The Amazing Spider-Man [REVIEW]

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Behind The Proscenium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, The Amazing Spider-Man, Marvel, Marc Webb, james Vanderbilt, Alvin Sargent, Steve Kloves, Stan Lee, Steve Ditko, Andrew Garfield, Emma Stone, Rhys Ifans, Denis Leary, Martin Sheen, Sally Field, Imfan Khan, Campbell Scott, Embeth DAvidtz, Chris Zylka, Max Charles, C. Thomas Howell, jake Keiffer, Kari Coleman, Michael Barra, Leif Gantvoort, Andy Pessca, Hannah Marks, Kelsey Chow, Kevin McCorkle, Andy Gladbach, Ring Hendricks-Tellefsen, Barbara Eve Harris, Danielle Burgio, Tom Waite, Tom Waits, Keith Campbell, Steve DeCastro, Jill Flint, Mark Daughterty, Milton Gonzalez, Skyler Gisondo, Charlie DePew, Jacob Rodier, Vincent Laresca, Damien Lemon, Ty Upshaw, James Chen, Alexander Bedria, Tia Texada, Jay Caputo, John Burke, Terry Bozeman, Jennifer Lyons, Michael Massee, Amber Stevens, David Beckett, Chad Bennett, Max Bogner, Bryan Boone, Teena Byrd, Kam Dabrowski, Patrick Alan Davis, ken Edling, Miles Elliot, Jeffrey Fox, Bryan Friday, Stephanie Gould Shashawnee Hall, Olivia Hoff, Hanna Lloyd, Amanda MacDonald, Jeremy McLain, Maury Morgan, Anthony Del Negro, Michael Papajohn, Annie Parisse, Salomon Passariello, Alan Pietruszewski, Roy Pollack, Michael Remmes, John Scruti, Eric Silver, Andrea Sixtos, Chris Smith, Kelly Southerland, Megan Taylor, Gavin Bryson Thompson, Chris Vaina, Corinne Vien, George F. Wilson, Avi Arad, Michael Grillo, Kyla Kraman, Beatriz Sequeira, Matthew Tolmach, Pamela Oas Williams, Laura Ziskin, James Horner, John Schwartzman, Alan Edward Bell, Michael McCusker, Pietro Scalia, Francine Maisler, J. Michael Riva, Page Buckner, Kym Barrett, Vic Armstrong, Audrey Clark, Christina Fong, Richard Graves, David Kelley, Colin Markowitz, Cathleen McFadyen, Kendall Nichols, Jennifer Roberts, Eric Sherman, Woodrow Travers, Jonathan Watson, Steve Windle, Mark DeSimone, Simon Diggins, Kimberly Harris, Howard London, Sarah Monat, Ric Schnupp, Robert Troy, Andy Armstrong, Nina Armstrong, Jill Brown, Shane Daniels, Gary Davis, Zac henry, Samuel Le, James Peyton, Rich Rutherford, Alexander Smith, Tom Bryon Weiss, Michael Cioni, Jennifer Vecchiarello, Jim Passon, John Armstrong, Sandy DeCrescent, Gina Zimmitti, Kalie Acheson, Armando Alarcon, Alexis Alexander, Raci Alexander, jampier Arias, Laurie Arnow-Epstein, Ben Burke, Miles Burke, Trisha Burton, Richard Bizenza, Deb Cole, Theodore Collatos, Deliana Daskalova, Frank Dauro, Jon DeSimone, Lisa Dietrick, Michele Etges, jacob Head, George Hrico, C.J. Laursen, Alison Li, Ahmed Lucan, Justin Mickelson, Lauren Mizenko, Jessi Moore, Kyle Morrison, Cameron Morton, Kyle Musselman, Tien Nguyen, Sandy O'Neill, Bobby Ravanshenas, Kevin Ronan, Sheila Sawhny, Leslie Zak, Joshua Williams, Warren Whitmore

