Manka Bros. – Page 14 – Chairman's Blog

July 9, 2010July 5, 2011

Song Of The Mogul – Sun Valley 2010 – Day 4

Allen & Company retreat, Anne Mulcahy, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bill Bradley, Bob Iger, Bobby Kotick, Brian Grazer, Brian Roberts, Candice Bergen, Carol Bartz, Charlie Rose, Chase Carey, Chris Silbermann, Cory Booker, Diane Von Furstenberg, Don Graham, DumbDumb, Electus, Eric Eisner, Eric Schmidt, Erin Burnett, George Bodenheimer, Gina Bianchini, Gordon Crawford, Haim Saban, Hank Vigil, Harvey Weinstein, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, Jean-Bernard Levy, Jeff Berg, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Bezos, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, Jim Berkus, Jim Gianopulos, Jim Robinson, John Donahue, Jon Miller, Jonathan Dolgen, Ken Auletta, Ken Chenault, Khan Manka, Lachlan Murdoch, Lady Gaga, Larry Page, Leslie Moonves, Lionel Barber, Lloyd Grohl, Manka Bros., Marc Andreessen, Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Martin Sorrell, Mathias Dopfner, Michael Ovitz, Mike Bloomberg, Niall FitzGerald, Owen Van Natta, Patt Morrison, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Rachael Ray, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rob Wiesenthal, Robbie Bach, Robert L. Johnson, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Terry Semel, Tim Armstrong, Tom Freston, Tom Friedman, Tom Glocer, Tom Rothman, Ursula Burns, Vivi Nevo, Warren Buffett, World's Largest Media Company

Sun Valley Conference 2010

—————————————–

Day 4:

I’m told Harvey Weinstein was the first to arrive at The Drankin’ Hole – an Idaho-friendly way of saying ‘bar’.

During the conference, the bar has been dubbed the Herb Allen Memorial Drankin’ Hole. I’m not sure why “Memorial” is in there since Herb is very much alive – but, that’s Idaho for ya.

After the past two horrible nights and after Manka Bros. received ZERO Emmy Nominations earlier in the day, I was in no mood to stay sober. So I was relieved that we would finally be devoting an evening to the fine art of getting drunk. And drunk we did get.

But my depression was Harvey Weinstein’s depression’s bitch. He lost an entire studio earlier that day. At least Manka Bros.’ standing as the World’s Largest Media Company is intact. Harvey ain’t got shit.

The Drankin’ Hole is nestled deep within the Sun Valley Lodge and there would be no access to anyone lower than mogul status with the exception of bartender Bin Tran (best dirty martinis in the world!) whose job it was to keep the drinks flowing and the bar fully stocked.

The March of the Moguls into the bar began immediately after LeBron James announced he was going to Miami. I don’t really care where LeBron goes – but it seems to me we can’t slam a guy who would prefer to spend his winters in Miami over Cleveland. Call me crazy. Most entering the room were talking about it and kept calling him a “moron” except George Bodenheimer – who called him a genius. “Wait till you see the overnights!”

So… I won’t bore anyone with the bullshit chitchat that went on while waiting for the effects of alcohol to take over our brains. (One side note: Bob Iger did ask if I wanted to buy ABC. I had to ‘gently’ remind him that I already owned a major broadcast network – MBS. I must apologize to Bob. I didn’t mean to dress him down so cruelly in front of the other moguls. But I worry about Bob. I think he’s starting to lose his memory).

I think it was Terry Semel who figured out how to turn on the Karaoke machine. He was fiddling around with something on the little stage in the bar and suddenly there was BLAAHT from one of the speakers.

“Is this on? Is this on?”, Terry said. “I’d like to propose a toast… to Herb Allen for continuing to boost our egos by designating us the most important people of the world every year. To my fellow Moguls… for being the most important people in the world. And to Bin Tran – for making the best dirty martinis in the world!” This last one got the biggest applause. “Now let’s sing!”

Terry Semel started things off with Barry Manilow’s “Ready To Take A Chance Again”. It was sung about an octave too low and was more spoken then sung. But it had heart. If you know Terry’s voice, you get the idea.

I would say the most embarrassing moment came when Harvey Weinstein sang a sloppy drunk version of “I Will Survive”. We all seemed to feel this was a bit too on the nose. It got truly pathetic when he sang the chorus “I Will Survive” and we all sang back “No, You Won’t!” Sad sad sad.

For myself, I always start off with “Me and Bobby McGee” and then later I do “Jeremy” by Pearl Jam. Always a crowd favorite – but I used to be in a band.

Other highlights included Jeff Zucker (“Desperado”), Brian Roberts (“Everybody Dance Now”), Haim Saban (“Summer Wind” and “My Way”), Diane Von Furstenberg surprised us all with the entire “Bohemian Rhapsody”, Chase Carey did an unbelievably killer version of “Keep On Rocking In The Free World”, Larry Page, Sergey Brin and Eric Schmidt really embarrassed themselves with “Livin’ On A Prayer” and Mark Zuckerberg sang some song by Kelly Clarkson that no one really knew or paid attention to.

