Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2012
Over the past few days, I have received several emails saying “Come on, Khan, you goddamned prick – where is your fucking write-up of Day 3 of the Herb Allen suckfest?
Well, Michael Eisner, here it is, asshole. Read it and weep. Your business is fucked.
And stop driving by my house – you’re creeping out my daughter.
Day 3 – The Future
I was initially thinking of having a nice sunrise picture to symbolize the optimism I have for the future of the big media companies. Instead, I chose the picture of a tornado with lightning. I think that is more accurate.
This is my last full day in Sun Valley and instead of participating in endless, pointless panels on how the future will include selling our library content to galactic markets outside of Earth, I decided to go The Drankin Hole (aka The Duchin Lounge) and hang with my only true friend at the conference – bartender Bin Tran.
Tomorrow, I have to go to another pointless conference – Comic-Con. I gave a keynote speech there a couple years ago and now I’m returning to premiere footage from a Holocaust movie we have coming out and to sit on a Future of Publishing panel with, most likely, people dressed as Wookiees.
I grabbed a handful of bacon at Herbie’s House of Slop (the affectionate name given to the morning hangover breakfast that is served) and headed to the bar.
Bin Tran was either just getting to work or just finishing up his nightly shift (since Marc Andreessen and John Malone were still there in their clothes from last night, I’m betting on the latter).
Brian Grazer was the only other person in the bar – just sitting in a corner and crying into his phone.
I sat at the far end of the bar, away from everyone.
Bin Tran set me up with a dirty martini and a shot of Tabasco to shake out the cobwebs from yesterday’s Acid Trip.
We had a conversation.
Khan Manka, Jr. (KM): Bin, what do you do for entertainment?
Bin Tran (BT): Me, Mr. Khan? I watch a Vietnamese channel out of Boise. Mostly game shows and singing shows with comedy. I also like ‘Modern Family.’
KM: You know all of us here at the conference? We control how most of the world spends their leisure time. Either through movies, television, games, books, magazines, newspapers, sports… it’s all managed by the people at this hotel. And none of us knows what the fuck to do about the future.
BT: My kids like the ‘Batman’ movies. Did you make the ‘Batman’ movies?
KM: No. We have ‘Captain Stoppo’ coming next year if fucking Cormac McCarthy can finish a fucking script in this lifetime.
BT: Oh… you should make ‘Batman’ movies.
KM: Yeah.
I gulped down my drink and pushed the glass out for more.
The next morning, I was carried by the Sun Valley Guard (in their shocking orange pants) to a limo and then to my plane.
I didn’t really learn much this week about the future or how my company will navigate what is coming other than… we need to make ‘Batman’ movies.
Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company
Finally someone gets it.
Don’t forget you promised me a part in Captain Stoppo! A Batman movie part would be cool too…
There’s just that little pesky thing called “rights” – if only you had them. BATMAN IS OURS FOREVER, BITCH!
Can imagine a similar Conference 500 years ago among European Powers trying to deal with the uncertainty looming over Gutenberg’s Printing Press and the New World of Columbus.
Think we all know how that turned out.
Khan, even with my guy banging on your door, you still missed Dawn of the Moguls and calisthenics. What did you do, go out the fire escape? I thought Herb had those blockaded at your end of the hall after you tried to get the hookers up to your room that way. I digress. If you’d stayed long enough, you would have learned Bezos just gave $2.5 million to fight all appeals of Washington State’s gay marriage law. He needs to check himself, though. Amazon is just a digital Sears and Roebuck and we all know how that ultimately turned out. He may wish he had that money back someday. At the checkout desk, Bezos was still bending Herb’s ear about the virtues of taking away his employee’s desks and replacing them with manufactured doors on sawhorses like the good ol’ Amazon days. I still haven’t figured out who is who on Herb’s staff. Maybe someday he’ll let them put titles on their business cards. Anyway, you finished this year’s conference like you finished your golf game: quietly. Next time, go big or stay home. Maybe instead of the first night meet-and-greet where everyone tells a bigger story, we can all just get down to business, whip it out, and see whose is bigger straight away. Don’t count the Gray Lady out. See you next year. (sent via Globalstar Internet from my new G6)