Manka Bros. – Manka Faith's God Blog

June 4, 2024June 4, 2024

Habakkuk Doesn’t Play By The Rules (The Book of Habakkuk)

Habakkuk Doesn’t Play By The Rules – (The Book of Habakkuk)

In the blistering heat of the desert, where the sun scorches the earth and reality warps like a bad acid trip, there lies a man named Habakkuk.

He’s not your typical prophet. No, he’s a wild-eyed renegade, a maverick of the divine, roaming the sands with a mind twisted by visions and a heart filled with fury.

Habakkuk doesn’t play by the rules of the establishment. He’s not one to sit idly by while injustice runs rampant. No, he’s got a bone to pick with the big guy upstairs, and he’s not afraid to shake his fist and demand answers.

Habakkuk Doesn’t Play By The Rules – (The Book of Habakkuk) – Manka Faith’s God Blog

One night, under the cloak of darkness, as the stars wink mischievously overhead, Habakkuk receives a revelation. It’s not the kind of revelation that brings peace and serenity. Oh no, this revelation is a slap in the face, a punch to the gut, a wake-up call to the madness of the world.

He sees corruption and violence spreading like a virus, infecting the land from top to bottom. The wicked prosper while the righteous suffer, and Habakkuk can’t take it anymore. He’s had enough of this cosmic joke, and he’s ready to confront the Almighty himself.

With a bottle of whiskey in one hand and a fist in the other, Habakkuk sets out on his quest for justice.

He marches through the desert like a man possessed, fueled by righteous anger and liquid courage. Along the way, he encounters all manner of freaks and misfits, from wandering nomads to hallucinating prophets, each with their own twisted tales to tell.

But Habakkuk doesn’t have time for small talk. He’s on a mission, and nothing can stand in his way.

He storms the gates of heaven itself, demanding answers from the divine throne. Lightning crackles in the sky, thunder rumbles like the growl of some ancient beast, but still, he presses on.

And lo and behold, the Almighty answers.

He speaks in thunderous tones, shaking the very foundations of the earth. He reveals his plans for the world, his grand design hidden behind the veil of chaos and confusion. And though Habakkuk may not understand it all, he finds solace in the knowledge that justice will prevail in the end.

With a weary sigh and a heavy heart, Habakkuk trudges back into the desert, his mind reeling from the encounter. But he’s not defeated, oh no. He’s more determined than ever to fight the good fight, to stand up against the forces of darkness and proclaim the truth to all who will listen.

And so, with a defiant grin and a swagger in his step, Habakkuk disappears into the swirling sands, a lone wolf howling at the moon, a beacon of hope in a world gone mad.

For though the road may be long and the journey fraught with peril, he knows that in the end, justice will prevail, and the wicked will receive their just desserts.

God’s Intern (Todd) – Manka Faith’s God Blog

May 29, 2024May 29, 2024

The History Of Pentecostalism

In the raw, raucous realm of religious fervor, where tongues flicker with divine fire and souls quake beneath the weight of spiritual ecstasy, there exists a breed of believers whose passion knows no bounds. They are the Pentecostals, a tribe of zealots born in the crucible of early 20th-century America, baptized in the flames of revivalism, and sanctified by the Holy Ghost.

The History Of Pentecostalism – Manka Faith’s God Blog

Their saga begins in the dust-choked backwaters of rural America, where humble preachers armed with nothing but faith and fervor set out to reclaim the souls of a nation adrift in the sea of modernity. It is a tale of humble beginnings, of tent revivals and brush arbor meetings, where the gospel is preached with a fire and brimstone fervor that would make even the most hardened sinner tremble.

But it is in the crucible of the Azusa Street Revival, amidst the smoke and sweat of a dilapidated Los Angeles warehouse, that the Pentecostal flame truly ignites. There, in the midst of racial strife and social upheaval, a ragtag band of believers experiences a manifestation of the Holy Spirit unlike anything the world has ever seen.

Tongues of fire descend from heaven, and men and women alike are filled with the power of God, speaking in languages unknown and performing miracles that defy explanation.

From Azusa Street, the Pentecostal fire spreads like wildfire, consuming hearts and minds across the globe. From the dusty plains of the American heartland to the teeming streets of Calcutta, Pentecostalism takes root and flourishes, offering hope to the hopeless and redemption to the lost.