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Behind The Proscenium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, The Amazing Spider-Man, Marvel, Marc Webb, james Vanderbilt, Alvin Sargent, Steve Kloves, Stan Lee, Steve Ditko, Andrew Garfield, Emma Stone, Rhys Ifans, Denis Leary, Martin Sheen, Sally Field, Imfan Khan, Campbell Scott, Embeth DAvidtz, Chris Zylka, Max Charles, C. Thomas Howell, jake Keiffer, Kari Coleman, Michael Barra, Leif Gantvoort, Andy Pessca, Hannah Marks, Kelsey Chow, Kevin McCorkle, Andy Gladbach, Ring Hendricks-Tellefsen, Barbara Eve Harris, Danielle Burgio, Tom Waite, Tom Waits, Keith Campbell, Steve DeCastro, Jill Flint, Mark Daughterty, Milton Gonzalez, Skyler Gisondo, Charlie DePew, Jacob Rodier, Vincent Laresca, Damien Lemon, Ty Upshaw, James Chen, Alexander Bedria, Tia Texada, Jay Caputo, John Burke, Terry Bozeman, Jennifer Lyons, Michael Massee, Amber Stevens, David Beckett, Chad Bennett, Max Bogner, Bryan Boone, Teena Byrd, Kam Dabrowski, Patrick Alan Davis, ken Edling, Miles Elliot, Jeffrey Fox, Bryan Friday, Stephanie Gould Shashawnee Hall, Olivia Hoff, Hanna Lloyd, Amanda MacDonald, Jeremy McLain, Maury Morgan, Anthony Del Negro, Michael Papajohn, Annie Parisse, Salomon Passariello, Alan Pietruszewski, Roy Pollack, Michael Remmes, John Scruti, Eric Silver, Andrea Sixtos, Chris Smith, Kelly Southerland, Megan Taylor, Gavin Bryson Thompson, Chris Vaina, Corinne Vien, George F. Wilson, Avi Arad, Michael Grillo, Kyla Kraman, Beatriz Sequeira, Matthew Tolmach, Pamela Oas Williams, Laura Ziskin, James Horner, John Schwartzman, Alan Edward Bell, Michael McCusker, Pietro Scalia, Francine Maisler, J. Michael Riva, Page Buckner, Kym Barrett, Vic Armstrong, Audrey Clark, Christina Fong, Richard Graves, David Kelley, Colin Markowitz, Cathleen McFadyen, Kendall Nichols, Jennifer Roberts, Eric Sherman, Woodrow Travers, Jonathan Watson, Steve Windle, Mark DeSimone, Simon Diggins, Kimberly Harris, Howard London, Sarah Monat, Ric Schnupp, Robert Troy, Andy Armstrong, Nina Armstrong, Jill Brown, Shane Daniels, Gary Davis, Zac henry, Samuel Le, James Peyton, Rich Rutherford, Alexander Smith, Tom Bryon Weiss, Michael Cioni, Jennifer Vecchiarello, Jim Passon, John Armstrong, Sandy DeCrescent, Gina Zimmitti, Kalie Acheson, Armando Alarcon, Alexis Alexander, Raci Alexander, jampier Arias, Laurie Arnow-Epstein, Ben Burke, Miles Burke, Trisha Burton, Richard Bizenza, Deb Cole, Theodore Collatos, Deliana Daskalova, Frank Dauro, Jon DeSimone, Lisa Dietrick, Michele Etges, jacob Head, George Hrico, C.J. Laursen, Alison Li, Ahmed Lucan, Justin Mickelson, Lauren Mizenko, Jessi Moore, Kyle Morrison, Cameron Morton, Kyle Musselman, Tien Nguyen, Sandy O'Neill, Bobby Ravanshenas, Kevin Ronan, Sheila Sawhny, Leslie Zak, Joshua Williams, Warren WhitmoreThe Amazing Spider-Man

With Wit, Reviewed by Kimmo Mustonenen

Reboot.

I have the confusion.

What have there the meaning for this?

Example:  Take something that was cool.  And made money by the crap load.  Say “this is too old for the liking – who will understand the oldness?”  Say, “how can more crap loads of money can be milked if already the thing is owned by the kids?”

Reboot!

So, ten years after the Spider-Man now is new Spider-Man (amazing!) is all up in the cinemas!

Money must be made, the good must be good again, what is old is now new (and is for the cash to be had – thanks for the consistency,Hollywood!).

REBOOT!!!

Spider-Man is now The Amazing Spider-Man.

Already better.

AMAZING!!!

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Behind The Proscenium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, The Amazing Spider-Man, Marvel, Marc Webb, james Vanderbilt, Alvin Sargent, Steve Kloves, Stan Lee, Steve Ditko, Andrew Garfield, Emma Stone, Rhys Ifans, Denis Leary, Martin Sheen, Sally Field, Imfan Khan, Campbell Scott, Embeth DAvidtz, Chris Zylka, Max Charles, C. Thomas Howell, jake Keiffer, Kari Coleman, Michael Barra, Leif Gantvoort, Andy Pessca, Hannah Marks, Kelsey Chow, Kevin McCorkle, Andy Gladbach, Ring Hendricks-Tellefsen, Barbara Eve Harris, Danielle Burgio, Tom Waite, Tom Waits, Keith Campbell, Steve DeCastro, Jill Flint, Mark Daughterty, Milton Gonzalez, Skyler Gisondo, Charlie DePew, Jacob Rodier, Vincent Laresca, Damien Lemon, Ty Upshaw, James Chen, Alexander Bedria, Tia Texada, Jay Caputo, John Burke, Terry Bozeman, Jennifer Lyons, Michael Massee, Amber Stevens, David Beckett, Chad Bennett, Max Bogner, Bryan Boone, Teena Byrd, Kam Dabrowski, Patrick Alan Davis, ken Edling, Miles Elliot, Jeffrey Fox, Bryan Friday, Stephanie Gould Shashawnee Hall, Olivia Hoff, Hanna Lloyd, Amanda MacDonald, Jeremy McLain, Maury Morgan, Anthony Del Negro, Michael Papajohn, Annie Parisse, Salomon Passariello, Alan Pietruszewski, Roy Pollack, Michael Remmes, John Scruti, Eric Silver, Andrea Sixtos, Chris Smith, Kelly Southerland, Megan Taylor, Gavin Bryson Thompson, Chris Vaina, Corinne Vien, George F. Wilson, Avi Arad, Michael Grillo, Kyla Kraman, Beatriz Sequeira, Matthew Tolmach, Pamela Oas Williams, Laura Ziskin, James Horner, John Schwartzman, Alan Edward Bell, Michael McCusker, Pietro Scalia, Francine Maisler, J. Michael Riva, Page Buckner, Kym Barrett, Vic Armstrong, Audrey Clark, Christina Fong, Richard Graves, David Kelley, Colin Markowitz, Cathleen McFadyen, Kendall Nichols, Jennifer Roberts, Eric Sherman, Woodrow Travers, Jonathan Watson, Steve Windle, Mark DeSimone, Simon Diggins, Kimberly Harris, Howard London, Sarah Monat, Ric Schnupp, Robert Troy, Andy Armstrong, Nina Armstrong, Jill Brown, Shane Daniels, Gary Davis, Zac henry, Samuel Le, James Peyton, Rich Rutherford, Alexander Smith, Tom Bryon Weiss, Michael Cioni, Jennifer Vecchiarello, Jim Passon, John Armstrong, Sandy DeCrescent, Gina Zimmitti, Kalie Acheson, Armando Alarcon, Alexis Alexander, Raci Alexander, jampier Arias, Laurie Arnow-Epstein, Ben Burke, Miles Burke, Trisha Burton, Richard Bizenza, Deb Cole, Theodore Collatos, Deliana Daskalova, Frank Dauro, Jon DeSimone, Lisa Dietrick, Michele Etges, jacob Head, George Hrico, C.J. Laursen, Alison Li, Ahmed Lucan, Justin Mickelson, Lauren Mizenko, Jessi Moore, Kyle Morrison, Cameron Morton, Kyle Musselman, Tien Nguyen, Sandy O'Neill, Bobby Ravanshenas, Kevin Ronan, Sheila Sawhny, Leslie Zak, Joshua Williams, Warren WhitmoreSome is different, some the same.

