NICKMOM – R.I.P.

Adam Townsend, Alan Ruck, Amy Baer, Angeline Straka, Anthony Ambrosio, Ari Emanuel, Arnold Kopelson, Brendan Fraser, Bruce S. Gordon, Bruce Tobey, Carl Folta, Carla Santos Shamberg, CBS Films, Charlie Gifford, Chase Carey, David Andelman, David Poltrack, Debbie Miller, DebManka Bros., Diego Velazquez, Doug Morris, Fred Salerno, Gary Countryman, Geeta Anand, Gil Schwartz, Harrison Ford, Harvey Weinstein, Jared Harris, Jeff Weiner, Jill Kennedy, Jordana Glick-Franzheim, Joseph A. Califano, Joseph Ianniello, Josh Rothstein, Jr., Keri Russell, Khan Manka, Leonard Goldberg, Les Moonves, Linda Griego, Louis Briskman, Manka Bros., Martin Franks, Meredith Droeger, Michael Shamberg, Nan Morales, News Corporation, OnMedea, Patrick Bauchau, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Sullivan, Richard Jones, Rik Toulon, Rob Friedman, Robert Nelson Jacobs, Rupert Murdoch, Sam Hall, Shari Redstone, Stacey Sher, Steven Friedlander, Summit Entertainment, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, The Weinstein Company, Thomas Dooley, Tom Vaughan, Viacom, Wade Davis, William S. Cohen, CBS Films is dead

Thomas Dooley, James Barge, Robert Bakish, James Bombassei, Wade Davis, Carl Folta, MIchael Fricklas, Brad Grey, Doug Herzog, De De Lea, Debra Lee, Scott Mills, Van Toffler, Cyma Zarghami, Adam Townsend, Alan Ruck, Amy Baer, Angeline Straka, Anthony Ambrosio, Ari Emanuel, Arnold Kopelson, Brendan Fraser, Bruce S. Gordon, Bruce Tobey, Carl Folta, Carla Santos Shamberg, CBS Films, Charlie Gifford, Chase Carey, David Andelman, David Poltrack, Debbie Miller, DebManka Bros., Diego Velazquez, Doug Morris, Fred Salerno, Gary Countryman, Geeta Anand, Gil Schwartz, Harrison Ford, Harvey Weinstein, Jared Harris, Jeff Weiner, Jill Kennedy, Jordana Glick-Franzheim, Joseph A. Califano, Joseph Ianniello, Josh Rothstein, Jr., Keri Russell, Khan Manka, Leonard Goldberg, Les Moonves, Linda Griego, Louis Briskman, Manka Bros., Martin Franks, Meredith Droeger, Michael Shamberg, Nan Morales, News Corporation, OnMedea, Patrick Bauchau, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Sullivan, Richard Jones, Rik Toulon, Rob Friedman, Robert Nelson Jacobs, Rupert Murdoch, Sam Hall, Shari Redstone, Stacey Sher, Steven Friedlander, Summit Entertainment, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, The Weinstein Company, Thomas Dooley, Tom Vaughan, Viacom, Wade Davis, William S. Cohen, CBS Films is dead, nickmom, nickmom is dead, cancelnickmom.com, Margarget Ables, Sara Benincasa, Bridget Benitz, Margaret Bristol, Rachel Callman, Cheryl Family, Noa Gavin, Brittany Gibbons, Joslyn Gray, Carly Hallam, Becky Harks, Calise Hawkins, Kim Hohman, Breena Jennings, Nikki Johnson, Katie Massa Kennedy, Una LaMarche, Risa Lewalk, Raisa Lewak, Sarah Manley, C. Matthews, C. McFadden, Jill Morris, J. Mustian, Julia Nathan, Kelly Nettles, Siobhan North, Kathy Passero, M. Poranz, Amber Porter, Adrienne Hedger, Shannon Seip, Nicole Leigh Shaw, Leanne Shirtliffe, Raven Snook, Lucy Sweet, Aly Sylvester, Adrienne Torrisi, Suzanna Vicinus, J. Vrabel, J. Wysaski, Bronwen O'KeefeIt’s very possible Nickmom will set the record for the world’s shortest running network.

There is no other option for this laughable disgrace than a total cancellation.

In fact, there are only three absolute certainties in this life:

1) The sun will rise in the east;

2) July 4th will occur every year on… July 4th; and

3) Nickmom will be shut down.

Such a complete creative and business abomination cannot possibly survive.

The tombstone graphic here may be a bit premature but it’s guaranteed to be accurate.

So, for the readers who have no idea what I’m talking about – what is this Nickmom that is almost universally hated by parents (mostly Moms)?

Nickmom is a primetime adult-skewing programming block (airing on the same channel as Nick Junior) designed for exhausted moms looking for a laugh or some edgier entertainment after the kids go to bed.

What’s wrong with that, Jill?

What do you have against exhausted moms looking for a laugh?

Absolutely nothing. I’m a proud exhausted mom myself who loves HBO.

But when you make a corporate decision to put on a programming block of comedians talking about sex and cocktails, shows called “Moms Night Out,” etc. etc. right after “Dora The Explorer” signs off, you clearly do not understand how the media landscape works.

Nickmom starts airing at 4pm in Hawaii for God’s sake! And 7PM in California (which is definitely before my daughter’s bedtime).

Thomas Dooley, James Barge, Robert Bakish, James Bombassei, Wade Davis, Carl Folta, MIchael Fricklas, Brad Grey, Doug Herzog, De De Lea, Debra Lee, Scott Mills, Van Toffler, Cyma Zarghami, Adam Townsend, Alan Ruck, Amy Baer, Angeline Straka, Anthony Ambrosio, Ari Emanuel, Arnold Kopelson, Brendan Fraser, Bruce S. Gordon, Bruce Tobey, Carl Folta, Carla Santos Shamberg, CBS Films, Charlie Gifford, Chase Carey, David Andelman, David Poltrack, Debbie Miller, DebManka Bros., Diego Velazquez, Doug Morris, Fred Salerno, Gary Countryman, Geeta Anand, Gil Schwartz, Harrison Ford, Harvey Weinstein, Jared Harris, Jeff Weiner, Jill Kennedy, Jordana Glick-Franzheim, Joseph A. Califano, Joseph Ianniello, Josh Rothstein, Jr., Keri Russell, Khan Manka, Leonard Goldberg, Les Moonves, Linda Griego, Louis Briskman, Manka Bros., Martin Franks, Meredith Droeger, Michael Shamberg, Nan Morales, News Corporation, OnMedea, Patrick Bauchau, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Sullivan, Richard Jones, Rik Toulon, Rob Friedman, Robert Nelson Jacobs, Rupert Murdoch, Sam Hall, Shari Redstone, Stacey Sher, Steven Friedlander, Summit Entertainment, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, The Weinstein Company, Thomas Dooley, Tom Vaughan, Viacom, Wade Davis, William S. Cohen, CBS Films is dead, nickmom, nickmom is dead, cancelnickmom.com, Margarget Ables, Sara Benincasa, Bridget Benitz, Margaret Bristol, Rachel Callman, Cheryl Family, Noa Gavin, Brittany Gibbons, Joslyn Gray, Carly Hallam, Becky Harks, Calise Hawkins, Kim Hohman, Breena Jennings, Nikki Johnson, Katie Massa Kennedy, Una LaMarche, Risa Lewalk, Raisa Lewak, Sarah Manley, C. Matthews, C. McFadden, Jill Morris, J. Mustian, Julia Nathan, Kelly Nettles, Siobhan North, Kathy Passero, M. Poranz, Amber Porter, Adrienne Hedger, Shannon Seip, Nicole Leigh Shaw, Leanne Shirtliffe, Raven Snook, Lucy Sweet, Aly Sylvester, Adrienne Torrisi, Suzanna Vicinus, J. Vrabel, J. Wysaski, Bronwen O'KeefeThe biggest problem I have with Nickmom is not a content issue (though it’s really awful – painful to watch). The biggest problem I have with Nickmom is that it is a stupid idea badly executed.

