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What is it going to take for TBS (or any other Basic Cable channel) to get a little respect? 

I watched the premiere week of Conan and thought it was fine and exactly what I expected (which is a slight disappointment, right?).  (Also, why was it on at 10pm on DirecTV when every advertisement in the world says 11pm?... but I digress.)

The one thing that did stand out was the constant bashing of TBS and Basic Cable in general (I know it is a joke, I get it - I also got it in 1985 when the Basic Cable jokes started).  But times have changed.

I was a proponent of Conan leaving NBC and for Jeff Zucker to be fired for many MANY reasons (including the handling of the Jay/Conan affair and for having anything to do with Ben Silverman.  Please, someone wash everything Ben touched, it's filthy!).

But, I must say, I'm disappointed with the way Conan has handled the transition to TBS.  It was a very difficult decision, I'm sure, but why bash your new home?

Why is Basic Cable still struggling for any sort of respect?

It's all very reminiscent of the scene from "Goodfellas" with Billy Batts (Frank Vincent) and Tommy DeVito (Joe Pesci) in the bar.  Imagine Billy Batts is the "Broadcast Networks" and Tommy DeVito is "Basic Cable":

Basic Cable:  No more shines, Broadcast Networks.
Broadcast Networks:  What?
Basic Cable:  I said, no more shines.  Maybe you didn't hear about it, you've been away a long time.  I don't shine shoes anymore.
Broadcast Networks:  Relax, will ya?  Ya flip out, what's got into you?  I'm breaking your balls a little bit, that's all.  I'm only kidding with ya...
Basic Cable:  Sometimes you don't sound like you're kidding, you know, there's a lotta people around...
Broadcast Networks:  I'm only kidding with you.  I'm breaking your balls, and you're getting fucking fresh.  I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to offend you.
Basic Cable:  I'm sorry, too.  It's okay.  No problem.
Broadcast Networks:  Now go home and get your fuckin' shinebox!
Basic Cable:  Mother fuckin' mutt!  You fucking piece of shit!

If you remember the movie, Tommy then kicked and stabbed Billy about a thousand times, threw him in the trunk of his car and buried him in some disgusting pit.  I'm not saying Basic Cable will completely bury the Broadcast Networks - but it seems to be headed that general direction - so Broadcast Networks had better cut it out with the "shinebox attitude".

And seriously, to watch Conan, you would think the year is 1985 and the only programming on TBS was really bad VHS copies of really bad 1970s movies and a few Body By Jake infommercials.

This is 2010 and Basic Cable Channels are a key driver and profit center helping to keep the Hollywood machine afloat. 

So how about a little respect, Conan?  I know you're only getting $10 million from that suckass TBS that gives you "no budget" (other than a very large one) but come on!

And are you taping this show from some local station in Palmdale or in a very nice soundstage on a very nice Burbank studio lot?  And do you have one blimp to promote your show or zero blimps?

And the last I checked, Mad Men on AMC (Basic Cable) won the Emmy for Best Drama; TBS just paid upwards of $2 million/episode for Big Bang Theory (among others); and the ACE Awards (which was a popular punchline for comedians about FIFTEEN YEARS AGO) haven't been on the air for FIFTEEN YEARS!

I would also argue that with its scripted reruns and movies, TBS and the other top Basic Cable Channels have better daytime programming than any of the Broadcast Station Groups (unless you like Judge shows) and the primetime lineups are equally as creative and catching up in the ratings. 

In fact, Broadcast Networks are deep into the 5 Stages of Grief from "On Death and Dying" - and they have been in denial about Basic Cable for years.  Retrans is one final pathetic attempt to stay competitive.

So, Conan, I'm sorry you are stuck on lowly TBS when all your life you dreamed of being on NBC (now worth negative $690 million on NBC Universal's balance sheet) - but the truth is, in today's media environment, it's not which channel you are on but the programming you produce.  

Remember, even a show shot in a shack in Palmdale can be relevant (and widely seen) today.

Jill Kennedy - OnMedea

P.S. - Why doesn't anyone ever bash MTV for being "Basic Cable"?  Just wondering.

Dear Peter Jackson,

Please eat. 