Most the same, really.

How?

Spider-Man.  Tobey Maguire.  Real nerd. Only cool with the spider juice flowing in the veins.

Andrew Garfield.  Tormented.  Could be cool without spider juice, but gets the juice bitten just the same.

Torment!  Angst!  It is the suck to have superpowers.

Bad guy. Still green.  But different.  English dude (Rhys Ifans) is not as a creeper as the Willem Defoe.  But, other than the John Malkovich, no one is the creeper as Defoe.

No Malkovich in “The Amazing Spider-Man.”

Damn.  Maybe the next reboot (mark the calendar 10 years in the future).

Girlfriend.  Emma Stone is the hotness for the Spider-Guy at this time.  It was, in before the reboot, Kirsten Dunst.

Stone has a lisp.

Dunst gave us her boobies in “Melancholia.”

We can – only for the hoping – wish that now in the future Emma Stone boobs will be for the seeing, drooling, and then the wanting.  To touch.  In reality.

Soon. Please.

Oh.  And they’re tied.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Behind The Proscenium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, The Amazing Spider-Man, Marvel, Marc Webb, james Vanderbilt, Alvin Sargent, Steve Kloves, Stan Lee, Steve Ditko, Andrew Garfield, Emma Stone, Rhys Ifans, Denis Leary, Martin Sheen, Sally Field, Imfan Khan, Campbell Scott, Embeth DAvidtz, Chris Zylka, Max Charles, C. Thomas Howell, jake Keiffer, Kari Coleman, Michael Barra, Leif Gantvoort, Andy Pessca, Hannah Marks, Kelsey Chow, Kevin McCorkle, Andy Gladbach, Ring Hendricks-Tellefsen, Barbara Eve Harris, Danielle Burgio, Tom Waite, Tom Waits, Keith Campbell, Steve DeCastro, Jill Flint, Mark Daughterty, Milton Gonzalez, Skyler Gisondo, Charlie DePew, Jacob Rodier, Vincent Laresca, Damien Lemon, Ty Upshaw, James Chen, Alexander Bedria, Tia Texada, Jay Caputo, John Burke, Terry Bozeman, Jennifer Lyons, Michael Massee, Amber Stevens, David Beckett, Chad Bennett, Max Bogner, Bryan Boone, Teena Byrd, Kam Dabrowski, Patrick Alan Davis, ken Edling, Miles Elliot, Jeffrey Fox, Bryan Friday, Stephanie Gould Shashawnee Hall, Olivia Hoff, Hanna Lloyd, Amanda MacDonald, Jeremy McLain, Maury Morgan, Anthony Del Negro, Michael Papajohn, Annie Parisse, Salomon Passariello, Alan Pietruszewski, Roy Pollack, Michael Remmes, John Scruti, Eric Silver, Andrea Sixtos, Chris Smith, Kelly Southerland, Megan Taylor, Gavin Bryson Thompson, Chris Vaina, Corinne Vien, George F. Wilson, Avi Arad, Michael Grillo, Kyla Kraman, Beatriz Sequeira, Matthew Tolmach, Pamela Oas Williams, Laura Ziskin, James Horner, John Schwartzman, Alan Edward Bell, Michael McCusker, Pietro Scalia, Francine Maisler, J. Michael Riva, Page Buckner, Kym Barrett, Vic Armstrong, Audrey Clark, Christina Fong, Richard Graves, David Kelley, Colin Markowitz, Cathleen McFadyen, Kendall Nichols, Jennifer Roberts, Eric Sherman, Woodrow Travers, Jonathan Watson, Steve Windle, Mark DeSimone, Simon Diggins, Kimberly Harris, Howard London, Sarah Monat, Ric Schnupp, Robert Troy, Andy Armstrong, Nina Armstrong, Jill Brown, Shane Daniels, Gary Davis, Zac henry, Samuel Le, James Peyton, Rich Rutherford, Alexander Smith, Tom Bryon Weiss, Michael Cioni, Jennifer Vecchiarello, Jim Passon, John Armstrong, Sandy DeCrescent, Gina Zimmitti, Kalie Acheson, Armando Alarcon, Alexis Alexander, Raci Alexander, jampier Arias, Laurie Arnow-Epstein, Ben Burke, Miles Burke, Trisha Burton, Richard Bizenza, Deb Cole, Theodore Collatos, Deliana Daskalova, Frank Dauro, Jon DeSimone, Lisa Dietrick, Michele Etges, jacob Head, George Hrico, C.J. Laursen, Alison Li, Ahmed Lucan, Justin Mickelson, Lauren Mizenko, Jessi Moore, Kyle Morrison, Cameron Morton, Kyle Musselman, Tien Nguyen, Sandy O'Neill, Bobby Ravanshenas, Kevin Ronan, Sheila Sawhny, Leslie Zak, Joshua Williams, Warren WhitmoreNewspaper.  No contest.

Denis Leary is angry.  Every character laid on by Leary is angry.  Some less.  Some more.  All angry.  Angry, angry, angry.  J.K. Simmons?  Loveable.  Gruff.  Sometimes angry.

Wow, he has a range for something other than his one note!  He wins this one.

Plot?  Really?

Nerd gets bit by the spider juice.  Gets powers that are so cool.

Crazy scientist somehow with the family entangles and death and sad and Peter needs an ass to kick.

And a cute chick.

Sub-plot.  Big fight!  Spider-Man wins again – and learns a lesson.

Some kind of lesson.  I forget (damn you, kossu!).

One thumb is up for “The Amazing Spider-Man.”  The other thumb can’t figure why I’m seeing what I just saw in the past.

But I get it.

Money.

Do you have the brain knowledge the Harry Potter movies are now 11 years old?  Get on it Hollywood!

The shit-pile of money made by those make the embarrassment on Spider-Man.

Reboot now!

Reboot Harry Potter!

Or not.  Assholes.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Reese Witherspoon, Water For Elephants, Robert Pattinson, Christoph Waltz, Paul Schneider, Jim Norton, Hal Holbrook, Mark Povinelli, Richard Brake, Stephen Monroe Taylor, Ken Foree, Scott MacDonald, James Frain, Sam Anderson, John Aylward, Brad Greenquist, Tim Guinee, Donna W. Scott, E.E. Bell, Kyle Jordan, Aleksandra Kaniak, Ilia Volok, Bruce Gray, Jim Jansen, James Keane, Ivo Nandi, Karynn Moore, Andrew Connolly, Doug McDougal, Tracy Phillips Rowan O'Hara, Water for Elephants, Tai, Uggie, Ice, Sita Acevedo, Danny Castle, Michael Coronas, Aloysia Gavre, Francis Lawrence, Andrew R. Tennenbaum, Erwin Stoff, Gil Netter, Kevin Halloran, Alan Edward Bell, Ana Maria Quintana, Chad Holmes, David Crank, Denise Chamian, Molly Allen, Sasha Veneziano, Kimmo MustonenenKimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S.  New “Glee Project” tonight!  Predictions:  Crying, “this is so important to me”, “no one understands what I’m going through”, “this is my life!”, crying, yelling, singing, “this is my only shot”, flirting, then gay Ryan Murphy saying a cliché, then more crying, and song.  I cannot wait!  My bong is full…

John Carter [REVIEW]

