Samuel L. Jackson – Behind the Proscenium

February 13, 2014May 23, 2014

RoboCop [REVIEW]

RoboCop

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

I don’t want to sound like a bitch bitching.

Yet things are forever the same.

Scene: Interior: Hollywood. Oldsters with the graying heads talk.

Oldster One: I have no idea of anything.

Oldster Two: I have to poop.

Oldster Three: Back in the day…

Then, into the room walks a younger oldster – a goddamn MBA.

Goddamn MBA: We don’t for having ideas. I just saw “RoboCop” from year’s long gone last night on IFC. Let’s make it three more times! If I had one original idea it would be my FIRST!!!

End Scene.

So I see the new “RoboCop.”

I fall back in to old ways.

I smoke the sweet, sweet smoke. I drink the Kossu. Ice cream bon-bons pressed against my taint. And I wonder – can this not be a suck-fest?

Can this be a mind changing of my mind event? Then there is the movie start.

MGM lion makes “Thrrrrrbbb, thrrrbbb” sound with the lion lips instead of “roar, I will eat your ass” sound.

So I turn to hot Finnish date Aino (her boobs are like rockets). Her look says “you are not too high – the lion just “thrrrrrbbbb”-ed.”

Man, this is movie done right!!!

And, do lions have lips?

Plot? OK.

Then the movie really starts. We have seen this in the before. Cop Murphy (Joel Kinnaman), soon to be Cop – Robo, has hot marriage ruining wife (Reese Witherspoon thanks you, Abbie Cornish).

He is good cop. He must fight cops for who to them good is just bad.

And more profitable.

Then the kaboom.

Enter Dr. Norton (Gary Oldmam) who works for the worst Batman (Michael Keaton) to make a robot cop a human/robot cop that will make liberals squeal and let drones fly our skies and walk our streets.

And he does.

Black Bill O’Reilly (Samuel L. Jackson) lets from his mouth place propaganda squirt. We must have robot cops. Drones are for the making of the friendly sky.

OK. I get it. Today has so many more troubles than 1987 things must be redone.

Or maybe not.

Damn, thinking is harder than not for thinking.

But the remake must be the remade. We have no choice.

For one more time this year I feel that I am watching Brad on the X-Box. (Brad is asshole roommate, but he did replace his eaten PB with the crunchy. Nice first step, Brad. Dick.)

Brad’s RoboCop rides a motorcycle. Well done!

Brad’s RoboCop hunts down bad guys with face mask giving him cheats. Done even better!

When is my turn? I would like to have the game for the playing.

But no. I must watch.

God dammit.

The last half of “RoboCop” is watching the roommate bogart the controller.

Don’t bogart the controller, my friend – pass it over to me!

So, thumbs are confused. Stuff is cool. Stuff is remade, but not better.

Where is Red (“come on, dumbass!”)?

Will there ever be new ideas?

Will the new “300” movie be more guys covered with oil?

This job is hard and then harder.

And with summer movies coming, my face makes a sad.

Summer is coming.

Crap storm.

Who will survive?

See “RoboCop” if you must.

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. Austria, Finland will crush you. In hockey. In other things, maybe not. Aino (of the buxom wonderness), you can watch the game in my apartment. I promise I will not go psychotic. I cannot promise this for my brother, Olli. He may psychotic and die. Such is being a Finn in Olympics time.

HEAR/SEE KIMMO’S REVIEWS EVERY WEEK RIGHT HERE:

July 22, 2011July 22, 2011

Captain America: The First Avenger [REVIEW]

Captain America: The First Avenger

With With, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Back on the good old days as a new superhero epic didn’t look on film screens apparently every other week, film producers used to satisfy we, us, the public with nothing more than bare exhibitionism.

Now they are just a bore.

Or am I exhausted (thanks for the tired, Transformers)?

Captain America: The First Avenger has strong opening times, a noble execution for sure.

Unfortunately they cannot this standard of the quality support and into crappy melodrama in the last hour ignore (if you can stay awake – yet so loud, how can you sleep?).

This is a dishonor, because a world-striking film of the Captain America could have caused indisputable momentum (my new superhero name!) for The Avengers.

Unfortunately, it is to be not.

Which we have here something I condemn to be underneath the average film, by choppy drawing up and the characters of one dimension (more on this later).

Thus it goes.

As Thor early in the season, Captain America: The First Avenger is requested, in order to do a terrible lot. And that is to explain to us the origin of a Marvel Comics guy, who we don’t know – also to his friends, the family and the sidekicks, then place it in world saving an adventure to the exhibition.

And more!

Suggest a point of romance and prepare for its inevitable sequels as part of the next years studio profits generator, known as The Avengers. Ka-ching!

Chris Evans plays as Steve Rogers – a child of Brooklyn, would like so much his country to serve, and would like the leading role to beat the Nazis in the Second World War (and in the face).

Unfortunately he’s a small guy – with many physical problems, thus Rogers is deemed unsuitable – he even tries to register several times under different names and with different physicians completely around New York.