And the ratings are bearing that out as noted by the Wall Street Journal (this is becoming a national story) – 74% decline in two weeks.

There is also a website that has been launched by angry parents – CancelNickMom.com.

Hey Viacom – are you hearing any of this?

People hate it. Drop it. Bring back “Bubble Guppies!”

I always wonder how these epic fails in business happen. This one is stunning.

Nickmom is an idea obviously hatched by out-of-touch corporate executives who think whatever they throw up on the screen (‘throw up’ being key words) will be gobbled up by the masses. They probably imagined their in-boxs filling up with “Thank yous” from weary, under-entertained moms from around the country.

They probably sat there at lunchtime brain-storming sessions falling off their seats with laughter when the suggestion for a tagline came up… “What about ‘Motherfunny’?”  “‘Motherfunny’? Oh, my God, that is fucking hilarious! It sounds like “mother fucker” but it’s actually “motherfunny!”

Thomas Dooley, James Barge, Robert Bakish, James Bombassei, Wade Davis, Carl Folta, MIchael Fricklas, Brad Grey, Doug Herzog, De De Lea, Debra Lee, Scott Mills, Van Toffler, Cyma Zarghami, Adam Townsend, Alan Ruck, Amy Baer, Angeline Straka, Anthony Ambrosio, Ari Emanuel, Arnold Kopelson, Brendan Fraser, Bruce S. Gordon, Bruce Tobey, Carl Folta, Carla Santos Shamberg, CBS Films, Charlie Gifford, Chase Carey, David Andelman, David Poltrack, Debbie Miller, DebManka Bros., Diego Velazquez, Doug Morris, Fred Salerno, Gary Countryman, Geeta Anand, Gil Schwartz, Harrison Ford, Harvey Weinstein, Jared Harris, Jeff Weiner, Jill Kennedy, Jordana Glick-Franzheim, Joseph A. Califano, Joseph Ianniello, Josh Rothstein, Jr., Keri Russell, Khan Manka, Leonard Goldberg, Les Moonves, Linda Griego, Louis Briskman, Manka Bros., Martin Franks, Meredith Droeger, Michael Shamberg, Nan Morales, News Corporation, OnMedea, Patrick Bauchau, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Sullivan, Richard Jones, Rik Toulon, Rob Friedman, Robert Nelson Jacobs, Rupert Murdoch, Sam Hall, Shari Redstone, Stacey Sher, Steven Friedlander, Summit Entertainment, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, The Weinstein Company, Thomas Dooley, Tom Vaughan, Viacom, Wade Davis, William S. Cohen, CBS Films is dead, nickmom, nickmom is dead, cancelnickmom.com, Margarget Ables, Sara Benincasa, Bridget Benitz, Margaret Bristol, Rachel Callman, Cheryl Family, Noa Gavin, Brittany Gibbons, Joslyn Gray, Carly Hallam, Becky Harks, Calise Hawkins, Kim Hohman, Breena Jennings, Nikki Johnson, Katie Massa Kennedy, Una LaMarche, Risa Lewalk, Raisa Lewak, Sarah Manley, C. Matthews, C. McFadden, Jill Morris, J. Mustian, Julia Nathan, Kelly Nettles, Siobhan North, Kathy Passero, M. Poranz, Amber Porter, Adrienne Hedger, Shannon Seip, Nicole Leigh Shaw, Leanne Shirtliffe, Raven Snook, Lucy Sweet, Aly Sylvester, Adrienne Torrisi, Suzanna Vicinus, J. Vrabel, J. Wysaski, Bronwen O'KeefeThe room cannot stop laughing for several minutes. The coldcuts, fruit plates and cookie platters just sit there as middle-aged men (and a lucky female or two including the female VP in charge of Nickmom) howl with laughter at how awesome they are.

And then a branding exec chimes in: “But it’s perfect for what we’re trying to accomplish. We’re making mothers laugh.”

Another exec: “And no one needs laughs more than mothers!”

A marketing exec chimes in to make it all relevant: “And ‘motherfunny’ gives it that edge we’re looking for. These aren’t your father’s mothers anymore. Advertisers are going to eat this shit up!”

I’m not going to pound the point anymore and this isn’t a cry from a concerned parent who is worried about the moral fabric of our country – I know how to keep bad stuff away from my daughter, thank you.

But, face it, this is a horrible idea and it needs to killed.

And… it will be. Soon. Guaranteed.

Accel Partners, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Chris Hughes, David Kirkpatrick, Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin, Gerald Levin, Greylock Partners, HBO, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Joanna Shields, Jon Miller, Khan Manka, Li Ka-shing, Manka Bros., Mark Cuban, Mark Zuckerberg, Matt Cohler, MySpace, Nicolas Carlson, OnMedea, Owen Van Natta, Paul Buchheit, Peter Thiel, Rupert Murdoch, Sheryl Sandberg, Sumner Redstone, Toy Story 3Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

YouTube’s Original Content Strategy Is Working

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, OnMedea, Jill Kennedy, YouTube Original Channels, Google, Larry Page, Eric E. Schmidt, Sergey Brin, Nikesh Arora, David Drummond, Patrick Pichette, Alan Eustace, Amit Singhal, Andy Rubin, Dennis Woodside, Jeff Huber, Kent Walker, Laszlo Bock, Rachel Whetstone, Salar Kamangar, Shona Brown, Sridhar Ramaswamy, Sundar Pichai, Susan Wojcicki, Urs Hoelzle, Vic Gundotra, L. John Doerr, Diane B. Greene, John L. Hennessy, Ann Mather, Paul S. Otellini, K. Ram Shriram, Shirley M. Tilghman, Hank Green, Kim Rosen, Alex Gibney, Gilbert Gottfried, Richard Belzer, Robert Kyncl, John Green, Felicia Day, Jennifer Garner, America Ferrera, Gotham Chopra, Deepak Chopra, Jon Avnet, Amy Poehler, Rainn Wilson, Jay-Z, Rodrigo Garcia, Virginia Madsen, Julia Stiles, ClevverStyle, Fawn, HelloStyle, Look TV, The Stylish, u look haute, my damn channel, the onion, danceon, ds2dio, american hipster, awesomeness, bammo, blackbox tv, geek & sundry, mymusic, the nerdish channel, cartoon hangover, yomyomf, young hollywood network

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, OnMedea, Jill Kennedy, YouTube Original Channels, Google, Larry Page, Eric E. Schmidt, Sergey Brin, Nikesh Arora, David Drummond, Patrick Pichette, Alan Eustace, Amit Singhal, Andy Rubin, Dennis Woodside, Jeff Huber, Kent Walker, Laszlo Bock, Rachel Whetstone, Salar Kamangar, Shona Brown, Sridhar Ramaswamy, Sundar Pichai, Susan Wojcicki, Urs Hoelzle, Vic Gundotra, L. John Doerr, Diane B. Greene, John L. Hennessy, Ann Mather, Paul S. Otellini, K. Ram Shriram, Shirley M. Tilghman, Hank Green, Kim Rosen, Alex Gibney, Gilbert Gottfried, Richard Belzer, Robert Kyncl, John Green, Felicia Day, Jennifer Garner, America Ferrera, Gotham Chopra, Deepak Chopra, Jon Avnet, Amy Poehler, Rainn Wilson, Jay-Z, Rodrigo Garcia, Virginia Madsen, Julia Stiles, ClevverStyle, Fawn, HelloStyle, Look TV, The Stylish, u look haute, my damn channel, the onion, danceon, ds2dio, american hipster, awesomeness, bammo, blackbox tv, geek & sundry, mymusic, the nerdish channel, cartoon hangover, yomyomf, young hollywood networkThat’s a frightening headline for the Hollywood studios.

