With Kyrle Lendhoffer & Kimmo Mustonenen
Golden Globe Awards – 2014 – Live
With Wit, Reviewed Live by Kimmo Mustonenen
UPDATE: Kimmo’s brother in Finland had a heart attack (he will be fine) but Kimmo will be unable to live blog the Golden Globes tonight.
Apologies.
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Hello.
The Golden Globes are tomorrow.
Follow my feed if you have the balls.
I’ll be drunk – will you?
Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium
Dark Shadows
With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen
Readers, forgive me.
Last week, The Avengers.
Oops.
I was again the drunk and did not review that awesome piece of shit.
How so?
My FinnBro (Pekka) and I did the drink on Nashville!
So many the pukes out of my mouth.
Then Pekka puked on the ice.
Partied like a star, then the falling and the hospital.
My fault Phoenix is in the Western Conference Finals.
Never to drink again. Until tomorrow!
Pekka, I take the bad!
Damn!
Damn, again!
Thanks, Hollywood.
When, as a child, I would exist – the loving of Barnabas Collins every afternoon.
Then, for we of the werewolf love, had Quentin. I wanted to grow up to a werewolf.
Cool.
Show was AWESOME!
Now, WTF?!?
I don’t hate “Dark Shadows.” There is some love.
Michelle Pfeiffer… HOT!
Eva Green… HOT.
Chloe Mortetz… HOT, but not legal for 5 more years.
Then a movie. I don’t care.
Once again, seventies are funny. Come on!
Burton, I crap in your eye.
This is the best funny movie Tim Burton has done since “Big Fish.”
But again, what the fjord?.
Old jokes are old. New jokes are old.
I want to like, but with a lack of laughing, what the hell?
Time for the Burton – Depp break-up.
Though, the happening of this is never.
Man, the Kossu is running out.
Therefore, I have nothing left to say.
“Dark Shadow” will be on my big screen in August. My pipe is full of the sweet weed.
Now is the time for us who love cinema to rage!
Do not throw poop at us like a monkey!
We are human.
We want to see the cinema that is good!
Come on!
Come on.
I am now escorted to a place where I can relax. One day, movies will be fun again.
No, probably never. Damn.
For now, I leave you with this: Go and see “Dark Shadows”.
Why not? Get drunk. Smoke some green. Time goes by.
Who gives a shit?
Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium
P.S. Summer again. Now time for summer brain cancer. Fuck.
Ghost Rider: Spirit Of Vengeance
With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen
Many apologies for the writing lack for two weeks.
Fluffy the Wonder Ferret, greatest animal in history, crossed the Rainbow Bridgeand now feasts on ferret food with Jesus – and other ferrets who also have caught the death.
I took time away from the critic things.
I cried, baby style. Then I cried again.
Why?
Because on the returning to work I found I get to review “Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance.”
Who is the Ghost Rider?
Did you see even the first one?
He is Marvel’s darkest hero. A hell of a biker (joke!), a sort of hybrid man-demon who fights with the forces of Lucifer as the good guy. This is with a burning skull head and no face – which is cool after many sweet, sweet bong loads.
Without the bonging, not so much.
Remember?
Or, like me, did you erase your mind of the first one? I’ll refresh you.
Once Johnny Blaze sold his soul to the devil, and won only sufferer until he managed to outwit Satan similarly and to keep the forces of the Riders for themselves to use them for good.
This confuses.
Remember?
Ends approximately in the way “Ghost Rider” to unleash the first attempt in the year 2007, the demonic biker on the big screen. Managed to cartoonish staging it but not really convincing.
Too much slapstick, romance and – if one disregards the Lucifer-esque performance by Peter Fonda – an opponent who seemed so threatening, like a teen boy-band member
Whether it should then be a sequel, especially under the contribute by Nicolas Cage, was long doubtful until the end – but were still 75 million reasons to shoot a sequel, and let heat with Cage-head inflamed again over the marble pavement (on a motorcycle. No shit!).
Plot? Here we go!
This time is somewhere in Eastern Europe, a sect of devil worshipers after a boy (Fergus Riordan) go, which brings extraordinary occult powers in itself.
To defend this guy, a secret society of warrior monks (bad-assery!) swore. The Satanists, led by its top guru (Ciaran Hinds) have taken hold of the boy. Now, only the Ghost Rider can help.
