Johnny Depp – Behind the Proscenium

May 11, 2012May 11, 2012

Dark Shadows [REVIEW]

Dark Shadows

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Readers, forgive me.

Last week, The Avengers.

Oops.

I was again the drunk and did not review that awesome piece of shit.

How so?

My FinnBro (Pekka) and I did the drink on Nashville!

So many the pukes out of my mouth.

Then Pekka puked on the ice.

Partied like a star, then the falling and the hospital.

My fault Phoenix is in the Western Conference Finals.

Never to drink again. Until tomorrow!

Pekka, I take the bad!

Damn!

Damn, again!

Thanks, Hollywood.

When, as a child, I would exist – the loving of Barnabas Collins every afternoon.

Then, for we of the werewolf love, had Quentin. I wanted to grow up to a werewolf.

Cool.

Show was AWESOME!

Now, WTF?!?

I don’t hate “Dark Shadows.” There is some love.

Michelle Pfeiffer… HOT!

Eva Green… HOT.

Chloe Mortetz… HOT, but not legal for 5 more years.

Then a movie. I don’t care.

Once again, seventies are funny. Come on!

Burton, I crap in your eye.

This is the best funny movie Tim Burton has done since “Big Fish.”

But again, what the fjord?.

Old jokes are old. New jokes are old.

I want to like, but with a lack of laughing, what the hell?

Time for the Burton – Depp break-up.

Though, the happening of this is never.

Man, the Kossu is running out.

Therefore, I have nothing left to say.

“Dark Shadow” will be on my big screen in August. My pipe is full of the sweet weed.

Now is the time for us who love cinema to rage!

Do not throw poop at us like a monkey!

We are human.

We want to see the cinema that is good!

Come on!

Come on.

I am now escorted to a place where I can relax. One day, movies will be fun again.

No, probably never. Damn.

For now, I leave you with this: Go and see “Dark Shadows”.

Why not? Get drunk. Smoke some green. Time goes by.

Who gives a shit?

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. Summer again. Now time for summer brain cancer. Fuck.

March 16, 2012March 19, 2012

21 Jump Street [REVIEW]

21 Jump Street

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

First, a truth.

In a second week – I was having the déjà vu, right in my face.

Something else from my happy child times is under attack.

From Hollywood.

The greatest showing in television that wasn’t “Baywatch” (which is the best if only for the great mammary swings in a slower motion – hot stuff!).

And even I, when high or even not, was not much for the original of “21 Jump Street.” Richard Grieco freaked me out – his skin was unnatural and unholy.

But still – why do the Hollywood persons have to bend over everything that was from our pasts and violate the brown eye?

Sometimes the past memory needs its hole revisited.

This past memory is this movie.

If you were to judge the success of a movie-play simply by how much or how little you made me laugh, “21 Jump Street“ would be one of the best I’ve seen in a while.

The effectiveness of the film is amazing, especially based on the same television series of the 80’s whose greatest legacy to cinema it was Johnny Depp (what in bloody hell have you done to Barnabas Collins, Johnny? – I will hurt you when I see you next).

The directors of “Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs”, Phil Lord and Chris Miller, transfer the same energy and humor that characterized that great this new animated comedy, thankfully, is rated “R”, for full of delicious dirtiness.

The dick jokes were particularly welcome from the mouths of the leads.

Among the best sequences are a feature film that revolves around a trip of hallucinogen (I sure love drugs!) and one in which our “heroes” are involved in a chase on the highway.

Absurd first in nature and the second with his parody of the clichés of the genre of action, show that neither the directors nor the screenwriter Michael Bacall are taken very seriously, which invites the audience to laugh at and with the film.

And then the invitation is make to fire up the bong.

Then the movie is near perfect and good – simultaneously.

Thank you, weed.

Plot? Come on, a plot is needed?!?

O.K. it exists.

Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum star as Schmidt and Jenko, two incompetent cops are reassigned to an old unit not activated from the 80’s that infiltrates as students in a college to stop the transfer of a deadly narcotic.

Ice Cube scowls as the new superior, Captain Dickson, and then he scowls again. And scowls one more time.

I wanted to smoke him out and bring on the smiling. Next time, Mr. Cube.

Things happen. Roles from High School (heh, high school) are reversed.

A big dick in olden days is no longer respected. Fat kids who were openly slapped for smelling like bacon are now the cool.

Up is down.

Sideways is straight.

And comedy is had by all.