It wasn’t supposed to work.

It was an ill-planned experiment that was supposed to fail.

Seriously, who would watch that crap?

Well… give one point to Silicon Valley in the Great Content Wars of 2012.  

(This doesn’t mean I’m giving any sort of credit to that jerk Paul Graham – who issued a war on Hollywood.  Graham and Y Combinator, in my opinion, represent all that is bad in Silicon Valley.)

When YouTube announced last year that they would put up $100 million dollars to fund original content channels, no one in Hollywood gave it much notice.

What most people expected was something like Paul Rudd walking around, eating Doritos and throwing out non-sequitors.

Basically, that no one would give a shit or watch – and if they did, big companies certainly wouldn’t throw any advertising money at it.

“We’re saving our big dollars for high-quality, professional Hollywood content, goddamnit!” (Imagine them saying it with big cigars  in their mouths for greater effect.)

Cut to one year later and there is something real going on at YouTube – and they are just getting started (see all the “Coming Soon” labels on the left graphic of the channels yet to launch).

Channels are launching with the buzz normally generated for broadcast TV or feature film premieres – and for a lot less money.

Here’s a snapshot of the numbers (July 4, 2012). These are significant numbers.

Granted, this new “premium” content on YouTube is NOTHING EVEN CLOSE to the quality of a major studio feature film or TV series.  Everything about it screams “slapped together.”

So if that’s true, then why should Hollywood be scared?

Because the generation growing up with YouTube does not distinguish between NBC, ESPN, Hulu, iPhone Apps, etc.

Eyeballs can only look so many places at one time and Broadcast Networks are asking you to keep them locked for three hours at a time (and watch the ads).

That’s fine for my mom (and, frankly, fine for me, too – though my iPhone is in my hand while I watch) but not fine for my daughter.

No chance does she one day turn to me and say “You know what, mom? I’ve become a Broadcast Network junkie. Those shows are what I love to watch the most.”

And this is true all around the world.

The kids who are playing online games, watching videos and surfing around the various social networks are not suddenly going to watch Broadcast Networks when they turn 30.

“Now that I’m older and finished with my wandering gadgets, I’m ready to settle in my easy chair and watch quality programming and check out some of the interesting advertising that happens during those shows.”

Never going to happen.

And, of course, duh, the big media companies know this is never going to happen.

But here’s the kicker:  Most who grew up with the Internet really don’t care about quality. If they did, Zynga would have never become popular and MP3s would have been shunned immediately for their lack of decent fidelity.

The youth of the world have been raised not to care about such things (of course, I realize there are exceptions).

A couple of years ago, I wrote a piece called  “Broadcast Networks: On Death and Dying” and regardless of the few breakout hits that do exist on Broadcast (which results in big profits from International markets and off-net syndication), it’s really expensive content to produce and it’s just not a long-term strategy.

But don’t get me wrong – studios would be foolish to give up this extremely profitable business model while the market is still there. (“Two Broke Girls” just got $1.5 million an episode from TBS – who could give that up?!)

It’s a real conundrum.

Hollywood studios can’t abandon a dying business when it’s still so profitable. But they can’t plan for the future – because the future is the death of their current business model.

And attempting to replicate what YouTube is doing would be a downright embarrassment for studios used to creating such high-priced, high-quality content.

It would be quite a step down.

Next year is crucial for content business. Trends may become irreversible and the next ten years could become crystal clear.

It is possible that both worlds can exist and make a lot of money (one with super high margins, the other with less).

The ratings for this year’s crop of Broadcast fall premieres will be heavily scrutinized. (October 17 update: Ratings have started off terrible with all networks except NBC experiencing double-digit declines without much hope for improvement.)

New shows need to emerge more than they ever have in the history of television (no platitudes here, man). Syndication pipelines need to remain full with bidding wars from multiple channels and station groups.

If that happens, old media and the current way of operating survives for another five years or so.

If not, there’s only so many more spring upfronts that advertisers will show up for.

Next year, I guarantee, the YouTube upfront presentation will get as much press as CBS’ upfront – regardless of how many more stars CBS pulls onto the stage.

Why is that?

Because it’s new.  It’s exciting.  And new and exciting always wins.

And, remember, this is a reality TV world (created by Hollywood) where everyone can be a star.

And now those stars don’t need Hollywood anymore.

Accel Partners, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Chris Hughes, David Kirkpatrick, Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin, Gerald Levin, Greylock Partners, HBO, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Joanna Shields, Jon Miller, Khan Manka, Li Ka-shing, Manka Bros., Mark Cuban, Mark Zuckerberg, Matt Cohler, MySpace, Nicolas Carlson, OnMedea, Owen Van Natta, Paul Buchheit, Peter Thiel, Rupert Murdoch, Sheryl Sandberg, Sumner Redstone, Toy Story 3Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

The X Factor Is Terrible

Allen & Company retreat, Anne Mulcahy, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Bobby Kotick, Carol Bartz, Charlie Rose, Cory Booker, DumbDumb, Electus, Eric Schmidt, Erin Burnett, Gina Bianchini, Harvey Weinstein, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, Jean-Bernard Levy, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, John Donahue, Ken Auletta, Khan Manka, Lachlan Murdoch, Lady Gaga, Leslie Moonves, Lionel Barber, Lloyd Grohl, Manka Bros., Marc Andreessen, Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Martin Sorrell, Mathias Dopfner, Mike Bloomberg, Niall FitzGerald, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rob Wiesenthal, Robert L. Johnson, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Terry Semel, Tom Freston, Tom Friedman, Ursula Burns, Vivi Nevo, Warren Buffett, World's Largest Media Company, Rupert Murdoch, Jose Maria Aznar, natalie Bancroft, Peter Barnes, Chase Carey, Kenneth Cowley, David DeVoe, Viet Dinh, Rod Eddington, Joel Klein, Andrew S.B. Knight, James Murdoch, Lachlan Murdoch, Thomas Perkins, Arthur Siskind, John Thornton, Stanley Shuman, Rebekah Brooks, Les Hinton, Teri Everett, jack Horner, Julie Henderson, Reed Nolte, Roger Ailes, Janet Nova, John Nallen, Beryl Cook, Michael Regan, Genie Gavenchak, Brian Lewis, Irena Briganti, Dan Berger, Rosabel Tao, Steven Rubenstein, Suzanne Halpin, Elisabeth Murdoch, Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul, L.A. Reid, Nicole Scherzinger, Steve Jones, Drew, Melanie Amaro, Rachel Crow, Lakoda Rayne, The Stereo Hogzz, inTENsity, Josh Krajcik, LeRoy Bell, Stacy Francis, Astro, Brian Bradley, Chris Rene, Marcus Canty, Ben Thursby, Jason Sands, Andrew Kimmel, Cecile Frot-Coutaz, Siobhan Greene, Richard Holloway, Andrew Llinares, Jason Sands, Rob Wade, Autumn DeVitry, Heath Luman, Steve Bae, Kari Killion, Robin Koethcke, Karla LeCroix, Shelby Wagner, Caroline Abaecheta, Maggie Brockmann, Tim Byrne, Vira Chhay, Jessica Devlin, Paul Fishman, Ryan Goble, Mike Hofferth, Dan Keats, Pete Ogden, Yasmin Rawii, Marla Roberts, David Silberman, Jacqui Denker, Elaina Fish, Drew Fontes, Brian Friedman Henri Hebert, Ben Idom, Michelle Kirschner, Ian Mallahan, Tyree McLyn, Sara Sanders, Greg Matthews, Florian Wieder, Louis Borreli, Chad Cohen, Tiffany Hoss, Vanessa Rose Ioppolo, Reilly Oliver, Zach Jarosz, Jen Muccia, Stephanie Cieplinski, Abigail Doyle, Katie Franzeo, Maxwell Harris, William Lacey, Michael Boeder, Tammy Raab, Donald Hudson, Tom Riles, Natalie Threlkel

