Out Of Prison – Back At Work

Good morning.

As many of you at the studio know (mostly just Senior Management), I have been in a Seychelles maximum security prison for the past two years.

Don’t feel too bad for me, the prison was on the beach and the food was decent (though the king crab was shitty). I was allowed to have my personal chef cook for me after a couple of months because I paid El Presidente a cool eight hundred bucks. The only caveat was my chef – Andres – had to stay with me in prison in a non air conditioned cell next to me.

Seychelles Maximum Security Prison

While Manka Bros. senior management was aware of my imprisonment, most of the rest of the 100,000 global employees were told that I had testicular cancer.

That was not true but I didn’t want to tell the work force (and, especially, the Board of Directors) that I was in jail for tax evasion in my adopted country – The Seychelles.

In my defense, I was not aware taxes had to be paid in The Seychelles. Why, the fuck, would anyone live there unless it was to avoid taxes?!

Anyway, I didn’t have cancer and now I’m back!

So… starting today we’re going to do things A LOT differently.

Here the basic message: THE OLD MOGULS ARE BACK, MOTHERFUCKERS!

Sorry, “new” Hollywood – or whatever anyone under 30 is calling it. Me, Bob Iger, Rupert, Bakish – we’re not going anywhere and we’ll decide what happens in this town. Capisce?

To paraphrase Logan Roy – “WE HAVE YOU BEAT!”

FIRST, THE WGA STRIKE:

Good news, Writers. We are going to settle the strike. I mean, duh, of course we are.

And if I may echo “The Who” – “Meet the new deal… same as the old deal!”

Yep, we’ll settle and you’ll get nothing new or maybe a couple of measly percentage point minimum boosts, and we’ll both figure out how to spin it as a WGA victory. But we know the #Truth – and we know you’ll settle just like it’s 2007.

Sorry. #Truth.

On top of that… we’re going to do things the same way.

We’re putting movies in theaters.

We’re putting TV shows on TV.

We’re making video games and will still sell the majority of them on cartridges.

We’re spending billions on football, baseball, basketball, hockey – because that’s what 60+ year old people want to watch!

So fuck off!

SECOND, AI:

Yeah, we’re keeping that one for ourselves. You’re welcome to use it if it helps the studios but we own this shit and we’ll do with it what we want.

Manka Bros. has been ahead of the A.I. curve for years. You may remember we replaced our CFO David Chang with A.I. about five years ago. This has worked like a charm. I’ve learned that I don’t need a highly-paid human to tell me that our business sucks.

And… I can shoot as many of those machines as I want after hearing bad news and then just plug a new one in once I’ve calmed down. Incredible!