We kept waiting for Barry Diller to sing that song he does every year from “Les Miserables” – but he decided not to sing this year. I can imagine he’s exhausted from last night’s “event”.

The evening was concluded perfectly by Warren Buffett and Herb Allen who got together on stage and thanked everyone and then did a heartfelt version of “Last Dance”. By the time it got the “fast skate” portion (a throwback term to my roller disco years in the 1970s), we were hopping around in a joyous drunken way, singing along and enjoying our power.

Last night was a truly great night.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

July 8, 2010July 10, 2019

Burning Mogul – Sun Valley 2010 – Day 3

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Herb Allen's Sun Valley Conference 2016, Sun Valley Lodge, Bin Tran, Vin Tran, Lee S Ainslie III, Yousef Al Otaiba, Hans-Holger Albrecht, Paul G Allen, James Anderson, Marc Andreessen, Michael Angelakis, Tim Armstrong, Nikesh Arora, Neil M Ashe, Emilio Azcarraga, Manvinder S Banga, Lionel Barber, Craig R Barrett, Willow Bay, Andreas Bechtolsheim, Marc Benioff, Jeffrey Berg, James Berkus, Michael S Berman, Mark Bertolini, Gary Bettman, Jeff Bewkes, Jeffrey P Bezos, Aneel Bhusri, The Right Honorable Tony Blair, Gregory R Blatt, Anthony H Bloom, Michael R Bloomberg, Steven R Boal, Scott A Bommer, Cory A Booker, Jeffrey H Boyd, Sergey Brin, Glenn Britt, Tom Brokaw, Michael J Brown, Howard G Buffett, Susie Buffett, Warren Buffett, John Burbank, Stephen Burke, Erin Burnett, Ursula Burns, John E Bush, Jeanie Buss, John A Canning Jr., Chase Carey, Wences Casares, Mark Casey, Kenneth Chenault, Peter Chernin, Brian Chesky, Richard Chilton, Chris Christie, Lewis Cime, Adriana Cisneros, Gustavo Cisneros, Vittorio Colao, Timothy Collins, Patrick Collison, Timothy Cook, Anderson Cooper, David Corkins, Delos Cosgrove, Dick Costolo, Cristian Croitoru, Henry Crumpton, Jose Luis Cutrale, Will Danoff, Philippe Dauman, Christopher Davis, Alfonso de Angoitia, John DeGioia, Diego Della Valle, Brian Demain, Andre Desmarais, David DeVoe, Feroz Dewan, William DeWitt, Barry Diller, Daniel Doctoroff, Jonathan Dolgen, John Donahoe, Jack Dorsey, Michael Duke, Mathias Dopfner, David Ebersman, Wesley Edens, Marvin Edwards, Eric Eisner, Michael Eisner, John Elkann, Thomas Evans, Randel Falco, Jose Antonio Fernandez, Michael Ferror, Niall W. A. FitzGerald, Thomas Friedman, Michael Fries, Tommy Frist, Daniel Fulton, Michael Fux, Mala Gaonkar, Whitfield Gardner, William Gates, Melinda Gates, Julius Genachowski, Daniel Gilbert, Thomas Giovine, David Goldberg, Roger Goodell, Bing Gordon, Donald Graham, Brian Grazer, Brad Grey, John Griffin, Andreas Halvorsen, Reed Hastings, General Michael Hayden USAF, James Heavener, John Hendricks, John Henry, John Heyman, Kazuo Hirai, John Hock, Reid Hoffman, Won Pyo Hong, Lisa Hook, Ben Horowitz, Drew Houston, Robert Iger, David Ignatius, Martin Indyk, Phillip Jackson, Eli Jacobs, Paul Jacobs, Robert Johnson, Salar Kamanger, Peter Karmanos, Alexander Karp, Michael Karsch, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Michael Keating, Brian Kelly, Muhtar Kent, Joseph Robert Kerrey, Dara Khosrowshahi, Seth Klaman, Joel Klein, Peter Klein, Philip H Knight, Victor Koo, Robert Kotick, Robert Kraft, Henry Kravis, Ynon Kreiz, Blake Krikorian, Ananda Krishnan, Stan Kroenke, Daniel Lamarre, Michael Larson, Martin Lau, Michael Leavitt, Jay Lee, Eric Lefkofsky, Theordore Leonsis, Max Levchin, David Levin, Phil Libin, Martin Lipton, Bryan Lourd, Kenneth W Lowe, Michael Lowenstein, Dan Lufkin, Dennis P LYnch, Michael Lynton, Maurice Levy, John Malone, Robert Marcus, Morris Mark, Donald Mattrick, Kathleen A McCarragher, General Stanley A McChrystal, Andrew McKenna, General Montgomery C Meigs, Lorenzo Mendoza, Ron Meyer, Roberto Mignone, Hiroshi Mikitani, Bill Miller, Kenneth Miranda, Thomas Monahan, Leslie Moonves, Luis Alberto Moreno, Dan Moskovitz, Craig Mundle, James Murdoch, Rupert Mudoch, Lachlan Murdoch, Nathan Myhrvold, Michael Neidorff, Jonathan M Nelson, Vivi Nevo, Sam Nunn, Michael E O'Hanlon, Daniel J O'Keefe, Don O'Neal, Ronald L Olson, Evan Osnos, CL Butch Otter, Michael Ovitz, Larry Page, Stephen G Pagliuca, Saul Pannell, Mark Papa, William Pappendick, MIchael Pausic, Minxin Pei, Francois-Henry Pinault, Mark Pincus, Laurene Powell, Lawrence F Probst, Rebecca Quick, Thomas Rabe, Jay Rasulo, Jerry Reinsdorf, Danny Rimer, Richard Riordan, Ambassador Charles H Rivkin, Brian Roberts, James Robinson IIi, James Robinson IV, Fernando Rodes Vila, Brian Rogers, Congressman Mike Rogers, Charlie Rose, Daniel Rose, Wilbur L Ross, Haim Saban, Karim Sadjadpour, Sheryl Sandberg, Ricky Sandler, Ted Sarandos, Fayez Sarofim, Nassef Sawiris, Eric Schmidt, John Schneider, Christopher Schroeder, John Scully, Allan Selig, Nicole Seligman, Eric Semler, William Siegel, Herbert Siegel, Ben Silbermann, Christopher Silbermann, Louis Simpson, Eduardo Sirotsky Melzer, Andrew Sorkin, Sir Martin Sorrell, Thomas Staggs, Cristina Stenbeck, David Stern, Michael Stone, Sir Howard Stringer, Robert Swan, Peter Thiel, Mark Thompson, Sebastian Thrun, Thomas Tull, Peter Ueberroth, Joseph Vacanti, Jeffrey Van Harte, Owen Van Natta, Martin Varsavsky, Leftie Vaughn, Michelangelo Volpi, Alexandre Von Furstenberg, Dian von Furstenberg, Casey Wasserman, David Weinberg, Judd Weinberg, Jeff Weiner, Harvey Weinstein, Wallace R Weitz, Robert Werbel, Michael White, Meg Whitman, Jim Wiatt, James Williams, Fred Wilpon, Jeffrey Wilpon, Fred Wilson, David J Winters, Nicholas Woodman, Major General Amos Yadlin, Jerry Yang, Jed York, David Zaslav, Dirk E Ziff, Gianfranco Zoppas, Mark Zuckerberg, Jack Ma, Jeff Bezos, Tony Wible, Marissa Mayer, General Stanley McChrystal, John Kerry, Michael Bloomberg, Justin Trudeau, Iggy Azalea, 2017 Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference 2017, Usain Bolt, Burning Mogul

