Cinderella [REVIEW]

Manka Bros., Khan Manka., Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Behind The Proscenium, Cinderella, Kenneth Branagh, Chris Weitz, Cate Blanchett, Lily James, Richard Madden, Helena Bonham Carter, Nonso Anozie, Stellan Skarsgard, Sophie McShera, Holliday Grainger, Derek Jacobi, Ben Chaplin, Hayley Atwell, Rob Brydon, Jana Perez, Alex Macqueen, Tom Edden, Gareth Mason, Paul Hunter, Eloise Webb, Joshua McGuire, Matthew Steer, Mimi Ndiweni, Laura Elsworthy, Ella Smith, Ann Davies, Gerard Horan, Katie West, Daniel Tuite, Anjana Vasan, Stuart Neal, Adetomiwa Edun, Richard McCabe, Joseph Kloska, Andy Apollo, Craig Mather, Jonny Owen-Last, Nari Blair-Mangat, Michael Jenn, Josh O'Connor, Bhanu Alley, Elina Alminas, Scherrikar Bell, Francesca Bennett, James Butcher, Laurie Calvert, Arielle Campbell, Janet Dawe, Andrew Fitch, Robert J Fraser, Edward Lewis French, Melissa Galloway, Monique Geraghty, Alexander Gillison, Riley Halden, John WG Harley, Ant Henson, Phoenix James, Rajesh Kalhan, Sayed Kassem, Joe Kennard, Victoria Ann Kenway, Alex Marek, Barrie Martin, Henry McCook, Joao Costa Menezes, Bronwyn Pearson, Gino Picciano, Laurent Plancel, Jd Roth-round, Julian Seager, Drew Sheridan-Wheeler, Peter Stacey, Zizi Strallen, Tom Swacha, Georgie-May Tearle, Dolapo Umar, Leila Wong, Charlotte Worwood, Elliott Wright, David Barron, Simon Kinberg, Tim Lewis, Allison Shearmur, Barry H Waldman, Patrick Doyle, Haris Zambarloukos, Martin Walsh, Lucy Bevan, Dante Ferretti, Ravi Bansal, Gary Freeman, Paul Laugier, Casey Banwell, Sandy Powell, Kat Ali, Sophie Ashworth, Sylvia Atkins, Hayley Barkway, Helena Card, Orla Carrol, Mary Cooke, Paul Bennett, Mark Cockren, William Dodds, Claire Frayn, Mark Gillespie, Ryan Newberry, Richard Oxford, Richard Whelan, Alexander Witt, Laura Wootton, Vanessa Baker, Liz Bichard, Emily Brockmann, Ruth Key, Sheara Abrahams, Marlek Al-Habib, Karen Beale, Kitty Bennett, Naomi Bonner, Lucy Brookes, Valeria Cantelli, Melanie Carter, Kay Manasseh, Clo Neary, Kim Pickering, Tessa Phillips, Liz Harkin, Trevor Brown, Herbert Butler, Michael Davis, Nick Davis, Matthew Tucker, Christopher Benstead, Peter Clarke, Rupert Cross, Fiona Cruickshank, Jake Jackson, Rael Jones, Laura Nakhla, MIchael Part, Maggie Rodford, Aaron Shang, James Shearman, Claire Elizabeth Alberie, Jason Alvidrez, Rob Ashford, Ruby Avards, Ross Barnwell, Lewis Barron, Holly Bates, Barbar Berkery, Mary Boulding, Sarah Bowden, Fred Bonham Carter, Steven Clarke, James Cleave, James Fingers Buxton, Rebecca Collis, Tom Crooke, Roxanne Cuenca, Patrick Cullen, Ella Daines-Smith, Richard Daldry, Vanessa Davies, Matt Day, Same Dent, Nilan Dharmadasa, Wayne Docksey, Cathy Doubleday, Eleanor Downey, Shaun Emery, DR Farquharson, Lucia Foster Found, Adam Foster, Catherine Francis, Stephen Gallacher, Michael Gentry, Donna Glasser-Hancock, Gail Gostick, Richard Grand, Faye Green, Emma Gunnery, Anna Hall, Sam Hare, Harry Hewitt, milo Hewitt, Turner Hodsoll, Paul Hornsby, Jamie Kemp, Amanda Koh, Charles Larcombe, Rob Levy, Philip Lobban, Cazzie Loveday, Nicoletta Mani, Jenny Maybour, Matthew Redding, David Taylor, Will Samuelson, Hamish Secrett, Rebecca Wolf, Jo Winter, Richard Wild, Ashley Wild, Joan Washington, Jimmy Yuill, Lenart Cernilogar, Brandon Jones, Aaron Broghamer, Brent Primus

Manka Bros., Khan Manka., Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Behind The Proscenium, Cinderella, Kenneth Branagh, Chris Weitz, Cate Blanchett, Lily James, Richard Madden, Helena Bonham Carter, Nonso Anozie, Stellan Skarsgard, Sophie McShera, Holliday Grainger, Derek Jacobi, Ben Chaplin, Hayley Atwell, Rob Brydon, Jana Perez, Alex Macqueen, Tom Edden, Gareth Mason, Paul Hunter, Eloise Webb, Joshua McGuire, Matthew Steer, Mimi Ndiweni, Laura Elsworthy, Ella Smith, Ann Davies, Gerard Horan, Katie West, Daniel Tuite, Anjana Vasan, Stuart Neal, Adetomiwa Edun, Richard McCabe, Joseph Kloska, Andy Apollo, Craig Mather, Jonny Owen-Last, Nari Blair-Mangat, Michael Jenn, Josh O'Connor, Bhanu Alley, Elina Alminas, Scherrikar Bell, Francesca Bennett, James Butcher, Laurie Calvert, Arielle Campbell, Janet Dawe, Andrew Fitch, Robert J Fraser, Edward Lewis French, Melissa Galloway, Monique Geraghty, Alexander Gillison, Riley Halden, John WG Harley, Ant Henson, Phoenix James, Rajesh Kalhan, Sayed Kassem, Joe Kennard, Victoria Ann Kenway, Alex Marek, Barrie Martin, Henry McCook, Joao Costa Menezes, Bronwyn Pearson, Gino Picciano, Laurent Plancel, Jd Roth-round, Julian Seager, Drew Sheridan-Wheeler, Peter Stacey, Zizi Strallen, Tom Swacha, Georgie-May Tearle, Dolapo Umar, Leila Wong, Charlotte Worwood, Elliott Wright, David Barron, Simon Kinberg, Tim Lewis, Allison Shearmur, Barry H Waldman, Patrick Doyle, Haris Zambarloukos, Martin Walsh, Lucy Bevan, Dante Ferretti, Ravi Bansal, Gary Freeman, Paul Laugier, Casey Banwell, Sandy Powell, Kat Ali, Sophie Ashworth, Sylvia Atkins, Hayley Barkway, Helena Card, Orla Carrol, Mary Cooke, Paul Bennett, Mark Cockren, William Dodds, Claire Frayn, Mark Gillespie, Ryan Newberry, Richard Oxford, Richard Whelan, Alexander Witt, Laura Wootton, Vanessa Baker, Liz Bichard, Emily Brockmann, Ruth Key, Sheara Abrahams, Marlek Al-Habib, Karen Beale, Kitty Bennett, Naomi Bonner, Lucy Brookes, Valeria Cantelli, Melanie Carter, Kay Manasseh, Clo Neary, Kim Pickering, Tessa Phillips, Liz Harkin, Trevor Brown, Herbert Butler, Michael Davis, Nick Davis, Matthew Tucker, Christopher Benstead, Peter Clarke, Rupert Cross, Fiona Cruickshank, Jake Jackson, Rael Jones, Laura Nakhla, MIchael Part, Maggie Rodford, Aaron Shang, James Shearman, Claire Elizabeth Alberie, Jason Alvidrez, Rob Ashford, Ruby Avards, Ross Barnwell, Lewis Barron, Holly Bates, Barbar Berkery, Mary Boulding, Sarah Bowden, Fred Bonham Carter, Steven Clarke, James Cleave, James Fingers Buxton, Rebecca Collis, Tom Crooke, Roxanne Cuenca, Patrick Cullen, Ella Daines-Smith, Richard Daldry, Vanessa Davies, Matt Day, Same Dent, Nilan Dharmadasa, Wayne Docksey, Cathy Doubleday, Eleanor Downey, Shaun Emery, DR Farquharson, Lucia Foster Found, Adam Foster, Catherine Francis, Stephen Gallacher, Michael Gentry, Donna Glasser-Hancock, Gail Gostick, Richard Grand, Faye Green, Emma Gunnery, Anna Hall, Sam Hare, Harry Hewitt, milo Hewitt, Turner Hodsoll, Paul Hornsby, Jamie Kemp, Amanda Koh, Charles Larcombe, Rob Levy, Philip Lobban, Cazzie Loveday, Nicoletta Mani, Jenny Maybour, Matthew Redding, David Taylor, Will Samuelson, Hamish Secrett, Rebecca Wolf, Jo Winter, Richard Wild, Ashley Wild, Joan Washington, Jimmy Yuill, Lenart Cernilogar, Brandon Jones, Aaron Broghamer, Brent PrimusCinderella

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

I have for a while, been away.

Not for purpose, but because damn dumb bad.

I had measles.

Not any measles.

Disneyland Measles.

Some disease child left his funk on Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride and then I was with the infection.  Or maybe it was stupid Tea Cups (they are good for nothing).

Damn. I was with icky red spots covered – as if a jar of jam had exploded and vaporized over my body – but not delicious.

All that was delicious was the Kossu I drank by the liter, putting out my jam inspired skin fire.

For weeks I got to think, “why were my parents in my baby pooping times dirty hippies living in North Finland commune?”

As is known to all not dirty hippies, they don’t put dead or weak viruses in their children. They are too high to worry about science. Or bathing. Or shaving arm pits.

But mainly science.

When my parents became clean and with jobs again and now being good society people (but still high) they forgot that I never had the only needle that I wanted for germ killing.

So, at the Happiest Place on Earth (no way really, best happy place is Six Flags “Now We Puke With Our New Hispanic Friends” Magic Mountain – just not on “Gang Night” – too many casualties) I get crappy Disneyland Measles.

And neither Kossu or the sweet, sweet smoke could made it OK.

But something just did make things OK.

Or someone.

And that someone was hot piece of 99% woman – she gave me the tingles. In my man place. And in my man mind.

She is Cinderella (Lily James).

Manka Bros., Khan Manka., Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Behind The Proscenium, Cinderella, Kenneth Branagh, Chris Weitz, Cate Blanchett, Lily James, Richard Madden, Helena Bonham Carter, Nonso Anozie, Stellan Skarsgard, Sophie McShera, Holliday Grainger, Derek Jacobi, Ben Chaplin, Hayley Atwell, Rob Brydon, Jana Perez, Alex Macqueen, Tom Edden, Gareth Mason, Paul Hunter, Eloise Webb, Joshua McGuire, Matthew Steer, Mimi Ndiweni, Laura Elsworthy, Ella Smith, Ann Davies, Gerard Horan, Katie West, Daniel Tuite, Anjana Vasan, Stuart Neal, Adetomiwa Edun, Richard McCabe, Joseph Kloska, Andy Apollo, Craig Mather, Jonny Owen-Last, Nari Blair-Mangat, Michael Jenn, Josh O'Connor, Bhanu Alley, Elina Alminas, Scherrikar Bell, Francesca Bennett, James Butcher, Laurie Calvert, Arielle Campbell, Janet Dawe, Andrew Fitch, Robert J Fraser, Edward Lewis French, Melissa Galloway, Monique Geraghty, Alexander Gillison, Riley Halden, John WG Harley, Ant Henson, Phoenix James, Rajesh Kalhan, Sayed Kassem, Joe Kennard, Victoria Ann Kenway, Alex Marek, Barrie Martin, Henry McCook, Joao Costa Menezes, Bronwyn Pearson, Gino Picciano, Laurent Plancel, Jd Roth-round, Julian Seager, Drew Sheridan-Wheeler, Peter Stacey, Zizi Strallen, Tom Swacha, Georgie-May Tearle, Dolapo Umar, Leila Wong, Charlotte Worwood, Elliott Wright, David Barron, Simon Kinberg, Tim Lewis, Allison Shearmur, Barry H Waldman, Patrick Doyle, Haris Zambarloukos, Martin Walsh, Lucy Bevan, Dante Ferretti, Ravi Bansal, Gary Freeman, Paul Laugier, Casey Banwell, Sandy Powell, Kat Ali, Sophie Ashworth, Sylvia Atkins, Hayley Barkway, Helena Card, Orla Carrol, Mary Cooke, Paul Bennett, Mark Cockren, William Dodds, Claire Frayn, Mark Gillespie, Ryan Newberry, Richard Oxford, Richard Whelan, Alexander Witt, Laura Wootton, Vanessa Baker, Liz Bichard, Emily Brockmann, Ruth Key, Sheara Abrahams, Marlek Al-Habib, Karen Beale, Kitty Bennett, Naomi Bonner, Lucy Brookes, Valeria Cantelli, Melanie Carter, Kay Manasseh, Clo Neary, Kim Pickering, Tessa Phillips, Liz Harkin, Trevor Brown, Herbert Butler, Michael Davis, Nick Davis, Matthew Tucker, Christopher Benstead, Peter Clarke, Rupert Cross, Fiona Cruickshank, Jake Jackson, Rael Jones, Laura Nakhla, MIchael Part, Maggie Rodford, Aaron Shang, James Shearman, Claire Elizabeth Alberie, Jason Alvidrez, Rob Ashford, Ruby Avards, Ross Barnwell, Lewis Barron, Holly Bates, Barbar Berkery, Mary Boulding, Sarah Bowden, Fred Bonham Carter, Steven Clarke, James Cleave, James Fingers Buxton, Rebecca Collis, Tom Crooke, Roxanne Cuenca, Patrick Cullen, Ella Daines-Smith, Richard Daldry, Vanessa Davies, Matt Day, Same Dent, Nilan Dharmadasa, Wayne Docksey, Cathy Doubleday, Eleanor Downey, Shaun Emery, DR Farquharson, Lucia Foster Found, Adam Foster, Catherine Francis, Stephen Gallacher, Michael Gentry, Donna Glasser-Hancock, Gail Gostick, Richard Grand, Faye Green, Emma Gunnery, Anna Hall, Sam Hare, Harry Hewitt, milo Hewitt, Turner Hodsoll, Paul Hornsby, Jamie Kemp, Amanda Koh, Charles Larcombe, Rob Levy, Philip Lobban, Cazzie Loveday, Nicoletta Mani, Jenny Maybour, Matthew Redding, David Taylor, Will Samuelson, Hamish Secrett, Rebecca Wolf, Jo Winter, Richard Wild, Ashley Wild, Joan Washington, Jimmy Yuill, Lenart Cernilogar, Brandon Jones, Aaron Broghamer, Brent Primus

Plot? Hells yeah, and more.

Lust and politics.

CGI mice.

Did I mention Lily James?

Poor Cinderella. She lives in Make Believe with Cool Dad (British Guy) and Hot Mom (British Chick).

In Make Believe, the 99% live in McMansions and have servants. But they want to be the 2%, like Prince Kit (Rob Stark).

Prince Kit’s Dad (Derek Jacobi) wants Kit to marry into the 1%.

When Cool Dad and Hot Mom die, Cinderella is forced to live with Stepmother (MILF Cate Blanchett) and Step Sisters (bitch face women from “Fashion Police”, I think).

