Simon Kunz – Behind the Proscenium

Son Of God

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

There are things beyond our seeing.

Understanding is the impossible.

But they are real.

Really.

Some are good (Casper The Friendly Ghost, Caspar in Finland).

Some are not (Magneto).

Some are old (Dracula).

Some are new (Dr. Manhattan).

But all real super-duper people have to come from somewhere with the origin story.

Even the “Son of God.”

For an origin story, it is not too original.

This was on my TV in before times, I am sure of it.

Yes, I drink. Yes, I smoke the sweet, sweet smoke. I am forgetting things.

But this was on my TV – but with more longer. On the History Channel.

And President Obama was, in it, as the Satan. He is not in “Son of God” that I have seen.

Am I crazy? Am I victimized by mind tricks?

No.

Thank God (not his son, but Odin) for press kit. I read and am relieved.

“Son of God” is last part of “The Bible“ – the same!

Yet very different.

Plot? Well… yes.

The earth starts.

Then a bunch of crap happens, very fast.

Then story. The Virgin Mary (Leila Mimmack) gets knocked up, and in panicking says “God did it! I am no slut but a virgin!” (not in movie was this said, but in real life – disclaimer: I was not there, but I know things).

Then Baby Jesus, Son of God! He grows to a manhood in a blinking eye.

And everyone in the Middle East is from Europe. Cool.

Super handsome Jesus model (Dioga Morgado) is awesome-er than any Son of God that came before (per the film).

He does magic.

He (maybe) does Mary Magdalene (Amber Rose Revah). Who wouldn’t?

He does big talk (“I will change the world!”)

He does bigger magic (raising the dead – suck it Penn and Teller!!!).

He pisses off the powerful (various old Jewish guys, but not in real life). They are so mad that they nail him to the wood. And spear him in the side.

Then it is nothing but death.

The Romans do the last three sentences. Not the Jews. Back off, Nazis.

But wait. More to be.

Jesus wakes up from dead!

Freaking out is the only option for Jerusalem, and so the freaking happens – with nice light and background orchestra.

Then The Jesus gets the heck out of Dodge, never to be seen again.

So. Two confused thumbs, afraid of the Walking Dead. Jesus story was longer on my television, and now you are to pay to see it shorter on bigger screen with expensive mouth treats.

Hmmm. Maybe worth it, maybe not.

There have been better super hero origin stories. And the villains are the suck.

Old Jews are not scaring anyone, and they have no super powers. Except in Hollywood. Those old Jews fill the fear in any living person.

Old Hollywood Jews, if I have offended you my sorry is bigger than any other sorrys. Sorry.

Watch “The Bible” on Netflix. Longer, but you get Obama Satan.

What more is ever wanted?

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. Finland 5, U.S. 0. The bronze medal is pretty. Hey America hockey, would you like one? Really? Too bad, losers. Kossu shots for all (especially my good friends of Old Hollywood Jews)!!!

Captain America: The First Avenger

With With, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Back on the good old days as a new superhero epic didn’t look on film screens apparently every other week, film producers used to satisfy we, us, the public with nothing more than bare exhibitionism.

Now they are just a bore.

Or am I exhausted (thanks for the tired, Transformers)?

Captain America: The First Avenger has strong opening times, a noble execution for sure.

Unfortunately they cannot this standard of the quality support and into crappy melodrama in the last hour ignore (if you can stay awake – yet so loud, how can you sleep?).

This is a dishonor, because a world-striking film of the Captain America could have caused indisputable momentum (my new superhero name!) for The Avengers.

Unfortunately, it is to be not.

Which we have here something I condemn to be underneath the average film, by choppy drawing up and the characters of one dimension (more on this later).

Thus it goes.

As Thor early in the season, Captain America: The First Avenger is requested, in order to do a terrible lot. And that is to explain to us the origin of a Marvel Comics guy, who we don’t know – also to his friends, the family and the sidekicks, then place it in world saving an adventure to the exhibition.

And more!

Suggest a point of romance and prepare for its inevitable sequels as part of the next years studio profits generator, known as The Avengers. Ka-ching!

Chris Evans plays as Steve Rogers – a child of Brooklyn, would like so much his country to serve, and would like the leading role to beat the Nazis in the Second World War (and in the face).

Unfortunately he’s a small guy – with many physical problems, thus Rogers is deemed unsuitable – he even tries to register several times under different names and with different physicians completely around New York.

This has gotten the attention of Dr. Abraham Erskine (Stanley Tucci) – a mysterious scientist working with defense contractor Howard Stark (Domenic Cooper), American Colonel Chester Phillips (Tommy Lee Jones) and British agent Peggy Carter (Hayley Atwell) to develop a medical procedure to turn everyday soldiers into super soldiers.

In Finland, we call these push-ups.

When the procedure works, how can Steve Rogers best serve his country?

He best serves it by not being in a movie as lousy as The Green Hornet but that is not too hard.

Well, he becomes Captain America.

Who wouldn’t?

Most badly of all, Captain America: The First Avenger we get like two films, which are in one smashed.

We could have been with the first part of the film contently, with the Rogers and his abilities discovered and prove ourselves, a hero to be, but director Joe Johnston and the writing team believed to the necessity to go back and start a whole again other plotline over Nazi badasses, which tries to stand for one even still more bad leader than Hitler (what?!?) bent on world domination, Johann Schmidt (Hugo Weaving).

Is this Captain America nemesis number one? Better to save him for the upcoming sequel movie. This one is too long.

So, I give one drooping thumb.

Movie is in 3D, too bad script arrived in 2D – which is still 1D better than the acting!

Sad face for me.

Sad face for Captain America: The First Avenger.

Kimmo Mustonenen (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

Tag: Simon Kunz

Son Of God [REVIEW]

Captain America: The First Avenger [REVIEW]