Allen & Company retreat, Anne Mulcahy, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Bobby Kotick, Carol Bartz, Charlie Rose, Cory Booker, DumbDumb, Electus, Eric Schmidt, Erin Burnett, Gina Bianchini, Harvey Weinstein, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, Jean-Bernard Levy, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, John Donahue, Ken Auletta, Khan Manka, Lachlan Murdoch, Lady Gaga, Leslie Moonves, Lionel Barber, Lloyd Grohl, Manka Bros., Marc Andreessen, Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Martin Sorrell, Mathias Dopfner, Mike Bloomberg, Niall FitzGerald, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rob Wiesenthal, Robert L. Johnson, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Terry Semel, Tom Freston, Tom Friedman, Ursula Burns, Vivi Nevo, Warren Buffett, World's Largest Media Company, Rupert Murdoch, Jose Maria Aznar, natalie Bancroft, Peter Barnes, Chase Carey, Kenneth Cowley, David DeVoe, Viet Dinh, Rod Eddington, Joel Klein, Andrew S.B. Knight, James Murdoch, Lachlan Murdoch, Thomas Perkins, Arthur Siskind, John Thornton, Stanley Shuman, Rebekah Brooks, Les Hinton, Teri Everett, jack Horner, Julie Henderson, Reed Nolte, Roger Ailes, Janet Nova, John Nallen, Beryl Cook, Michael Regan, Genie Gavenchak, Brian Lewis, Irena Briganti, Dan Berger, Rosabel Tao, Steven Rubenstein, Suzanne Halpin, Elisabeth Murdoch, Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul, L.A. Reid, Nicole Scherzinger, Steve Jones, Drew, Melanie Amaro, Rachel Crow, Lakoda Rayne, The Stereo Hogzz, inTENsity, Josh Krajcik, LeRoy Bell, Stacy Francis, Astro, Brian Bradley, Chris Rene, Marcus Canty, Ben Thursby, Jason Sands, Andrew Kimmel, Cecile Frot-Coutaz, Siobhan Greene, Richard Holloway, Andrew Llinares, Jason Sands, Rob Wade, Autumn DeVitry, Heath Luman, Steve Bae, Kari Killion, Robin Koethcke, Karla LeCroix, Shelby Wagner, Caroline Abaecheta, Maggie Brockmann, Tim Byrne, Vira Chhay, Jessica Devlin, Paul Fishman, Ryan Goble, Mike Hofferth, Dan Keats, Pete Ogden, Yasmin Rawii, Marla Roberts, David Silberman, Jacqui Denker, Elaina Fish, Drew Fontes, Brian Friedman Henri Hebert, Ben Idom, Michelle Kirschner, Ian Mallahan, Tyree McLyn, Sara Sanders, Greg Matthews, Florian Wieder, Louis Borreli, Chad Cohen, Tiffany Hoss, Vanessa Rose Ioppolo, Reilly Oliver, Zach Jarosz, Jen Muccia, Stephanie Cieplinski, Abigail Doyle, Katie Franzeo, Maxwell Harris, William Lacey, Michael Boeder, Tammy Raab, Donald Hudson, Tom Riles, Natalie ThrelkelFirst of all, I am not a television critic.  I am a critic of the television industry – but not really on the content itself.

That said, last week, while at a Manka Bros. corporate retreat, I actually sat and watched a full episode of “The X Factor” – and it was terrible.

Seriously, this is a really bad, over-produced mess.

A massive train wreck.

I can see now why the ratings have been just “okay” (considering the enormous pre-season expectations).

I thought this was going to be a huge show and even killed “American Idol” last year after it was announced that Simon Cowell was leaving (to ultimately start “The X Factor”).

I will admit now, my killing of “American Idol” was wrong.  That show is alive and surprisingly well after more than a decade.

That’s more than I can say for “The X Factor”.

From what I saw (to be fair – on my one viewing), this show is complete disaster and won’t be alive two years from now (much less a decade).  I know it was renewed for next year but I have a feeling that was part of the original deal (though they made a press announcement like it was a big surprise).  Maybe there’s a chance this show could improve and grow into something – but I doubt it.  There are too many problems.

The main advice I have for this show:  Calm the fuck down.

Allen & Company retreat, Anne Mulcahy, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Bobby Kotick, Carol Bartz, Charlie Rose, Cory Booker, DumbDumb, Electus, Eric Schmidt, Erin Burnett, Gina Bianchini, Harvey Weinstein, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, Jean-Bernard Levy, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, John Donahue, Ken Auletta, Khan Manka, Lachlan Murdoch, Lady Gaga, Leslie Moonves, Lionel Barber, Lloyd Grohl, Manka Bros., Marc Andreessen, Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Martin Sorrell, Mathias Dopfner, Mike Bloomberg, Niall FitzGerald, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rob Wiesenthal, Robert L. Johnson, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Terry Semel, Tom Freston, Tom Friedman, Ursula Burns, Vivi Nevo, Warren Buffett, World's Largest Media Company, Rupert Murdoch, Jose Maria Aznar, natalie Bancroft, Peter Barnes, Chase Carey, Kenneth Cowley, David DeVoe, Viet Dinh, Rod Eddington, Joel Klein, Andrew S.B. Knight, James Murdoch, Lachlan Murdoch, Thomas Perkins, Arthur Siskind, John Thornton, Stanley Shuman, Rebekah Brooks, Les Hinton, Teri Everett, jack Horner, Julie Henderson, Reed Nolte, Roger Ailes, Janet Nova, John Nallen, Beryl Cook, Michael Regan, Genie Gavenchak, Brian Lewis, Irena Briganti, Dan Berger, Rosabel Tao, Steven Rubenstein, Suzanne Halpin, Elisabeth Murdoch, Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul, L.A. Reid, Nicole Scherzinger, Steve Jones, Drew, Melanie Amaro, Rachel Crow, Lakoda Rayne, The Stereo Hogzz, inTENsity, Josh Krajcik, LeRoy Bell, Stacy Francis, Astro, Brian Bradley, Chris Rene, Marcus Canty, Ben Thursby, Jason Sands, Andrew Kimmel, Cecile Frot-Coutaz, Siobhan Greene, Richard Holloway, Andrew Llinares, Jason Sands, Rob Wade, Autumn DeVitry, Heath Luman, Steve Bae, Kari Killion, Robin Koethcke, Karla LeCroix, Shelby Wagner, Caroline Abaecheta, Maggie Brockmann, Tim Byrne, Vira Chhay, Jessica Devlin, Paul Fishman, Ryan Goble, Mike Hofferth, Dan Keats, Pete Ogden, Yasmin Rawii, Marla Roberts, David Silberman, Jacqui Denker, Elaina Fish, Drew Fontes, Brian Friedman Henri Hebert, Ben Idom, Michelle Kirschner, Ian Mallahan, Tyree McLyn, Sara Sanders, Greg Matthews, Florian Wieder, Louis Borreli, Chad Cohen, Tiffany Hoss, Vanessa Rose Ioppolo, Reilly Oliver, Zach Jarosz, Jen Muccia, Stephanie Cieplinski, Abigail Doyle, Katie Franzeo, Maxwell Harris, William Lacey, Michael Boeder, Tammy Raab, Donald Hudson, Tom Riles, Natalie ThrelkelHere are the key problems as I see it:

1)  SIMON COWELL. The man who single-handedly turned “American Idol” into a must see phenomenon, is the biggest hindrance of his own show.

