Frank Welker – Behind the Proscenium

The Smurfs

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

What the Smurf?!?

Another Smurfing CGI poopfest of the summer of pooping Smurfed-up films?

The movie studios have Smurfed us again – right up the Smurfhole.

If animated characters take on real actors, then alarm bells should ring. Excluding again the extraordinary movie gem Beowulf (genius!), it is also already hard at all to call a movie of this kind that can convince.

Then, when a studio then tries the popular cartoon series The Smurfs and in this, is messed up, then red alert should be achieved!

Success!

Anyone who is curious nonetheless: Yes, The Smurfs is really a very weak movie that nobody has to look at – but if you do, blame only yourself (or your Smurfingly annoying mate who said it would be good – dump her now!).

Smurfs live concealed in a village, hidden from the outside world. And it also has a good reason: Among others, it has the evil wizard Gargamel (Hank Azaria) who dicks with Smurfs (not literally – it’s kids movie!). But eventually he succeeds and his cat, Azrael (who does not dick), still make the village identified and found.

During their flight, a little Smurf group, including Papa Smurf and Smurfette (whore), in a magic vortex that brings them into an alien world: New York City – in and of our time.

Then, even Smurfs can’t get a ticket to Book of Mormon (sad Smurfs). And since Gargamel was also to New York, they seek refuge with Grace (Jayma Mays – boring in Glee. Have sex with Mr. Schuester already!) and Patrick (Neil Patrick Harris – ladykiller!), who are trying to help the Smurfs on their way back.

The concept is simple: Take a well-known franchise (in this case, The Smurfs), invent a hair-raising story line and try with as simplistic gags at least a little pep in the boring construct bring.

Or not.

The Smurfs makes it quite simple and shipped the blue little people with the help of a rather cheap gimmick in our world to be found (this is confusing).

As a consequence of a classic culture clash show is taken off, but unfortunately it lacks the rear to the front of even a semi-good idea.

The highlight is when there already is a hopelessly misplaced Gargamel heedless of a braking car.

Hurp durp.

Yes, The Smurfs actually tried it with only the very stale gags that were boring 25 years ago (or more – think vaudeville… IF YOU DARE!) and have since been contradicted by constantly chewed just such ideas and soulless, embarrassing movies.

For any half-experienced viewers of the film ensures only for a large dollop of boredom and who is looking for something for children, should be no problems have a better alternative to find the pool of wonderful animated films.

Even Neil Patrick Harris fans can save the visit as the How I Met Your Mother star burned here is just merciless.

Something like The Smurfs comes out just when they (money grubbing studio tycoons like Khan Manka, Jr.) tries again every last cent out of an old franchise to push.

The story is bleh, the gags are all lukewarm damp squishy sandwich and otherwise it is primarily a high dumbness.

View may well be the only very young audience, but otherwise everyone else of the moviegoers already implemented have seen better.

If I had paid any Smurfing money to see this Smurf-fest… well, I would have yelled “Smurf off and die!” Smurfing Smurf Smurfers. So, one thumb – Smurfing… downward.

Kimmo Mustonenen (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. This learned from The Glee Project – Ryan Murphy is a tool.

Transformers: Dark Of The Moon

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

First, a discredit: I love Megan Fox (Jennifer’s Body – yowza! I was almost made to forgot Ginnifer Goodwin!).

And Shia LeBoeuf now credit can be given for the giving of the meat(!) while she was with her 90210 husband?

Not cool, Shia… not cool.

Now to the reviewing.

Michael Bay has been a director always who has the lowest standard given free rein in his films.

Feminine curves (these are good), the delight in the perfectly shaped poses from the most daring of view (that’s right), the male senses, polished stainless bodies that cast a sea of lens flare into the cameras (look out JJ Abrams!) and real heroes in uniform who carry the backlight in distinctive silhouettes.

The real guy who sleeps in each one of us suggests that it displays them on the hairy chest and shouts out a fervent Tarzan screaming in the world (much like me).

But while the introverted and sensitive wearer scrapes with his pencil on his forehead and dismisses a disillusioned sigh (my brother, Jarri, he is a real forehead pencil scraper).

Here is Michael Bay talking: “A real guy needs a movie with testosterone in the bloodstream, and an eye for the essentials: cars, butts, aliens (not in that order)!”

Transformers the 3rd: Dark of the Moon (Lazer Floyd!) is the film revelation and epileptic overkill, which the audience and the cinema owners were hoping for so long. The stylized action vindicated the over-priced 3D effect, and vice versa. The humor may now again be laughed heartily without interfering on the borderline banality of the second part.

Transformers the 3rd takes a whopping 157 minutes and operates on a broad level. Megan Fox’s ass and marble belly while leaving a gaping hole (don’t even think it, Shia), but Rosie Huntington-Whiteley gazelle legs and an absence of self-esteem affects what sexy outfits, makes the loss more than up for it (almost, but I admit that she is lengthy!)

Michael Bay will never grow up and his camera never not move and that’s why we love him?

What?

Since it not hurt that the series itself basically just over and over and fail to real surprises. The sensitive and thoughtful boy agrees, in some respects (to be sure, I’ll ask brother Jarri later).

The 3D effect is due to the native style handsomely turned out – but just as volatile as the paint on the Autobots. Also, the content of amateurism from Transformers 2 will be largely spared.

If you still remember the slogan from the second film recalls says that “Only a Prime can kill a Prime” – which is to capture the action of the third part in full: “Only a Prime can resurrect a Prime.”

Knowing about these facts once swallowed, the rest of the film stripped of leaves before the mind’s eye and the viewer is unaffected from surprises. But the Transformers movies were anyway never looked for their offense, at least, is an old saying – so old as to be not understandable.

Nevertheless, a fairly logical and understandable sequence of actions will be gratefully accepted. The more effortless a film executes its structural plot points, the more positive the effect on the film – what Bay’s third try masters solid.

But the fact remains that the film series has reached a dead end. The same hero stereotype, the same car brands, the same threats, same jokes.

With the new Shia LaBeouf (asshole!) again on the site itself needs love are back at 0. It was a physical impossibility, that could turn Transformers the 3rd worse than its immediate predecessor – and this is proven correct.

But as B.B. King sang, “the thrill is gone”, Michael Bay‘s robot toys have lost their appeal, what remains is a pile of crap metal that sparkles in sunlight and impressed by its size – but no more.

Size doesn’t matter. Which is what Megan probably said to the Shia meat (Carey Mulligan, too). We can dream.

Kimmo Mustonene (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. Once again, The Glee Project! I’m rooting for the munchkin and the bitch! You?

Tag: Frank Welker

The Smurfs [REVIEW]

Transformers: Dark Of The Moon