The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

I was gone.

You have missed me as much as I missed me.

Yes, you have.

Admit it. Now.

I am back.  In the rearview mirror of my brain is a place that forever will make me spit out spit – rehab.

Someday, I will use my hands as my mouth and type you the story.

No Kossu. No sweet, sweet smoke.

“Friends” all up in my “intervention.”

To have such friends is to need a good poop and only fart. Yes… disappointment.

Now for movie things that have been not done so long in the not doing.

“The Hunger Games: Catching Fire” – hells yes!!!

No longer in rehab prison I smoked the sweet smoke, made full my flask, bought Crunch flavored Nibs and to the Cinema I skipped – happily, with a smile face.

Why?

Jennifer Lawrence.

Katniss is back, and her clothes are tightening. So are now my pants.

My love is a throbber.

A throbber right in the muscles of my heart machine.

I am consumed.

My groin is “Catching Fire.”

This seems much like a lot. And it is.

My love for Jennifer Lawrence is bigger than it can now be, or ever will.

Plot? Okay.

Katniss (J-Law, or Mrs. Mustonenen, please Odin!!!) is back in Finland. She has the shell shocks.

Gale (Thor’s brother) wants to mount her. So does Peeta (Josh “The Lost Munchkin” Hutcherson).

With a Hunger Games win in the pocket, they must go on tour, and like Metallica they (my woman and the dwarf) must fake their love.

Haymitch (Woody Harrelson) is still my drinking pal. Effie (Elizabeth Banks) still needs a face punch. Evil President Snow (Donald Sutherland) still smells of the kidney medication.

The people gather in giant crowds of close to 35 people to see Katniss in tight clothes. And to start being revolutionary against all who have meds for their kidneys.

Snow is so mad his face is all smile-like and is so old he wants Katniss made dead. She does nothing for his groin.

A human weasel (Philip Seymour Hoffman) has a plan. Hunger Games 75 – All-star Edition!  Poor Katniss and Peeta again must fight.

SPOILER ALERT!

Just kidding. No spoiling. When high, I am funny to myself.

Oh, one thing for spoil – Crunch Nibs are to my mouth what J-Law is to my area.

Boing!!!  Damn.

NO MORE SPOILERS!

There is much happening.

Katniss has just enough tight clothes, not enough of the nudes.

Johanna (Jena Malone) gives us some side boob – I dribbled Kossu down my chin but was disappoint in the finality.

Damn PG-13.

So – much sadness, cool trains, storm troopers, oppression, cool fights, side boob, costume-o-rama, rebellion, and, of course, the awesome most woman of all the worlds that are to be:

Jennifer Lawrence.

Jennifer – don’t make me crawl to “American Hustle” to see more of cleavage heaven. Come visit me in L.A. We will smoke and drink.

I will post to Facebook that we mounted (even if you wish to remain mount-free – I would happily build a house in your friend-zone… really).

I have two thumbs straight up in the air. And more – but PG-13 movie makes for PG-13 review. You must, in your imagination place, see what else shoots skyward. 

See this movie twice. Make my future wife rich.

Thank you.

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S.  “American Horror Story: Coven.” WTF? Better than that shit-stink “Asylum,” but still… WTF?