Why?

Because he has to DO stuff on this one. Not just sit in the chair, look disinterested, and throw out barbs that make America scream at the television.  That was the biggest strength of “American Idol” – his laziness.

Now, he’s pitching products, reading off cue cards – it’s a disaster.  He is so far out of his comfort zone that he has destroyed the one thing “The X Factor” has going for it – himself.

He needs to fire himself – simple as that.

Allen & Company retreat, Anne Mulcahy, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Bobby Kotick, Carol Bartz, Charlie Rose, Cory Booker, DumbDumb, Electus, Eric Schmidt, Erin Burnett, Gina Bianchini, Harvey Weinstein, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, Jean-Bernard Levy, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, John Donahue, Ken Auletta, Khan Manka, Lachlan Murdoch, Lady Gaga, Leslie Moonves, Lionel Barber, Lloyd Grohl, Manka Bros., Marc Andreessen, Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Martin Sorrell, Mathias Dopfner, Mike Bloomberg, Niall FitzGerald, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rob Wiesenthal, Robert L. Johnson, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Terry Semel, Tom Freston, Tom Friedman, Ursula Burns, Vivi Nevo, Warren Buffett, World's Largest Media Company, Rupert Murdoch, Jose Maria Aznar, natalie Bancroft, Peter Barnes, Chase Carey, Kenneth Cowley, David DeVoe, Viet Dinh, Rod Eddington, Joel Klein, Andrew S.B. Knight, James Murdoch, Lachlan Murdoch, Thomas Perkins, Arthur Siskind, John Thornton, Stanley Shuman, Rebekah Brooks, Les Hinton, Teri Everett, jack Horner, Julie Henderson, Reed Nolte, Roger Ailes, Janet Nova, John Nallen, Beryl Cook, Michael Regan, Genie Gavenchak, Brian Lewis, Irena Briganti, Dan Berger, Rosabel Tao, Steven Rubenstein, Suzanne Halpin, Elisabeth Murdoch, Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul, L.A. Reid, Nicole Scherzinger, Steve Jones, Drew, Melanie Amaro, Rachel Crow, Lakoda Rayne, The Stereo Hogzz, inTENsity, Josh Krajcik, LeRoy Bell, Stacy Francis, Astro, Brian Bradley, Chris Rene, Marcus Canty, Ben Thursby, Jason Sands, Andrew Kimmel, Cecile Frot-Coutaz, Siobhan Greene, Richard Holloway, Andrew Llinares, Jason Sands, Rob Wade, Autumn DeVitry, Heath Luman, Steve Bae, Kari Killion, Robin Koethcke, Karla LeCroix, Shelby Wagner, Caroline Abaecheta, Maggie Brockmann, Tim Byrne, Vira Chhay, Jessica Devlin, Paul Fishman, Ryan Goble, Mike Hofferth, Dan Keats, Pete Ogden, Yasmin Rawii, Marla Roberts, David Silberman, Jacqui Denker, Elaina Fish, Drew Fontes, Brian Friedman Henri Hebert, Ben Idom, Michelle Kirschner, Ian Mallahan, Tyree McLyn, Sara Sanders, Greg Matthews, Florian Wieder, Louis Borreli, Chad Cohen, Tiffany Hoss, Vanessa Rose Ioppolo, Reilly Oliver, Zach Jarosz, Jen Muccia, Stephanie Cieplinski, Abigail Doyle, Katie Franzeo, Maxwell Harris, William Lacey, Michael Boeder, Tammy Raab, Donald Hudson, Tom Riles, Natalie Threlkel2) THE OTHER JUDGES. No chemistry and embarrassing to watch – especially when they try to stir up some sort of controversy or generate angry banter.

The carefully choreographed verbal jabs between the judges is as convincing as a 6th Grade production of “Who’s Afraid Of Virginia Woolf?”.

Why is that?

Because we all know Simon hired all the judges (in almost a reality show of its own) and we know that Paula was sort desperate for this gig – so any little “fights” she has with Simon ring false.

On “American Idol” it worked a little better because they were all hired guns that negotiated separate deals.  Simon negotiated all of “The X Factor” judges deals.  He owns them which is why it doesn’t work.

Allen & Company retreat, Anne Mulcahy, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Bobby Kotick, Carol Bartz, Charlie Rose, Cory Booker, DumbDumb, Electus, Eric Schmidt, Erin Burnett, Gina Bianchini, Harvey Weinstein, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, Jean-Bernard Levy, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, John Donahue, Ken Auletta, Khan Manka, Lachlan Murdoch, Lady Gaga, Leslie Moonves, Lionel Barber, Lloyd Grohl, Manka Bros., Marc Andreessen, Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Martin Sorrell, Mathias Dopfner, Mike Bloomberg, Niall FitzGerald, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rob Wiesenthal, Robert L. Johnson, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Terry Semel, Tom Freston, Tom Friedman, Ursula Burns, Vivi Nevo, Warren Buffett, World's Largest Media Company, Rupert Murdoch, Jose Maria Aznar, natalie Bancroft, Peter Barnes, Chase Carey, Kenneth Cowley, David DeVoe, Viet Dinh, Rod Eddington, Joel Klein, Andrew S.B. Knight, James Murdoch, Lachlan Murdoch, Thomas Perkins, Arthur Siskind, John Thornton, Stanley Shuman, Rebekah Brooks, Les Hinton, Teri Everett, jack Horner, Julie Henderson, Reed Nolte, Roger Ailes, Janet Nova, John Nallen, Beryl Cook, Michael Regan, Genie Gavenchak, Brian Lewis, Irena Briganti, Dan Berger, Rosabel Tao, Steven Rubenstein, Suzanne Halpin, Elisabeth Murdoch, Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul, L.A. Reid, Nicole Scherzinger, Steve Jones, Drew, Melanie Amaro, Rachel Crow, Lakoda Rayne, The Stereo Hogzz, inTENsity, Josh Krajcik, LeRoy Bell, Stacy Francis, Astro, Brian Bradley, Chris Rene, Marcus Canty, Ben Thursby, Jason Sands, Andrew Kimmel, Cecile Frot-Coutaz, Siobhan Greene, Richard Holloway, Andrew Llinares, Jason Sands, Rob Wade, Autumn DeVitry, Heath Luman, Steve Bae, Kari Killion, Robin Koethcke, Karla LeCroix, Shelby Wagner, Caroline Abaecheta, Maggie Brockmann, Tim Byrne, Vira Chhay, Jessica Devlin, Paul Fishman, Ryan Goble, Mike Hofferth, Dan Keats, Pete Ogden, Yasmin Rawii, Marla Roberts, David Silberman, Jacqui Denker, Elaina Fish, Drew Fontes, Brian Friedman Henri Hebert, Ben Idom, Michelle Kirschner, Ian Mallahan, Tyree McLyn, Sara Sanders, Greg Matthews, Florian Wieder, Louis Borreli, Chad Cohen, Tiffany Hoss, Vanessa Rose Ioppolo, Reilly Oliver, Zach Jarosz, Jen Muccia, Stephanie Cieplinski, Abigail Doyle, Katie Franzeo, Maxwell Harris, William Lacey, Michael Boeder, Tammy Raab, Donald Hudson, Tom Riles, Natalie Threlkel3) THE TALENT. Is it just me, or does nearly every act in the Final 12 suck?

