Sam Claflin – Behind the Proscenium

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

I was gone.

You have missed me as much as I missed me.

Yes, you have.

Admit it. Now.

I am back. In the rearview mirror of my brain is a place that forever will make me spit out spit – rehab.

Someday, I will use my hands as my mouth and type you the story.

No Kossu. No sweet, sweet smoke.

“Friends” all up in my “intervention.”

To have such friends is to need a good poop and only fart. Yes… disappointment.

Now for movie things that have been not done so long in the not doing.

“The Hunger Games: Catching Fire” – hells yes!!!

No longer in rehab prison I smoked the sweet smoke, made full my flask, bought Crunch flavored Nibs and to the Cinema I skipped – happily, with a smile face.

Why?

Jennifer Lawrence.

Katniss is back, and her clothes are tightening. So are now my pants.

My love is a throbber.

A throbber right in the muscles of my heart machine.

I am consumed.

My groin is “Catching Fire.”

This seems much like a lot. And it is.

My love for Jennifer Lawrence is bigger than it can now be, or ever will.

Plot? Okay.

Katniss (J-Law, or Mrs. Mustonenen, please Odin!!!) is back in Finland. She has the shell shocks.

Gale (Thor’s brother) wants to mount her. So does Peeta (Josh “The Lost Munchkin” Hutcherson).

With a Hunger Games win in the pocket, they must go on tour, and like Metallica they (my woman and the dwarf) must fake their love.

Haymitch (Woody Harrelson) is still my drinking pal. Effie (Elizabeth Banks) still needs a face punch. Evil President Snow (Donald Sutherland) still smells of the kidney medication.

The people gather in giant crowds of close to 35 people to see Katniss in tight clothes. And to start being revolutionary against all who have meds for their kidneys.

Snow is so mad his face is all smile-like and is so old he wants Katniss made dead. She does nothing for his groin.

A human weasel (Philip Seymour Hoffman) has a plan. Hunger Games 75 – All-star Edition! Poor Katniss and Peeta again must fight.

SPOILER ALERT!

Just kidding. No spoiling. When high, I am funny to myself.

Oh, one thing for spoil – Crunch Nibs are to my mouth what J-Law is to my area.

Boing!!! Damn.

NO MORE SPOILERS!

There is much happening.

Katniss has just enough tight clothes, not enough of the nudes.

Johanna (Jena Malone) gives us some side boob – I dribbled Kossu down my chin but was disappoint in the finality.

Damn PG-13.

So – much sadness, cool trains, storm troopers, oppression, cool fights, side boob, costume-o-rama, rebellion, and, of course, the awesome most woman of all the worlds that are to be:

Jennifer Lawrence.

Jennifer – don’t make me crawl to “American Hustle” to see more of cleavage heaven. Come visit me in L.A. We will smoke and drink.

I will post to Facebook that we mounted (even if you wish to remain mount-free – I would happily build a house in your friend-zone… really).

I have two thumbs straight up in the air. And more – but PG-13 movie makes for PG-13 review. You must, in your imagination place, see what else shoots skyward.

See this movie twice. Make my future wife rich.

Thank you.

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. “American Horror Story: Coven.” WTF? Better than that shit-stink “Asylum,” but still… WTF?

Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

With wit, reviewed by Kimmo Mustonenen

In his latest adventure, goes fourth from Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) on the search for the fabled fountain of youth. But not only he, the Spaniards have learned of the promising young well and has sent three ships.

The English crown is again the idea of an immortal Catholic monarchs not enthusiastic and asked why Jack’s eternal rival Hector Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) with the search.

Officially, he is now sailing as a privateer flying the flag of the British Royal Navy. And then there is an impostor, who claims to be Jack Sparrow, and also hiring a team in London for an expedition

The race to eternal life, the counterparties to exotic locations and great in the middle into an adventure. Mermaids (!), which prove to be far more dangerous than one would expect generally, voodoo, zombie sailors and the legendary pirate Blackbeard (Ian McShane) meet Jack on his way.

Is the most dangerous to him but once a woman, Angelica (Penelope Cruz) he shares a common past – what plans the master of fraud and conspiracy has for the future, Jack is initially remains a mystery.

Bruckheimer, Depp, the Fourth: The producer and his favorite actors put in the new Pirates of the Caribbean back to the wheel and spin the finest yarns.

Like the first three parts, which together have recorded over 2.7 billion U.S. dollars, has Strange Tides beautiful to look, exciting entertainment for a mass audience, and still is Johnny Depp, the role of Jack Sparrow as the Body written.

Pirate Captain includes this time the best moments of the film – it is again a pleasure to see how the actor and his dreadlock mane and felt rum flag staggering and mumbling from one adventure to the next stumble, even the most absurd situations Stoic masters, always charming, always bold and always attentive to his own advantage. Oh, Johnny!

Even at first glance offers Alien Tide with its opulent furnishings. The move by Penny Rose-designed costumes and sets of the Oscar-winning production designer John Myhre viewers immediately back to the 18th Century but no further. The latter has surpassed him in the first quarter of the film itself, because it plays in London.

Place on a remote Caribbean island or in a dilapidated pirate Jack Sparrow may now say in the metropolis at the heart of the British Empire mean mayhem – of which he makes frequent use.

What?

Before that is not even an involuntary audience with His Majesty King George immune. This was before by stutter stricken he was.

Also on Myhre’s account go to extraordinary pirate ships, which of course in the new Pirates of the Caribbean may not be missing. The “Black Pearl” this time puts although a pause, but as Jack’s one true love or the submersible “Flying Dutchman” from Pirates of the Caribbean 2, the filmmakers leave in “Strange Tides” another ship from the deck that has no equal looking for: Blackbeard’s “Queen Anne’s Revenge”.

Macabre decorated with the bones of his victims, the bow is a creepy figurehead, the character played by Ian McShane, dark pirate control them with a wave of his sword.

Also directed by Rob Marshall, who has replaced three parts Gore Verbinski, it remains a hallmark of the Pirates of the Caribbean series that they spiced the classic genre of the pirate movie with all sorts of fantasy elements.

Fantastic is the journey that the excellent ensemble of actors is taking to Johnny Depp, Ian McShane, Penelope Cruz and Geoffrey Rush to rousing music by Hans Zimmer, to the end.

It is developing an exciting, but also little surprising story – perhaps the only criticism which one can make the film. Remained to be hoped that the creators go out in the next few parts will never come out of ideas.

Better than the first part was not a Pirates of the Caribbean everything – even Alien Tide is “only” a very good pirate movie with Johnny Depp again superb in the lead role.

Hollywood News! Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss in The Games of Hunger? No way Hozay! You know who I rather… and her initials G. Goodwin! Make it so, Nikki Finke!!!

Kimmo Mustonenen – Behind The Proscenium
Follow @KimmoMustonenen

Tag: Sam Claflin

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire [REVIEW]

Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides [REVIEW]