Sun Valley Conference 2010

Day 1 — Day 2 — Day 3 — Day 4

——————————————

Day 3:

There is an unspoken and unwritten code among us moguls that I am about to break.

I have seen many things over my crazy life – from drugged out son of movie mogul Harry Manka in the 1960s and 70s to my current life as head of Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company – but nothing prepared me for the fucked up shit that Herb Allen (& Co.) put us through last night. This is a sick and pathetic world (even for us rich and powerful) and you either join the sick and pathetic to survive or die trying.

While the media that is gathered behind the barbed wire and gun toting secret police outside the walls of the Sun Valley Lodge will hear one story about last night’s “charity gala hosted by Diane Von Furstenberg” – the real story is what happened on the other side of the Lodge.

At 7:46 PM, the lights went out in my room. This wasn’t a problem since it was still light outside. I could see fine. A slow, ominous drum beat could be heard in the distance. Then, the distinct voice of Charlie Rose came over the loudspeakers in what I thought was Latin but just turned out to be bad pronunciation. I started to make out the words:

“Seekers and Outliers…
Don’t Blink…
It’s An Inflection Point…
The Tipping Point…”

There was a pounding on the door of my suite. I looked over and saw smoke coming from underneath the door. I put on a robe and opened the door.

Standing there was Sergey Brin and Larry Page dressed in chain mail – almost like Oakland Raider fans. Sergey was holding a smoke machine. Larry, speaking in as low a pitch as possible (but still pretty high), said: “You have been chosen. The Master demands your presence.”

Behind them, down the hall, I could see Jeff Zucker and Brian Roberts (badly disguised in homemade Spider-man costumes) drag a screaming Jeffrey Katzenberg out of his room and down the hall. Katzenberg was screaming: “I just need to finish this fucking call, you assholes!”

I went peacefully in my bathrobe to wherever the Google guys were taking me. Why the fuck not? This conference was already a dud as far as I’m concerned. This could actually be something interesting.

It was odd to see the Hotel Staff continue to say things to me like “Good evening, Mr. Manka” and “How are you tonight, sir?” – while being led to some secret location by Sergey Brin and Larry Page in chain mail. I believe they were supposed to put a hood on my head because once we got outside they stopped and argued a bit and then put a hood on my head. I could hear a few kids jumping into the nearby pool and having a good time.

As I walked toward something in complete darkness, the drum beat got louder and more intense and I could feel the heat of fire. My hood was suddenly pulled from my head and I had to laugh at what I saw–

–Barry Diller – in tight, small burlap sack shorts, a pair of metallic wings on his bare arms that were on fire at the tips and nothing else – standing in front of me in all his glory. I believe he had taken advantage of the free spray tan offered by the hotel.

Behind him, on the ground doing Chinese splits in front of a large Burning Figure was Jon Miller. He was staring right at me as though he was about to kick my ass.

Barry was having some trouble holding up the metal wings, so Haim Saban and Les Moonves each held up a wing.

Barry Diller spoke to me in that slow, effeminate but oh-so-frightening voice: “Khan Manka, are you new media or old media?”

I told him I didn’t believe in the concept of old and new media. It’s just media to me.

Barry Diller: Wrong answer!

What followed (and I can’t keep writing because there are more pointless presentations and panels to go to today) was an insane night of dancing around fires; simulating the drinking of blood (which were actually Cape Cods with red food dye squeezed out of bota bags); rubbing canola oil and dirt onto each others bodies; something called the “golden shower test”; and, lastly, Barry demanded a human sacrifice which we all quickly decided should be Marc Andreesson. I’ll never get his screams out of my head.

It was just the worst freakin’ night of my life.

Afterwards, the lights came up and we were all given a goody bag by Herb Allen of various new handheld devices including the iPhone 4, the Droid and the latest iPad.

This morning, 5:00 a.m. came really early. The last thing I wanted to hear was the “Dawn of the Mogul”.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

July 7, 2010July 10, 2012

Dawn Of The Mogul – Sun Valley 2010 – Day 2

Allen & Company retreat, Anne Mulcahy, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Bobby Kotick, Carol Bartz, Charlie Rose, Cory Booker, DumbDumb, Electus, Eric Schmidt, Erin Burnett, Gina Bianchini, Harvey Weinstein, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, Jean-Bernard Levy, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, John Donahue, Ken Auletta, Khan Manka, Lachlan Murdoch, Lady Gaga, Leslie Moonves, Lionel Barber, Lloyd Grohl, Manka Bros., Marc Andreessen, Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Martin Sorrell, Mathias Dopfner, Mike Bloomberg, Niall FitzGerald, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rob Wiesenthal, Robert L. Johnson, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Terry Semel, Tom Freston, Tom Friedman, Ursula Burns, Vivi Nevo, Warren Buffett, World's Largest Media Company

Sun Valley Conference 2010

Day 1 — Day 2 — Day 3 — Day 4

—————————————–

Day 2:

Good morning… or as they say in Sun Valley “Another Beauty” – in that certain rich hippie way. The first night of the four day drunk fest is over and I’m not feeling too bad considering how much I drank last night.

The dinner was fine. Who knew moose would work so well in a stew? The flan was also not too bad. I was seated between Mark Zuckerberg and Lady Gaga (Mogul? Really?).

That Gaga guy was fine but Mark Zuckerberg was a pain in my ass. I tried to change seats but no one would do it.

It seems Zuckerberg was pissed off that some blogger in my enormous company made some crack that “Facebook Is Worthless”. I have thousands of employees. I can’t be bothered about one freakin’ blogger. What a punk ass dope!

The drinking went well into the night. Rupert Murdoch, Terry Semel and I held court in Herb’s Grotto near the Piranha Tank. As I said yesterday, bartender Bin Tran makes the best freakin’ dirty martinis I’ve ever had. I suck ’em down like water.

Unfortunately, the night had to end and this morning began at 5:00 a.m. with the ridiculous “Dawn of the Mogul” choral arrangement / wake up call (written by Michael Eisner years ago) played over loud speakers to urge us all to:

“Rise, Rise, Rise with the Sun.
We are Moguls.
The World We Run… etc. etc.”

This annoying, horrible song repeats and repeats until we all gather out in the Common Area (a name that seriously needs to be changed. We are far from “common”. I have suggested “Manka Plaza” or “Khan Kourt”).

After we assembled for calisthenics led by Bob Iger (a non-starter for me and almost all of the Tech CEOs), “The Call of the Moguls” fanfare is played while the Allen & Co. flag is raised up the flagpole.

We then recite “The Pledge of the Mogul” (which I will not repeat – but involves words like “integrity”, “philanthropy” and “quality”). All bullshit if you ask me. But there were a few guys (Jeffrey Katzenberg and Harvey Weinstein to name a couple) who were reciting it as though they were brainwashed North Korean school children. They were in tears as they pledged to be the best mogul they could be.

[As a side note, some of us are meeting later in the day to discuss whether Harvey Weinstein can still be considered a mogul. It may be time to ceremonially strip him of this title. We’ll have to see.]

After an awkward group embrace, we were sent our own way by Herb Allen for bike riding, tennis or our own private “thinking time” by the Duck Pond.

We then gathered in the “Great Hall of the Moguls” for a breakfast of waffles and our choice of sausage made from wild game that was recently shot on a local hunting farm. Antelope seems to be favorite among media moguls. The tech moguls go right for the bacon made from wild boar.

So that’s been my morning. I passed on going to several little panel groups and am about to have my first cocktail.

Jeff Zucker and Peter Chernin are sneaking out of the “Women In Technology” panel and joining me to watch the Spain / Germany World Cup match.

Hopefully, something interesting is planned for tonight. I’m so unbelievably bored.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

July 6, 2010July 5, 2011

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference 2010 – Day 1

Allen & Company retreat, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Carol Bartz, DumbDumb, Electus, Eric Schmidt, Gina Bianchini, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, Khan Manka, Lady Gaga, Leslie Moonves, Lloyd Grohl, Manka Bros., Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Terry Semel, World's Largest Media Company

Sun Valley Conference 2010

Day 1 — Day 2 — Day 3 — Day 4

—————————————–

Day 1:

I’m leaving the office and heading to Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Retreat. I’ve been going up for the past 20 years or so and it’s becoming more of a chore than a joy.

It used to be fun to watch Bob Iger and Rupert Murdoch get drunk and do late night karaoke – but not much anymore.

Hopefully, Herb has something up his sleeve this year to pump some life into this dinosaur of a conference. If it’s the same as it was last year and the year before, people are going to stop coming. And that would break poor Herbie’s heart.

I’ll attempt to write about anything interesting that happens – though it all depends on the severity of my hangovers.

While I will reachable by phone, if anyone other than Lloyd Grohl tries to contact me, that person will be fired. If Lloyd Grohl needs to contact me and cell phone service is weak or if I’m holding my iPhone 4 in the wrong position, I can probably be found in Herb’s Grotto next to the piranha tank. The bartender, Bin Tran, makes the best dirty martini in the world.

[Note to my assistant Vicky: I noticed at tonight’s dinner in the Great Hall of the Moguls they have me seated between Mark Zuckerberg and Lady Gaga. I would prefer not to sit next to Zuckerberg. That punk ass kid is a freak.]

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

June 30, 2010May 5, 2011

Beverly Hills High School Commencement Address

Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills High School, Bill Bradbury, Bob Iger, Chairman's Blog, Commencement Address, Harry Manka, Harvey Levin, Herb Hall, Jay Guidetti, Jeff Weiner, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jeffrey Zucker, Joel Pressman, Josh Butchart, Keith Rust, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., Peter Chernin, Romeo Carey, Rupert Murdoch, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, The World's Largest Media Company, TMZ, World's Largest Media Company

About a week ago, I gave the Commencement Address at my old high school – Beverly Hills High. I wasn’t going to mention this because it didn’t really go as I had planned – but since the assholes at TMZ posted excerpts without my permission, I thought I would put it up without editorial comment or HEAVY EDITING (which TMZ did in an attempt to make me look ridiculous). Sorry shitbags, you lose. I’m too powerful in this town to to ever be considered ridiculous. So here is my speech in its entirety.

——————————————–

Beverly Hills High School Graduation Ceremony – June 18, 2010

Good afternoon.

I got drunk this morning before coming here because when you are the Chairman & CEO of the World’s Largest Media Company, you can do shit like that.

[A huge cheer goes up from the crowd.]

You’ve all managed to do something that I didn’t even come close to doing – graduate high school. And yet, I’m the only one here running a giant media company. What the fuck is up with that?!

[Another huge cheer.]

I dropped out of this school because I wanted to spend more time smoking pot and working to make King Khan the best goddamned rock band in the world. If my father, the horrible Harry Manka, wouldn’t have died (forcing me to take over as head of Manka Bros. Studios when I was 18 years old), we fucking would have been the best goddamned rock band in the world!

[There is a commotion as the Principal attempts to interrupt Mr. Manka. The students boo the Principal and scream “Let him speak!”]

What the fuck…! Don’t handle me, asshole! I’ll shut this dream crusher of a school down!

Now where was I? Fuck it. I’ll just wing it. Uh, there’s only a handful of us powerful media moguls out there – even more if you count Bob Iger and Jeffrey Katzenberg! I don’t count them – ha! Just kidding – Bob Iger and I like to do jigsaw puzzles together.

The decisions us moguls make affect how the world spends its leisure time. If I tell you to go see Super Draculas next month in 3D at an IMAX theater, you’ll go because we can control your fucking minds. We control what makes you laugh and cry and scream and kill. If you try to cross us, we will destroy your lives.

Most of you kids are rich punks much like I was back in the 1970s. Once your parents die, you’ll be set. But that won’t stop you because you all think you’re so fucking great. You all think you’re entitled to everything without working for it. Most of you will start companies that will fail but somehow, through your little cliques of rich buddies and bitches, you’ll keep getting money to fail and fail again. And you won’t care if you fail because it’s all just a fucking game to you!

[The crowd has turned on Mr. Manka and many things are being thrown at the stage. The Principal manages to grab Mr. Manka around the waist.]

Is that it? Am I done?! Fine! I’ll see you all in Hell!