Manka Bros., Khan Manka., Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Behind The Proscenium, Cinderella, Kenneth Branagh, Chris Weitz, Cate Blanchett, Lily James, Richard Madden, Helena Bonham Carter, Nonso Anozie, Stellan Skarsgard, Sophie McShera, Holliday Grainger, Derek Jacobi, Ben Chaplin, Hayley Atwell, Rob Brydon, Jana Perez, Alex Macqueen, Tom Edden, Gareth Mason, Paul Hunter, Eloise Webb, Joshua McGuire, Matthew Steer, Mimi Ndiweni, Laura Elsworthy, Ella Smith, Ann Davies, Gerard Horan, Katie West, Daniel Tuite, Anjana Vasan, Stuart Neal, Adetomiwa Edun, Richard McCabe, Joseph Kloska, Andy Apollo, Craig Mather, Jonny Owen-Last, Nari Blair-Mangat, Michael Jenn, Josh O'Connor, Bhanu Alley, Elina Alminas, Scherrikar Bell, Francesca Bennett, James Butcher, Laurie Calvert, Arielle Campbell, Janet Dawe, Andrew Fitch, Robert J Fraser, Edward Lewis French, Melissa Galloway, Monique Geraghty, Alexander Gillison, Riley Halden, John WG Harley, Ant Henson, Phoenix James, Rajesh Kalhan, Sayed Kassem, Joe Kennard, Victoria Ann Kenway, Alex Marek, Barrie Martin, Henry McCook, Joao Costa Menezes, Bronwyn Pearson, Gino Picciano, Laurent Plancel, Jd Roth-round, Julian Seager, Drew Sheridan-Wheeler, Peter Stacey, Zizi Strallen, Tom Swacha, Georgie-May Tearle, Dolapo Umar, Leila Wong, Charlotte Worwood, Elliott Wright, David Barron, Simon Kinberg, Tim Lewis, Allison Shearmur, Barry H Waldman, Patrick Doyle, Haris Zambarloukos, Martin Walsh, Lucy Bevan, Dante Ferretti, Ravi Bansal, Gary Freeman, Paul Laugier, Casey Banwell, Sandy Powell, Kat Ali, Sophie Ashworth, Sylvia Atkins, Hayley Barkway, Helena Card, Orla Carrol, Mary Cooke, Paul Bennett, Mark Cockren, William Dodds, Claire Frayn, Mark Gillespie, Ryan Newberry, Richard Oxford, Richard Whelan, Alexander Witt, Laura Wootton, Vanessa Baker, Liz Bichard, Emily Brockmann, Ruth Key, Sheara Abrahams, Marlek Al-Habib, Karen Beale, Kitty Bennett, Naomi Bonner, Lucy Brookes, Valeria Cantelli, Melanie Carter, Kay Manasseh, Clo Neary, Kim Pickering, Tessa Phillips, Liz Harkin, Trevor Brown, Herbert Butler, Michael Davis, Nick Davis, Matthew Tucker, Christopher Benstead, Peter Clarke, Rupert Cross, Fiona Cruickshank, Jake Jackson, Rael Jones, Laura Nakhla, MIchael Part, Maggie Rodford, Aaron Shang, James Shearman, Claire Elizabeth Alberie, Jason Alvidrez, Rob Ashford, Ruby Avards, Ross Barnwell, Lewis Barron, Holly Bates, Barbar Berkery, Mary Boulding, Sarah Bowden, Fred Bonham Carter, Steven Clarke, James Cleave, James Fingers Buxton, Rebecca Collis, Tom Crooke, Roxanne Cuenca, Patrick Cullen, Ella Daines-Smith, Richard Daldry, Vanessa Davies, Matt Day, Same Dent, Nilan Dharmadasa, Wayne Docksey, Cathy Doubleday, Eleanor Downey, Shaun Emery, DR Farquharson, Lucia Foster Found, Adam Foster, Catherine Francis, Stephen Gallacher, Michael Gentry, Donna Glasser-Hancock, Gail Gostick, Richard Grand, Faye Green, Emma Gunnery, Anna Hall, Sam Hare, Harry Hewitt, milo Hewitt, Turner Hodsoll, Paul Hornsby, Jamie Kemp, Amanda Koh, Charles Larcombe, Rob Levy, Philip Lobban, Cazzie Loveday, Nicoletta Mani, Jenny Maybour, Matthew Redding, David Taylor, Will Samuelson, Hamish Secrett, Rebecca Wolf, Jo Winter, Richard Wild, Ashley Wild, Joan Washington, Jimmy Yuill, Lenart Cernilogar, Brandon Jones, Aaron Broghamer, Brent Primus

Her new family is the suck.

Cinderella is so effed up she is talking to mice, a stag, some lizards, a bird, and (gasp) even the help.

One day, while out on a horse (that she is not talking to), she runs into Mr. Stag. He’s all like “Rob Stark wants to gut me” and Cinderella is all like “No way, Jose. Light that rocket in your ass and jet on out.”

Mr. Stag is all like “Don’t have to say that twice girlfriend” and bounces.

Rob Stark shows up and is all like “Damn, girl, you are fine! And nice. You are mine.”

Manka Bros., Khan Manka., Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Behind The Proscenium, Cinderella, Kenneth Branagh, Chris Weitz, Cate Blanchett, Lily James, Richard Madden, Helena Bonham Carter, Nonso Anozie, Stellan Skarsgard, Sophie McShera, Holliday Grainger, Derek Jacobi, Ben Chaplin, Hayley Atwell, Rob Brydon, Jana Perez, Alex Macqueen, Tom Edden, Gareth Mason, Paul Hunter, Eloise Webb, Joshua McGuire, Matthew Steer, Mimi Ndiweni, Laura Elsworthy, Ella Smith, Ann Davies, Gerard Horan, Katie West, Daniel Tuite, Anjana Vasan, Stuart Neal, Adetomiwa Edun, Richard McCabe, Joseph Kloska, Andy Apollo, Craig Mather, Jonny Owen-Last, Nari Blair-Mangat, Michael Jenn, Josh O'Connor, Bhanu Alley, Elina Alminas, Scherrikar Bell, Francesca Bennett, James Butcher, Laurie Calvert, Arielle Campbell, Janet Dawe, Andrew Fitch, Robert J Fraser, Edward Lewis French, Melissa Galloway, Monique Geraghty, Alexander Gillison, Riley Halden, John WG Harley, Ant Henson, Phoenix James, Rajesh Kalhan, Sayed Kassem, Joe Kennard, Victoria Ann Kenway, Alex Marek, Barrie Martin, Henry McCook, Joao Costa Menezes, Bronwyn Pearson, Gino Picciano, Laurent Plancel, Jd Roth-round, Julian Seager, Drew Sheridan-Wheeler, Peter Stacey, Zizi Strallen, Tom Swacha, Georgie-May Tearle, Dolapo Umar, Leila Wong, Charlotte Worwood, Elliott Wright, David Barron, Simon Kinberg, Tim Lewis, Allison Shearmur, Barry H Waldman, Patrick Doyle, Haris Zambarloukos, Martin Walsh, Lucy Bevan, Dante Ferretti, Ravi Bansal, Gary Freeman, Paul Laugier, Casey Banwell, Sandy Powell, Kat Ali, Sophie Ashworth, Sylvia Atkins, Hayley Barkway, Helena Card, Orla Carrol, Mary Cooke, Paul Bennett, Mark Cockren, William Dodds, Claire Frayn, Mark Gillespie, Ryan Newberry, Richard Oxford, Richard Whelan, Alexander Witt, Laura Wootton, Vanessa Baker, Liz Bichard, Emily Brockmann, Ruth Key, Sheara Abrahams, Marlek Al-Habib, Karen Beale, Kitty Bennett, Naomi Bonner, Lucy Brookes, Valeria Cantelli, Melanie Carter, Kay Manasseh, Clo Neary, Kim Pickering, Tessa Phillips, Liz Harkin, Trevor Brown, Herbert Butler, Michael Davis, Nick Davis, Matthew Tucker, Christopher Benstead, Peter Clarke, Rupert Cross, Fiona Cruickshank, Jake Jackson, Rael Jones, Laura Nakhla, MIchael Part, Maggie Rodford, Aaron Shang, James Shearman, Claire Elizabeth Alberie, Jason Alvidrez, Rob Ashford, Ruby Avards, Ross Barnwell, Lewis Barron, Holly Bates, Barbar Berkery, Mary Boulding, Sarah Bowden, Fred Bonham Carter, Steven Clarke, James Cleave, James Fingers Buxton, Rebecca Collis, Tom Crooke, Roxanne Cuenca, Patrick Cullen, Ella Daines-Smith, Richard Daldry, Vanessa Davies, Matt Day, Same Dent, Nilan Dharmadasa, Wayne Docksey, Cathy Doubleday, Eleanor Downey, Shaun Emery, DR Farquharson, Lucia Foster Found, Adam Foster, Catherine Francis, Stephen Gallacher, Michael Gentry, Donna Glasser-Hancock, Gail Gostick, Richard Grand, Faye Green, Emma Gunnery, Anna Hall, Sam Hare, Harry Hewitt, milo Hewitt, Turner Hodsoll, Paul Hornsby, Jamie Kemp, Amanda Koh, Charles Larcombe, Rob Levy, Philip Lobban, Cazzie Loveday, Nicoletta Mani, Jenny Maybour, Matthew Redding, David Taylor, Will Samuelson, Hamish Secrett, Rebecca Wolf, Jo Winter, Richard Wild, Ashley Wild, Joan Washington, Jimmy Yuill, Lenart Cernilogar, Brandon Jones, Aaron Broghamer, Brent Primus

Cinderella is all like (in her mind thoughts) “Mmmm, mmm, mmm – we are gonna be getting’ busy… in our married future which may never come.”

What happens next? Smoke the smoke, drink the drink, request Uber, and GO TO THE MULTIPLEX.

PUBLIC SERVICE MESSAGE: Always smoke, always drink, and always Uber.  Kimmo approves of this message.

There are disappointments in Cinderella.

Rob Stark wears tight pants but they strap down his “Hamm-aconda” (Jon Hamm’s conjoined twin – groin beast – in “Mad Men” – it is legendary).