As I was watching them all perform, there were so many moments that took me out of the music – bad notes, awkward stage presence – so many moments that I yelled at the television: “These people are singing for $5 million bucks?!”

Maybe because there are so many singing competitions on TV these days the talent pool is getting shallow – but, to me, this is a pretty pathetic crop of finalists.  Especially the children!

4) THE PRODUCT PLACEMENT. Good God, the product placement is completely out of control.  Seriously.  The Verizon X Factor App (or whatever)?  And Simon introduces the Verizon App while drinking a Pepsi.  It’s comical.

They are probably looking for ways to sponsor the sponsorships:   “The Verizon App brought to you by Pepsi and Depends disposable adult diapers (so you don’t have to miss one second of “The X Factor” – just go in your pants!).”

Allen & Company retreat, Anne Mulcahy, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Bobby Kotick, Carol Bartz, Charlie Rose, Cory Booker, DumbDumb, Electus, Eric Schmidt, Erin Burnett, Gina Bianchini, Harvey Weinstein, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, Jean-Bernard Levy, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, John Donahue, Ken Auletta, Khan Manka, Lachlan Murdoch, Lady Gaga, Leslie Moonves, Lionel Barber, Lloyd Grohl, Manka Bros., Marc Andreessen, Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Martin Sorrell, Mathias Dopfner, Mike Bloomberg, Niall FitzGerald, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rob Wiesenthal, Robert L. Johnson, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Terry Semel, Tom Freston, Tom Friedman, Ursula Burns, Vivi Nevo, Warren Buffett, World's Largest Media Company, Rupert Murdoch, Jose Maria Aznar, natalie Bancroft, Peter Barnes, Chase Carey, Kenneth Cowley, David DeVoe, Viet Dinh, Rod Eddington, Joel Klein, Andrew S.B. Knight, James Murdoch, Lachlan Murdoch, Thomas Perkins, Arthur Siskind, John Thornton, Stanley Shuman, Rebekah Brooks, Les Hinton, Teri Everett, jack Horner, Julie Henderson, Reed Nolte, Roger Ailes, Janet Nova, John Nallen, Beryl Cook, Michael Regan, Genie Gavenchak, Brian Lewis, Irena Briganti, Dan Berger, Rosabel Tao, Steven Rubenstein, Suzanne Halpin, Elisabeth Murdoch, Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul, L.A. Reid, Nicole Scherzinger, Steve Jones, Drew, Melanie Amaro, Rachel Crow, Lakoda Rayne, The Stereo Hogzz, inTENsity, Josh Krajcik, LeRoy Bell, Stacy Francis, Astro, Brian Bradley, Chris Rene, Marcus Canty, Ben Thursby, Jason Sands, Andrew Kimmel, Cecile Frot-Coutaz, Siobhan Greene, Richard Holloway, Andrew Llinares, Jason Sands, Rob Wade, Autumn DeVitry, Heath Luman, Steve Bae, Kari Killion, Robin Koethcke, Karla LeCroix, Shelby Wagner, Caroline Abaecheta, Maggie Brockmann, Tim Byrne, Vira Chhay, Jessica Devlin, Paul Fishman, Ryan Goble, Mike Hofferth, Dan Keats, Pete Ogden, Yasmin Rawii, Marla Roberts, David Silberman, Jacqui Denker, Elaina Fish, Drew Fontes, Brian Friedman Henri Hebert, Ben Idom, Michelle Kirschner, Ian Mallahan, Tyree McLyn, Sara Sanders, Greg Matthews, Florian Wieder, Louis Borreli, Chad Cohen, Tiffany Hoss, Vanessa Rose Ioppolo, Reilly Oliver, Zach Jarosz, Jen Muccia, Stephanie Cieplinski, Abigail Doyle, Katie Franzeo, Maxwell Harris, William Lacey, Michael Boeder, Tammy Raab, Donald Hudson, Tom Riles, Natalie Threlkel5) THE PRODUCTION VALUES. What in the Hell is up with that set design?  These crappy singers are singing in a pinball machine from 1986.  The lights and the moving panels and the smoke and mirrors and lasers.

What the fuck?

We all know whoever wins is going to be singing at County Fairs with Kellie Pickler this summer.  The sets there will be bales of hay and deep-fried bacon machines.  Just calm the fuck down.

Plus, there are those power “X Factor” dancers that gyrate around these poor contestants as they try to make it through “Moon River” without their voice cracking.

On “American Idol”, Simon always used to emphasize that it was a “singing competition”.

He could obviously care less about that now.

Other than that, it’s a pretty awesome show.  Fox has done it again!

Accel Partners, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Chris Hughes, David Kirkpatrick, Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin, Gerald Levin, Greylock Partners, HBO, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Joanna Shields, Jon Miller, Khan Manka, Li Ka-shing, Manka Bros., Mark Cuban, Mark Zuckerberg, Matt Cohler, MySpace, Nicolas Carlson, OnMedea, Owen Van Natta, Paul Buchheit, Peter Thiel, Rupert Murdoch, Sheryl Sandberg, Sumner Redstone, Toy Story 3Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

Unattractive Women Have Zero Chance In Hollywood…

Ari Emanuel, Bob Iger, Diablo Cody, Disney, female screenwiters, Fox, Giada De Laurentiis, Jeff Robinov, Jeff Weiner, Jill Kennedy, Khan Manka, Lynn Shelton, Manka Bros., Paramount, script girl, Scriptgirl411, sexism in Hollywood, Tina Fey, top young screenwriters, unattractive women in hollywood, Universal, Warner Bros., Wendy Wasserstein… and New York, for that matter.  And I’m talking about WRITERS!

Of course, there are some small roles in film and television that are played by unattractive female actresses (the psychotic neighbor, the diner waitress, the homeless woman, the awkward teen friend, etc.) – and we sort of understand why ‘on-camera’ talent has to have a certain look.

But writers?  Why do they have to look a certain way?  They just have to be able to write.  Right?  Quasimodo should be able to make it in this town – that is, if Quasimodo was a really good writer.  Is that naive?

Being fairly new to L.A., I was shocked to learn that the new crop of budding female screenwriters (those under 30) are freakin’ hot.  And, of the females out there writing (and there are millions), the hot ones seem to be the only ones getting meetings.

There is a very high profile production company down the hall from my office which receives a good amount of foot traffic from writers pitching script ideas.  The males that come in are pretty much all unattractive, unkempt and fat (the standard male screenwriter uniform of baseball cap – [Cubs preferably], shorts and a giant t-shirt is a cliche… but in this case, a true cliche).  [Note:  If the male screenwriter becomes successful, then his body changes – he’s still unattractive but now he’s ‘kempt’ and very much in shape.  Success leads to getting laid, getting laid leads to getting in shape.]