[Mr. Manka is escorted from the stage, flipping off the graduates and crowd with both hands.]
——————————————————————

You know what? Upon re-reading this transcript, I stand by my speech and think it’s totally brilliant.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

June 9, 2010May 5, 2011

Rupert Murdoch and Sumner Redstone

Adam Townsend, Alan Greenberg, Angeline Straka, Anthea Disney, Anthony G. Ambrosio, Ari Emanuel, Arnold Kopelson, Beryl Cook, Blythe McGarvie, Brad Grey, Bruce Gordon, Carl Folta, Charles Gifford, Charles Phillips, Chase Carey, David Devoe, David Poltrack, David R. Angelman, Debra Lee, DeDe Lea, Denise White, Doug Morris, Fred Salerno, Gary Countryman, Gary Ginsberg, Genie Gavenchak, George Abrams, Gil Schwartz, Jack Horner, James Barge, James Bombassei, James Murdoch, Jeff Weiner, Jill Kennedy, John Nallen, Joseph Califano, Joseph Ianniello, Jr., Jr. Frederic Salerno, Judy McGrath, Julie Henderson, Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Lawrence Jacobs, Leonard Goldberg, Les Moonves, Linda Griego, Louis Briskman, Manka Bros., Martin Franks, Michael Fricklas, Michael Regan, Nikki Finke, OnMedea, Philippe Dauman, Reed Nolte, Richard M. Jones, Robert Kraft, Roger Ailes, Rupert Murdoch, Shari Redstone, Sharon Waxman, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, thewrap.com, Thomas Dooley, Tom Mockridge, Tony Santabarbara, Wade Davis, William Cohen, William Schwartz, World's Largest Media Company

“I’m a firm believer that everyone is a freakin’ idiot and don’t know shit about nothing…” – Harry Manka (my father)

Good afternoon. It’s been a while.

I’ve been away for the past few weeks working on a secret deal. I can’t tell you the details but I can say that I rode back on Manka Jet 1 (The Joey) with Rupert Murdoch and Sumner Redstone.

If you want to believe that the deal somehow involves them then go ahead and make that assumption. Make an asshole out of yourself.

As we all know, the world is going digital. And as goes the world – so goes Manka Bros. Studios (or is it the reverse?). With the world’s largest library of film and television content, Manka Bros. is in the best position to take advantage of this digital (r)evolution.

Rupert Murdoch and Sumner Redstone’s pathetic attempt to purchase Manka Bros. over the weekend for several billion dollars just proves how bullish we should all be at our company.

Keep up the work (I can’t say “good” work because, frankly, you’ve all sucked at your jobs the past few months. How about a hit movie [WTF is “Flaccid Trip”?] or TV show [“My Wife Left Me For Bucky Dent”?]… for once?!).

More to come in the remaining days before I disappear for the summer.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

April 13, 2010November 15, 2011

Bob Iger Called Me This Morning

Alan Braverman, Andrew Mooney, Andy Bird, Anne Sweeney, Ari Emanuel, Aylwin Lewis, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brent Woodford, Brooks Barnes, Chrstine McCarthy, Disney, Fred Langhammer, George Bodenheimer, Ike Perlmutter, Jay Rasulo, Jayne Parker, Jeff Immelt, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, John Bryson, John Chen, John Pepper, Jr., Judith Estrin, Kevin Mayer, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., Michael Eisner, Monica Lozano, New York Times, OnMedea, Orin Smith, Preston Padden, Rich Ross, Robert Iger, Robert Matschullat, Ronald Iden, Sheryl Sandberg, Stacey Snider, Stephen McPherson, Steve Jobs, Steve Wadsworth, Sumner Redstone, Susan Arnold, Terry Semel, Thomas Staggs, Walter Liss, Willow Bay, World's Largest Media company, Zenia Mucha

Bob Iger and I are on different schedules.

This morning, at about 4:30a.m.(!!), Bob Iger called me while hanging from his gravity bar. (He said he likes to hang upside down about two hours in the morning to get the blood flowing into his head.)

This was exposition I really didn’t need as I was completely hungover this morning after another bizarre night of carousing (different story) in Hollywood with Sumner Redstone (who is still staying at my house because he is afraid to be alone).

Bob said he was calling because I was the only person in town that would tell him the truth. “Even Ike Perlmutter is being a total pussy and won’t tell me what’s what…” – (he said off the record).

It seems Bob has been completely racked with guilt due to the glowing puff piece written about him by Brooks Barnes in the New York Times. He said he is having doubts and doesn’t feel worthy for such praise.

“How do you do it, Khan?”, Bob said. “People write horrible things about you all the time – never giving you any praise – and it doesn’t bother you a bit.”

A single tear formed in one of my eyes. I don’t think he could hear the emotion in my voice.

“Hell no, it’s doesn’t bother me, Bob. Manka Bros., while still the world’s largest media company, has had challenging economics for the past 30 years. You have to keep living your life, Bob – your perfect little freakin’ life with your beautiful little freakin’ wife – and not let work get in the way. We’re all doomed to fail.”

At this point, I had to immediately slam a hair-of-the-dog shot of whiskey before I blew last night’s steak and shrimp from Mastro’s all over the bathroom floor.