Now, it could be that Rob Stark isn’t packing… but we all know that is a damned liar lie. It would have been nice for the ladies.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka., Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Behind The Proscenium, Cinderella, Kenneth Branagh, Chris Weitz, Cate Blanchett, Lily James, Richard Madden, Helena Bonham Carter, Nonso Anozie, Stellan Skarsgard, Sophie McShera, Holliday Grainger, Derek Jacobi, Ben Chaplin, Hayley Atwell, Rob Brydon, Jana Perez, Alex Macqueen, Tom Edden, Gareth Mason, Paul Hunter, Eloise Webb, Joshua McGuire, Matthew Steer, Mimi Ndiweni, Laura Elsworthy, Ella Smith, Ann Davies, Gerard Horan, Katie West, Daniel Tuite, Anjana Vasan, Stuart Neal, Adetomiwa Edun, Richard McCabe, Joseph Kloska, Andy Apollo, Craig Mather, Jonny Owen-Last, Nari Blair-Mangat, Michael Jenn, Josh O'Connor, Bhanu Alley, Elina Alminas, Scherrikar Bell, Francesca Bennett, James Butcher, Laurie Calvert, Arielle Campbell, Janet Dawe, Andrew Fitch, Robert J Fraser, Edward Lewis French, Melissa Galloway, Monique Geraghty, Alexander Gillison, Riley Halden, John WG Harley, Ant Henson, Phoenix James, Rajesh Kalhan, Sayed Kassem, Joe Kennard, Victoria Ann Kenway, Alex Marek, Barrie Martin, Henry McCook, Joao Costa Menezes, Bronwyn Pearson, Gino Picciano, Laurent Plancel, Jd Roth-round, Julian Seager, Drew Sheridan-Wheeler, Peter Stacey, Zizi Strallen, Tom Swacha, Georgie-May Tearle, Dolapo Umar, Leila Wong, Charlotte Worwood, Elliott Wright, David Barron, Simon Kinberg, Tim Lewis, Allison Shearmur, Barry H Waldman, Patrick Doyle, Haris Zambarloukos, Martin Walsh, Lucy Bevan, Dante Ferretti, Ravi Bansal, Gary Freeman, Paul Laugier, Casey Banwell, Sandy Powell, Kat Ali, Sophie Ashworth, Sylvia Atkins, Hayley Barkway, Helena Card, Orla Carrol, Mary Cooke, Paul Bennett, Mark Cockren, William Dodds, Claire Frayn, Mark Gillespie, Ryan Newberry, Richard Oxford, Richard Whelan, Alexander Witt, Laura Wootton, Vanessa Baker, Liz Bichard, Emily Brockmann, Ruth Key, Sheara Abrahams, Marlek Al-Habib, Karen Beale, Kitty Bennett, Naomi Bonner, Lucy Brookes, Valeria Cantelli, Melanie Carter, Kay Manasseh, Clo Neary, Kim Pickering, Tessa Phillips, Liz Harkin, Trevor Brown, Herbert Butler, Michael Davis, Nick Davis, Matthew Tucker, Christopher Benstead, Peter Clarke, Rupert Cross, Fiona Cruickshank, Jake Jackson, Rael Jones, Laura Nakhla, MIchael Part, Maggie Rodford, Aaron Shang, James Shearman, Claire Elizabeth Alberie, Jason Alvidrez, Rob Ashford, Ruby Avards, Ross Barnwell, Lewis Barron, Holly Bates, Barbar Berkery, Mary Boulding, Sarah Bowden, Fred Bonham Carter, Steven Clarke, James Cleave, James Fingers Buxton, Rebecca Collis, Tom Crooke, Roxanne Cuenca, Patrick Cullen, Ella Daines-Smith, Richard Daldry, Vanessa Davies, Matt Day, Same Dent, Nilan Dharmadasa, Wayne Docksey, Cathy Doubleday, Eleanor Downey, Shaun Emery, DR Farquharson, Lucia Foster Found, Adam Foster, Catherine Francis, Stephen Gallacher, Michael Gentry, Donna Glasser-Hancock, Gail Gostick, Richard Grand, Faye Green, Emma Gunnery, Anna Hall, Sam Hare, Harry Hewitt, milo Hewitt, Turner Hodsoll, Paul Hornsby, Jamie Kemp, Amanda Koh, Charles Larcombe, Rob Levy, Philip Lobban, Cazzie Loveday, Nicoletta Mani, Jenny Maybour, Matthew Redding, David Taylor, Will Samuelson, Hamish Secrett, Rebecca Wolf, Jo Winter, Richard Wild, Ashley Wild, Joan Washington, Jimmy Yuill, Lenart Cernilogar, Brandon Jones, Aaron Broghamer, Brent Primus

So, I have two thumbs (and other things, I am winking at you with innuendo) straining to the CGI sky.

Cinderella is good.

No shit.

You may even have eye water leaks (damn romance stuff – maybe there was dust in the air).

See it, if you have a heart.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Reese Witherspoon, Water For Elephants, Robert Pattinson, Christoph Waltz, Paul Schneider, Jim Norton, Hal Holbrook, Mark Povinelli, Richard Brake, Stephen Monroe Taylor, Ken Foree, Scott MacDonald, James Frain, Sam Anderson, John Aylward, Brad Greenquist, Tim Guinee, Donna W. Scott, E.E. Bell, Kyle Jordan, Aleksandra Kaniak, Ilia Volok, Bruce Gray, Jim Jansen, James Keane, Ivo Nandi, Karynn Moore, Andrew Connolly, Doug McDougal, Tracy Phillips Rowan O'Hara, Water for Elephants, Tai, Uggie, Ice, Sita Acevedo, Danny Castle, Michael Coronas, Aloysia Gavre, Francis Lawrence, Andrew R. Tennenbaum, Erwin Stoff, Gil Netter, Kevin Halloran, Alan Edward Bell, Ana Maria Quintana, Chad Holmes, David Crank, Denise Chamian, Molly Allen, Sasha Veneziano, Kimmo MustonenenKimmo Mustonenen – Kimmo On Kimmo – Behind The Proscenium

P.S.  “The 100!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Damn, Clarke. You are one stone cold-assed assassin. Now learn to forgive and go make out with Lexa. It is your destiny. And it will be appointment TV. At least in the house of Kimmo.

P.P.S.  Pete Carroll, you are owning me $500. Passing on the 1? With two time outs and Marshawn Lynch? Huh. Really. There is in Seattle Aquarium a hermit crab named Marshawn Pinch. This is the truth. Marshawn Pinch would have from the 1 scored. Damn.

Marshawn Pinch, Marshawn Lynch, Pete Caroll

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo [REVIEW]

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Kyrle Lendhoffer, The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, David Fincher, Steven Zaillian, Stieg Larsson, Daniel Craig, Rooney Mara, Christopher Plummer, Stellan Skarsgard, Steven Berkoff, Robin Wright, Yorick Van Wageningen, Joely Richardson, Geraldine James, Goran Visnjic, Donald Sumpter, Ulf Friberg, Bengt C.W. Carlsson, Tony Way, Per Myrberg, Josefin Asplund, Eva Fritjofson, Moa Garpendal, Maya Hansson-Berggvist, Sarah Appelberg, Julian Sands, Anna Bjork, Gustaf Hammarstein, Simon Reithner, David Dencik, Marcus Johansson, Mathilda Von Essen, Mathias Palmer, Martin Jarvis, Inga Landgre, Reza Dehban, Anders Berg, Mats Andersson, Anders Jansson, Jurgen Klein, Kalle Josephson, Sandra Andreis, Arly Jover, Pierre Sjo Ostergren, Tess Panzer, Alastair Duncan, Alan Dale, Julia Rose, Peter Carlberg, Jan Abramson, Lena Stromdahl, Matthew Wolf, Anne-Li Norberg, Leo Bill, Albrecht Marco, Martina Lotun, Anna Carlson, Yvonne Astrand, Fredrik Dolk, Christian Heller, Werner Biermeier, Christine Adams, Peter Hottinger, Joyce Giraud, Bengt Wallgren, Elodie Yung, Anna Charlotta Gunnarson, Andreas Bjorklund, Embeth Davidtz, Joel Kinnaman, Karen E. Wright, Leah Harshaw, George Gerdes, Cean Chaffin, Anni Faurbye Fernandez, Malte Forssell, Ryan Kavanaugh, Berna Levin, Scott Rudin, Soren Staermose, Ole Sondberg, Mikael Wallen, Steven Zaillian, Trent Reznor, Atticus Ross, Jeff Cronenweth, Kirk Baxter, Angus Wall, Laray Mayfield, Donald Graham Burt, Frida Arvidsson, K.C. Fox, Lara Baldwin, Christos Dervenis, Eirik Ohna, Daniel Stillman, Florian Engelhardt, Allen Kupetsky, Bob Wagner, Pete Waterman, Maileen Williams, Holiday Landa, Thom Brennan, Alyson Dee Moore, Richard Quinn, JOhn Roesch, Toddy Bryant, Jeff Chumas, Ben Cooke, Jacob Dewitt, Per Dunder, Patty Majorczak-Connolly, Mark Sussman, Jola Wieczorek, Paul Alderman, Tyler Nelson, Alex Olivares, Kimberly Aguirre, Garrett Basch, Ulf Bjorlin, Bettina Browne, Veronika Eriksson, Desirae Ferrer, Astrid Hammarsten, Elinor Isenberg, Caroline Johansson, Suzanne Lehfeldt, Gareth Lewis, Larry Madrid, Andrea McKee, Kyle McGatlin, Catherine Pittman, Susanna Same, Candice Taylor, Rasmus Wassberg