Johnny Blaze (I was blazed, let me tell you) lives in seclusion, however, and would again be a demon in any way. Moreau (Idris Elba), one of the warrior monks, succeeds him then but still convincing – after all, it’s again about beating the devil’s trick – and off you go.
Wheee!
Even if one wants to be on the first part, it had at least still something of a plot and a few original ideas.
Peter Fonda was also off a fabulously smug Lucifer, the lovely Eva Mendes (schwing!) is already a well-bred eye-catching and Sam Elliott’s (“the Dude abides”!) performances were always kind of cult.
All this gave the previous charm, something that “Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance” completely lacks.
The figures, like Idris Elba, Ciaran Hinds and even Christopher Lambert in a brief guest appearance, get far too little opportunity which would be able to see to it. Right? Right.
So, this Ghost Rider gets one limp thumb – limp as Fluffy the Wonder Ferret before the rigor mortis gave him a stiff.
At least it wasn’t in 3-D (the movie – ferrets are always in 3-D). I’m off to smoke for Fluffy and for more the crying…
Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium
P.S. “American Idol” needs more hot chicks – and less passing out during “Hollywood Week.” Or more passing out. I’m undecided. But definitely more hot chicks.
Transformers: Dark Of The Moon
With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen
First, a discredit: I love Megan Fox (Jennifer’s Body – yowza! I was almost made to forgot Ginnifer Goodwin!).
And Shia LeBoeuf now credit can be given for the giving of the meat(!) while she was with her 90210 husband?
Not cool, Shia… not cool.
Now to the reviewing.
Michael Bay has been a director always who has the lowest standard given free rein in his films.
Feminine curves (these are good), the delight in the perfectly shaped poses from the most daring of view (that’s right), the male senses, polished stainless bodies that cast a sea of lens flare into the cameras (look out JJ Abrams!) and real heroes in uniform who carry the backlight in distinctive silhouettes.
The real guy who sleeps in each one of us suggests that it displays them on the hairy chest and shouts out a fervent Tarzan screaming in the world (much like me).
But while the introverted and sensitive wearer scrapes with his pencil on his forehead and dismisses a disillusioned sigh (my brother, Jarri, he is a real forehead pencil scraper).
Here is Michael Bay talking: “A real guy needs a movie with testosterone in the bloodstream, and an eye for the essentials: cars, butts, aliens (not in that order)!”
Transformers the 3rd: Dark of the Moon (Lazer Floyd!) is the film revelation and epileptic overkill, which the audience and the cinema owners were hoping for so long. The stylized action vindicated the over-priced 3D effect, and vice versa. The humor may now again be laughed heartily without interfering on the borderline banality of the second part.
Transformers the 3rd takes a whopping 157 minutes and operates on a broad level. Megan Fox’s ass and marble belly while leaving a gaping hole (don’t even think it, Shia), but Rosie Huntington-Whiteley gazelle legs and an absence of self-esteem affects what sexy outfits, makes the loss more than up for it (almost, but I admit that she is lengthy!)
Michael Bay will never grow up and his camera never not move and that’s why we love him?
What?
Since it not hurt that the series itself basically just over and over and fail to real surprises. The sensitive and thoughtful boy agrees, in some respects (to be sure, I’ll ask brother Jarri later).
The 3D effect is due to the native style handsomely turned out – but just as volatile as the paint on the Autobots. Also, the content of amateurism from Transformers 2 will be largely spared.
If you still remember the slogan from the second film recalls says that “Only a Prime can kill a Prime” – which is to capture the action of the third part in full: “Only a Prime can resurrect a Prime.”
Knowing about these facts once swallowed, the rest of the film stripped of leaves before the mind’s eye and the viewer is unaffected from surprises. But the Transformers movies were anyway never looked for their offense, at least, is an old saying – so old as to be not understandable.
Nevertheless, a fairly logical and understandable sequence of actions will be gratefully accepted. The more effortless a film executes its structural plot points, the more positive the effect on the film – what Bay’s third try masters solid.
But the fact remains that the film series has reached a dead end. The same hero stereotype, the same car brands, the same threats, same jokes.
With the new Shia LaBeouf (asshole!) again on the site itself needs love are back at 0. It was a physical impossibility, that could turn Transformers the 3rd worse than its immediate predecessor – and this is proven correct.
But as B.B. King sang, “the thrill is gone”, Michael Bay‘s robot toys have lost their appeal, what remains is a pile of crap metal that sparkles in sunlight and impressed by its size – but no more.
Size doesn’t matter. Which is what Megan probably said to the Shia meat (Carey Mulligan, too). We can dream.
Kimmo Mustonene (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium
P.S. Once again, The Glee Project! I’m rooting for the munchkin and the bitch! You?
Is Nazi lover Lars now feeling “Melancholia” (ha!)?
With wit, reviewed by guest critic Kimmo Mustonenen
Impacts Cannes: The apocalyptic drama “Melancholia” are pushed into the background – of a provocateur Lars von Trier and his statement that he was a Nazi.
The man is 55, but his reputation as the eternal enfant terrible of cinema, he apparently wants to do justice to all eternity. Not only in his radical films for which he is loved all over the world and feared, but also outside in a lot more confusing life (is his).
At the press conference in Cannes on Wednesday afternoon to his apocalyptic drama “Melancholia”, he was – unfortunately – in this respect too great shape.
He said not only to gentle horror of his leading lady Kirsten Dunst, she was suffering from depression, but claimed this week to shoot on the request of his actors a porno. Yes!
What?
And when this was not enough, he outed himself as a Nazi even – after his family had German roots. Hitler was indeed made “a few bad things”, but “I can imagine him in his bunker, in the end, sad.” Lordy.
The manager of the Film Festival will take place this kind sardonic submissions not funny. In the early evening, they said in such a short communiqué as sharp, they would never allow such submissions become the stage of Cannes.
Lars von Trier had to ask an explanation for his behavior, now apologized, saying he had “carried away by a provocation” to.
The most peculiar tendency to self-promotion was already in the press release for “Melancholia” are visible. There, Lars von Trier makes ado self insult to the principle.
“Cream of the Cream,” his film has become, and only the poster, the film stills, the trailer: The see everything “sort of shit” from. Likely to say the enfant terrible with the fact that his new film is a great place. In any case, somehow.
See? I am not afraid to say it.
At least it is pleasing – or so it seemed up to the press conference – that Lars von Trier has made a deep depression, he set two years ago with “Antichrist” is a frightening monument, found apparently.
“Melancholia” but told by an identically-giant planet speed towards the earth and swallows them, of nothing less than the end of the world – by swallowing (what?).
But instead of torturing his film characters, as then, his audience physically and mentally, Lars von Trier celebrates its fatalism and nihilism in a disaster film, as we have seen him in such peace before. And for his concise history, he needs only one scene with highly transparent personnel.
What?
Justine (Kirsten Dunst in fine forming, but no Ginnifer Goodwin) and Michael (Alexander Skarsgard) celebrate their wedding in a castle, one with an adjacent golf course on the lake, Justine’s sister, Claire (Charlotte Gainsbourg) and her husband John (Kiefer Sutherland).
With the hand-held camera filmed nervously close to the people (like “Cloverfield” – awesome!), the party, not least through active support of the embodied by Charlotte Rampling bride’s mother, similarly gruesome next, as was the family party in Thomas Vinterberg’s Dogma classic “Festen” (1998).
The couple separated on the wedding night, and the mentally unstable Justine remains with Claire’s family on the property alone. Meanwhile, the planet is approaching inexorably Melancholia: In five days he should, say the optimists among scientists, just pass by the earth.
Only Justine (turning whiter)- or rather, feel – better. And she suspects the reason the reverse story of creation. The earth is as evil as the earthlings, and a life out in space after the big bang, there is not anyway. But this is too much.
If I say again, why see it, no?
A new masterpiece by Lars von Trier? In “Dancer in the Dark”, which he won the Golden Palm in 2000, reaches “Melancholia” not approach (“Melancholia” to “Dancer in the Dark” – I’m not clear). But even if the movie almost seems to shrink in proportion as the light blue shimmering star grows into full-length canvas size, it remains a suggestive impressive experience.
Just like the astronomers, because if the human race should flourish once a similar fate, please call the killer planet differently. Like Conan. Or Jack Bauer.
“Melancholy” does not kill, but is a worthy temperament that helps understand life.
Kimmo Mustonenen – Behind The Proscenium
Follow @KimmoMustonenen
P.S. Ginnifer Goodwin to make fun in new television serial this fall on television! More news when known!