Chris Pratt – Behind the Proscenium

The LEGO Movie

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

This is the time of my exploding brain lobes.

How many times, in the living life, do we see our childhood dancing on the screen?

I want to believe that life is better than life is, but often it is not.

Then I go to the cinema.

Crap shoots in to my eye holes.

Not this time.

The movie light rushed over my body like a warm Kossu flowing from the mouth of Freyja (her chariot is pulled by two cats! Yowza!).

As I sucked the life out of many bon-bons while theater sitting, I was certain of one fact:

The LEGO Movie is the greatest story ever told.

And I wasn’t even high.

Can I begin? I will try.

First, the plot.

Emmit (Chis Pratt) follows the rules better than any LEGO person or people person has ever followed. His favorite song (“Everything Is Awesome”) rocks just enough so that it may not rock.

That’s O.K.

He works. Watches a show about lost pants (better than anything J.J. Abrams has pooped out – I’m look at you, “Lost”).

Then comes the “Piece of Resistance” followed by Wyldstyle (Elizabeth Banks – hottest LEGO ever!) and war with Lord Business (Will Ferrell).

The animation is better than my sleep brain movies after having eaten my medicinal brownie!

Colorful and alive.

Then even more colorful.

Then come the almost hallucination cool-ness of almost everything to come.

My eyeballs actually said “what the hell?” I couldn’t answer them.

Everything was too awesome.

Then I thought that “whoa, this movie is saying “hey, 99 percent, wake up and take back the world” and also ‘be yourself and screw the powerful'”.

These things I, Kimmo, would do – but I’m a pussy.

LEGOS are not pussies.

This is how LEGOS are not pussies.

Suck it, Peyton Manning. http://ftw.usatoday.com/2014/02/super-bowl-lego/

Oh, and the movie has Batman (Will Arnett) and a white Morgan Freeman (Morgan Freeman).

Damn! What more is there to ask for?

Except for maybe a naked Jennifer Lawrence (not made of LEGOS, but in human flesh form).

That would have made a happy place in my pants.

So, two thumbs aching to the highest atmosphere.

I will even say, with full truth, that The LEGO Movie will be good to you EVEN IF YOU AREN’T DRUNK OR HIGH!

Just like Shark Night 3D!

See this movie many, many times.

Then again.

You will say “Kimmo, you are awesome for making me see The LEGO Movie many, many times, and then again.”

I will say “You are welcome, dude man!!!”

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. The Olympics are here! Please, Finland, destroy the hated butt-faced Swedes.That is the only game that I worry for with hardness.

But not my brother Olli.

Olli wants Finland to win every Olympic game of hockey by 7 goals. He isn’t wanting for another heart attack-ack-ack-ack-ack-ack (he oughta know by now). HA! Near death can be funny, too!

HEAR/SEE KIMMO’S REVIEWS RIGHT HERE:

The Five-Year Engagement

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

First, cliché joke (I will not be the single sayer of this) – “The Five-Year Engagement” is also what seems to be the running time of the film.

It goes on.

And on.

And then on some more.

The butt hurts.

The movie doesn’t care.

The movie laughs at my discomfort.

But I don’t laugh at the movie.

Which is a comedy. Or an Apatow-medy.

So there are jokes on the dick.

The word “fuck” is used more than in “Glengarry Glen Ross.”

That is a lot of fucks.

But when people get to the fucking, all the women-types leave their tops on. Not a boob to make me smile.

America is weird.

Plot? Sure!

The film tells the story of the couple Violet Barnes (Emily Blunt – like the blunt that was for the smoking before the film) and Tom Solomon (Jason Segel – he gets naked and is covered in moles – creepy), whose relationship becomes strained when they realize they have much longer engagement (like 5 years, duh).

For lack of time, the two delay marriage for next year and, moreover, Violet enrolls at the University of Michigan for the studying.

Then is promoted at work by her boss (asshole, with sick karate skillz), and this entails the need to move to another city.

I think.

Or the same one, but for more bad times.

When formalizing the relationship seems to move a background in the lives of two lovers, paradoxically, parents are beginning to put pressure on them to hasten the wedding.

In addition, some older relatives die and not get to see even more young people to the altar.

And die, and die, and die.

These deaths were funny.

More deaths would have been better.

Troubled situation, Violet and Tom must decide quickly what they want from life and to manage better time because, otherwise, things seem to spiral out of control.

No more spoilers.

Funny things happen. Stifler from “American Reunion” is cloned into another person named Alex (Chris Pratt) for this.

Cinema wants more of the Stiflers. An entire mouth-word exchange is done as Cookie Monster and Elmo.

Emily Blunt is too much damn cuteness. Things happen that are too easy.

And a taco truck. If only there was a taco truck outside of the screening place.

Man, munchies can give one the drool face…

So, two thumbs taking a nap on the sideways.

All movie inhabitants were the likable people, but the thing made two hours many more hours of feeling. In my butt. Until my butt went to sweet, sweet sleep. Only to wake up at the credits – angry and painful.

Wait for DVD when it is Netflixing time. The unrated cut will last four and a half hours – but seem like six.. Sweet Jesus!

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. “The Voice” is fun! Blake Shelton is drunk! Christina lost weight! Cee Lo is borderline homosexual! Adam Levine is a douch-nozzle! No more “American Idol” for me!

Tag: Chris Pratt

The LEGO Movie [REVIEW]

The Five-Year Engagement [REVIEW]