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Kyrle Lendhoffer, The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, David Fincher, Steven Zaillian, Stieg Larsson, Daniel Craig, Rooney Mara, Christopher Plummer, Stellan Skarsgard, Steven Berkoff, Robin Wright, Yorick Van Wageningen, Joely Richardson, Geraldine James, Goran Visnjic, Donald Sumpter, Ulf Friberg, Bengt C.W. Carlsson, Tony Way, Per Myrberg, Josefin Asplund, Eva Fritjofson, Moa Garpendal, Maya Hansson-Berggvist, Sarah Appelberg, Julian Sands, Anna Bjork, Gustaf Hammarstein, Simon Reithner, David Dencik, Marcus Johansson, Mathilda Von Essen, Mathias Palmer, Martin Jarvis, Inga Landgre, Reza Dehban, Anders Berg, Mats Andersson, Anders Jansson, Jurgen Klein, Kalle Josephson, Sandra Andreis, Arly Jover, Pierre Sjo Ostergren, Tess Panzer, Alastair Duncan, Alan Dale, Julia Rose, Peter Carlberg, Jan Abramson, Lena Stromdahl, Matthew Wolf, Anne-Li Norberg, Leo Bill, Albrecht Marco, Martina Lotun, Anna Carlson, Yvonne Astrand, Fredrik Dolk, Christian Heller, Werner Biermeier, Christine Adams, Peter Hottinger, Joyce Giraud, Bengt Wallgren, Elodie Yung, Anna Charlotta Gunnarson, Andreas Bjorklund, Embeth Davidtz, Joel Kinnaman, Karen E. Wright, Leah Harshaw, George Gerdes, Cean Chaffin, Anni Faurbye Fernandez, Malte Forssell, Ryan Kavanaugh, Berna Levin, Scott Rudin, Soren Staermose, Ole Sondberg, Mikael Wallen, Steven Zaillian, Trent Reznor, Atticus Ross, Jeff Cronenweth, Kirk Baxter, Angus Wall, Laray Mayfield, Donald Graham Burt, Frida Arvidsson, K.C. Fox, Lara Baldwin, Christos Dervenis, Eirik Ohna, Daniel Stillman, Florian Engelhardt, Allen Kupetsky, Bob Wagner, Pete Waterman, Maileen Williams, Holiday Landa, Thom Brennan, Alyson Dee Moore, Richard Quinn, JOhn Roesch, Toddy Bryant, Jeff Chumas, Ben Cooke, Jacob Dewitt, Per Dunder, Patty Majorczak-Connolly, Mark Sussman, Jola Wieczorek, Paul Alderman, Tyler Nelson, Alex Olivares, Kimberly Aguirre, Garrett Basch, Ulf Bjorlin, Bettina Browne, Veronika Eriksson, Desirae Ferrer, Astrid Hammarsten, Elinor Isenberg, Caroline Johansson, Suzanne Lehfeldt, Gareth Lewis, Larry Madrid, Andrea McKee, Kyle McGatlin, Catherine Pittman, Susanna Same, Candice Taylor, Rasmus WassbergThe Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Sweden.

Bastards.

While us, the Finns, fought Soviet Russia the Swedes ate butter, fish, and those damn crap meatballs.

In same war (World War II, retards) we fight and fight.

Sweden?

Neutral (sissy Nazi lovers – take that, Swedes!).

Finns are awesomeness.

Swedes?

They had not one ball between them.

Then I see those Swede bastards again.

Swedish Bikini Team (hot).  SAAB (cool).  Malin Akerman (schwing!).  Swedes aren’t so bad as people as my mind said.

They also gave us “The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.”  And it was greater than good.

For a film

Then, excited tail wagging puppy-like excitement sprouts from David Fincher.  “Give me this movie!” he may have said out loud.  And since excitement of so throbbing Swedish version is from Stone Age 2009 – of course Hollywood said “fuck yeah!  2009 is so 2009!”

Now we have “The Same Girl With A Dragon Tattoo Who Now Speaks English.”  With accent that has previously been unheard by humans.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Kyrle Lendhoffer, The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, David Fincher, Steven Zaillian, Stieg Larsson, Daniel Craig, Rooney Mara, Christopher Plummer, Stellan Skarsgard, Steven Berkoff, Robin Wright, Yorick Van Wageningen, Joely Richardson, Geraldine James, Goran Visnjic, Donald Sumpter, Ulf Friberg, Bengt C.W. Carlsson, Tony Way, Per Myrberg, Josefin Asplund, Eva Fritjofson, Moa Garpendal, Maya Hansson-Berggvist, Sarah Appelberg, Julian Sands, Anna Bjork, Gustaf Hammarstein, Simon Reithner, David Dencik, Marcus Johansson, Mathilda Von Essen, Mathias Palmer, Martin Jarvis, Inga Landgre, Reza Dehban, Anders Berg, Mats Andersson, Anders Jansson, Jurgen Klein, Kalle Josephson, Sandra Andreis, Arly Jover, Pierre Sjo Ostergren, Tess Panzer, Alastair Duncan, Alan Dale, Julia Rose, Peter Carlberg, Jan Abramson, Lena Stromdahl, Matthew Wolf, Anne-Li Norberg, Leo Bill, Albrecht Marco, Martina Lotun, Anna Carlson, Yvonne Astrand, Fredrik Dolk, Christian Heller, Werner Biermeier, Christine Adams, Peter Hottinger, Joyce Giraud, Bengt Wallgren, Elodie Yung, Anna Charlotta Gunnarson, Andreas Bjorklund, Embeth Davidtz, Joel Kinnaman, Karen E. Wright, Leah Harshaw, George Gerdes, Cean Chaffin, Anni Faurbye Fernandez, Malte Forssell, Ryan Kavanaugh, Berna Levin, Scott Rudin, Soren Staermose, Ole Sondberg, Mikael Wallen, Steven Zaillian, Trent Reznor, Atticus Ross, Jeff Cronenweth, Kirk Baxter, Angus Wall, Laray Mayfield, Donald Graham Burt, Frida Arvidsson, K.C. Fox, Lara Baldwin, Christos Dervenis, Eirik Ohna, Daniel Stillman, Florian Engelhardt, Allen Kupetsky, Bob Wagner, Pete Waterman, Maileen Williams, Holiday Landa, Thom Brennan, Alyson Dee Moore, Richard Quinn, JOhn Roesch, Toddy Bryant, Jeff Chumas, Ben Cooke, Jacob Dewitt, Per Dunder, Patty Majorczak-Connolly, Mark Sussman, Jola Wieczorek, Paul Alderman, Tyler Nelson, Alex Olivares, Kimberly Aguirre, Garrett Basch, Ulf Bjorlin, Bettina Browne, Veronika Eriksson, Desirae Ferrer, Astrid Hammarsten, Elinor Isenberg, Caroline Johansson, Suzanne Lehfeldt, Gareth Lewis, Larry Madrid, Andrea McKee, Kyle McGatlin, Catherine Pittman, Susanna Same, Candice Taylor, Rasmus WassbergPlot?  Sure!

Mikael Blomkvist (Daniel Craig) is a business investigative journalist who is determined to restore his honor.

Once he has been convicted of libel, joins the rich industrial Henrik Vanger (Christopher Plummer) in order to use his services as a journalist and a detective in the claim.

Henrik’s niece Harriet was murdered in 1966 as a 16 year old girl, what could have been but never proven (since Sherlock Holmes services are being used in shit cinema elsewhere).

Since then, the only message is that Henrik’s once a year receives a dried flower of the alleged murderer (in a frame, as in “framed”… a clue?).

Center of this conspiracy is Henrik’s extended family, from the loud disputes among themselves hardly changed a word. Like Thanksgiving at Kyrle’s place.

Americans are gluttons.

And very opinionated.

And cannot hold their liquor.

At least Swedes can hold their liquor.

And I can hold Malin Akerman (please Malin, we could make all of Scandinavia come together… get it?)

