Michelle Poole – Behind the Proscenium

Godzilla

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Godzilla.

GodZIRRA.

Big em-effin’ lizard.

I am so with the exciting.

As a baby Finn, in Finland, I saw him.

“T.V. Scary So That You Pee Pants and Poop Young Children” horror Night Theater was on the television thing.

Olli and I, eating fish that was dry, sucking a box that was juice (Pirkka Mixed berry juice – send me some if you have love for Kimmo).

Happy, happy – because the great of all great monsters that stomp and kill was to stomp and kill.

And he (GodZIRRA) stomped all of the shit. Even Ironside (Raymond Burr).

Then Tokyo took a lizard foot up the anus.

BOOM!!!

My eyes leak as I remember the best.

But now. Now is the exciting.

GodZIRRA is back.

When one time he was 50 meters tall – he has more calorie dumped in his mouth hole for he is 150 meters tall!

Suck it, Mr. Cloverfield.

I smoke the sweet, sweet smoke. I slurp the Kossu from my Godzilla mug. I refill the mug and the slurping occurs again.

High, drunk, and with expectations on my brain sitting like a midget jockey – with full control.

Then… well, damn.

Gosh darn damn.

The boring starts.

Plot? Too much!

We go to be in 1999. Joe Brody (Bryan Cranston) has a wig. Things are to the crapper from the first.

Death. Sadness.

This takes thirty minutes.

Why? Answers do not come.

Then is the now.

There is boring guy son of Walter White (Aaron Taylor-Johnson). He is the guy who is the life sucker from the film. His wife (Elizabeth Olson), is good.

Other actors, good.

Monsters? Fucking great.

Script? Scripts should be written as if making something exciting is a good thing.

Good monsters, mostly good actors, me snoring in my seat.

Fuck you, script.

Two moth beasts. So big that they could eat all of your clothes.

Instead, they must mate and eat nuclear stuff.

And interesting is the last stuff that happens.

Worst thing on a movie that the makers can do – make the thing so that my brain sleeps before

I know that I am asleep.

Suck. Suck, suck , suck.

Damn you GodZIRRA!

Monsters are A-1, awesome, yelling, scratching, flying, fire-vomiting, and everything.

One thumb jumps to the sky for this.

Then the script. As before I said through my fingers, GodZIRRA! must be the awesome.

No. This is not the awesome.

See on the big screen only for the monsters. Be the drunk and high. Take a trusted friend to wake you from happy nap land only when monsters occur.

Ugh. Summer has arrived.

This is not the total Summer suck. This is just boring.

The Total Summer Suck is coming.

I am afraid.

And the fact that I am more of a sober person than the Kimmo that started this review scares me.

And makes me cry. Like a tiny little suck-tit.

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. The 100 is the greatest show ever on my television watcher. I am not ashamed. Octavia gives me a man-bone. The truth was just typed.

HEAR/SEE KIMMO’S REVIEWS EVERY WEEK RIGHT HERE:

Ted

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

This week is a suck week.

There is the movie that I wanted to write all over, and the other I see in my smoke heightened brain daily.

Why should I see something that I all the time see?

Things make talking on me all the time.

That is life.

I wanted the writing for “Magic Mike.”

Stripper movie!

Maybe a “Showgirls 2” thing. Hot, slutty, and dumb chicks – the best.

With boobs. Better.

But no. There are no tears cried, just the disappointment lump in my stomach place.

So.

“Ted.”

Talking bears are all the time in Finland.

For two days, after a rage week of drinking, everything talks, talks too much.

Trees.

Fish.

Bears.

In America, they are called hallucinations.

In Finland, a hangover.

“Ted” is about a kid who am had a 35-year hangover?

O.K.,Hollywood – I’m ready.

Plot? Crazy, crazy plot!

Young John has and only friend – a cuddly teddy bear, a Christmas present – through an accidental magic, the bear arises to life, talk, and have feelings such as its new owner.

Since he’s a kid and not on the sweet, sweet smoke, shock happens – then goes away.

Ted of a media sensation will appear even with Johnny Carson as guest on the Tonight Show – Ed McMahon (probably drunk on the whiskey) thought Ted was ALF.

Funny! 80’s joke, for the win!

As the years go on, John (Mark Wahlberg, almost as funny as in “The Happening”) and Ted (Seth MacFarlane – as Peter Griffin as a Teddy Bear, with better taste in the woman-whores) to remain roommates, that’s it.

However, the troubles arise when Ted is in the way of the present, with John of the romance with his girlfriend Lori (Mila Kunis – she made a stiffening in my area) interfere on the search for something more serious and bear-free.

As for Ted, he writes letters to the Hasbro over his tiny little pecker thingy.

I have just accepted mine.

Although Extenze may be in the future used. Kimmo’s women must be happy! They are always happy.

Really.

Much man on bear comedy follows.

Funny.

Vulgar.

Funny again.

More of the vulgar.

The just the damn funny.

So, two thumbs as straight in the air as my man-ness when Mila Kunis appears on the film.

That’s pretty damn straight!

See this movie.

Although my “Magic Mike” disappointment still leaves a discomfort, I am happy.

Now for kossu shots and weed. “Ted” was a success!

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. I have just learned that “Magic Mike” was about the man strippers. Avoided! WTF!?! Maybe the lucky Kimmo is returning…

P.P.S. “The Glee Project.” Charlie kid is defining assholishness. First, he blabs about himself like he is another of him (Editors note: We believe he means Charlie was talking about himself in the third person). Only one word for Charlie, in any language blabbed: douche-bag. Nina was cute. Blind guy and fat chick were not so much for irritation. But Charlie must be slapped. In the face. Hard.

Tag: Michelle Poole

Godzilla [REVIEW]

Ted [REVIEW]