Corporate – Page 9 – Chairman's Blog

November 11, 2009October 5, 2017

Dinner With Harvey Weinstein

Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, Bob Weinstein, Harvey Weinstein, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Khan Manka, Malcolm Gladwell, Manka Bros., Mark Gill, Miramax, OnMedea, Rob Zombie, Sizzler, Strauss Zelnick, Terry Semel, Texas Toast, The Daily Beast, The Weinstein Company, The World's Largest Media Company, Tina Brown

Last night, I received a somewhat desperate call from Harvey Weinstein. He said he wanted to take me out to dinner and discuss something that could be incredibly beneficial to both our companies.

I could tell this was going to be a disastrous meeting.

Since Harvey offered to pay, he chose a restaurant that he could afford – the Sizzler on Hollywood Blvd. He told me not worry about what it costs, that he was paying for “all I could eat.”

We sat at his normal booth and the waitress, Maria, brought us some Texas Toast. Harvey folded his piece and took a healthy double-bite.

“Let me get right to the point, Khan. I want to take Manka Bros. off your hands.Based on your Theatrical and TV slates, I can see you are struggling. All I would need is for you to spot me a $10 million dollar upfront payment. I’ll take it from there.”

I barely heard what he was saying because the Texas Toast was surprisingly excellent.

“Khan, did you hear what I said? Maria, more fucking toast over here – chop chop!”

“You want me to pay you $10 million to take my company away from me. Ten fucking million for the world’s largest media company – which my father and uncles founded and built from the ground up a 100 years ago? Are you fucking nuts?”

Maria brought another basket of Texas Toast – our hands bumped reaching for it.

“Fuckin’ losers those guys, Khan. No offense. I’ll turn your goddamned dinosaur of a business into a cash cow in… oh, I don’t know… three weeks! I’ll fuckin’ get Tina Brown to run your books division. I’ll fuckin’ get Rob Zombie to do some kind of movie shit, asshole.Think about it.”

Harvey got up to go to the salad bar. “Do you want some cantaloupe?”

I nodded my head and made a call to Lloyd Grohl (Manka Bros. President and COO) to see if there was anything we could or should do for poor Harvey. Lloyd quickly told me to turn him down nicely and get out of the Sizzler as fast as I could – that my life was in danger!

Harvey returned and saw me clicking off the phone. “Who the fuck was that?”

“Nobody, Harvey. Look, I have to turn you down. Manka Bros. isn’t for sale and will never be for sale. Manka Bros. is a giant fucking media conglomerate. The biggest in the world. You don’t buy us – we buy you. And, from what I hear about your current financial situation, I don’t want to buy you.”

“OK, Khan. I understand.”

I paused, expecting one of his signature tirades. It didn’t come. He was just staring at his Texas Toast.

“Harvey? You’re OK with that?”

“Yes, Khan… but, one night when you’re sleeping, I will enter your bedroom and skull fuck you to death.”

It was said in such a kind, light-hearted way, it almost seemed like a compliment.

Harvey took bite of a taco, the juice dribbling down his chin.

“Hey, Khan… you wanna buy some shoes?”

By the end of the night, I agreed to buy his shoes for $15.

I think I like poor Harvey better than rich Harvey.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

October 22, 2009May 27, 2011

The World’s Largest Media Company

Angela Telegdy, Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, CBS, Disney, Gay Moroccan Poetry, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Les Moonves, Manka Bros., media company layoffs, NBC Universal, News Corporation, Nikki Finke, OnMedea, Paul Bricault, Rupert Murdoch, Seamus, Sharon Waxman, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, The Chairman's Blog, thewrap.com, Time Warner, Viacom, World's Largest Media Company

Good morning.

I just received word from our media research department that, based on size, Manka Bros. Studios remains the World’s Largest Media Company for the 23rd straight year even after last quarter’s very disappointing earnings report (and party) in which our Theatrical Group didn’t have one movie that worked; our Television Group hasn’t had one break-out show on MBS; our Music Group only had one release that received any attention (Seamus’ He’s Not Comin’ Home); and our Publishing Group believes Gay Moroccan Poetry is the answer to our problems!

The “world’s largest” status is obviously not a result of our employees’ performance at their jobs – because you don’t become number one by sucking. No… it is only a result of my superb leadership during this extremely difficult time. And I’m tired of carrying you people. It’s time to step it up!

If things don’t improve going forward, I will not hesitate to institute another cost-cutting program that will not be as kind as the last one.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

P.S. – Manka Bros. will announce 3rd Quarter 2009 earnings on October 29.