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Kyrle Lendhoffer, The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, David Fincher, Steven Zaillian, Stieg Larsson, Daniel Craig, Rooney Mara, Christopher Plummer, Stellan Skarsgard, Steven Berkoff, Robin Wright, Yorick Van Wageningen, Joely Richardson, Geraldine James, Goran Visnjic, Donald Sumpter, Ulf Friberg, Bengt C.W. Carlsson, Tony Way, Per Myrberg, Josefin Asplund, Eva Fritjofson, Moa Garpendal, Maya Hansson-Berggvist, Sarah Appelberg, Julian Sands, Anna Bjork, Gustaf Hammarstein, Simon Reithner, David Dencik, Marcus Johansson, Mathilda Von Essen, Mathias Palmer, Martin Jarvis, Inga Landgre, Reza Dehban, Anders Berg, Mats Andersson, Anders Jansson, Jurgen Klein, Kalle Josephson, Sandra Andreis, Arly Jover, Pierre Sjo Ostergren, Tess Panzer, Alastair Duncan, Alan Dale, Julia Rose, Peter Carlberg, Jan Abramson, Lena Stromdahl, Matthew Wolf, Anne-Li Norberg, Leo Bill, Albrecht Marco, Martina Lotun, Anna Carlson, Yvonne Astrand, Fredrik Dolk, Christian Heller, Werner Biermeier, Christine Adams, Peter Hottinger, Joyce Giraud, Bengt Wallgren, Elodie Yung, Anna Charlotta Gunnarson, Andreas Bjorklund, Embeth Davidtz, Joel Kinnaman, Karen E. Wright, Leah Harshaw, George Gerdes, Cean Chaffin, Anni Faurbye Fernandez, Malte Forssell, Ryan Kavanaugh, Berna Levin, Scott Rudin, Soren Staermose, Ole Sondberg, Mikael Wallen, Steven Zaillian, Trent Reznor, Atticus Ross, Jeff Cronenweth, Kirk Baxter, Angus Wall, Laray Mayfield, Donald Graham Burt, Frida Arvidsson, K.C. Fox, Lara Baldwin, Christos Dervenis, Eirik Ohna, Daniel Stillman, Florian Engelhardt, Allen Kupetsky, Bob Wagner, Pete Waterman, Maileen Williams, Holiday Landa, Thom Brennan, Alyson Dee Moore, Richard Quinn, JOhn Roesch, Toddy Bryant, Jeff Chumas, Ben Cooke, Jacob Dewitt, Per Dunder, Patty Majorczak-Connolly, Mark Sussman, Jola Wieczorek, Paul Alderman, Tyler Nelson, Alex Olivares, Kimberly Aguirre, Garrett Basch, Ulf Bjorlin, Bettina Browne, Veronika Eriksson, Desirae Ferrer, Astrid Hammarsten, Elinor Isenberg, Caroline Johansson, Suzanne Lehfeldt, Gareth Lewis, Larry Madrid, Andrea McKee, Kyle McGatlin, Catherine Pittman, Susanna Same, Candice Taylor, Rasmus WassbergAround the same time is Lisbeth Salander (Rooney Mara) – an unusual but equally brilliant detective and hacker security company Milton Security – tasked in Blomkvist life to sniff around (“sniff around!”  House of Pain, people!), which ultimately leads but to the fact that they Blomkvist with the murder of Harriet Vanger help you.

They entered a 40-year-old chess game of intrigue, murder and incest.  I said it.  Intrigue.

What is good?

Rooney Mara, that is what is good.  Man, she pierced every possible skin flap that was available.  And then more flaps, which is professional.

More?

Christopher Plummer.  I almost had the belief that he was old.  Good acting!

Danny Craig (my buddy).  He has been doing sit-ups.

Soundtrack – Trent Reznor made my booty shake.  “Hammer of the Gods” is right!  And then…

SPOILER ALERT!!!

And then it happened.  I was made to cry.

I can, with squirming, handle anal rape.

Bloody nine iron to face is nothing (even with broken teeth clattering on the tile).

Torture-murder-dismembering of young women is easy.

But do not fuck with the cat.

NEVER fuck with the cat.

My eyes leaked.  I sniffled.  I took another bong hit and one more shot of Kossu.  My eyes leaked some more.

Finally, I became less a Swede and more a man (kidding, Malin – Swedes are now cool to me).

SPOILER ALERT OVER!

For a summation, three thumbs up!  One thumb just for Rooney Mara.  One thumb for David Fincher.  And another thumb for the year 2009 version from the Swedes – at least if shit is for the messing they don’t make it a greater (or lesser) mess, right?

And one head lowered, mourning for little furry cats everywhere.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Reese Witherspoon, Water For Elephants, Robert Pattinson, Christoph Waltz, Paul Schneider, Jim Norton, Hal Holbrook, Mark Povinelli, Richard Brake, Stephen Monroe Taylor, Ken Foree, Scott MacDonald, James Frain, Sam Anderson, John Aylward, Brad Greenquist, Tim Guinee, Donna W. Scott, E.E. Bell, Kyle Jordan, Aleksandra Kaniak, Ilia Volok, Bruce Gray, Jim Jansen, James Keane, Ivo Nandi, Karynn Moore, Andrew Connolly, Doug McDougal, Tracy Phillips Rowan O'Hara, Water for Elephants, Tai, Uggie, Ice, Sita Acevedo, Danny Castle, Michael Coronas, Aloysia Gavre, Francis Lawrence, Andrew R. Tennenbaum, Erwin Stoff, Gil Netter, Kevin Halloran, Alan Edward Bell, Ana Maria Quintana, Chad Holmes, David Crank, Denise Chamian, Molly Allen, Sasha Veneziano, Kimmo MustonenenKimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S.  How could Ozzy not win “Survivor”?  Odin, have you forsaken us all?

 

Melancholia [REVIEW]

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Jill Kennedy, OnMedea, Behind The Proscenium, Kimmo Mustonenen, Lars Von Trier, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kyrle Lindhoffer, Ben Silverman, movie review, Melancholia, Cannes press conference, Kirsten Dunst, Kiefer Sutherland, Dogma, enfant terrible, Charlotte Gainsbourg, Keifer Sutherland, Charlotte Rampling, John Hurt, Alexander Skarsgard, Stellan Skarsgard, Brady Corbet, Udo Kier, Jesper Christensen, Deborah Fronko, Cameron Spurr, Bettina Brokemper, Remi Burah, Madeleine Edman, Thomas Eskilsson, Meta Louise Foldager, Peter Garde, Marianne Jul Hansen, Peter Aalbaek Jensen, Lars Jonsson, Katrine Sahlstrom, Marianne Slot, Louise Vesth, Manuel Alberto Claro, Morten Hojbjerg, Molly Marlene Stensgaard, Jette Lehmann, Jessica Balac, Mouns Overgaard, Maj-Britt Paulmann, Peter Hjorth, Pontus Klange, Anders Refn, James Velasquez, Rikard Andersson, Klas Ankelstam, Anna Lundin

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Jill Kennedy, OnMedea, Behind The Proscenium, Kimmo Mustonenen, Lars Von Trier, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kyrle Lindhoffer, Ben Silverman, movie review, Melancholia, Cannes press conference, Kirsten Dunst, Kiefer Sutherland, Dogma, enfant terrible, Charlotte Gainsbourg, Keifer Sutherland, Charlotte Rampling, John Hurt, Alexander Skarsgard, Stellan Skarsgard, Brady Corbet, Udo Kier, Jesper Christensen, Deborah Fronko, Cameron Spurr, Bettina Brokemper, Remi Burah, Madeleine Edman, Thomas Eskilsson, Meta Louise Foldager, Peter Garde, Marianne Jul Hansen, Peter Aalbaek Jensen, Lars Jonsson, Katrine Sahlstrom, Marianne Slot, Louise Vesth, Manuel Alberto Claro, Morten Hojbjerg, Molly Marlene Stensgaard, Jette Lehmann, Jessica Balac, Mouns Overgaard, Maj-Britt Paulmann, Peter Hjorth, Pontus Klange, Anders Refn, James Velasquez, Rikard Andersson, Klas Ankelstam, Anna LundinIs Nazi lover Lars now feeling “Melancholia” (ha!)?

With wit, reviewed by guest critic Kimmo Mustonenen

Impacts Cannes:  The apocalyptic drama “Melancholia” are pushed into the background – of a provocateur Lars von Trier and his statement that he was a Nazi.

The man is 55, but his reputation as the eternal enfant terrible of cinema, he apparently wants to do justice to all eternity.  Not only in his radical films for which he is loved all over the world and feared, but also outside in a lot more confusing life (is his).