I've been speaking to some fanboys (and girls) and they OVERWHELMINGLY would prefer that a fat Peter Jackson directs "The Hobbit" rather than the less creative skinny Peter Jackson. 

With the Holidays coming up, there is plenty of opportunity for you to pack on at least 50 pounds before film production begins next year. 

Based on the great sacrifice your country has made to make sure 'The Hobbit' is made in New Zealand, there is a lot at stake.  The least you can do is have a few extra helpings of lasagna and eggnog to ensure that the finished product is more "Lord of the Rings" and less "Lovely Bones".

Craft Services is your friend - less salad and more empty calories, please (Red Vines and donuts are good).  And alcohol.  Lots of alcohol.

Jill Kennedy - OnMedea

P.S. - And start wearing your glasses again!

For Broadcast Networks, the end is coming and it's time for them to Accept their fate.

This isn't to say ABC, CBS, FOX, MBS, NBC, Univision and The CW (and similar Broadcast Networks around the world) are going away.  They'll just have to transform into one of the million other "Channels" out there - high profile Channels with good programming and production values - but still just another button on the Great Media Grid like ESPN, TNT, USA, Oxygen, Justin.tv (indeed), YouTube, etc.

According to a model developed by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in her 1969 book "On Death and Dying", there are Five Stages of Grief. 

Over the past 20 years or so, Broadcast Networks have bounced around the First Four Stages in an effort to fight off the inevitable:

1.  Denial:  Broadcast Networks will always be the only place to reach a large audience.  We don't see that ever going away.  No one is going to watch the shit they make on Cable.  It's nothing but George Foreman Grill infomercials and drunken Jackass teenagers riding their bikes into traffic.

2.  Anger:  It's just not right!  They make such crap on Basic Cable.  How are they pulling in more advertising than us?!  I don't give a shit about the ratings of "Jersey Shore", the content on Broadcast Networks is far superior and always will be.  Goddamnit!  And don't you dare mention that fucking "Mad Men" to me again!  And Hell will freeze over before we ever produce a series for that inferior platform  There's no syndication value.  It's bullshit!

3.  Bargaining:  The playing field is not level.  It's not fair.  We really need you cable and satellite operators to pay us to retransmit our signal.  Don't forget - we're the Broadcast Networks.  If you give us two revenue streams, we'll give you really great programming with high ratings and advertising rates that are healthy for everyone.  Don't you realize there is only one place to reach a large audience?

4.  Depression:  Remember when Saturday night was the greatest night on television - when three networks (and three network Presidents) controlled every household?  Everyone had incredible line-ups.  It will never be that good again.  Thursday night used to be a place where advertisers needed us to launch a new movie or car or department store sales.  Those were the days.  Oh well, at least we still have our beach houses and court side basketball seats.

5.  Acceptance:  It's going to be okay.  It's not so bad to be equated with TBS.  I mean, they have Conan O'Brien now.  They are sort of like a Broadcast Network.  And we're still bigger than most of the other Channels.  And we'll get the Super Bowl back one day (after ESPN and The Food Network have their turns).  It's all good.

--------------------------------

The death of Broadcast Networks may not happen in the next five years but it IS going to happen and the sooner we put them out of their misery and end that painful decline, the faster the industry can heal and begin to grow again. 

Make no mistake, nothing can be done to save Broadcast Networks.  It's an old concept in a new world. 

For old school TV executives and their Madison Avenue chronies who are accustomed to lavish Upfront Presentations at Carnegie Hall, Madison Square Garden and the International Space Station, it's time to just let it go.  The Days of Wine and Roses and Fine Dining and Muffin Baskets are over.

Broadcast Network defenders (yes, Les Moonves, this means you) are becoming pathetic.  Face the facts, ESPN and Google are more valuable than CBS.  It may not seem fair - but there are many new Sheriffs in town.   Remember, if  you're in a business where single-digit drops in viewers is the New Growth, your business sucks.

So what are the Broadcast Networks supposed to do next?  Very simple.  Just accept equal footing (two revenue streams - subscription and advertising - enough with this silly Retrans business that no one can understand) and continue to run your business as just another Channel on the Grid. 