I continued: “Fuck the press. Fuck them all. If they like you – fine. If you they hate you – better. You don’t want those people propping you up. They’re only propping you up to, eventually, take you down! The fact that you feel unworthy for this praise proves that you are unworthy of this praise. You need to go climb a mountain – get your head straight.”

“Funny you should say that, Khan, I’m climbing K2 next weekend.”

“Fuck you, Bob.”

I hung up and went back to bed. While I do genuinely like Bob Iger (we met in a hippie drum circle on Venice Beach in the 1970s) – I am now hoping he fails at everything he does. Or falls off K2.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

March 9, 2010May 5, 2011

Abu Dhabi Media Summit

Good afternoon from Yas Island – Abu Dhabi U.A.E.

I am dictating this blog from a mud bath in the giant purple Yas Hotel Spa Resort. Thanks to Stefania Bianchi and Nour Malas from the Wall Street Journal for taking this down and getting it to my office. I apologize for the smell.

When the U.A.E. ruler and prime minister Sheik Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum called me over the weekend to see if I could come to speak at the Abu Dhabi Media Summit, I told him absolutely not. I was preparing for another disastrous night at the Oscars (in which Manka Bros. was shut out yet again!) and did not want to travel 10,000 miles (or whatever) to speak about Manka Bros.’ future in the Middle East.

As far as I’m concerned, there isn’t a future for Manka Bros. in the Middle East. Construction of our Manka Fun Park in Yemen has gotten off to a horrible start due to various terrorist acts in and around the park site, so optimism about the future is not something I’m feeling right now.

But, in a stunning coincidence, as I was speaking to the Sheik, Rupert Murdoch called from his airport and asked if I wanted to hitch a ride to Abu Dhabi on his jet (The Roger Ailes 1).

It’s hard to turn down Rupert – so here I am.

(Note: To Ethan Rubidoux, we’re stopping through Yemen on the way back to check on Manka Fun Park Yemen’s progress. Please triple my personal security and make sure Johnny Walker Blue is stocked in the mini-bar).

I will be speaking at the Abu Dhabi Media Conference tomorrow morning. It will most likely be a variation on my recent speech to the Davos World Economic Forum.

Rupert spoke tonight. He rambled on and on about freedom of the press in the Middle East (or some such bullshit).

Hey Rupert, from one freedom crusher to another – “Nice try.” Think the Sheik buy will that crap from the owner of Fox News?

Rupert was supposed to meet me here at the spa after his speech but I haven’t seen him yet. He has two hours blocked out for a chemical peel.

Later tonight, I’m meeting Eric Schmidt at the Noodle Box here at the hotel. He wanted to meet at the Wandering Camel Discoteque (something like that) but I had to take a pass. My knee has been f-ed up ever since I took a tumble down Whistler while at the Vancouver Olympics. Dancing until dawn is something I can’t really handle right now.

Eric wants Manka Bros. to go exclusive to the Google Android with our mobile content. I’m going to tell him the only way we would agree to that would be if he changed his name to Steve Jobs and changed his company name to Apple.

He won’t respond well to that. But I don’t respond well to others trying to push around The World’s Largest Media Company!

Here’s Rupert now (with Steve Ballmer – and three other guys carrying Steve’s stuff).

Wish me luck tomorrow. I just pray they let me leave the country after I destroy their delusions of creating a “New Media Paradise” in the middle of this miserable desert.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

February 26, 2010May 6, 2011

Lunch With Sumner Redstone and David Geffen

American Abstract Artists, Ari Emanuel, Art Collector, Art Historian, Ben Silverman, Bob's Big Boy Burbank, Bonzai trees, Buying Art, Carly Simon, CBS, Chairman's Blog, Damien Hirst, David Geffen, DreamWorks, Electus, Fred Willard, Hamburger Hamlet, He's Not Comin' Home, Jackson Pollock, Japanese trees, Jeff Koons, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, kara swisher, Khan Manka, Les Moonves, Manka Bros., Manka Bros. Records, massive layoffs, Melinda the first lady of magic, nikki finke, Nokia Theater, OnMedea, Paramount, Philippe Dauman, Picasso, Robert Altman, Rupert Murdoch, Seamus, sharon waxman, Sherry Lansing, Starry Night, Sumner Redstone, Taylor Swift, Terry Semel, The black Eyed Peas, thewrap.com, Titanic, Van Gogh, Viacom, Viacom's Holiday party, Vincent & Theo, Yellow Balloon Dog, You're So Vain

Good morning. Yesterday, as I was having my monthly lunch with Sumner Redstone at the Hamburger Hamlet in Hollywood, David Geffen stopped by to say hello and asked if he could join us. We’ve all known each other for years but it was the first time the three of us ever sat down to a meal. Geffen ordered another Turning Leaf Chardonnay and a shot of Gordon’s vodka and had a seat.

We exchanged a few words about the news that he was Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain” inspiration. He said he thought that song was about him. I asked him if he wanted to get back into the music business and, if so, would he be interested in taking over Manka Bros. Records – which really needs a shot in the ass (Seamus is coming in far below expectations).