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Behind The Proscenium, John Carter, Disney, Andrew Stanton, Mark Andrews, Michael Chabon, Edgar Rice Burroughs, Taylor Kitsch, Lynn Collins, Samantha Morton, Willem Dafoe, Thomas Haden Church, Mark Strong, Ciaran Hinds, Dominic West, James Purefoy, Bryan Cranston, Polly Walker, Daryl Sabara, Arkie Reece, Davood Ghadami, Pippa Nixon, James Embree, Phillip Philmar, Figs Jackman, Emily Tierney, Edmund Kente, Rupert Frazer, Nicholas Woodeson, Kyle Agnew, Don Stark, Josh Daugherty, Jared Cyr, Sean Carrigan, Dusty Sorg, Christopher Goodman, Amanda Clayton, Akima, Joseph Billingiere, Aldred Montoya, Phil Cheadle, David Schwimmer, Arnie Alpert, Ian Ray, Peggy Clements, Evelyn Dubuc, Jhil McEntyre, Daniel O'Meara, Emma Clifford, Oliver Boot, Rebecca Sarker, Philip Arditti, Jon Favreau, Art Malik, Holly Weston, Gary Milner, Cate Fowler, Darwin Shaw, Eileen Page, Simon Page, Simon Evans, Myriam Acharki, Steven Cree, Garry Tubbs, Jeremy Booth, Jill Baker, Lindsey Collins, Jim Morris, Bob Roath, Colin Wilson, Michael Giacchino, Daniel Mindel, Eric Zumbrunnen, Marcia Ross, Nathan Crowley, David Allday, Ryan Church, Paki Smith, Mayes C. Rubeo, Kevin Alexander, Kim Ayers, Sarah Hamilton, Lora Laing, Katie Lee, Gemma Richards, Linda A. Borgeson, Duncan Broadfoot, Jan Foster, Steve Harding, Lori Komgiebel, Ellen H. Schwartz, Sharyn Shimada-Huggins, Adam Teeuw, Jennifer Teves, Mark Andrews, Chloe Chesterton, Joey Coughlin, Bac DeLorme, Ben Dixon, Fraser Fennell-Ball, Lily Garcia, Tommy Gormley, Toby Hefferman, Toby Hosking, James McGrady, David Pearson, Samar Pollitt, Ellen Rosentreter, Mollie Stallman, Jeff Taylor, Andrew Ward, Laine Abramson, Wayne Barlowe, Tim Browning, Jim Buchan, Jenne Lee, David Krentz, Michael King, Doug Cram, Paul Daiko, Russell Darling, Lee Dexter, Amber Wilkins, Nina Armstrong, Bruce Cain, Sy Hollands, Aaron Lee Lopez, Maxine Whittaker, Rene Adefarasin, Eric Amundsen, Colin Anderson, Rocky Babcock, Kurtis Burr, Kristen Correll, Holly Dorff, Katy Jensen, Colin Jones, Toby Spigel, Gail Stevens, Perry Goyen, Milton Adamou, Alex Anstey, Ralph Foster, Toby Looyd, Ben McCambridge, Lindsey Morrow, Will Snow, Peter Boyer, Andrea Datzman, Stephen Davis, Ira Hearshen, Julie Minasian, Bobbi Page, Stephen Lawrence, Gerry Turner, Josh Allan, Will Barker, Dallin Bassett, Danielle Bennett, Ashley Berlanga, Valentina Borfecchia, Lucie Bourgeau, Evan Brainard, Krystal Call, Stephanie Cannon, Erika Carlson, Shoky Carter, Cindy Ceglarek, Karolina Cerna, Claire Chandou, Paige Chaytor, Felix Chen, Kit Conners, Natania Cook, Lucy Cover, Richard Daldry, Kelsey Daniels, Alicia Davies, Holly Dorff, Ellie Downham, Rachelle Duncan, Angus Ellis, Joy Ellison, Richard Enriquez, Neale Fishback, Jeffrey Fox, Jenny Fumarolo, Carla Gale, Paul Gibbs, STeve Goldstein, Sarah Goller, Tiffany Gomes, Daniel Gonzalez, Nicky Gregory, Anna Halberg, Brandon Hamilton, Lucy Howell, Meredith Humbracht, Michael Johnson, Matthew Lawson, Katherine McCormack, Ryan McDowell, Alastair McNeil, Jennifer Milliman, Todd Minobe, Rachel Moceri, John David Moffat, Alex Molden, Ciaran Moran, Michael Mungroo, Chris Norman, Russell Nunley, Ann Ormesher, Dilip Patel, Kyle Paul, Brigitte Pauli, Ryan Pederson, Annie Penn, Jason Potter, Leslie Quan, Jason Ragosta, Bobby Ravanshenas, Brooke Redmon, Bob Roath, Nanw Rowlands, Matthew Sampson, Brooke Schaertl, Shane Schoeppner, Andy Scoty, Jason Seaton, Gianna Simone, Kelly Taylor-Dias

