Elysium
With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen
The days of a dog summer are arrived.
The testicle kick torture that is summer movie season nears its end.
How much more can my two amigos take?
“The Great Gatsby” – pow, right in the pills.
“Fast and the Furious 6” – a hard punch to the giggleberries.
“White House Downer” – bitch slap to my plucked turkeys.
My junk can take no more. My area is a mess.
There is hope… It is called “Elysium.”
Neill Blomkamp made my head kaboom with “District 9.” The story of giant shrimp oppressed and the man (Sharlto Copley) who through a shrimp STD becomes another shrimp. He has their pain. He isn’t a shrimp Nelson Mandela – but that may never be, sadly. “District 9” had effects, good. Plot, surprise! Acting, cool.
What did my brain want with “Elysium”?
Good effects, surprise plot, cool acting. One out of three ain’t good (sorry Meatloaf).
Plot? Yes.
Used many times in the past times – used again.
In the further future, after “Blade Runner,” the rain has stopped in Los Angeles. The Japanese people have gone back to their homes and the Hispanics have returned from Japan.
It is daylight. Neon is not longer in fashion. Robots look like robots, not “I wanna make a little replicant with you” replicants like Sean Young (in the last century, she had for the hot – no shit).
Max (Matt Damon) was a child with Frey (Alice Braga). They are cute orphans. We cannot smell their orphan smell, so we still like them.
When older, Max having starred in “Fast and The Furious 73,” now just wants to build robots and be harassed by cop robots who are really cops from today in robot suits.
All are dusty and tattooed. All want to go up to Elysium.
Especially when Max gets a case of special die in exactly five days radiation.
Why Elysium?
Elysium is Las Vegas, but with healing, without cigarette smoke.
Delacourt (Jodie Foster) wants to keep it Las Vegas and is a bitch.
She hates Hispanics, giant shrimp, possibly the Japanese, and Max.
They are not allowed the Las Vegas.
Not even State Line.
There are mind thought transfers. Max becomes low-budget Transformer. Frey is pretty. Charles Manson Kruger (Sharlto Copley again –please speak English when speaking English – I will never know how you said what you said until I get the Blu-ray and use the CC) will soon attend Overactor’s Anonymous.
This night was a Kossu only for Kimmo night.
Big mistake.
I could see the future of the film before that future was the now.
Poor people, sad.
Rich people, mean.
Movie goer, still waiting for giant shrimp.
Would a better place be film “Elysium” with the sweet, sweet smoke? This can never be known.
So, two thumbs needing exo-skeleton to stand tall – waiting for five day radiation death, but only having to survive the hour and forty-nine minute movie film which seemed like five day radiation death.
But no 3D! Praise Odin!!!
Bad? No.
Good? No.
Matt Damon? He did many sit-ups and push-ups for preparing to act. I now feel fat.
So… see “Elysium” and feel fat. High praise!
Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium
P.S. Fall is coming. Which says Winter is coming. Which says “Game of Thrones” will return. Soon Westeros will be Finland, with more nudity (and dragons – no dragons in Finland). Who is point with thumbs at his face like a spastic and grinning and saying “who cannot wait for nude Finn Westeros Game of Thrones? This guy!”
Boom!
