Donald Sutherland – Behind the Proscenium

November 22, 2013December 16, 2013

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire [REVIEW]

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

I was gone.

You have missed me as much as I missed me.

Yes, you have.

Admit it. Now.

I am back. In the rearview mirror of my brain is a place that forever will make me spit out spit – rehab.

Someday, I will use my hands as my mouth and type you the story.

No Kossu. No sweet, sweet smoke.

“Friends” all up in my “intervention.”

To have such friends is to need a good poop and only fart. Yes… disappointment.

Now for movie things that have been not done so long in the not doing.

“The Hunger Games: Catching Fire” – hells yes!!!

No longer in rehab prison I smoked the sweet smoke, made full my flask, bought Crunch flavored Nibs and to the Cinema I skipped – happily, with a smile face.

Why?

Jennifer Lawrence.

Katniss is back, and her clothes are tightening. So are now my pants.

My love is a throbber.

A throbber right in the muscles of my heart machine.

I am consumed.

My groin is “Catching Fire.”

This seems much like a lot. And it is.

My love for Jennifer Lawrence is bigger than it can now be, or ever will.

Plot? Okay.

Katniss (J-Law, or Mrs. Mustonenen, please Odin!!!) is back in Finland. She has the shell shocks.

Gale (Thor’s brother) wants to mount her. So does Peeta (Josh “The Lost Munchkin” Hutcherson).

With a Hunger Games win in the pocket, they must go on tour, and like Metallica they (my woman and the dwarf) must fake their love.

Haymitch (Woody Harrelson) is still my drinking pal. Effie (Elizabeth Banks) still needs a face punch. Evil President Snow (Donald Sutherland) still smells of the kidney medication.

The people gather in giant crowds of close to 35 people to see Katniss in tight clothes. And to start being revolutionary against all who have meds for their kidneys.

Snow is so mad his face is all smile-like and is so old he wants Katniss made dead. She does nothing for his groin.

A human weasel (Philip Seymour Hoffman) has a plan. Hunger Games 75 – All-star Edition! Poor Katniss and Peeta again must fight.

SPOILER ALERT!

Just kidding. No spoiling. When high, I am funny to myself.

Oh, one thing for spoil – Crunch Nibs are to my mouth what J-Law is to my area.

Boing!!! Damn.

NO MORE SPOILERS!

There is much happening.

Katniss has just enough tight clothes, not enough of the nudes.

Johanna (Jena Malone) gives us some side boob – I dribbled Kossu down my chin but was disappoint in the finality.

Damn PG-13.

So – much sadness, cool trains, storm troopers, oppression, cool fights, side boob, costume-o-rama, rebellion, and, of course, the awesome most woman of all the worlds that are to be:

Jennifer Lawrence.

Jennifer – don’t make me crawl to “American Hustle” to see more of cleavage heaven. Come visit me in L.A. We will smoke and drink.

I will post to Facebook that we mounted (even if you wish to remain mount-free – I would happily build a house in your friend-zone… really).

I have two thumbs straight up in the air. And more – but PG-13 movie makes for PG-13 review. You must, in your imagination place, see what else shoots skyward.

See this movie twice. Make my future wife rich.

Thank you.

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. “American Horror Story: Coven.” WTF? Better than that shit-stink “Asylum,” but still… WTF?

March 23, 2012March 23, 2012

The Hunger Games [REVIEW]

The Hunger Games

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

I have waited for this longer than time may seem to you.

Or even longer.

So when the cinema doors opened I was fully ready for an eyeball party!

Yes, “The Hunger Games” is finally open.

Smoke was smoked.

Popcorn was popped.

Kossu was in the fun pocket for in the theater for drinking.

Yes!

Then my confusion – is this about Finland? Dirt. Trees. Poor people. District 12 is Finland!

Then my panic pulls out (too much weed) and I realize that I’m in the right film theater.

First things right now: Jennifer Lawrence is hot. So hot that I have a Winter’s Bone in the springtime.

Movie critic humor (for the win)!

So, what did we see? Plot is now!

The story of “The Hunger Games” is set in an indeterminate future. North America is destroyed. From the ashes rose the country Panem, which consisted of the Capital and original 13 districts.

After an uprising a district was destroyed. In order to remember the debt of the districts, Capitol held once a year the so-called Hunger Games, in which 24 young people compete in a battle to the death against each other – in each district a girl and a boy.

In the 74^th Hunger Games something unexpected happens: This part is that her younger sister Prim (Willow Shields) to the Hunger Games must be reported, the 16-year-old Katniss Everdeen (Jennifer Lawrence) volunteers as a tribute.

This is the greatest movie that has ever been told.

The cool, cool book was cool – but the cinema book is even more cooler. Because it is not read, but seen with my (your) own eyes!

Reading is the suck. Except for my reviews.

First (since she is the lead and smoking hot) Jennifer Lawrence is to win every award of acting. Only her “overly large for a starving girl” boobs were a distraction.

Sometimes it is good to be distracted.

Woody Harrelson as the drunken Haymitch reminds me of me when the Kossu flows and I become the state of drunk.

As the badass leader, Donald Sutherland is old and must like mothballs and kidney medication smell – because he is old. The boys gave me jealousy for their nearness to Katniss.