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Behind The Proscenium, John Carter, Disney, Andrew Stanton, Mark Andrews, Michael Chabon, Edgar Rice Burroughs, Taylor Kitsch, Lynn Collins, Samantha Morton, Willem Dafoe, Thomas Haden Church, Mark Strong, Ciaran Hinds, Dominic West, James Purefoy, Bryan Cranston, Polly Walker, Daryl Sabara, Arkie Reece, Davood Ghadami, Pippa Nixon, James Embree, Phillip Philmar, Figs Jackman, Emily Tierney, Edmund Kente, Rupert Frazer, Nicholas Woodeson, Kyle Agnew, Don Stark, Josh Daugherty, Jared Cyr, Sean Carrigan, Dusty Sorg, Christopher Goodman, Amanda Clayton, Akima, Joseph Billingiere, Aldred Montoya, Phil Cheadle, David Schwimmer, Arnie Alpert, Ian Ray, Peggy Clements, Evelyn Dubuc, Jhil McEntyre, Daniel O'Meara, Emma Clifford, Oliver Boot, Rebecca Sarker, Philip Arditti, Jon Favreau, Art Malik, Holly Weston, Gary Milner, Cate Fowler, Darwin Shaw, Eileen Page, Simon Page, Simon Evans, Myriam Acharki, Steven Cree, Garry Tubbs, Jeremy Booth, Jill Baker, Lindsey Collins, Jim Morris, Bob Roath, Colin Wilson, Michael Giacchino, Daniel Mindel, Eric Zumbrunnen, Marcia Ross, Nathan Crowley, David Allday, Ryan Church, Paki Smith, Mayes C. Rubeo, Kevin Alexander, Kim Ayers, Sarah Hamilton, Lora Laing, Katie Lee, Gemma Richards, Linda A. Borgeson, Duncan Broadfoot, Jan Foster, Steve Harding, Lori Komgiebel, Ellen H. Schwartz, Sharyn Shimada-Huggins, Adam Teeuw, Jennifer Teves, Mark Andrews, Chloe Chesterton, Joey Coughlin, Bac DeLorme, Ben Dixon, Fraser Fennell-Ball, Lily Garcia, Tommy Gormley, Toby Hefferman, Toby Hosking, James McGrady, David Pearson, Samar Pollitt, Ellen Rosentreter, Mollie Stallman, Jeff Taylor, Andrew Ward, Laine Abramson, Wayne Barlowe, Tim Browning, Jim Buchan, Jenne Lee, David Krentz, Michael King, Doug Cram, Paul Daiko, Russell Darling, Lee Dexter, Amber Wilkins, Nina Armstrong, Bruce Cain, Sy Hollands, Aaron Lee Lopez, Maxine Whittaker, Rene Adefarasin, Eric Amundsen, Colin Anderson, Rocky Babcock, Kurtis Burr, Kristen Correll, Holly Dorff, Katy Jensen, Colin Jones, Toby Spigel, Gail Stevens, Perry Goyen, Milton Adamou, Alex Anstey, Ralph Foster, Toby Looyd, Ben McCambridge, Lindsey Morrow, Will Snow, Peter Boyer, Andrea Datzman, Stephen Davis, Ira Hearshen, Julie Minasian, Bobbi Page, Stephen Lawrence, Gerry Turner, Josh Allan, Will Barker, Dallin Bassett, Danielle Bennett, Ashley Berlanga, Valentina Borfecchia, Lucie Bourgeau, Evan Brainard, Krystal Call, Stephanie Cannon, Erika Carlson, Shoky Carter, Cindy Ceglarek, Karolina Cerna, Claire Chandou, Paige Chaytor, Felix Chen, Kit Conners, Natania Cook, Lucy Cover, Richard Daldry, Kelsey Daniels, Alicia Davies, Holly Dorff, Ellie Downham, Rachelle Duncan, Angus Ellis, Joy Ellison, Richard Enriquez, Neale Fishback, Jeffrey Fox, Jenny Fumarolo, Carla Gale, Paul Gibbs, STeve Goldstein, Sarah Goller, Tiffany Gomes, Daniel Gonzalez, Nicky Gregory, Anna Halberg, Brandon Hamilton, Lucy Howell, Meredith Humbracht, Michael Johnson, Matthew Lawson, Katherine McCormack, Ryan McDowell, Alastair McNeil, Jennifer Milliman, Todd Minobe, Rachel Moceri, John David Moffat, Alex Molden, Ciaran Moran, Michael Mungroo, Chris Norman, Russell Nunley, Ann Ormesher, Dilip Patel, Kyle Paul, Brigitte Pauli, Ryan Pederson, Annie Penn, Jason Potter, Leslie Quan, Jason Ragosta, Bobby Ravanshenas, Brooke Redmon, Bob Roath, Nanw Rowlands, Matthew Sampson, Brooke Schaertl, Shane Schoeppner, Andy Scoty, Jason Seaton, Gianna Simone, Kelly Taylor-DiasJohn Carter

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

This week starts with a happiness explosion from my head mind (but not in the pants, dirty people).

“Kimmo, you are the man with a bag of lucky!” say I, Kimmo, to the self inside.

You see, I am to review my first love.

Not a human person.  But a reading experience of youth.

Yes, the books series that made many endless Finnish nights come to an end.

An end that of happiness.  That in Finland we call “morning.”

From “A Princess of Mars” through the crappy yet wonderful “John Carter of Mars: Skeleton Men of Jupiter” all asses were kicked.

Green and caucasian. Those from Helium to far off Ptarth

Then my first meat whacking to thoughts of Dejah Thoris (so hot in my mind!  Best whack ever!).

How could Mr. Hollywood put the screw in the butt of “John Carter?”

