator”) to the project financed by and seen in Germany. Visually everything seems to be running quite well, but the catastrophic scale of production falls with the latest sighting of the film itself. And since you must see a film to experience it – well, now it sucks for sure.

The good first – visually, “The Three Musketeers” pretty well… pretty.

Filming took place in the most beautiful castles and towns in Bavaria, so that the settings are very successful, but old. The costumes, designed by the designer (!) Pierre-Yves Gayraud, adapt successfully to the visual style.

Technically, the effect was at natural environments now and then, just when you see villages from the air, which often looks very nice.

Up close, they are dirty and smell.

The action scenes, of which there are plenty, are also staged quite well overall, even if Paul W.S. Anderson, it is like to exaggerate (he doesn’t have to exaggerate his wife, Milla Jovovich – she is hot – zing!).

Whether you can get used to his style, everyone should decide for themselves (or I can decide for you – let me know in the comments), but you who have a problem with slow motion matrix effects will barf. In a historical film, will then probably it will interfere with that – the matrix effects, not the barfing.

People barfed in the past.

Although the film has to offer some nice visual display values and also a prominent cast, Anderson still fails, something coherent, functioning to construct as a whole.

Where should we start?

Anderson lacks any fine feeling for how to combine individual components and to create certain values, so that you can absolutely not take the film seriously.

As before, this is the fall! Films are now to be serious! Asshole.

This begins with the dialogues, which were written so stupidly that they deserve a prize (a Razzie?). Not infrequently one will hold to your hand to head and wonder and hope you have not gone past the refund point. Then when you realize that the characters are really just the idiocy have given of themselves, then even flies one of the next daft sayings from their mouths.

Some of it was meant to be but otherwise NOT funny.

Anyway, the shot backfired. !gnaB – Get it?

The names of the cast read although very promising, but only as long as you have not seen the movie, because then begins the shit-storm – the actor can not convince.

The only one who is still with blue eyes, really only Christoph Waltz, who here, but far below his potential and plays are vastly to puppet making, after all, but responsible for some good jokes, and brings just by his appearance a lot of presence.

Milla Jovovich‘s costume has changed (she doesn’t need a costume, trust me – yowza!), but otherwise plays the same role as in her “Resident Evil”, Alice, the ass-kicking űber-babe.

Ray Stevenson, Luke Evans and Matthew Macfadyen are in themselves a cool trio make their case quite well made. The same applies to Mads Mikkelsen, who indeed alone with grim view a cool guy, but there is no chemistry, not even biology.

Logan Lerman (“Percy Jackson”) as the fourth Musketeer serves as an identification figure for the viewer, but is nothing more than a greenhorn. Then doing more than one actually buys it. Acting-wise, he can not shine particularly, his repertoire of facial expressions is only two.

Happy, sad.

That is it.

Seriously.

Particularly bad is Orlando Bloom, whose appearance reminds me of transvestite and is totally miscast for the role. His performance is incredibly bad, since the good acting he just can not attempt, even in a movie like this, where no one can convince, yet still he fails. This is known as probably a brilliant performance in Opposite World.

Of course appears “The Three Musketeers” in 3D, just as is now common. With “Resident Evil 4” Anderson has proven that he knows how to use the 3D technology very well, but in the case of “The Three Musketeers” may safely be described using a rip-off. Not only that, the effect is hardly noticeable.

Don’t pay for this 3D crap! Or at least, keep the glasses.

That will learn them!

Assholes.

So, to conclude this suck-fest – Paul W.S. Anderson has done it – he has pulled a classic perfect and rubbed it in the mud. Although the film is visually very well managed, provides reputable actors, it is just embarrassing the rest of time.

Both thumbs droop to the floor, like the sword in my dreams while fighting Zorro.

I have issues.

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. “Survivor” – wow! In Finland, we would just say that Brandon Hantz had become with Snow Fever and then just shoot him through the head. Better for humanity. Make it so, Jeff Probst!

Tag: Til Schweiger

New Year’s Eve [REVIEW]

The Three Musketeers [REVIEW]