Liam Neeson – Behind the Proscenium

The LEGO Movie

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

This is the time of my exploding brain lobes.

How many times, in the living life, do we see our childhood dancing on the screen?

I want to believe that life is better than life is, but often it is not.

Then I go to the cinema.

Crap shoots in to my eye holes.

Not this time.

The movie light rushed over my body like a warm Kossu flowing from the mouth of Freyja (her chariot is pulled by two cats! Yowza!).

As I sucked the life out of many bon-bons while theater sitting, I was certain of one fact:

The LEGO Movie is the greatest story ever told.

And I wasn’t even high.

Can I begin? I will try.

First, the plot.

Emmit (Chis Pratt) follows the rules better than any LEGO person or people person has ever followed. His favorite song (“Everything Is Awesome”) rocks just enough so that it may not rock.

That’s O.K.

He works. Watches a show about lost pants (better than anything J.J. Abrams has pooped out – I’m look at you, “Lost”).

Then comes the “Piece of Resistance” followed by Wyldstyle (Elizabeth Banks – hottest LEGO ever!) and war with Lord Business (Will Ferrell).

The animation is better than my sleep brain movies after having eaten my medicinal brownie!

Colorful and alive.

Then even more colorful.

Then come the almost hallucination cool-ness of almost everything to come.

My eyeballs actually said “what the hell?” I couldn’t answer them.

Everything was too awesome.

Then I thought that “whoa, this movie is saying “hey, 99 percent, wake up and take back the world” and also ‘be yourself and screw the powerful'”.

These things I, Kimmo, would do – but I’m a pussy.

LEGOS are not pussies.

This is how LEGOS are not pussies.

Suck it, Peyton Manning. http://ftw.usatoday.com/2014/02/super-bowl-lego/

Oh, and the movie has Batman (Will Arnett) and a white Morgan Freeman (Morgan Freeman).

Damn! What more is there to ask for?

Except for maybe a naked Jennifer Lawrence (not made of LEGOS, but in human flesh form).

That would have made a happy place in my pants.

So, two thumbs aching to the highest atmosphere.

I will even say, with full truth, that The LEGO Movie will be good to you EVEN IF YOU AREN’T DRUNK OR HIGH!

Just like Shark Night 3D!

See this movie many, many times.

Then again.

You will say “Kimmo, you are awesome for making me see The LEGO Movie many, many times, and then again.”

I will say “You are welcome, dude man!!!”

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. The Olympics are here! Please, Finland, destroy the hated butt-faced Swedes.That is the only game that I worry for with hardness.

But not my brother Olli.

Olli wants Finland to win every Olympic game of hockey by 7 goals. He isn’t wanting for another heart attack-ack-ack-ack-ack-ack (he oughta know by now). HA! Near death can be funny, too!

HEAR/SEE KIMMO’S REVIEWS RIGHT HERE:

Battleship

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Once again, the youth is easy picking for the child predators.

Our youth be the memories.

The predator?

Hollywood.

Again.

B4 – Hit! But in an inappropriate way on my child thoughts.

J1 – Miss! But not for your lacking at the trying.

J10 – Oh, you sunk my Battleship memories of fun and now is just CGI shit-fest! (I slap my forehead and into the lake backwards off the dock I reel, “You sunk my childhood!”).

My excitement rises like a boil in my armpit.

What’s next? “Bingo – The Movie?”

So, it seems that sailors are the cool.

So cool that they must fight a Transformer-like army from a wet dream on the Michael Bay sheets.

Mom, his sheets need changing.

His camera moves even in the night. It never stops.

Would that he would go blind. Michael Bay.

And he had nothing to do with this – except inspire it – with his camera frantic wet penis dreams.

I hate him.

HATE HIM.

So, like a turd in a punchbowl, “Battleship” floats.

Like the turd, we wish for its existence to end.

Like the turd, its existence is demanded.

It’s in our damn punchbowl.

Fuck.

Plot? Really?

Are you kidding my brain?

Battleships. Other ships. Crazy alien shit.

Kaboom!!!!

Destroyers. Cruise missiles. Actors.

Kablooie!!!. Waves. More actors.

Fizzle.

I need a drink.

Burp.

Good things, though? Hells yeah!.

Rhianna (character irrelevant) in shrink-to-fit with a blow-dryer body suit carrying a gun as big as a redneck making up for his short penis… Hells yeah!

She is #1 in my Masturbation Memory Bank – with a bullet (take a seat Christina Aguilera).

Brooklyn Decker’s cleavage?

If heaven was of boobs, I’m in heaven.

Liam Neeson (character irrelevant, but higher rank – not in my MMB, but in Navy) growls like a bear.

Poor Liam. Wife dead from ski head rock, but will take any movie like a new generation Michael Caine.

I understand. Take the money.

But, son of a bitch buddy, not this!

You sunk my “give a shit!”

Could I write more? If, by the word paid, then yes.

But this is the summer movie shit-storm beginning. I will see the same thing. I will write the same thing. Greed will overtake my mind more than the Rhianna-lust.

Shit movie is shit movie.

This reviewer is drooling on the coming of “Prometheus.”

Wrong? I could be.

But the belief that summer BANG movies can be smarter than me? I hope. I believe.

As for “Battleship?” I am sad with the thought that for some retards, this turd will float.

No. Please.

And “no” again.

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. “American Idol.” Make me proud. White Guy With Guitar #5 FTW!!!!!! And then disappear quickly. That is the pattern.

Tag: Liam Neeson

The LEGO Movie [REVIEW]

Battleship [REVIEW]