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Herb Allen's Sun Valley Conference 2013, Sun Valley Lodge, Bin Tran, Vin Tran, Lee S Ainslie III, Yousef Al Otaiba, Hans-Holger Albrecht, Paul G Allen, James Anderson, Marc Andreessen, Michael Angelakis, Tim Armstrong, Nikesh Arora, Neil M Ashe, Emilio Azcarraga, Manvinder S Banga, Lionel Barber, Craig R Barrett, Willow Bay, Andreas Bechtolsheim, Marc Benioff, Jeffrey Berg, James Berkus, Michael S Berman, Mark Bertolini, Gary Bettman, Jeff Bewkes, Jeffrey P Bezos, Aneel Bhusri, The Right Honorable Tony Blair, Gregory R Blatt, Anthony H Bloom, Michael R Bloomberg, Steven R Boal, Scott A Bommer, Cory A Booker, Jeffrey H Boyd, Sergey Brin, Glenn Britt, Tom Brokaw, Michael J Brown, Howard G Buffett, Susie Buffett, Warren Buffett, John Burbank, Stephen Burke, Erin Burnett, Ursula Burns, John E Bush, Jeanie Buss, John A Canning Jr., Chase Carey, Wences Casares, Mark Casey, Kenneth Chenault, Peter Chernin, Brian Chesky, Richard Chilton, Chris Christie, Lewis Cime, Adriana Cisneros, Gustavo Cisneros, Vittorio Colao, Timothy Collins, Patrick Collison, Timothy Cook, Anderson Cooper, David Corkins, Delos Cosgrove, Dick Costolo, Cristian Croitoru, Henry Crumpton, Jose Luis Cutrale, Will Danoff, Philippe Dauman, Christopher Davis, Alfonso de Angoitia, John DeGioia, Diego Della Valle, Brian Demain, Andre Desmarais, David DeVoe, Feroz Dewan, William DeWitt, Barry Diller, Daniel Doctoroff, Jonathan Dolgen, John Donahoe, Jack Dorsey, Michael Duke, Mathias Dopfner, David Ebersman, Wesley Edens, Marvin Edwards, Eric Eisner, Michael Eisner, John Elkann, Thomas Evans, Randel Falco, Jose Antonio Fernandez, Michael Ferror, Niall W. A. FitzGerald, Thomas Friedman, Michael Fries, Tommy Frist, Daniel Fulton, Michael Fux, Mala Gaonkar, Whitfield Gardner, William Gates, Melinda Gates, Julius Genachowski, Daniel Gilbert, Thomas Giovine, David Goldberg, Roger Goodell, Bing Gordon, Donald Graham, Brian Grazer, Brad Grey, John Griffin, Andreas Halvorsen, Reed Hastings, General Michael Hayden USAF, James Heavener, John Hendricks, John Henry, John Heyman, Kazuo Hirai, John Hock, Reid Hoffman, Won Pyo Hong, Lisa Hook, Ben Horowitz, Drew Houston, Robert Iger, David Ignatius, Martin Indyk, Phillip Jackson, Eli Jacobs, Paul Jacobs, Robert Johnson, Salar Kamanger, Peter Karmanos, Alexander Karp, Michael Karsch, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Michael Keating, Brian Kelly, Muhtar Kent, Joseph Robert Kerrey, Dara Khosrowshahi, Seth Klaman, Joel Klein, Peter Klein, Philip H Knight, Victor Koo, Robert Kotick, Robert Kraft, Henry Kravis, Ynon Kreiz, Blake Krikorian, Ananda Krishnan, Stan Kroenke, Daniel Lamarre, Michael Larson, Martin Lau, Michael Leavitt, Jay Lee, Eric Lefkofsky, Theordore Leonsis, Max Levchin, David Levin, Phil Libin, Martin Lipton, Bryan Lourd, Kenneth W Lowe, Michael Lowenstein, Dan Lufkin, Dennis P LYnch, Michael Lynton, Maurice Levy, John Malone, Robert Marcus, Morris Mark, Donald Mattrick, Kathleen A McCarragher, General Stanley A McChrystal, Andrew McKenna, General Montgomery C Meigs, Lorenzo Mendoza, Ron Meyer, Roberto Mignone, Hiroshi Mikitani, Bill Miller, Kenneth Miranda, Thomas Monahan, Leslie Moonves, Luis Alberto Moreno, Dan Moskovitz, Craig Mundle, James Murdoch, Rupert Mudoch, Lachlan Murdoch, Nathan Myhrvold, Michael Neidorff, Jonathan M Nelson, Vivi Nevo, Sam Nunn, Michael E O'Hanlon, Daniel J O'Keefe, Don O'Neal, Ronald L Olson, Evan Osnos, CL Butch Otter, Michael Ovitz, Larry Page, Stephen G Pagliuca, Saul Pannell, Mark Papa, William Pappendick, MIchael Pausic, Minxin Pei, Francois-Henry Pinault, Mark Pincus, Laurene Powell, Lawrence F Probst, Rebecca Quick, Thomas Rabe, Jay Rasulo, Jerry Reinsdorf, Danny Rimer, Richard Riordan, Ambassador Charles H Rivkin, Brian Roberts, James Robinson IIi, James Robinson IV, Fernando Rodes Vila, Brian Rogers, Congressman Mike Rogers, Charlie Rose, Daniel Rose, Wilbur L Ross, Haim Saban, Karim Sadjadpour, Sheryl Sandberg, Ricky Sandler, Ted Sarandos, Fayez Sarofim, Nassef Sawiris, Eric Schmidt, John Schneider, Christopher Schroeder, John Scully, Allan Selig, Nicole Seligman, Eric Semler, William Siegel, Herbert Siegel, Ben Silbermann, Christopher Silbermann, Louis Simpson, Eduardo Sirotsky Melzer, Andrew Sorkin, Sir Martin Sorrell, Thomas Staggs, Cristina Stenbeck, David Stern, Michael Stone, Sir Howard Stringer, Robert Swan, Peter Thiel, Mark Thompson, Sebastian Thrun, Thomas Tull, Peter Ueberroth, Joseph Vacanti, Jeffrey Van Harte, Owen Van Natta, Martin Varsavsky, Leftie Vaughn, Michelangelo Volpi, Alexandre Von Furstenberg, Dian von Furstenberg, Casey Wasserman, David Weinberg, Judd Weinberg, Jeff Weiner, Harvey Weinstein, Wallace R Weitz, Robert Werbel, Michael White, Meg Whitman, Jim Wiatt, James Williams, Fred Wilpon, Jeffrey Wilpon, Fred Wilson, David J Winters, Nicholas Woodman, Major General Amos Yadlin, Jerry Yang, Jed York, David Zaslav, Dirk E Ziff, Gianfranco Zoppas, Mark Zuckerberg, Jack Ma, Jeff Bezos, Tony Wible, Marissa Mayer, General Stanley McChrystal, John Kerry, Michael Bloomberg, Hamilton, SVOD service comparison

There’s no turning back and it’s about to get even more disruptive.

Imagine if I need a first draft of a reboot of “Dadbot.” I’m not going to hire Scott Frank for a few million dollars just for a serviceable first draft. ChapGPT is doing the first draft for free and then I will hire some hack to punch it up, add a few jokes that the under ten-year-olds might find amusing and that’s it. It’s a freaking movie about a robot dad raising four human children under the age of twelve. I don’t need Scott Frank for this. I need a machine to pump it out and we make an easy profit. That’s the risk we’re now willing to take.

THIRD, MankaGoNow:

Manka Bros. is going to rebrand MankaGoNow into a more generic service – something that no one is really going to care about but will be too lazy to cancel – like an old dial-up AOL subscription.

The rebranding announcement and new name is coming hopefully in July.

It seems people were confused by “Manka” being in the channel name so we’ll probably go with something like “Go” (Disney owns, though) or “Now” – much less confusing – but new name and brand to come soon.

We paid millions to a branding agency who came up with possibilities for the name such as “GoNow” and “NowGo” – we’re getting close to a final decision.

Oh, yeah, and we’re doing massive layoffs and cost-cutting… details to come.

So… there we are. I’m out of jail, back in Burbank – safely in America – and ready to roll.

Is Hollywood ready?

Khan Manka, Jr., Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. StudiosThe World’s LARGEST Media Company

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