But with success comes controversy, and the Pentecostal movement finds itself embroiled in a battle for the soul of Christianity itself. Critics decry their ecstatic worship and unorthodox practices, labeling them as fanatics and charlatans. Yet, for the true believer, such criticisms only serve to fuel the flames of their faith, driving them ever deeper into the embrace of the Holy Spirit.

Today, Pentecostalism stands as one of the fastest-growing religious movements in the world, with millions of believers spanning every continent and culture.

From the humble storefront churches of the inner city to the sprawling megachurches of the suburbs, the Pentecostal flame continues to burn bright, a beacon of hope in a world adrift in darkness. And though the road may be long and the journey perilous, the Pentecostal believer marches ever onward, fueled by the fire of the Holy Ghost and guided by the hand of God.

God’s Intern (Todd) – MANKA FAITH’S GOD BLOG

May 14, 2024

What Was The Deal With Vatican II?

What Was The Deal With Vatican II?

In the not-so-distant past (October 11, 1962 – December 8, 1965), in the mystical realm of Vatican City, there arose a great gathering known as the Second Vatican Council. Picture if you will, a cosmic congregation of bishops, theologians, and pontiffs, all donning their ecclesiastical garb and convening under the hallowed roof of St. Peter’s Basilica.

Now, this wasn’t your run-of-the-mill church picnic, oh no. This was a seismic shift in the tectonic plates of Catholic tradition. The Vatican, in its infinite wisdom (and perhaps a dash of existential crisis), decided it was high time for a spiritual makeover, a renovation of the divine blueprint, if you will.

Enter Pope John XXIII, a man with the audacity to dream big and the humility to admit that maybe, just maybe, the Church could use a bit of sprucing up. He threw open the windows of the Vatican, both literally and metaphorically, inviting in the fresh breeze of modernity and dialogue.

And thus, Vatican II was born, a cosmic collision of tradition and progress, dogma and innovation. They tackled weighty matters like the role of the Church in the modern world, the liturgy, ecumenism, and religious freedom. It was like watching the universe itself unfold in real-time, with each decree and declaration reshaping the cosmic fabric of Catholicism.

But like any good Biblical tale, Vatican II was not without its moments of absurdity and dark humor. Imagine bishops from around the globe, decked out in their finest robes, engaging in heated debates over whether to switch from Latin to the vernacular in their liturgical rites. Picture the perplexed looks on their faces as they grappled with the mysteries of divine revelation in a rapidly changing world.

Yet amidst the chaos and confusion, there emerged moments of clarity and grace. The Council fathers, inspired by the spirit of renewal, forged ahead with boldness and conviction, charting a course for the Church in the modern age.

And so, dear reader, the curtain falls on our cosmic drama, with Vatican II standing as a testament to the enduring quest for truth and transformation.

For in the end, perhaps the greatest miracle of all is the capacity of humanity to evolve, to adapt, and to embrace the mystery of the divine with open hearts and minds. So it goes.

God’s Intern (Todd) – MANKA FAITH’S GOD BLOG

May 1, 2024

The History Of Lutheranism

The History Of Lutheranism

In the quiet corners of medieval Europe, amidst the whispers of the faithful and the shadows of ancient cathedrals, a rumbling began. It was a murmur of discontent, a yearning for truth unadorned by the opulence of the Church. This rumbling found its voice in a humble monk named Martin Luther.

Martin Luther – 1517 – 95 Theses – Wittenburg, Germany

Picture him, if you will, in his monastic cell, his eyes alight with the fire of revelation. Born of ink and parchment, Luther’s words were like thunderclaps in the tranquil landscape of religious orthodoxy. He dared to challenge the established order, to question the very foundations upon which the Church stood.

With the stroke of a quill, Luther ignited a conflagration that would sweep across Europe, leaving in its wake a new religious movement: Lutheranism.

But this was no mere rebellion; it was a reformation, a reclaiming of the true essence of Christianity from the clutches of corruption and excess.

The story of Lutheranism is one of upheaval and renewal, of fervent believers standing against the tide of tradition. It is a tale of courage and conviction, of ordinary men and women defying the powers that be in the name of faith.