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Jill Kennedy, OnMedea, Behind The Proscenium, Kimmo Mustonenen, Lars Von Trier, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kyrle Lindhoffer, Ben Silverman, movie review, Melancholia, Cannes press conference, Kirsten Dunst, Kiefer Sutherland, Dogma, enfant terrible, Charlotte Gainsbourg, Keifer Sutherland, Charlotte Rampling, John Hurt, Alexander Skarsgard, Stellan Skarsgard, Brady Corbet, Udo Kier, Jesper Christensen, Deborah Fronko, Cameron Spurr, Bettina Brokemper, Remi Burah, Madeleine Edman, Thomas Eskilsson, Meta Louise Foldager, Peter Garde, Marianne Jul Hansen, Peter Aalbaek Jensen, Lars Jonsson, Katrine Sahlstrom, Marianne Slot, Louise Vesth, Manuel Alberto Claro, Morten Hojbjerg, Molly Marlene Stensgaard, Jette Lehmann, Jessica Balac, Mouns Overgaard, Maj-Britt Paulmann, Peter Hjorth, Pontus Klange, Anders Refn, James Velasquez, Rikard Andersson, Klas Ankelstam, Anna LundinAt the press conference in Cannes on Wednesday afternoon to his apocalyptic drama “Melancholia”, he was – unfortunately – in this respect too great shape.

He said not only to gentle horror of his leading lady Kirsten Dunst, she was suffering from depression, but claimed this week to shoot on the request of his actors a porno.  Yes!

What?

And when this was not enough, he outed himself as a Nazi even – after his family had German roots.  Hitler was indeed made “a few bad things”, but “I can imagine him in his bunker, in the end, sad.”  Lordy.

The manager of the Film Festival will take place this kind sardonic submissions not funny.  In the early evening, they said in such a short communiqué as sharp, they would never allow such submissions become the stage of Cannes.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Jill Kennedy, OnMedea, Behind The Proscenium, Kimmo Mustonenen, Lars Von Trier, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kyrle Lindhoffer, Ben Silverman, movie review, Melancholia, Cannes press conference, Kirsten Dunst, Kiefer Sutherland, Dogma, enfant terrible, Charlotte Gainsbourg, Keifer Sutherland, Charlotte Rampling, John Hurt, Alexander Skarsgard, Stellan Skarsgard, Brady Corbet, Udo Kier, Jesper Christensen, Deborah Fronko, Cameron Spurr, Bettina Brokemper, Remi Burah, Madeleine Edman, Thomas Eskilsson, Meta Louise Foldager, Peter Garde, Marianne Jul Hansen, Peter Aalbaek Jensen, Lars Jonsson, Katrine Sahlstrom, Marianne Slot, Louise Vesth, Manuel Alberto Claro, Morten Hojbjerg, Molly Marlene Stensgaard, Jette Lehmann, Jessica Balac, Mouns Overgaard, Maj-Britt Paulmann, Peter Hjorth, Pontus Klange, Anders Refn, James Velasquez, Rikard Andersson, Klas Ankelstam, Anna LundinLars von Trier had to ask an explanation for his behavior, now apologized, saying he had “carried away by a provocation” to.

The most peculiar tendency to self-promotion was already in the press release for “Melancholia” are visible.  There, Lars von Trier makes ado self insult to the principle.

“Cream of the Cream,” his film has become, and only the poster, the film stills, the trailer:  The see everything “sort of shit” from.  Likely to say the enfant terrible with the fact that his new film is a great place.  In any case, somehow.

See?  I am not afraid to say it.

At least it is pleasing – or so it seemed up to the press conference – that Lars von Trier has made a deep depression, he set two years ago with “Antichrist” is a frightening monument, found apparently. 

“Melancholia” but told by an identically-giant planet speed towards the earth and swallows them, of nothing less than the end of the world – by swallowing (what?).

But instead of torturing his film characters, as then, his audience physically and mentally, Lars von Trier celebrates its fatalism and nihilism in a disaster film, as we have seen him in such peace before.  And for his concise history, he needs only one scene with highly transparent personnel.

What?

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Jill Kennedy, OnMedea, Behind The Proscenium, Kimmo Mustonenen, Lars Von Trier, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kyrle Lindhoffer, Ben Silverman, movie review, Melancholia, Cannes press conference, Kirsten Dunst, Kiefer Sutherland, Dogma, enfant terrible, Charlotte Gainsbourg, Keifer Sutherland, Charlotte Rampling, John Hurt, Alexander Skarsgard, Stellan Skarsgard, Brady Corbet, Udo Kier, Jesper Christensen, Deborah Fronko, Cameron Spurr, Bettina Brokemper, Remi Burah, Madeleine Edman, Thomas Eskilsson, Meta Louise Foldager, Peter Garde, Marianne Jul Hansen, Peter Aalbaek Jensen, Lars Jonsson, Katrine Sahlstrom, Marianne Slot, Louise Vesth, Manuel Alberto Claro, Morten Hojbjerg, Molly Marlene Stensgaard, Jette Lehmann, Jessica Balac, Mouns Overgaard, Maj-Britt Paulmann, Peter Hjorth, Pontus Klange, Anders Refn, James Velasquez, Rikard Andersson, Klas Ankelstam, Anna LundinJustine (Kirsten Dunst in fine forming, but no Ginnifer Goodwin) and Michael (Alexander Skarsgard) celebrate their wedding in a castle, one with an adjacent golf course on the lake, Justine’s sister, Claire (Charlotte Gainsbourg) and her husband John (Kiefer Sutherland).

With the hand-held camera filmed nervously close to the people (like “Cloverfield” – awesome!), the party, not least through active support of the embodied by Charlotte Rampling bride’s mother, similarly gruesome next, as was the family party in Thomas Vinterberg’s Dogma classic “Festen” (1998).

The couple separated on the wedding night, and the mentally unstable Justine remains with Claire’s family on the property alone.  Meanwhile, the planet is approaching inexorably Melancholia:  In five days he should, say the optimists among scientists, just pass by the earth.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Jill Kennedy, OnMedea, Behind The Proscenium, Kimmo Mustonenen, Lars Von Trier, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kyrle Lindhoffer, Ben Silverman, movie review, Melancholia, Cannes press conference, Kirsten Dunst, Kiefer Sutherland, Dogma, enfant terrible, Charlotte Gainsbourg, Keifer Sutherland, Charlotte Rampling, John Hurt, Alexander Skarsgard, Stellan Skarsgard, Brady Corbet, Udo Kier, Jesper Christensen, Deborah Fronko, Cameron Spurr, Bettina Brokemper, Remi Burah, Madeleine Edman, Thomas Eskilsson, Meta Louise Foldager, Peter Garde, Marianne Jul Hansen, Peter Aalbaek Jensen, Lars Jonsson, Katrine Sahlstrom, Marianne Slot, Louise Vesth, Manuel Alberto Claro, Morten Hojbjerg, Molly Marlene Stensgaard, Jette Lehmann, Jessica Balac, Mouns Overgaard, Maj-Britt Paulmann, Peter Hjorth, Pontus Klange, Anders Refn, James Velasquez, Rikard Andersson, Klas Ankelstam, Anna LundinOnly Justine (turning whiter)- or rather, feel – better.  And she suspects the reason the reverse story of creation.  The earth is as evil as the earthlings, and a life out in space after the big bang, there is not anyway.  But this is too much.

If I say again, why see it, no?

A new masterpiece by Lars von Trier?  In “Dancer in the Dark”, which he won the Golden Palm in 2000, reaches “Melancholia” not approach (“Melancholia” to “Dancer in the Dark” – I’m not clear).  But even if the movie almost seems to shrink in proportion as the light blue shimmering star grows into full-length canvas size, it remains a suggestive impressive experience.

Just like the astronomers, because if the human race should flourish once a similar fate, please call the killer planet differently.  Like Conan.  Or Jack Bauer

“Melancholy” does not kill, but is a worthy temperament that helps understand life.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Reese Witherspoon, Water For Elephants, Robert Pattinson, Christoph Waltz, Paul Schneider, Jim Norton, Hal Holbrook, Mark Povinelli, Richard Brake, Stephen Monroe Taylor, Ken Foree, Scott MacDonald, James Frain, Sam Anderson, John Aylward, Brad Greenquist, Tim Guinee, Donna W. Scott, E.E. Bell, Kyle Jordan, Aleksandra Kaniak, Ilia Volok, Bruce Gray, Jim Jansen, James Keane, Ivo Nandi, Karynn Moore, Andrew Connolly, Doug McDougal, Tracy Phillips Rowan O'Hara, Water for Elephants, Tai, Uggie, Ice, Sita Acevedo, Danny Castle, Michael Coronas, Aloysia Gavre, Francis Lawrence, Andrew R. Tennenbaum, Erwin Stoff, Gil Netter, Kevin Halloran, Alan Edward Bell, Ana Maria Quintana, Chad Holmes, David Crank, Denise Chamian, Molly Allen, Sasha Veneziano, Kimmo MustonenenKimmo Mustonenen – Behind The Proscenium

P.S.  Ginnifer Goodwin to make fun in new television serial this fall on television!  More news when known!