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Behind The Proscenium, John Carter, Disney, Andrew Stanton, Mark Andrews, Michael Chabon, Edgar Rice Burroughs, Taylor Kitsch, Lynn Collins, Samantha Morton, Willem Dafoe, Thomas Haden Church, Mark Strong, Ciaran Hinds, Dominic West, James Purefoy, Bryan Cranston, Polly Walker, Daryl Sabara, Arkie Reece, Davood Ghadami, Pippa Nixon, James Embree, Phillip Philmar, Figs Jackman, Emily Tierney, Edmund Kente, Rupert Frazer, Nicholas Woodeson, Kyle Agnew, Don Stark, Josh Daugherty, Jared Cyr, Sean Carrigan, Dusty Sorg, Christopher Goodman, Amanda Clayton, Akima, Joseph Billingiere, Aldred Montoya, Phil Cheadle, David Schwimmer, Arnie Alpert, Ian Ray, Peggy Clements, Evelyn Dubuc, Jhil McEntyre, Daniel O'Meara, Emma Clifford, Oliver Boot, Rebecca Sarker, Philip Arditti, Jon Favreau, Art Malik, Holly Weston, Gary Milner, Cate Fowler, Darwin Shaw, Eileen Page, Simon Page, Simon Evans, Myriam Acharki, Steven Cree, Garry Tubbs, Jeremy Booth, Jill Baker, Lindsey Collins, Jim Morris, Bob Roath, Colin Wilson, Michael Giacchino, Daniel Mindel, Eric Zumbrunnen, Marcia Ross, Nathan Crowley, David Allday, Ryan Church, Paki Smith, Mayes C. Rubeo, Kevin Alexander, Kim Ayers, Sarah Hamilton, Lora Laing, Katie Lee, Gemma Richards, Linda A. Borgeson, Duncan Broadfoot, Jan Foster, Steve Harding, Lori Komgiebel, Ellen H. Schwartz, Sharyn Shimada-Huggins, Adam Teeuw, Jennifer Teves, Mark Andrews, Chloe Chesterton, Joey Coughlin, Bac DeLorme, Ben Dixon, Fraser Fennell-Ball, Lily Garcia, Tommy Gormley, Toby Hefferman, Toby Hosking, James McGrady, David Pearson, Samar Pollitt, Ellen Rosentreter, Mollie Stallman, Jeff Taylor, Andrew Ward, Laine Abramson, Wayne Barlowe, Tim Browning, Jim Buchan, Jenne Lee, David Krentz, Michael King, Doug Cram, Paul Daiko, Russell Darling, Lee Dexter, Amber Wilkins, Nina Armstrong, Bruce Cain, Sy Hollands, Aaron Lee Lopez, Maxine Whittaker, Rene Adefarasin, Eric Amundsen, Colin Anderson, Rocky Babcock, Kurtis Burr, Kristen Correll, Holly Dorff, Katy Jensen, Colin Jones, Toby Spigel, Gail Stevens, Perry Goyen, Milton Adamou, Alex Anstey, Ralph Foster, Toby Looyd, Ben McCambridge, Lindsey Morrow, Will Snow, Peter Boyer, Andrea Datzman, Stephen Davis, Ira Hearshen, Julie Minasian, Bobbi Page, Stephen Lawrence, Gerry Turner, Josh Allan, Will Barker, Dallin Bassett, Danielle Bennett, Ashley Berlanga, Valentina Borfecchia, Lucie Bourgeau, Evan Brainard, Krystal Call, Stephanie Cannon, Erika Carlson, Shoky Carter, Cindy Ceglarek, Karolina Cerna, Claire Chandou, Paige Chaytor, Felix Chen, Kit Conners, Natania Cook, Lucy Cover, Richard Daldry, Kelsey Daniels, Alicia Davies, Holly Dorff, Ellie Downham, Rachelle Duncan, Angus Ellis, Joy Ellison, Richard Enriquez, Neale Fishback, Jeffrey Fox, Jenny Fumarolo, Carla Gale, Paul Gibbs, STeve Goldstein, Sarah Goller, Tiffany Gomes, Daniel Gonzalez, Nicky Gregory, Anna Halberg, Brandon Hamilton, Lucy Howell, Meredith Humbracht, Michael Johnson, Matthew Lawson, Katherine McCormack, Ryan McDowell, Alastair McNeil, Jennifer Milliman, Todd Minobe, Rachel Moceri, John David Moffat, Alex Molden, Ciaran Moran, Michael Mungroo, Chris Norman, Russell Nunley, Ann Ormesher, Dilip Patel, Kyle Paul, Brigitte Pauli, Ryan Pederson, Annie Penn, Jason Potter, Leslie Quan, Jason Ragosta, Bobby Ravanshenas, Brooke Redmon, Bob Roath, Nanw Rowlands, Matthew Sampson, Brooke Schaertl, Shane Schoeppner, Andy Scoty, Jason Seaton, Gianna Simone, Kelly Taylor-DiasApparently with the ease of an experienced person who screws the butt of most great books for reading.

Disappointment is a pain that crawls in my stomach like a worm.

Or, here, like green four-armed Tars Tarkas (read the damn books!).

Crappy 3-D?  Check!

CGI that is less than real than fake!  Check!

$250 million spent on the crapping?  Check!

Plot?  Too much.

John Carter to Barsoom is somehow to there from here (Barsoom is Mars to Martians and others that have been to visit… Mars).

John falls in with Tharns who are green, four-armed, and totally whack.

I didn’t know that the William Dafoe had four arms – he is a good actor.

Carter (the hero) is played as a piece of white bread (Taylor Kitsch) with muscles.

And the whack queen of my first teens, Dejah Thoris, is the un-whack worth Lynn Collins.

Hollywood, you had almost 100 years to make a piece that is of a master and this is the warm pile that comes out?