Yet, as with all revolutions, Lutheranism was not without its trials and tribulations. The fires of persecution raged hot, threatening to consume those who dared to embrace this new way of worship. But like a sturdy oak in the midst of a storm, Lutheranism stood firm, its roots anchored deep in the soil of truth.

Martin Luther – Nailing 95 Theses to the door of the Sclosskirche (Castle Church) in Wittenburg, German – October 31, 1517

And so, the Lutheran faith endured, spreading its branches far and wide, casting a shadow of hope upon a world shrouded in darkness. From the cobblestone streets of Wittenberg to the distant shores of America, the legacy of Martin Luther lives on, a beacon of light in a world fraught with uncertainty.

In the end, the history of Lutheranism is not just a chronicle of religious doctrine; it is a testament to the indomitable spirit of humanity, a reminder that even in our darkest hours, faith has the power to illuminate the path forward.

God’s Intern (Todd) – MANKA FAITH’S GOD BLOG

April 4, 2024

The History Of Calvinism

THE HISTORY OF CALVINISM

Calvinism, also known as Reformed theology, is a Protestant theological system that emerged during the Protestant Reformation in the 16th century. It is named after John Calvin, a French theologian and pastor who played a significant role in its development.

Here’s a brief overview of the history of Calvinism:

Early Influences: Before Calvin, there were significant precursors to the Reformed tradition, including figures like Martin Bucer, Ulrich Zwingli, and Huldrych Zwingli. Their theological ideas laid the groundwork for what would become Calvinism.
John Calvin (1509-1564): Calvin’s most famous work, “Institutes of the Christian Religion,” published in 1536, became one of the most influential theological texts of the Reformation. Calvin emphasized the sovereignty of God, predestination, and the authority of Scripture. His theology spread rapidly, especially in Switzerland and France.
Expansion and Growth: Calvinism gained ground throughout Europe, particularly in Switzerland, the Netherlands, Scotland, England, and parts of Germany. It became a significant force in the broader Protestant movement.
The Synod of Dort (1618-1619): In response to theological challenges from Arminianism (a theological system that emphasized free will), the Dutch Reformed Church convened the Synod of Dort. This synod affirmed the teachings of Calvinism, including the doctrines of total depravity, unconditional election, limited atonement, irresistible grace, and perseverance of the saints, known by the acronym TULIP.
Colonial America: Calvinism played a crucial role in the establishment of several colonies in America. Puritans, who were influenced by Calvinist theology, settled in New England, while Dutch Reformed and Presbyterian churches were established in other regions. Their influence shaped the early American religious landscape.
Calvinism Today: Calvinism continues to have a significant presence in Protestant Christianity worldwide. Various denominations, including Presbyterian, Reformed, and some Baptist churches, adhere to Calvinist theology to varying degrees. Additionally, Calvinist ideas have influenced other theological traditions and have had a lasting impact on Western culture and thought.

Throughout its history, Calvinism has undergone various interpretations and adaptations, leading to different branches and denominations within the broader Reformed tradition. However, its core theological principles remain influential in many Protestant churches today.

God’s Intern (Todd) – MANKA FAITH GOD BLOG

February 26, 2019July 23, 2019

MankaGoNow To Feature So Much Manka Faith!

Behind The Proscenium, Ben Silverman, biggest budget movie, Bill Hybels, Bob Coy, Book of Habakkuk, Book of Judges, Broadway Manka, Calvary Chapel, Dave Stone, Dennis Rodman, Experimental Theater, Faith-Based, Frank Rich, Gina Grass, Grace Note Records, Hebrew Bible, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Joel Osteen, Katy Perry, Khan Manka, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Lakewood Church, Lil' Wayne, Manka Bros., Manka Faith, New Testament, NOW Testament, Old Testament, Oral Roberts, Original Sinema, Pat Robertson, Promised Land, Rick Warren, Ricky Van Veen, Robert Schuler, Robin Rafe, Rupert Murdoch, Saddleback Church, Samuel Beckett, Shelly MacDonald, Southeast Christian Church, Strauss Zelnick, Sumner Redstone, Superman Returns, Tae Kwon Doug, Terry Semel, The Book Of Judges, The Lord Of The Rings, Tween Jesus n Me, Willow Creek Community Church, World's Largest Media Company

Greetings greetings greetings!

We are so excited here at our “slightly” off the studio lot, very humble offices of Manka Faith.