He declined and said the only thing that interests him now are those little Japanese trees.

Sumner asked Geffen about his art collection and if he’d be willing to sell a few of his more valuable pieces (in reality, Sumner couldn’t afford a wall covering from Pier 1 right now).

As they kept talking, a light bulb went off in my head. I would like to buy some art. I’m sitting on an enormous pile of cash and need to do something with it. Banks and stocks are certainly no place to put money these days. And after the massive layoffs and cutbacks at Manka Bros. last year, it might just be the thing that would cheer me up. I’m sure the remaining employees at the studio would really get a kick out of knowing their boss has just bought some really great art for his house and office. And, from what I understand, there are some real bargains out there because of the recession.

So I started to pick David Geffen’s brain. He said his main focus is post-World War 2 Abstract American Art. Well, that’s the most boring fucking thing I could ever imagine. What I want are Picassos and Van Goghs – art that people have heard of.

He said he had a few original Picasso sketchbooks that he may be willing to part with… for the right price. And he had some personal items of Van Gogh – a couple of shoes and an unused toothbrush.

That kind of shit doesn’t interest me at all. I want that Starry Night painting or the Chick Playing the Lute. He said he didn’t own those.

He mentioned Jackson Pollock and I reminded him of the horrible box office grosses of the movie Pollock. He reminded me of the horrible box office grosses of Vincent & Theo (which I blame more on Robert Altman than anything else).

I could go on about our insane conversation, but I won’t (Geffen went on and on about the brilliance of Damien Hirst and Jeff Koons – I looked them up and they are freaks).

Here’s the deal – I want to buy some art.

Anyone at the studio who knows something about it – let me know. There must be a couple of Art History majors floating around the Script Development Department (God knows we have enough Folklore Mythology majors).

Perhaps I’ll even invite you to lunch in my executive dining room.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

February 10, 2010May 6, 2011

Manka Bros. Corporate Offsite

Adrian Monck, Al Berkeley, Alan Marcus, Alex Wong, Andre Schneider, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Bali Four Seasons, Ben Silverman, Carine Benetti, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, Carlos Ghosn, Carsten Sudhoff, Chairman's Blog, Christine Lagarde, Christophe Weber, corporate layoffs, Corporate Offsite, Cristiana Falcone, David Aikman, Davos World Economic Forum, Denise Burnet, Dominic Waughray, Electus, Emilio Lozoya Austin, Ernesto Zedillo Ponce de Leon, Fon Mathuros, Giancarlo Bruno, Gilbert Probst, Guy Goodwin, Guy-Serge Baer, H.M. Queen Rania, Harry Manka, Heizo Takenaka, Helena Leurent, Indra Nooyi, Irene Mia, Ivan Pictet, Jean-Loup Denereaz, Jean-Pierre Rosso, Jeff Immelt, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jennifer Blanke, Jeremy Jurgens, John Moavenzadeh, Josef Ackermann, Joseph Schoendorf, Julianne Jammers, Katerine Tweedie, Kevin Steinberg, Khan Manka, Klaus Schwab, Kofi Annan, Kristel Van der Elst, Kurt Alig, Laurent Desnoux, Lee Howell, Lisa Dreier, Logan Stanton, Maldives Four Seasons, Malte Godbersen, Manka Bros., Margareta Drzeniek Hanouz, Martina Gmur, Massimo Marino, Maurice Levy, Max von Bismarck, Melanie Rogers, Michael Dell, Mirjam Schoning, movie studio, Nazi gold, Niall FitzGerald, Nicolas Sarkozy, Olivier Raynaud, OnMedea, Orit Gadiesh, Paul Smyke, Peter Brabeck-Letmathe, Peter Sutherland, Piers Cumberlege, Pratik Bhatnagar, Rajat Gupta, Regula Waltenspuel, Richard Samans, Ricky Van Veen, Robert Greenhill, Rupert Murdoch, Saadia Zahidi, Sarita Nayyar, Sheana Tambourgi, Sherif El Diwany, Stephanie Janet, Stephen Kinnock, Sumner Redstone, Super Bowl, Susan Hockfield, Sushant Palakurthi Rao, Terry Semel, Tony Blair, Victor L.L. Chu, William George, world's largest media company

Good morning. I have returned from my keynote speech in Davos with a new sense of optimism about our business. After the global success of Avatar and the record-breaking television ratings of the Super Bowl, Old Media is back and we must quickly capture this lightning in a bottle before the New Media geeks take it away from us again.

So… with the recent layoffs and terrible financial news that our company endured last year, it is more important than ever for us to get our ducks in a row. That said, I am arranging a senior management offsite in about a month to determine where we will go from here.

I have narrowed our offsite location choice down to either Bali or the The Maldives.

Please vote on your preference via email or leave a blog comment. I’ll make the final decision in the next few days.

Now, more than ever, we need to commit our resources smartly in order to prosper in this very difficult economic environment.

Also, congratulations to Lloyd Grohl, he was the winner of the Manka Bros. Super Bowl pool. Please drop by my office for your $15,250 winnings. Asshole.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company