This has gotten the attention of Dr. Abraham Erskine (Stanley Tucci) – a mysterious scientist working with defense contractor Howard Stark (Domenic Cooper), American Colonel Chester Phillips (Tommy Lee Jones) and British agent Peggy Carter (Hayley Atwell) to develop a medical procedure to turn everyday soldiers into super soldiers.

In Finland, we call these push-ups.

When the procedure works, how can Steve Rogers best serve his country?

He best serves it by not being in a movie as lousy as The Green Hornet but that is not too hard.

Well, he becomes Captain America.

Who wouldn’t?

Most badly of all, Captain America: The First Avenger we get like two films, which are in one smashed.

We could have been with the first part of the film contently, with the Rogers and his abilities discovered and prove ourselves, a hero to be, but director Joe Johnston and the writing team believed to the necessity to go back and start a whole again other plotline over Nazi badasses, which tries to stand for one even still more bad leader than Hitler (what?!?) bent on world domination, Johann Schmidt (Hugo Weaving).

Is this Captain America nemesis number one? Better to save him for the upcoming sequel movie. This one is too long.

So, I give one drooping thumb.

Movie is in 3D, too bad script arrived in 2D – which is still 1D better than the acting!

Sad face for me.

Sad face for Captain America: The First Avenger.

Kimmo Mustonenen (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

May 2, 2011May 31, 2011

Thor

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kenneth Branagh, Ashley Miller, Zack Stentz, Don Payne, J. Michael Straczynski, Mark Protosevich, Stan Lee, Larry Lieber, Jack Kirby, Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, Tom Hiddleston, Anthony Hopkins, Stellan Skarsgard, Kat Dennings, Clark Gregg, Idris Elba, Colm Feore, Ray Stevenson, Tadanobu Asano, Josh Dallas, Jaimie Alexander, Rene Russo, Adriana Barraza, Maximiliano Hernandez, Richard Cetrone, Darren Kendrick, Joshua Cox, Justice Smith, Joseph Gatt, Luke Massy, Matthew David Ducey, Jason Camp, Buddy Sosthand, Blake Silver, Jamie McShane, Dale Godboldo, Patrick O'Brien Demsey, Jim Palmer, Seth Coltan, Ryan Schaefer, Matt Battaglia, Joel McCrary, Isaac Kappy, Juliet Lopez, Rob Mars, Carrie Lazar, Harley Graham, Alexander Wright, Hilary Pringle, Shawn-Caulin Young, Kinsey McLean, Kelly Hawthorne, Dakota Goyo, Ted Allpress, Samuel L. Jackson, Jeremy Renner, Victoria Alonso, Mike Bodkin, Louis D'Esposito, Kevin Feige, Debra James, Craig Kyle, David Maisel, Patricia Whitcher, Patrick Doyle, Haris Zambarloukos, Paul Rubell, Sarah Finn, Bo Welch, Pierre Buffin, Debra James, Ben Grayson, Grit Menzzer

Dear readers, as I am still under the weather – and still getting used to living in sunny (too sunny) and beautiful (too beautiful) Los Angeles – I am happy to, once again, allow Kimmo Mustonenen to write a guest review. Here is Kimmo with a very brilliant take on Hollywood’s newest 3D blockbuster – THOR! Go, Kimmo… Go!

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Thor

By Kimmo Mustonenen

The film follows the powerful but arrogant warrior Thor, who is diagnosed from hubris at the beginning of the film. When he puts the entire Asgard in danger as he becomes manliest and refers to the earth in which he loses all his powers and becomes merely a human being again.

To begin with, I think that Thor was a very entertaining action movie, not too many working one-liners that otherwise very often seen in American action movies. The leading role in Thor played by Chris Hemsworth is a relatively new actress with not too many films under his belt, some may recognize him from the Star Trek movie? Or A Perfect Getaway? The role of the arrogant Thor is he doing well in all cases and is looking forward to see when he takes the role of Thor again in the upcoming movie The Avengers.

The girl in this film is played by none other than Natalie Portman, as you probably memorable seen in films such as No Strings Attached or Black Swan, and soon you will be able to see her in the comedy film Your Highness. But Thor, Natalie Portman plays the role of a physicist who studies the theory that they may arise portals “wormholes” between our world and other worlds. In the midst of her studies she runs goes without saying at Thor when he is sent off to Earth and the sparks hit almost directly between the two.

Then, we must not forget the wise Anthony Hopkins, who may assume the role of Odin in the film, however, he is active only barely half the movie. But he takes the role of the strict parent who just wants best for their children very well, much better than he did with his role in the film The Rite. Last and almost least, has Stellan Skarsgård a role in the movie Thor, not the biggest but not the least, he played Eric Selva in the film is friends with Natalie Portman’s character.

One last thing about film is that it really did not need to be in 3D, there is nothing in the film directly, which brings together a “wowie” feeling just because it is 3D.

In my opinion, was the movie where as good if not better without 3D. So you went and saw the movie, arrived late and tell me what you thought? Was it good? Lived it up to your expectations? Was it necessary that the film was in 3D?

Please comment!

Kimmo Mustonenen
Follow @KimmoMustonenen