Note to self – when stoned at funny movie DO NOT hold ice cream bon bons in the lap – without knowledge you can freeze your nuttles.

Pain!

So, two thumbs higher than I was when seeing this screening!

Funny, clever and no Richard Grieco leather face to give me nightmares.

Better than the stupid show it was “based” on (really only the title is shared correctly).

And my testicles have thawed sufficiently so that the panic is gone from my voice.

Success!

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo on Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

Next week – “The Hunger Games.” My Katniss inspired wood is filling with sap.

P.S. To the “sports expert” who helped me with my first NCAA March Insanity pool… you are an asshole. Thank you for saying “Kimmo, take Montana all the way.” No money for me now. I hope your eyeballs fall out and are eaten by your cat. This I mean! Dick.

May 20, 2011May 31, 2011

Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides [REVIEW]

Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

With wit, reviewed by Kimmo Mustonenen

In his latest adventure, goes fourth from Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) on the search for the fabled fountain of youth. But not only he, the Spaniards have learned of the promising young well and has sent three ships.

The English crown is again the idea of an immortal Catholic monarchs not enthusiastic and asked why Jack’s eternal rival Hector Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) with the search.

Officially, he is now sailing as a privateer flying the flag of the British Royal Navy. And then there is an impostor, who claims to be Jack Sparrow, and also hiring a team in London for an expedition

The race to eternal life, the counterparties to exotic locations and great in the middle into an adventure. Mermaids (!), which prove to be far more dangerous than one would expect generally, voodoo, zombie sailors and the legendary pirate Blackbeard (Ian McShane) meet Jack on his way.

Is the most dangerous to him but once a woman, Angelica (Penelope Cruz) he shares a common past – what plans the master of fraud and conspiracy has for the future, Jack is initially remains a mystery.

Bruckheimer, Depp, the Fourth: The producer and his favorite actors put in the new Pirates of the Caribbean back to the wheel and spin the finest yarns.

Like the first three parts, which together have recorded over 2.7 billion U.S. dollars, has Strange Tides beautiful to look, exciting entertainment for a mass audience, and still is Johnny Depp, the role of Jack Sparrow as the Body written.

Pirate Captain includes this time the best moments of the film – it is again a pleasure to see how the actor and his dreadlock mane and felt rum flag staggering and mumbling from one adventure to the next stumble, even the most absurd situations Stoic masters, always charming, always bold and always attentive to his own advantage. Oh, Johnny!

Even at first glance offers Alien Tide with its opulent furnishings. The move by Penny Rose-designed costumes and sets of the Oscar-winning production designer John Myhre viewers immediately back to the 18th Century but no further. The latter has surpassed him in the first quarter of the film itself, because it plays in London.

Place on a remote Caribbean island or in a dilapidated pirate Jack Sparrow may now say in the metropolis at the heart of the British Empire mean mayhem – of which he makes frequent use.

What?

Before that is not even an involuntary audience with His Majesty King George immune. This was before by stutter stricken he was.

Also on Myhre’s account go to extraordinary pirate ships, which of course in the new Pirates of the Caribbean may not be missing. The “Black Pearl” this time puts although a pause, but as Jack’s one true love or the submersible “Flying Dutchman” from Pirates of the Caribbean 2, the filmmakers leave in “Strange Tides” another ship from the deck that has no equal looking for: Blackbeard’s “Queen Anne’s Revenge”.

Macabre decorated with the bones of his victims, the bow is a creepy figurehead, the character played by Ian McShane, dark pirate control them with a wave of his sword.

Also directed by Rob Marshall, who has replaced three parts Gore Verbinski, it remains a hallmark of the Pirates of the Caribbean series that they spiced the classic genre of the pirate movie with all sorts of fantasy elements.

Fantastic is the journey that the excellent ensemble of actors is taking to Johnny Depp, Ian McShane, Penelope Cruz and Geoffrey Rush to rousing music by Hans Zimmer, to the end.

It is developing an exciting, but also little surprising story – perhaps the only criticism which one can make the film. Remained to be hoped that the creators go out in the next few parts will never come out of ideas.

Better than the first part was not a Pirates of the Caribbean everything – even Alien Tide is “only” a very good pirate movie with Johnny Depp again superb in the lead role.

Hollywood News! Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss in The Games of Hunger? No way Hozay! You know who I rather… and her initials G. Goodwin! Make it so, Nikki Finke!!!

Kimmo Mustonenen – Behind The Proscenium
Follow @KimmoMustonenen