The female writers that come in are all hot.  There’s not one Wendy Wasserstein in the bunch.  Some wear glasses to have that ‘smart’ look – but they all accentuate their boobs and have a nice tight ass.  Perhaps this current wave of new writers was influenced in some way by Scriptgirl411.  Even though ScriptGirl is mostly satire, there is a certain fantasy that male producers have (and have had since Hollywood began) and she hits it right on the head.

Ari Emanuel, Bob Iger, Diablo Cody, Disney, female screenwiters, Fox, Giada De Laurentiis, Jeff Robinov, Jeff Weiner, Jill Kennedy, Khan Manka, Lynn Shelton, Manka Bros., Paramount, script girl, Scriptgirl411, sexism in Hollywood, Tina Fey, top young screenwriters, unattractive women in hollywood, Universal, Warner Bros., Wendy WassersteinFemale screenwriters make up a extremely low percentage of screenplays written in this town (oh, let’s say 2%, though accurate data is very hard to come by) – so I suppose when male producers feel they need to hire a female to give the script a ‘certain voice’, being the shallow boys that they are, they would prefer to spend all that time with someone hot.  That’s pretty much the way this town works in every area of entertainment (even catering… thank you Giada De Laurentiis!).

I do believe this is just a fad and it will change once some of the beautiful but untalented writers start to get screen credits and the movies fail at the box office.  Talent will win the day – much as it did for older male screenwriters who were shut out in the 90s for younger guys right out of film school.

Today, it doesn’t seem to matter how old a male writer is, the quality of the script seems to win out.  This is mainly due to the low number of projects being greenlit and the low tolerance for bad writing.   Top male executives (and a couple of females) at production companies and studios can no longer take a chance on being the “cutting edge” type or “trend setting”.  In today’s economy, their jobs and bonuses are very much on the line – so they’d better get it right (write).

However, it’s funny, but when it’s a hot, young, female screenwriter, film executives have an amazing tolerance for bad writing.  This, too, will change.

Talent will win the day – though it’s much easier to get tits in the door than a foot.

Accel Partners, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Chris Hughes, David Kirkpatrick, Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin, Gerald Levin, Greylock Partners, HBO, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Joanna Shields, Jon Miller, Khan Manka, Li Ka-shing, Manka Bros., Mark Cuban, Mark Zuckerberg, Matt Cohler, MySpace, Nicolas Carlson, OnMedea, Owen Van Natta, Paul Buchheit, Peter Thiel, Rupert Murdoch, Sheryl Sandberg, Sumner Redstone, Toy Story 3Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

The Jay Leno Show Has Failed

ABC, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills Hotel, CBS, CSI: NY, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Wolf, Eastwick, ER, Gossip Girl, Jay Leno, Jay Leno has Failed, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, John Ferriter, Julianna Margulies, Kate Gosselin, Khan Manka, Law & Order, Manka Bros., Nikki Finke, Octomom, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Roth, Producers Caucus Panel, Sharon Waxman, Terry Semel, The CW, thewrap.com, Warner Bros., William Morris EndeavorBased on last night’s overnight ratings (September 30, 2009:  4.1/7), the above headline is what nearly every television production executive is screaming down the halls today (with the exception of those at NBC Universal.  They’re probably screaming something like… Will Comcast contribute to my 401K?  What happens to our stock options?, etc.).

Now, a 4.1/7 is a grand slam on The CW.  If every show on The CW got a 4.1/7, Dawn Ostroff (President) would be carried around on one of those Cleopatra-type chairs.  However, this is NBC and this is Jay Leno.  We’ve heard from stories past (lies in my opinion), that Jay only needs to “get a 1.5 rating (A18-49) to make $300 million a year for NBC”.  So a 4.1/7 is comfortably in that range – but still pathetic based on pre-season expectations.

However, there is a way that NBC can save face in the middle of this debacle.  They don’t even need to cancel The Jay Leno Show (why would you when you’re making that kind of bank?  I’m sure Comcast will do a complete audit in due-diligence – so one day we’ll know for sure).

Here’s what you do, NBC: BUY BILLBOARDS strategically-positioned around every major television production facility (as demonstrated below).  Every week, update the profit number of The Jay Leno Show and then put a tag at the bottom that reads something like:  “Hey TV Execs, how are your fall shows doing?  Throwing Off Any Cash?”

ABC, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills Hotel, CBS, CSI: NY, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Wolf, Eastwick, ER, Gossip Girl, Jay Leno, Jay Leno has Failed, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, John Ferriter, Julianna Margulies, Kate Gosselin, Khan Manka, Law & Order, Manka Bros., Nikki Finke, Octomom, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Roth, Producers Caucus Panel, Sharon Waxman, Terry Semel, The CW, thewrap.com, Warner Bros., William Morris EndeavorThis would bring home the fact that The Jay Leno Show HAS NOT FAILED.  It might just stop this town from obsessing over ratings and fucking market share.  Ask The Food Network about their profits?  I think they’ll tell you they’re doing just fine.  And when was the last time they got even a 1.0/3 share?  It means nothing.

But, NBC, you have lost the PR war and it’s time to fight back.  Forget trying to put TV stars from other networks on with JayJay is about movie stars and pop icons.  Fuck Julianna Margulies, Jay.  You don’t need her or her TV friends and complaining in the media about it makes you look like a pussy (even more so).

Accel Partners, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Chris Hughes, David Kirkpatrick, Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin, Gerald Levin, Greylock Partners, HBO, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Joanna Shields, Jon Miller, Khan Manka, Li Ka-shing, Manka Bros., Mark Cuban, Mark Zuckerberg, Matt Cohler, MySpace, Nicolas Carlson, OnMedea, Owen Van Natta, Paul Buchheit, Peter Thiel, Rupert Murdoch, Sheryl Sandberg, Sumner Redstone, Toy Story 3Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

P.S. – I have nothing against Julianna Margulies.  Big fan.  She’s just F-ed by example.

John Ferriter and The Jay Leno Show

ABC, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills Hotel, CBS, CSI: NY, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Wolf, Eastwick, ER, Gossip Girl, Jay Leno, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, John Ferriter, Kate Gosselin, Khan Manka, Law & Order, Manka Bros., Nikki Finke, Octomom, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Roth, Producers Caucus Panel, Sharon Waxman, Terry Semel, The CW, thewrap.com, Warner Bros., William Morris Endeavor

So, earlier today, I said that Leno’s 4.5/8 share was a disaster for NBC and they should start to think about living in a post-Leno world.

ABC, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills Hotel, CBS, CSI: NY, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Wolf, Eastwick, ER, Gossip Girl, Jay Leno, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, John Ferriter, Kate Gosselin, Khan Manka, Law & Order, Manka Bros., Nikki Finke, Octomom, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Roth, Producers Caucus Panel, Sharon Waxman, Terry Semel, The CW, thewrap.com, Warner Bros., William Morris EndeavorBut I was just made aware of a statement by John Ferriter (head of WME’s Non-Scripted Department) at the Producers Caucus Panel that all Jay Leno needed to get was a 1.5 share (A18-49) in order to make NBC $300 million.

WHAT THE FUCK?!

Now by “make” I don’t know if he means revenue (which doesn’t make it a crazy statement) or profit (which makes it a crazy statement).  Either way – it’s bullshit and I don’t believe it.