October 19, 2009July 25, 2011

The Future Of Television – As Told To Me By Michael Eisner

All For Nots, Anne Sweeney, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Dick Cook, Disney, duck hunting, Future of Television, Haim Saban, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., Michael Eisner, Military helilcopter, Prom Queen, Robert Iger, Samhas7friends, Steven Spielberg, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, the Chairman's Blog, Tornante Company, Veoh, Vuguru, Allen & Company retreat, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Carol Bartz, DumbDumb, Electus, Eric Schmidt, Gina Bianchini, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, Khan Manka, Lady Gaga, Leslie Moonves, Lloyd Grohl, Manka Bros., Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Terry Semel, World's Largest Media Company, Chase Carey, James Murdoch, Elisabeth Murdoch, Lachlan Murdoch, Jim Gianopulos, Joel Klein, Jon Miller, Steve Burke, Michael Angelakis, Leslie Moonves, Philippe Dauman, Jeff Bewkes, John Martin, Howard Stringer, Rob Wiesenthal, Michael Lynton, John Malone, Greg Maffei, Haim Saban, David Zaslav, John Hendricks, Mike White, Edgar Bronfman, Len Blavatnik, Tim Armstrong, Peter Chernin, Tom Freston, Carol Bartz, Jerry Yang, Mark Pincus, Owen Van Natta, Brian Roberts, Jason Kilar, Wayne Willich, Reid Hoffman, Harvey Weinstein, Diane Von Furstenberg, Andrew Mason, Jason Kilar, Ben Horowitz, Gina Bianchini, Mark Pincus, Ali Pincus, Robert Wiesenthal, Tom Freston, Bing Gordon, Bill Gates, Chris Christie, Martin Sorrell, Eric Lefkofsky, Oprah Winfrey

Good afternoon.

Over the past few days, Michael Eisner’s lawyers have attempted to put a muzzle on me.

Apparently, M.E. didn’t like the idea of me blogging about our Duck Hunting trip last week and wanted to try and stop me from putting up a part two. Some of the top lawyers in Hollywood have been fighting and I’m completely fed up with it. I’m just going blog and don’t give a shit what the repercussions may be.

As I was saying last week, Michael Eisner picked me up in his military-style helicopter and took me duck hunting. I had never been duck hunting before and I don’t scare easily, but when I climbed into that Duck Blind with M.E. and saw the crazed look in his eyes, I was afraid.

As he started to load his 12-gauge shotgun with shells, he looked up:

M.E.: It gets a lot darker at night for me than anyone else in the world. I’m going to leave my head to science so they can try to figure out what the hell was going on inside my brain.

We sat in silence for about five minutes. Someone had already loaded a gun for me and I had it across my lap, not quite sure what to do with it. M.E. fluttered his eyes a bit as he blew softly into an ominous sounding duck call that echoed over the lake.

KM: So… what do we do? Sit here and wait for the ducks and then try to shoot them?

M.E.: Waiting for the ducks. Ha, that’s the problem with Manka Bros. You’re always waiting for the ducks.

KM: What the fuck does that mean? I run the biggest media company in the world and you’re telling me what’s wrong with my company? What do you got? Baseball cards?

Suddenly, M.E. leaped to his feet, swinging the gun up.

M.E.: QUACK RIGHT SHOOT!

He blasted two quick SHOTS. There were two quick duck HONKS. And then two quick SPLASHES.

M.E: Katzenberg! Ducks!

His dog, Katzenberg, leaped out of the blind and swam toward the killed ducks. Katzenberg gathered them in his mouth and swam back to the blind.

M.E.: Good dog. Pretty slow on the trigger there, Khan.

KM: You don’t mind if I just sit here, do you? I really don’t want to shoot at ducks. My life is interesting enough.

M.E.’s eyes darted back and forth, not sure whether to shoot me or let it go. We momentarily returned to small talk, asking about each other’s families and our health, etc. M.E. shot eight more ducks. Katzenberg fished them out of the pond. Finally, M.E. got around to the point he wanted to make.

M.E.: The future of television is fucked.

KM: In its current form, yes, I would say it is challenged.

M.E.: In any form. It’s over. Spending additional dollars on a declining asset is what dumb asses do.

KM: There’s still an audience. You gotta put something on the air. Severed Fingers is profitable just from International sales. Why quit a business that’s profitable?

M.E.: Why don’t you sell typewriters or bulk up on VHS cassettes or dial-up modems? Plenty of people still need those things and you’ll make a profit since it means so fucking much to you. Whoop-tee-fuckin-do!

His eyes were starting to roll back into his head. I knew I had to get out of there. I had no idea where I was but I did have my Blackberry and was able to send a PING to my assistant, Vicky. Once she receives my distress call I am normally picked up within the hour no matter where I am in the world.

KM: Then, tell me Michael, where do you think media is headed? Online? Cell phones? You know, Manka Bros. is spending $1 billion on short-form internet-only content.

M.E.: I will shoot you dead if you mention the “I” word again. The Internet is over. My online series “Prom Queen” hit at the peak of that fad. No no… the future is right here.

KM: What do you mean? A couple of guys talking by a pond with a loaded gun in their hands?

M.E.: That’s part of it. Human interaction is the future. It’s real. Something you can’t slap a banner ad next to and call it “paid content”. It’s just you, me and the meat that we kill and eat. I’m going “into the wild”.

He seemed sincere. He looked tired. Frankly, he looked done.

M.E.: You may go, Khan. If you tell anyone about this conversation, I will hunt you down and slaughter you like a mountain goat.

Michael Eisner’s chopper took me away and I was back in Los Angeles in time to watch the suck-ass Dodgers lose. Mariska Hargitay was the only guest allowed in the Manka Bros. Suite at Dodgers Stadium.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

P.S. – Do not fret, Manka Bros. will still be producing high-quality television content long after Michael Eisner freezes to death in a bus outside of Fairbanks, Alaska.