Thor

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kenneth Branagh, Ashley Miller, Zack Stentz, Don Payne, J. Michael Straczynski, Mark Protosevich, Stan Lee, Larry Lieber, Jack Kirby, Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, Tom Hiddleston, Anthony Hopkins, Stellan Skarsgard, Kat Dennings, Clark Gregg, Idris Elba, Colm Feore, Ray Stevenson, Tadanobu Asano, Josh Dallas, Jaimie Alexander, Rene Russo, Adriana Barraza, Maximiliano Hernandez, Richard Cetrone, Darren Kendrick, Joshua Cox, Justice Smith, Joseph Gatt, Luke Massy, Matthew David Ducey, Jason Camp, Buddy Sosthand, Blake Silver, Jamie McShane, Dale Godboldo, Patrick O'Brien Demsey, Jim Palmer, Seth Coltan, Ryan Schaefer, Matt Battaglia, Joel McCrary, Isaac Kappy, Juliet Lopez, Rob Mars, Carrie Lazar, Harley Graham, Alexander Wright, Hilary Pringle, Shawn-Caulin Young, Kinsey McLean, Kelly Hawthorne, Dakota Goyo, Ted Allpress, Samuel L. Jackson, Jeremy Renner, Victoria Alonso, Mike Bodkin, Louis D'Esposito, Kevin Feige, Debra James, Craig Kyle, David Maisel, Patricia Whitcher, Patrick Doyle, Haris Zambarloukos, Paul Rubell, Sarah Finn, Bo Welch, Pierre Buffin, Debra James, Ben Grayson, Grit Menzzer

Dear readers, as I am still under the weather – and still getting used to living in sunny (too sunny) and beautiful (too beautiful) Los Angeles – I am happy to, once again, allow Kimmo Mustonenen to write a guest review.  Here is Kimmo with a very brilliant take on Hollywood’s newest 3D blockbuster – THOR!  Go, Kimmo…  Go!

——————————————

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kenneth Branagh, Ashley Miller, Zack Stentz, Don Payne, J. Michael Straczynski, Mark Protosevich, Stan Lee, Larry Lieber, Jack Kirby, Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, Tom Hiddleston, Anthony Hopkins, Stellan Skarsgard, Kat Dennings, Clark Gregg, Idris Elba, Colm Feore, Ray Stevenson, Tadanobu Asano, Josh Dallas, Jaimie Alexander, Rene Russo, Adriana Barraza, Maximiliano Hernandez, Richard Cetrone, Darren Kendrick, Joshua Cox, Justice Smith, Joseph Gatt, Luke Massy, Matthew David Ducey, Jason Camp, Buddy Sosthand, Blake Silver, Jamie McShane, Dale Godboldo, Patrick O'Brien Demsey, Jim Palmer, Seth Coltan, Ryan Schaefer, Matt Battaglia, Joel McCrary, Isaac Kappy, Juliet Lopez, Rob Mars, Carrie Lazar, Harley Graham, Alexander Wright, Hilary Pringle, Shawn-Caulin Young, Kinsey McLean, Kelly Hawthorne, Dakota Goyo, Ted Allpress, Samuel L. Jackson, Jeremy Renner, Victoria Alonso, Mike Bodkin, Louis D'Esposito, Kevin Feige, Debra James, Craig Kyle, David Maisel, Patricia Whitcher, Patrick Doyle, Haris Zambarloukos, Paul Rubell, Sarah Finn, Bo Welch, Pierre Buffin, Debra James, Ben Grayson, Grit MenzzerThor

By Kimmo Mustonenen

The film follows the powerful but arrogant warrior Thor, who is diagnosed from hubris at the beginning of the film.  When he puts the entire Asgard in danger as he becomes manliest and refers to the earth in which he loses all his powers and becomes merely a human being again.

To begin with, I think that Thor was a very entertaining action movie, not too many working one-liners that otherwise very often seen in American action movies.  The leading role in Thor played by Chris Hemsworth is a relatively new actress with not too many films under his belt, some may recognize him from the Star Trek movie?  Or A Perfect Getaway?  The role of the arrogant Thor is he doing well in all cases and is looking forward to see when he takes the role of Thor again in the upcoming movie The Avengers.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kenneth Branagh, Ashley Miller, Zack Stentz, Don Payne, J. Michael Straczynski, Mark Protosevich, Stan Lee, Larry Lieber, Jack Kirby, Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, Tom Hiddleston, Anthony Hopkins, Stellan Skarsgard, Kat Dennings, Clark Gregg, Idris Elba, Colm Feore, Ray Stevenson, Tadanobu Asano, Josh Dallas, Jaimie Alexander, Rene Russo, Adriana Barraza, Maximiliano Hernandez, Richard Cetrone, Darren Kendrick, Joshua Cox, Justice Smith, Joseph Gatt, Luke Massy, Matthew David Ducey, Jason Camp, Buddy Sosthand, Blake Silver, Jamie McShane, Dale Godboldo, Patrick O'Brien Demsey, Jim Palmer, Seth Coltan, Ryan Schaefer, Matt Battaglia, Joel McCrary, Isaac Kappy, Juliet Lopez, Rob Mars, Carrie Lazar, Harley Graham, Alexander Wright, Hilary Pringle, Shawn-Caulin Young, Kinsey McLean, Kelly Hawthorne, Dakota Goyo, Ted Allpress, Samuel L. Jackson, Jeremy Renner, Victoria Alonso, Mike Bodkin, Louis D'Esposito, Kevin Feige, Debra James, Craig Kyle, David Maisel, Patricia Whitcher, Patrick Doyle, Haris Zambarloukos, Paul Rubell, Sarah Finn, Bo Welch, Pierre Buffin, Debra James, Ben Grayson, Grit MenzzerThe girl in this film is played by none other than Natalie Portman, as you probably memorable seen in films such as No Strings Attached or Black Swan, and soon you will be able to see her in the comedy film Your Highness.  But Thor, Natalie Portman plays the role of a physicist who studies the theory that they may arise portals “wormholes” between our world and other worlds.  In the midst of her studies she runs goes without saying at Thor when he is sent off to Earth and the sparks hit almost directly between the two.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kenneth Branagh, Ashley Miller, Zack Stentz, Don Payne, J. Michael Straczynski, Mark Protosevich, Stan Lee, Larry Lieber, Jack Kirby, Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, Tom Hiddleston, Anthony Hopkins, Stellan Skarsgard, Kat Dennings, Clark Gregg, Idris Elba, Colm Feore, Ray Stevenson, Tadanobu Asano, Josh Dallas, Jaimie Alexander, Rene Russo, Adriana Barraza, Maximiliano Hernandez, Richard Cetrone, Darren Kendrick, Joshua Cox, Justice Smith, Joseph Gatt, Luke Massy, Matthew David Ducey, Jason Camp, Buddy Sosthand, Blake Silver, Jamie McShane, Dale Godboldo, Patrick O'Brien Demsey, Jim Palmer, Seth Coltan, Ryan Schaefer, Matt Battaglia, Joel McCrary, Isaac Kappy, Juliet Lopez, Rob Mars, Carrie Lazar, Harley Graham, Alexander Wright, Hilary Pringle, Shawn-Caulin Young, Kinsey McLean, Kelly Hawthorne, Dakota Goyo, Ted Allpress, Samuel L. Jackson, Jeremy Renner, Victoria Alonso, Mike Bodkin, Louis D'Esposito, Kevin Feige, Debra James, Craig Kyle, David Maisel, Patricia Whitcher, Patrick Doyle, Haris Zambarloukos, Paul Rubell, Sarah Finn, Bo Welch, Pierre Buffin, Debra James, Ben Grayson, Grit MenzzerThen, we must not forget the wise Anthony Hopkins, who may assume the role of Odin in the film, however, he is active only barely half the movie.  But he takes the role of the strict parent who just wants best for their children very well, much better than he did with his role in the film The Rite.  Last and almost least, has Stellan Skarsgård a role in the movie Thor, not the biggest but not the least, he played Eric Selva in the film is friends with Natalie Portman’s character.

One last thing about film is that it really did not need to be in 3D, there is nothing in the film directly, which brings together a “wowie” feeling just because it is 3D.

In my opinion, was the movie where as good if not better without 3D.  So you went and saw the movie, arrived late and tell me what you thought?  Was it good?  Lived it up to your expectations?  Was it necessary that the film was in 3D?

Please comment!

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