In the future (and it's coming), with a channel lineup grid that will be sorted Alphabetically and not by "importance" or "size" (and will include TV channels, websites and whatever else comes up) programming is, as it always has been, King . 

And may the best programmer win.

Jill Kennedy - OnMedea

So... Conan O'Brien has decided to go to TBS.  Like him or not, get his comedy or not, Conan immediately brings a "hip" factor to TBS where it currently has none.  Whether that will be enough to truly take the network to another level is a huge unknown at this point. 

I have a feeling this announcement has taken the wind out of the sails of the "I'm With Coco" movement.  For some reason, I think they wanted him to stay off TV and start some crazy live streaming Internet-only revolution from a shack in the desert.  Sorry freaks.  Perhaps you can steal your basic cable feed and still feel like a revolutionary.

This is a big bet for TBS but one it can certainly afford to take.  Two revenue streams RULE!  If it doesn't work, they can always move "Lopez Tonight" (with its 1.0 rating) back to 11pm and put the always profitable "Ab Roller Deluxe" informercial on at midnight.

The biggest obstacle is the fact that TBS still feels (to me - and I'm not alone) like a network that airs nothing but "Mama's Family" reruns and very low quality VHS tapes of 1980s comedies.  I know this isn't the case anymore and they actually do have some solid programming with "The Office" and "Family Guy" reruns, etc. and have had some success in original programming with all those Tyler Perry shows (What, are there 10 series now?  All with 350 episode commitments?).

But adding Conan puts TBS on a different level - a network level with a big advantage - they don't need Leno-size ratings to call it a "hit". 

Imagine the spinmeisters at Turner the day after its debut:  "Late Night Cable Talk Show's Biggest Night Ever!"; "Conan Conquers Cable!"; "The Colbert Killer!"... "2.0 in Metered Markets - 18-49"... Okay, they won't put that one in the Trades but that's about what we can expect on the high end.  If a 2.0 late night rating is worth a $100 million investment, then TBS has made the right move. 

Personally, I think it IS the right move - if anything just to improve their image.  All the other shit that's on TBS will suddenly be given a second look which may make people slow down the remote as they're passing by on their way to USA or FX. 

For Conan, I think this is also the best move.  Though if he ultimately fails on TBS, his career is over (unless he is willing to take the 1:30a.m. Last Call slot from what's his name - that guy that dated Tara Reid).  Not going to Fox and being beaten badly by Jay Leno was a very smart move by Conan.  And a very smart move by Fox - which doesn't have two revenue streams (yet) and, thus, doesn't have money to burn.

So... good luck, Conan.  You have made a good match.  And I can't wait to hear all those jokes you'll make about what a crappy network TBS is.  The crappy network that is paying you $100 million dollars.

Jill Kennedy - OnMedea

A couple of moments ago, I went to AOL.com to see what fresh content they had put up today and was greeted with a heartbreaking headline about four missing American college students in Haiti who were on a humanitarian mission when the earthquake struck last week. 

Then, just as I was going to click-through to read about the parents' anguished search for their children... The Human Target - Premiering On Fox - burst through the story headline with digital flames and bullet holes.

Call me crazy, and I realize it's hard to pick and chose which stories get the full animated advertising treatment, but this seems a little inappropriate to me.

Can't The Human Target just burst through Ben Silverman and Jeff Zucker stories?

Jill Kennedy - OnMedea

There's a certain comfort I get whenever I see Anderson Cooper parachute or helicopter into a disaster zone.  You just get the feeling that he'll be the first in and last out on the story. 

He'll report the news 24 hours a day in a tight black t-shirt and not hesitate to dive into a search and rescue operation.

This is an cataclysmic, absolutely horrific tragedy on par with the Asian tsunami in 2004.  Jay Leno / Jeff Gaspin / Jeff Zucker / Ben Silverman news seems completely ridiculous and unimportant at this time (though I'm sure it will return soon enough).

I'll be curious to see how much time Fox News devotes to this story.  Hopefully their only source won't be Pat Robertson.  You can just tell they are itching to dump this "earthquake story" and get back to bashing President Obama's health care plan.

Jill Kennedy - OnMedea