Gale (Liam Hemsworth – why is a 30 year old up for the 12-18 year old Reaping? He is older than Haymitch. Weird.) and Peeta (Josh Hutcherson) both have inner stiffies for Katniss, but only Peeta gets too close for my comfort. And yours. She is mine.

Other actors were also good to acting: Elizabeth Banks, Lenny Kravitz, Stanley Tucci, Wes Bentley (excellent face beard!), all greatness.

The directing Director – Gary Ross – was also the shit.

Battle scenes were with less blood flowing than the book, but more real blood than that “Twilight” crap that was smeared on my brain last year.

Hoping for the R rated directors cut on Blu-ray with many limbs cut to pieces.

Now, just wait on Hollywood with no originality or even an idea. Remake of “The Hunger.” Another movie of “Aqua Teen Hunger Force.” Movie from board game “Hungry Hungry Hippos.”

For now, just go see “The Hunger Games.”

Have I mentioned that Jennifer Lawrence is hot? She is fully formed (and not 16 – at least in this world)!

Any bad?

Only if you are so stuck up that reading is cool and you remember the book. SPOILERS! Mutations looked like “Twilight” wolves for retards (redundant). Where were the tongue-less freak Avox people (movie foul!)? Foxface needed lines (hot for fox (redundant), yet not Jennifer).

That’s it. Not bad.

Verdict?

Two thumbs up… no joke here. Although District 12 brings Finland into my head, I still have the love on.

May the odds be ever in your favor – except for “Twilight”… that shit can die in a fire.

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. “The Voice” may be the thing for T.V. to watch. Erin Martin? Advancing in singing competition with looks? I loveAmerica!!!

July 8, 2011July 8, 2011

Horrible Bosses [REVIEW]

Horrible Bosses

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

In Finnish language, “Horrible Bosses” translates to “Hirmuinen Pomoja”.

In Finnish, “Horrible Movie” translates to “Kamala Elokuva”.

Fortunately “Hirmuinen Pomoja”, it is not “Kamala Elokuva” but in fact “Loistava Elokuva”! Which means “Really Good Movie”!

So… great the summer (!) movie season has finally started!

“Horrible Bosses” accepts the challenge put against it “The Hangover 2” and of raises it tons of new heights.

The dudes (and jack-off monkey!) “The Hangover“.

The chicks owned “The Bridesmaids”.

Both of sexes are equally unspeakable in this hilarious new treat “Horrible Bosses”.

John Francis Daley, Michael Markowitz and Jonathan Goldstein all have experience writing or acting and situation of comedies in TV sketch comedies. Yet this smash-up feature script by all of them doesn’t seem choppy or overextended, and director Seth Gordon (“Four Christmases” – yuck, gross) drives it forward like a bullet train – like the new one in China!

Three reserved idiots – Jason Bateman, who is in the enterprise equivalent indentured of the enslavement; Jason Sudeikis, which tries to hold his boss of the credit of the sex with hookers in his office and of firing the people because they are fat (haven’t he seen show where fat women become skinny and hot women in two weeks?) and Charlie Day, which the dentist extorts into an affair before his wedding (yowza!).

They are driven, around homicide to consider of their sadistic supervision forces (Kevin Spacey, Colin Farrell, Jennifer Aniston). Their dorkus “murder consultant” (Jamie Foxx) advises them, around to kill their employers (I wish – just kidding Kyrle!), with which production of the deaths look like accidents.

Smart.

The film is strongest, if it remains with Bateman and again mixes with Spacey, Bateman has that on the easy expressionless “everyman” – perfected in “Arrested Development” and everything since. Spacey, on the dead-panned sarcastic scumbag we have admired since his calmer moments in other stuff.

This brings the one half serious point forward here.

We do not wish the dentist, who is killed – though not (she should not be killed).

Dale’s horny friends can’t understand why he’s miserable – isn’t a hot woman begging tons sleep with him?

And her behavior has accelerate a lot of sexual terrorism before they think it’s wrong. That is not right. Women can be also be pigs (see “Bridesmaids”). And pig women can be hot.

We have learned to regret men sexually harass the female employees, but how seriously we should take a complaint, if the culprit looked like Jennifer Aniston?

This film suggests that we should laugh it off, but the intimidation is intimidation, a foxy chick nonetheless could be the boss (not in my world – sad face!).

The casting agent for this movie should win an award.

Bateman, Sudeikis and Day to beat all the big notes, but even better, they find laughter between the lines.

Day is more stupid than the other two (the scene of him, because the view is priceless), but it works well in conjunction with Bateman, Sudeikis and bone-dry approach, and all three take care that the crazy antics keep to a minimum.

Spacey does not break new ground, but he has a lot of fun, and is a welcome sight.

Aniston takes things down a notch from her new role-playing the main thing and consequently turns into a better performer.

All that is said – now the verdict: So funny, that if I must pee, that would happen right now (or when I saw the movie – I don’t have to go now).

So, two thumbs enthusiastically thrusting skyward (thanks thesaurus!). My face is hurting for the smile. And that is good.

See “Horrible Bosses” at least twice. Regrets? You won’t have them!

Kimmo Mustonenen (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. America’s Got Talent! Really? I mean… really?