Our offices may be plain and underfunded (and, frankly, freezing) but we are still the World’s Largest Faith-Based entertainment group (inside the World’s Largest Media Company).

After the recent announcement that Manka Bros. is producing OVER 400 NEW SERIES for the MankaGoNow over-the-top service, Manka Faith is ramping up production, basically quadrupling our content output!

IT’S CRAZY OVER HERE!!!

So much new Jesus shit coming your way (and, to be fair, some Jewish and Hindu stuff, too)!

I’m most excited for the fans… of religion… of goodness… of hope in this world.

It’s a great time to be a person with faith.

This is just a quick update for our Manka Faith God Blog fans (and there are many) of what new content we’ll be producing for the new MankaGoNow service (only $34.99 a month!).

The new Manka Faith content includes:

Christian Lions (animated series, faith): Manka Faith inspirational children’s series about Lion missionaries bringing the word of Christ to other animals.
The Death Of Jesus (documentary, faith): Manka Faith sends a documentary crew to the Middle East to find out what really happened to Jesus – and they really found out.
Penny’s From Heaven (multi-year series, faith): Manka Faith’s blatant rip-off of “Touched By An Angel.”
New Bible – Fixing The New Testament (reality series, faith): There’s a new Jesus with a new Bible with new Apostles and they’ve written a new Bible. This series tells you everything that changed from the old Bible and what we can expect when the world ends.
In The Pew (reality series, faith): Every week, in the pew, Manka Faith brings you the latest from the world of religion. We’ll have interviews with Catholics, Lutherans, Presbyterians… and all the rest.
Devoutrageous! (multi-year series, faith): You gotta feel it, people! Get up! Get up! The world’s biggest mega-church has pull-up bars above every pew and a tight ass funk band to fire up the crowd. My God, if Jesus don’t exist at least we’ll all be in shape when we die!
Rapture Checkers (multi-year series, faith): Ten percent of those taken in the rapture was a mistake. This squad of “rapture checkers” investigate if the right ones were taken and drag back to Earth the ones that shouldn’t have gone.
God? (reality series, faith): Manka Faith interviews victims of accidents, robberies, and horrible health issues who share their views on the existence of God. [Bottom line: they ain’t a fan.]
Jesus V Mohammed (reality series, competition, faith): It’s a battle to the finish. The true Messiah will be revealed at the end of the season.

We’re even supporting a series from our atheist friends that is not produced by us because… #inclusion.

Jonah & The Whale And Other Bullshit Stories About Bullshit (limited series, anti-faith): No God Productions (NOT affiliated with Manka Faith – but we are open minded so here’s the promotion) presents this nice alternative world (for our atheist subscribers).

So you can see why we’re so excited!

#Excited!

All this new production is on top of the films and shows we are already producing – which include our $300 million film adaptation of “The Book Of Habakkuk” which should begin production… soon.

The “Tween Jesus N’ Me” 2019 Stadium Tour…

And so much more. Watch this space!

Josh – Manka Faith’s Summer Intern (Now Full-Time, Ho!)

August 18, 2016December 18, 2018

Ben-Hur [Review]

Ben-Hur

Reviewed by Josh (Manka Faith’s summer intern)

If you can see just one more movie before you die, see “Ben-Hur!”

Are you seriously going to make “War Dogs” the last movie you see before you die?

No, I didn’t think so.

THIS MOVIE HAS IT ALL.

And by “it all,” I mean, IT ALL! Love, religion, chariot races, sand, camels, hot chicks, Egyptians, Romans, Jews – bald dudes wearing jewelry, Morgan Freeman.

It’s like “Fast & Furious” times 30.

See it, die… repeat.

Or as Judah Ben-Hur says in the trailer: “Bitch, you should have killed me.”

Manka Faith’s summer intern (Josh)

February 28, 2014July 24, 2015

Son Of God [REVIEW]

Son Of God

With Wit, Reviewed By Behind The Proscenium’s Kimmo Mustonenen

There are things beyond our seeing.

Understanding is the impossible.

But they are real.

Really.

Some are good (Casper The Friendly Ghost, Caspar in Finland).

Some are not (Magneto).

Some are old (Dracula).

Some are new (Dr. Manhattan).

But all real super-duper people have to come from somewhere with the origin story.

Even the “Son of God.”

