Lucy
With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen
Things that I, Kimmo, only use 10% of:
1) Muscles. Hard to be massive Super-Finn when keyboard is stuck to finger ends and I must drink Kossu and smoke for you people for the movies to know of watching or not. Hard work, but not of the muscle kind. Damn.
2) Jar of Pickled Herring. Damn stuff. Now that I am a burger eater (U.S.A.! U.S.A.!) that jar of heaven has turned in to jar of vinegar fish. Into the garbage, fish. My brain is hanging upside down.
3) Emotions. Until new love of my life – Tatiana Maslany – is made to me availability, I can only feel sulking and sad. 5% of each : ( Which is 10% in adding).
Now for some dumb: we all use all of our brains all of the time.
10% usage bullshit is 100% bullshit.
Yet 90% are little fool brains that go “OK! 10% it is! Preach on, Brother Luc!”
So, he does.
And so, we have “Lucy”.
Best part of “Lucy” (not including Scarlett Johansson’s parts)? You will only need 6% of your brain for the “Lucy” liking.
Maybe 5.
Plot? Does late night acid trip have plotting?
Then, yes – let’s go to Plot City!
In Taiwan, poor Lucy (Scarlett Johansson) is much too hot for crap friend (Pilou Asbaek) so he handcuffs her to a briefcase (take that, “50 Shades of Grey”).
Then there is death by shooting, and in comes Oldboy (Choi Min-sik). He puts blue drugs (Heisenberg shout out!) into her stomach and says, in his mind thoughts, “you are my hot mule now, bitch!”
He is right.
She is one hot mule.
Bitch.
Lucy reacts like a literal kick to the stomach, which happens.
Boom!
Drugs loose in the streaming blood of her body blood river, Lucy now gets a brain, bigger and faster than Caesar in the first Apes movie.
Now there is a race and who will win – Mr. Death, or Lucy’s brain – getting bigger, awesome-er, and crazier by the second?
Best times are when her cells start to get brainy.
All of them.
They are like, “we’re cells, and we’re outta here, man.” They are for splitting, but Lucy’s big brain says “eff that, cells. Stick around and things will get AWESOME!”
So they do.
Too give away any is to give away all, except: She is on a questing, to Paris (why not?), to find super smart guy Professor Norman (Morgan Freeman).
Lucy want to know 1) Why is my mind moving crap? 2) Why are my cells talking and wanting to leave me? 3) Where did these tentacles come from?
Norman has some answers, but not for tentacles (my fingers wanted to type “testicles”! Crazy dirty fingers!)
So, two thumbs up for reasons I am now giving (even two tentacles, if I had them… heh testicles).
With the sweet, sweet smoke and four shots of Kossu, the movie was a happy fun time in my cranium.
Special effects? Check.
Cool violence? Check.
Scarlett Johansson walking in slow motion (boing, boing, boing)? Double check.
And the movie was one hour and twenty nine minutes long. Take that Hollywood. It can be done. Now do it more often.
See “Lucy.” Her mega-brain demands it.
Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium
P.S. “The Strain” is some icky shit. But I am all in on loving it. No sparkly vampires, but vampire worms! Robert Pattinson, finally a vampire you would be good at! I kid, Robert. You would suck (as in “bad”, not vacuum blood into mouth hole), even as worm. This is the truth.
SEE KIMMO’S REVIEW RIGHT HERE:
