William Houston – Behind the Proscenium

Son Of God

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

There are things beyond our seeing.

Understanding is the impossible.

But they are real.

Really.

Some are good (Casper The Friendly Ghost, Caspar in Finland).

Some are not (Magneto).

Some are old (Dracula).

Some are new (Dr. Manhattan).

But all real super-duper people have to come from somewhere with the origin story.

Even the “Son of God.”

For an origin story, it is not too original.

This was on my TV in before times, I am sure of it.

Yes, I drink. Yes, I smoke the sweet, sweet smoke. I am forgetting things.

But this was on my TV – but with more longer. On the History Channel.

And President Obama was, in it, as the Satan. He is not in “Son of God” that I have seen.

Am I crazy? Am I victimized by mind tricks?

No.

Thank God (not his son, but Odin) for press kit. I read and am relieved.

“Son of God” is last part of “The Bible“ – the same!

Yet very different.

Plot? Well… yes.

The earth starts.

Then a bunch of crap happens, very fast.

Then story. The Virgin Mary (Leila Mimmack) gets knocked up, and in panicking says “God did it! I am no slut but a virgin!” (not in movie was this said, but in real life – disclaimer: I was not there, but I know things).

Then Baby Jesus, Son of God! He grows to a manhood in a blinking eye.

And everyone in the Middle East is from Europe. Cool.

Super handsome Jesus model (Dioga Morgado) is awesome-er than any Son of God that came before (per the film).

He does magic.

He (maybe) does Mary Magdalene (Amber Rose Revah). Who wouldn’t?

He does big talk (“I will change the world!”)

He does bigger magic (raising the dead – suck it Penn and Teller!!!).

He pisses off the powerful (various old Jewish guys, but not in real life). They are so mad that they nail him to the wood. And spear him in the side.

Then it is nothing but death.

The Romans do the last three sentences. Not the Jews. Back off, Nazis.

But wait. More to be.

Jesus wakes up from dead!

Freaking out is the only option for Jerusalem, and so the freaking happens – with nice light and background orchestra.

Then The Jesus gets the heck out of Dodge, never to be seen again.

So. Two confused thumbs, afraid of the Walking Dead. Jesus story was longer on my television, and now you are to pay to see it shorter on bigger screen with expensive mouth treats.

Hmmm. Maybe worth it, maybe not.

There have been better super hero origin stories. And the villains are the suck.

Old Jews are not scaring anyone, and they have no super powers. Except in Hollywood. Those old Jews fill the fear in any living person.

Old Hollywood Jews, if I have offended you my sorry is bigger than any other sorrys. Sorry.

Watch “The Bible” on Netflix. Longer, but you get Obama Satan.

What more is ever wanted?

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. Finland 5, U.S. 0. The bronze medal is pretty. Hey America hockey, would you like one? Really? Too bad, losers. Kossu shots for all (especially my good friends of Old Hollywood Jews)!!!

Sherlock Holmes: A Game Of Shadows

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Okay, Hollywood, I give.

It is FUN to see great literary figure turned into 19^th century James Bond.

There must always be explosions.

CGI must be in every movie ever made.

See, Hollywood?

You win.

For the rest of the film career of reviewing I shall just suck on my bong and sit through whatever I’m being paid to sit through.

And LIKE it.

No… LOVE it.

So, for the second time staged a witty director Guy Ritchie crime adventure with invented by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s master detective Sherlock Holmes, a classic figure of English literature (that is not in this movie. Same name. Definitely not same guy.).

As in the first film from the year 2009 the script the action transferred to the Victorian era, which also comes from Doyle’s character. The men of the friendship of Robert Downey, Jr. played Holmes and his assistants presented by Dr. John Watson Jude Law delighted with lively war of words.

This time, the detective met his equal intellectually nemesis, Professor James Moriarty (also a name that appears in the Doyle stories, not so much the character), who is about to incite a world war and to seize the most important industries of Europeunder the nail.

The freaking nail!!!

To put the criminal played by Jared Harris, in the shaft, Holmes and Watson travel to Paris, Germany and Switzerland, as if they were secret agents of later generations of film (Bond, Bourne, whoever the closeted Cruise plays in MI: Whatever).

They fight often in the literal sense before picturesque scenery, in a gentleman’s club, a train, in the Paris Opera House, a posh hotel and a Swiss mountain chateau, a munitions factory and on the backs of horses.

Son of a bitch!

Doyle’s master detective was originally in the struggle with Moriarty in Switzerland – fall down the Reichenbach Falls, in death, before he then reanimated again for more adventures.

It takes the action back here and puts on an impressive waterfall, a CGI castle in ludicrous steep hillside (maybe the same town as “Immortals” 2,000 years later). There sits a peace conference, which Moriarty wants to make the starting point of World War II.

Or I – I was pretty high.

While Watson and the belligerent gypsy Sim, played by Naomi Rapace (Dragon Tattoo chick – For The Win!), inside Europe are trying to save to provide themselves Holmes and Moriarty at the balcony of a game of chess on the board and as spirited debate about the case.

Damn straight.

Enough already.

There was a plot, but that is unimportant.

Robert Downey, Jr. has mister fun good times.

The women were hot.

You saw SH#1 and liked it? This is also for your liking.

I suggest using a bong – with and Indica blend because that will make you like an idiot drool.

And being an idiot with drool is the only way to see this.

“Sherlock Holmes: A Game Of Shadows” has made me see the light. The light of my lighter as I take another major hit.

Hollywood is awesome.

Light up and pass the cheetos.

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. Ryan Murphy, thank you for a taste of Lindsay Pearce in “Glee.” I know now that you are listening! Two more Lindsay episodes – then we can be friends!

Tag: William Houston

Son Of God [REVIEW]

Sherlock Holmes: A Game Of Shadows [REVIEW]