Lawless
With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen
Warning: This review was fueled by Kossu.
The shots were flowing into my stomach place, the sweet burn up into my brain stem, and then my brain thoughts shot out of the finger ends on the keyboard.
As it should be.
I went to the cinema with a fellow reviewer, Yves.
He is as much a foreign as I, but since he is French he is funny in America.
He would tell me over and again that in France Shia LaBeouf is really Shia “The Beef.”
I would say no, it is really Shia “The Douche.”
Yves laughed, then I laughed like a horse and the lovely Kossu shot straight from my mouth to out of my nostril area.
Pain. Delicious pain.
And I would tongue bathe the now salty Kossu (not good, do not try to shoot it out of the nasal) off of my upper lip and drink again.
Then one more shot. And again. I was wasted!
Plot? Yeah. Attention, be forewarned, “Lawless” is based on real events!
To contextualize the plot, narrator, protagonist of the story, informs you of immediately the rules – or rather the lack of rules – that takes place in Franklin County, Virginia in the early 1930s (wow, in “Lawless” the 30s sucked a giant wiener!).
Bondurant brothers are notorious bootleggers. The stakes are simple in a world without rules where the police are corrupt and justice sold, the three brothers “hold sway.”
Characterized without subtlety – the youngest is puny (“The Beef” is type-cast here – damn, another shot out of my nose) – the players will evolve gradually, as develops an adventure without surprise, to tend to be completely expected (and unsurprising).
Shia LaBeouf is absolutely not convincing in the role of the coward who becomes manly.
Tom Hardy (Bane! With a face to be seen!) and Jason Clarke embody their characters beyond the artificiality induced staging to be almost human.
Then they presents the majestic Jessica Chastain but is allowed to play nothing but a bore.
Why do women in movies like this only appear so that we want them to be naked? That would be great.
Note – Mia Wasikowska is the hotness. There should be more of the naked with her, too. In every movie that I ever have to see again.
God, make it so.
Not surprisingly, the female characters are hopelessly secondary and generate a dynamic of self-pity.
Why, why, why?
In short, John Hillcoat (director of the laugh riot fun fest “The Road”) book a gangster film with a pathetically inadequate story to the point of becoming ridiculous and women are for decoration.
Except for Mia Wasikowska. Decoration maybe, but I love her.
Lots of bang! Blood! Death!
People die for no reason. Characters never change.
Jessica Chastain takes her clothes off.
More bang (not guns)! More blood! More death!
This I learned of American History – in U.S.A.depression everything was brownish and dirty.
Everybody was on his body with a gun. And it was legal to shoot people.
Until Guy Pearce comes around and acts all weird.
Then there is MORE shooting. That is a lot of learning from one movie.
So, my smart thumb droops floor-ward.
My horny thumb thinks, “damn, this was good – put that Mia goddess in everything!” So that thumb strains for the ceiling (hubba hubba).
Should this be allowed to be seen by your eyes?
Do you have $10 to waste? Then go.
If there is anything else you can do with your limited time on Earth, do that instead.
Life is too fucking short.
Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium
P.S. College football has returned. I now feel like an American from toe to top with my new love of the game! This “tailgating” is my new love thing. Fried meats, booze, dip, chips, booze, etc. If this in Finland was to exist we would all have frozen happily to death outside in the first blizzards of September! Hooray for warm America! And hooray for college football! Except for Alabama – you can suck it.
I’m confused – why do they keep putting Shia LaDouche in movies??? Another excellent review Kimmo!
I’d love to see Tom Hardy go all Bane on Shia and beat the snot outta him.
Great review – yes, the women are only decoration in this film. Too bad because they are both fine actresses…
Disagree, K. I saw the film yesterday. Well worth your entertainment dollar with some great acting alongside the action. The best drama I have seen in a good while.
What’s wrong with Hollywood? Another terrible movie…..no more good actors in Hollywood..they’re all related.
hollywood is indeed full of bad actors, but better than you and i. though, in this film i found there to be plenty of good acting. talkin’ slackjawed isn’t an easy task, especially for a couple hour film. none of these folks in the film are related. tom hardy was the best of them all.
It’s got to be better than that Oogie Oogie kids move that’s out there that I’ll probably have to see.
I really like this movie. WAY better than the Dark Knight Rises. Maybe the story wasn’t unexpected, but the action was great — it was real. I hate movies that glorify violence because they’re all the same; this movie stood out because it made me shudder when someone was killed. In the Dark Knight Rises, you want to be there helping Batman throw the punches. In Lawless, you would want to be nowhere near the action. Also, what death was ‘pointless’? Only four people died the entire movie: Two were for revenge, one was the main character’s best friend, and the final was the main antagonist. There was zero ‘needless’ violence.
I imagine “Kossu” wasn’t the only salty thing Kimmo was licking off his lips that night and the 30’s weren’t the only thing sucking wiener either…what a terrible review…do us all a favor and keep the “shots flowing in your stomach” and not “onto the keyboard and computer screen.” Did you even watch the movie or were you too busy with your face in Yves lap? Was he gripping you by the hips as you typed this nonsense as well? ITS A MOVIE. And you believe this flick has grotesque violence and senseless killing with zero character development? you obviously haven’t seen the latest “Rambo.” Lawless is a well written drama/fictionalization with a great cast (save for LaDouche) and is one of few great movies made in a LONG time. That being said, to curb my personal thoughts of self-immolation for wasting my time reading this rag garbage, I’ll spend another $10 to see a great movie again and I suggest others do as well. Also, If you are going to write a review in English, learn how to WRITE ENGLISH PROPERLY.
i’m glad you wrote this, relieving me of having to. couldn’t agree with you more.
wow. dude,i get your not american,but jesus. put together a grammatically correct sentence,or at least singular/plural string of your noun nonsense together properly (see my point). one of the hardest reviews i’ve ever tried to read,and i tried to read it b/c it said it was humorous..guess i missed the humor. also, guess what? everywhere in america sucked in the 30’s. heard of the great depression? final point, being from the south, deep down south, i’ve met more people like tom hardy’s character forrest and jason clarkes’ character than i’d care to admit. also,chastain brought a superb sexy subtleness to the screen,w wasikowska adding the quiet yet rebellious good girl. here’s a couple tips…learn to analyze a movie, then learn to communicate in english properly (if thats the language you choose to communicate with,which it obviously is),then be funny without trying too hard…or you should just call it quits. sounds like too much of a challenge for you
oh yeah..you can hate like the rest of em,but the tide still rolls. ROLL TIDE ROLL!