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Behind The Proscenium, John Carter, Disney, Andrew Stanton, Mark Andrews, Michael Chabon, Edgar Rice Burroughs, Taylor Kitsch, Lynn Collins, Samantha Morton, Willem Dafoe, Thomas Haden Church, Mark Strong, Ciaran Hinds, Dominic West, James Purefoy, Bryan Cranston, Polly Walker, Daryl Sabara, Arkie Reece, Davood Ghadami, Pippa Nixon, James Embree, Phillip Philmar, Figs Jackman, Emily Tierney, Edmund Kente, Rupert Frazer, Nicholas Woodeson, Kyle Agnew, Don Stark, Josh Daugherty, Jared Cyr, Sean Carrigan, Dusty Sorg, Christopher Goodman, Amanda Clayton, Akima, Joseph Billingiere, Aldred Montoya, Phil Cheadle, David Schwimmer, Arnie Alpert, Ian Ray, Peggy Clements, Evelyn Dubuc, Jhil McEntyre, Daniel O'Meara, Emma Clifford, Oliver Boot, Rebecca Sarker, Philip Arditti, Jon Favreau, Art Malik, Holly Weston, Gary Milner, Cate Fowler, Darwin Shaw, Eileen Page, Simon Page, Simon Evans, Myriam Acharki, Steven Cree, Garry Tubbs, Jeremy Booth, Jill Baker, Lindsey Collins, Jim Morris, Bob Roath, Colin Wilson, Michael Giacchino, Daniel Mindel, Eric Zumbrunnen, Marcia Ross, Nathan Crowley, David Allday, Ryan Church, Paki Smith, Mayes C. Rubeo, Kevin Alexander, Kim Ayers, Sarah Hamilton, Lora Laing, Katie Lee, Gemma Richards, Linda A. Borgeson, Duncan Broadfoot, Jan Foster, Steve Harding, Lori Komgiebel, Ellen H. Schwartz, Sharyn Shimada-Huggins, Adam Teeuw, Jennifer Teves, Mark Andrews, Chloe Chesterton, Joey Coughlin, Bac DeLorme, Ben Dixon, Fraser Fennell-Ball, Lily Garcia, Tommy Gormley, Toby Hefferman, Toby Hosking, James McGrady, David Pearson, Samar Pollitt, Ellen Rosentreter, Mollie Stallman, Jeff Taylor, Andrew Ward, Laine Abramson, Wayne Barlowe, Tim Browning, Jim Buchan, Jenne Lee, David Krentz, Michael King, Doug Cram, Paul Daiko, Russell Darling, Lee Dexter, Amber Wilkins, Nina Armstrong, Bruce Cain, Sy Hollands, Aaron Lee Lopez, Maxine Whittaker, Rene Adefarasin, Eric Amundsen, Colin Anderson, Rocky Babcock, Kurtis Burr, Kristen Correll, Holly Dorff, Katy Jensen, Colin Jones, Toby Spigel, Gail Stevens, Perry Goyen, Milton Adamou, Alex Anstey, Ralph Foster, Toby Looyd, Ben McCambridge, Lindsey Morrow, Will Snow, Peter Boyer, Andrea Datzman, Stephen Davis, Ira Hearshen, Julie Minasian, Bobbi Page, Stephen Lawrence, Gerry Turner, Josh Allan, Will Barker, Dallin Bassett, Danielle Bennett, Ashley Berlanga, Valentina Borfecchia, Lucie Bourgeau, Evan Brainard, Krystal Call, Stephanie Cannon, Erika Carlson, Shoky Carter, Cindy Ceglarek, Karolina Cerna, Claire Chandou, Paige Chaytor, Felix Chen, Kit Conners, Natania Cook, Lucy Cover, Richard Daldry, Kelsey Daniels, Alicia Davies, Holly Dorff, Ellie Downham, Rachelle Duncan, Angus Ellis, Joy Ellison, Richard Enriquez, Neale Fishback, Jeffrey Fox, Jenny Fumarolo, Carla Gale, Paul Gibbs, STeve Goldstein, Sarah Goller, Tiffany Gomes, Daniel Gonzalez, Nicky Gregory, Anna Halberg, Brandon Hamilton, Lucy Howell, Meredith Humbracht, Michael Johnson, Matthew Lawson, Katherine McCormack, Ryan McDowell, Alastair McNeil, Jennifer Milliman, Todd Minobe, Rachel Moceri, John David Moffat, Alex Molden, Ciaran Moran, Michael Mungroo, Chris Norman, Russell Nunley, Ann Ormesher, Dilip Patel, Kyle Paul, Brigitte Pauli, Ryan Pederson, Annie Penn, Jason Potter, Leslie Quan, Jason Ragosta, Bobby Ravanshenas, Brooke Redmon, Bob Roath, Nanw Rowlands, Matthew Sampson, Brooke Schaertl, Shane Schoeppner, Andy Scoty, Jason Seaton, Gianna Simone, Kelly Taylor-DiasWhat happened Mr. Director (Andrew Stanton)?  With “Wall-E” I cried at mechanical homeless person who was lost among obese Americans lost in space.

Now even green, multi-limbed, bad-ass Tharns are like mouth pudding flavor free.

The loss of the hours wasn’t so much a hurt – watching my childhood friends of imagining being ass-raped (see “The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo”) was a pain that I will remember as long as I can – you see, even with the smoking of many loads of the wonderful Super O.G. Kush I could not find the liking… only the hating.

And the stomach-crawling disappoint.

So I have no more to say.

One thumb droops in mourning – the death of my childhood fantasies and hopes are now the truth of the screen.

The other thumb is to be right in the Mr. Disney butt – so now Mr. Disney, you know how “John Carter” feels.

I am sad.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Reese Witherspoon, Water For Elephants, Robert Pattinson, Christoph Waltz, Paul Schneider, Jim Norton, Hal Holbrook, Mark Povinelli, Richard Brake, Stephen Monroe Taylor, Ken Foree, Scott MacDonald, James Frain, Sam Anderson, John Aylward, Brad Greenquist, Tim Guinee, Donna W. Scott, E.E. Bell, Kyle Jordan, Aleksandra Kaniak, Ilia Volok, Bruce Gray, Jim Jansen, James Keane, Ivo Nandi, Karynn Moore, Andrew Connolly, Doug McDougal, Tracy Phillips Rowan O'Hara, Water for Elephants, Tai, Uggie, Ice, Sita Acevedo, Danny Castle, Michael Coronas, Aloysia Gavre, Francis Lawrence, Andrew R. Tennenbaum, Erwin Stoff, Gil Netter, Kevin Halloran, Alan Edward Bell, Ana Maria Quintana, Chad Holmes, David Crank, Denise Chamian, Molly Allen, Sasha Veneziano, Kimmo MustonenenKimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S.  “American Idol” – cannot next year (if there is one to be) have just one woman (who doesn’t make the eyes pain) over the age of 18?  The “Season of Fugly” will no longer be watched.  I watch “The Voice” now, waiting for Christina Aguilara’s imminent boob explosion.  I quiver with the waiting.