For an origin story, it is not too original.

This was on my TV in before times, I am sure of it.

Yes, I drink. Yes, I smoke the sweet, sweet smoke. I am forgetting things.

But this was on my TV – but with more longer. On the History Channel.

And President Obama was, in it, as the Satan. He is not in “Son of God” that I have seen.

Am I crazy? Am I victimized by mind tricks?

No.

Thank God (not his son, but Odin) for press kit. I read and am relieved.

“Son of God” is last part of “The Bible“ – the same!

Yet very different.

Plot? Well… yes.

The earth starts.

Then a bunch of crap happens, very fast.

Then story. The Virgin Mary (Leila Mimmack) gets knocked up, and in panicking says “God did it! I am no slut but a virgin!” (not in movie was this said, but in real life – disclaimer: I was not there, but I know things).

Then Baby Jesus, Son of God! He grows to a manhood in a blinking eye.

And everyone in the Middle East is from Europe. Cool.

Super handsome Jesus model (Dioga Morgado) is awesome-er than any Son of God that came before (per the film).

He does magic.

He (maybe) does Mary Magdalene (Amber Rose Revah). Who wouldn’t?

He does big talk (“I will change the world!”)

He does bigger magic (raising the dead – suck it Penn and Teller!!!).

He pisses off the powerful (various old Jewish guys, but not in real life). They are so mad that they nail him to the wood. And spear him in the side.

Then it is nothing but death.

The Romans do the last three sentences. Not the Jews. Back off, Nazis.

But wait. More to be.

Jesus wakes up from dead!

Freaking out is the only option for Jerusalem, and so the freaking happens – with nice light and background orchestra.

Then The Jesus gets the heck out of Dodge, never to be seen again.

So. Two confused thumbs, afraid of the Walking Dead. Jesus story was longer on my television, and now you are to pay to see it shorter on bigger screen with expensive mouth treats.

Hmmm. Maybe worth it, maybe not.

There have been better super hero origin stories. And the villains are the suck.

Old Jews are not scaring anyone, and they have no super powers. Except in Hollywood. Those old Jews fill the fear in any living person.

Old Hollywood Jews, if I have offended you my sorry is bigger than any other sorrys. Sorry.

Watch “The Bible” on Netflix. Longer, but you get Obama Satan.

What more is ever wanted?

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. Finland 5, U.S. 0. The bronze medal is pretty. Hey America hockey, would you like one? Really? Too bad, losers. Kossu shots for all (especially my good friends of Old Hollywood Jews)!!!

December 12, 2013July 23, 2015

The Color of Jesus

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, color of Jesus, Manka Faith

Good morning.

There has been quite a bit of debate lately (thanks to the amazing Megyn Kelly at Fox News) about the color of Jesus.

Researchers at Manka Faith have solved this problem. Based on carbon dating from 30 A.D., it has been determined that the color of Jesus is this (and for you graphic designers), here is the code:

F9FFD1 (seen below)

God’s Intern – Manka Faith

December 11, 2013July 24, 2015

Has Pope Francis Jumped The Shark?

UPDATE: Now Pope Francis is on the cover of Rolling Stone (he’s jumping a freakin’ whale now!)

PREVIOUS POST: With the announcement that Pope Francis is Time Magazine’s Person of the Year, I think it’s time to ask the question – has Pope Francis jumped the shark?

In the past week, revelations have come that he used to be a bouncer, at night he goes out in disguise and gives blessings to the poor on the streets of Rome, he formed a task force on the Child Abuse Scandal – and now, he’s Person of the Year!

And he’s on Twitter! And he lives in common quarters. And he takes the bus.

It’s too much – too soon.

We’re Poped Out!

We like our Popes to be mysterious, even a bit creepy – like Ratzinger (Benedict XVI).

Pope Francis is someone you can watch a football match with while doing jello shots and eating sausage.

That’s what I do with my asshole friends (especially Lance) – not the leader of the Catholic church.

This guy had better pull back into the shadows or all will be lost.

More draconian, less peace-and-love-ian.

Religion is not a happy business. It is deadly serious.

I think it’s time to move back to Dark Ages before people actually like going to Church again.

Remember, the Church is supposed to put the Fear of God in people. Not gelato.

God’s Intern (Steve) – Manka Faith’s God Blog