If this was true, why wouldn’t every network do it?  Why wouldn’t Jeff Zucker be screaming it from the rooftops to Wall Street?  Gossip Girl gets a 1.5 rating and The CW doesn’t make shit.  I know… I know… it’s not apples-to-apples – but it’s still bullshit.

I started to wonder why John Ferriter would take such a bold stand and why does he really care?  Then I found the above picture of Mr. Ferriter with my old friend Ben Silverman in Vegas and it all made sense.

Seems to me Mr. Ferriter is just defending his friends’ crazy business model.  Ben has dated quite a few crazy business models in the past – but none so bold and insane as the one that makes $300 million for 1.5 rating.  Now that’s one hot model!

Why would NBC let such a genius get away?

So, according to my math, a 4.5/8 share should “make” NBC around $900 million.

Jesus Christ!  The Broadcast Network business is a great business!

Accel Partners, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Chris Hughes, David Kirkpatrick, Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin, Gerald Levin, Greylock Partners, HBO, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Joanna Shields, Jon Miller, Khan Manka, Li Ka-shing, Manka Bros., Mark Cuban, Mark Zuckerberg, Matt Cohler, MySpace, Nicolas Carlson, OnMedea, Owen Van Natta, Paul Buchheit, Peter Thiel, Rupert Murdoch, Sheryl Sandberg, Sumner Redstone, Toy Story 3Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

It’s Time To Kill The Emmys

61st Annual Emmy Awards, ABC, Angela Bromstad, Anne Sweeney, Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, CBS, Chris O'Donnell, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Don Mischer, Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along-Blog, Family Guy, Fox, Jeff Weiner, Jill Kennedy, Khan Manka, Les Moonves, LL Cool J, Manka Bros., NBC, NCIS: Los Angeles, Neil Patrick Harris, Nikki Finke, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Sandy Grushow, Seth McFarlane, Sharon Waxman, Terry Semel, The CW, The Simpsons, thewrap.com

61st Annual Emmy Awards, ABC, Angela Bromstad, Anne Sweeney, Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, CBS, Chris O'Donnell, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Don Mischer, Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along-Blog, Family Guy, Fox, Jeff Weiner, Jill Kennedy, Khan Manka, Les Moonves, LL Cool J, Manka Bros., NBC, NCIS: Los Angeles, Neil Patrick Harris, Nikki Finke, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Sandy Grushow, Seth McFarlane, Sharon Waxman, Terry Semel, The CW, The Simpsons, thewrap.comFrankly, no one gives a shit anymore.  Last night’s show was painful.

A tour of the set?  Seriously?  Matthew Weiner, creator of Mad Men, is unable to give an acceptance speech for winning Best Drama because there was a five minute TOUR OF THE SET at the beginning of the show?   “Where we will all be spending the next three plus hours!”

The opening number from the Academy Awards winning for Best Musical NumberBest Musical Number?

That painfully long Family Guy bit with the baby killing the dog (full disclosure – I’m a Simpson’s girl and think Family Guy sucks so I probably wouldn’t have liked even if it were short and funny).

There there was bit-after-painful-bit about the demise of television.  Television, the way it was in 1979 is dead – TELEVISION ISN’T DEAD!  What else are we supposed to do to pass the time on this miserable planet?  We like the internet, we like television, we like movies, we like going out to dinner, we like talking on the phone, we like working out, we like going to the park with our kids, we like going to Disneyland… just because we spend a few hours less watching TV doesn’t make it the end of the world!

I know there is a lot of insecurity in this town and a very strong need to give each other awards.  But would the programming change if there wasn’t Emmy Awards?  Are the actors from NCIS: Los Angeles relevant in any way?  Was an appearance by the Gossip Girls a way to reach out to 15 year olds?  As an experiment, Television Academy, why don’t you put next year’s awards on the Disney Channel and see how many young girls you get to watch… But that would never happen because the Emmys are much too prestigious for that.

I know the old white executives want it to be 1979 again when the television audience apparently actually cared if M*A*S*H would win or lose – but those days are gone.

It’s over.  Kill it already.  Every year it sucks and every year we watch.  Over half that crowd (i.e., the late night comedy show writers), wanted to be watching the Giants/Cowboys game on NBC.  Myself included.

Accel Partners, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Chris Hughes, David Kirkpatrick, Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin, Gerald Levin, Greylock Partners, HBO, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Joanna Shields, Jon Miller, Khan Manka, Li Ka-shing, Manka Bros., Mark Cuban, Mark Zuckerberg, Matt Cohler, MySpace, Nicolas Carlson, OnMedea, Owen Van Natta, Paul Buchheit, Peter Thiel, Rupert Murdoch, Sheryl Sandberg, Sumner Redstone, Toy Story 3Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

Dawn Ostroff Compares Picking TV Shows To “Sophie’s Choice”

[From The Hollywood Reporter:  “It was really a ‘Sophie’s Choice,’ Ostroff said of trying to choose projects for next season with only 10 hours to fill.]

Academy Awards, Barry Diller, Beer Summit, Ben Silverman, Dawn Ostroff, Gossip Girl, Jill Kennedy, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., Medea, Melrose Place, Meryl Streep, NBC, One Tree Hill, OnMedea, President Obama, right wing pundits, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Sophie Zawistowski, Sophie's Choice, Supernatural, TCA, Television Critics Association, The CW, The Vampire Diaries, William StyronMs. Ostroff made this horrific comparison yesterday in Pasadena at the Television Critics Association Press Tour.

Seriously, Dawn?  There was no other phrase you could use.

“Sophie’s Choice” was a decision Holocaust survivor Sophie Zawistowski had to make on which of her children would live and which would die in a Nazi concentration camp.

Sure, it was a work of fiction by William Styron – but he has even said that it was based on a real story (fyi, Meryl Streep won the Academy Award for her portrayal in the movie).

The decision on which child a parent would choose to live and which to die is the same as which TV show on The CW makes the schedule and which doesn’t?

The Gossip Girl spin-off or The Vampire Diaries

Supernatural or One Tree Hill?

I know it was said on the fly and was meant to convey that it was a difficult choice – but come on.

Imagine what the Right Wing Pundits would say if President Obama, during the recent Beer Summit, said “It’s really a ‘Sophie’s Choice’ in deciding which beer to drink.”

Academy Awards, Barry Diller, Beer Summit, Ben Silverman, Dawn Ostroff, Gossip Girl, Jill Kennedy, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., Medea, Melrose Place, Meryl Streep, NBC, One Tree Hill, OnMedea, President Obama, right wing pundits, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Sophie Zawistowski, Sophie's Choice, Supernatural, TCA, Television Critics Association, The CW, The Vampire Diaries, William StyronI started OnMedea with the intention of having a positive tone in regards to the world of media (with the exception of anything concerning Ben Silverman) – but that’s been really difficult based on what I’m discovering out there.

I certainly hope Ms. Ostroff made the right decision and the new “Melrose Place” lives up to her expectations.

For the record, Sophie chose the boy.

Accel Partners, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Chris Hughes, David Kirkpatrick, Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin, Gerald Levin, Greylock Partners, HBO, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Joanna Shields, Jon Miller, Khan Manka, Li Ka-shing, Manka Bros., Mark Cuban, Mark Zuckerberg, Matt Cohler, MySpace, Nicolas Carlson, OnMedea, Owen Van Natta, Paul Buchheit, Peter Thiel, Rupert Murdoch, Sheryl Sandberg, Sumner Redstone, Toy Story 3Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

(I understand the slight irony that I write these things under the blog title OnMedea – a fictional woman who slaughtered her kids after finding out her man had an affair.)