Good morning from the Canary Islands!
I’m on the Manka Bros. Employee Yacht (The King Khan) which was paid for by all your hard work!
As a reminder, because it is the “Employee Yacht” (paid for by a slight deduction from your weekly paychecks), one of you will be eligible to host your very own party for your friends or colleagues on this very yacht. The date set for this party is, I believe, a Tuesday in February – so be sure and sign up for the drawing.
Because we’re deep in the dog days of August, I am out of Hollywood and off the coast of Africa.
I was finally able to arrange for my Monthly Mogul Book Club Meeting which took place yesterday. Unfortunately, it was Rupert Murdoch’s time to host the meeting which meant it was either going to be in Rupert’s crappy North Hollywood apartment or his ridiculous excuse for a yacht.
Since we’re all out of town, we decided to meet on his “yacht” – actually a shitty old rickety sea trawler in desperate need of a paint job. He has named it “The Chase Carey.” It was once called “The Peter Chernin” but those letters appear to have been violently scratched out.
But Rupert didn’t get to be Rupert by buying fancy mansions and yachts. He got where he is today by eating mac & cheese and drinking water from the tap in his $750 / month North Hollywood apartment.
Rupert’s boat was anchored near the run-down port city of Naples, Italy. Since he didn’t have a helipad on his boat, we all had to deal with the inconvenience of getting there by either jetski or motorboat.
In attendance was Rupert Murdoch, Barry Diller, Jeff Zucker, Ben Silverman (replacing Harvey Weinstein – who officially lost his mogul status), Bob Iger, Sumner Redstone (by phone), Les Moonves and myself. (We really wanted to try and get some female moguls involved in the group but those are really hard to come by these days. The only person close to mogul status is what’s her name from Facebook – that chick from the Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference.)
Anyway, because I had such a hard time remembering what happened at the last book club meeting once we started doing Slivovitz shots, this time I brought a little recorder to document the event. My assistant, Vicky, was kind enough to transcribe it and post it here:
———————–
Mogul Book Club Meeting – August 9, 2010 – Rupert Murdoch’s Boat “The Chase Carey”
Rupert: Murdoch: Thanks for coming. Thanks Khan for pulling this all together. I don’t have anything other than Keystone Beer on the boat, so hopefully you all got my note about bringing your own drinks. I do have a cheese plate and few leftover crackers from our TV Upfront Presentation in May.
Our book this month is “The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.” I would like to thank Sumner Redstone for providing us all with a new iPad with the book preloaded onto it.
Sumner Redstone (over speaker phone): I didn’t provide any such thing! What the fuck? Who sent you all iPads? I’m not in the iPad giving business! Who sent it? I’m not gonna kill that person – I just want to talk to him.
Bob Iger: I got it from Philippe Dauman. He signed both your names and said “Sorry he couldn’t make it.”
Sumner Redstone (over speaker phone): Dauman? I’ll kill him.
Jeff Zucker: Can we fucking talk about the stupid book? I’ve got a meeting on Brian Roberts’ yacht off Capri in two hours.
Les Moonves: Do you still work for him or has he fired you? Nikki Finke hasn’t been clear about this.
Jeff Zucker: Look, Leslie… I fire – I don’t get fired. Capisce?
Barry Diller: I thought you said you had a cheese plate?
Rupert Murdoch: Maybe Lachlan didn’t set it out. There’s a cooler there on floor with ice in it. It may be there.
Sumner Redstone (over speaker phone): Are we going to talk about the book? This “Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” is a fiery bitch. I think I could do a show with her of some kind.
Bob Iger: Stop trying to make me throw up, Sumner.
Sumner Redstone (over speaker phone): I’ll ‘throw up’ you – right up your ass.
Barry Diller: There’s no cheese in this cooler, Rupert. The ice is all frosted together. Did you have fish in here?
Khan Manka, Jr.: The guy who wrote the book is from Finland or something, I think. He’s pretty hot right now. We may go after his next book.
Jeff Zucker: He’s dead, you moron.
Khan Manka, Jr.: Weren’t you fired yet, Fucker?
[Lots of laughs in the room.]
Barry Diller: Rupert! Did you have fish in this cooler? Fuck it. Ben go back to Naples and pick up some cheese. This is bullshit.
Jeff Zucker: This IS bullshit. I have to go.
Bob Iger: So we’re not talking about the book?
Les Moonves: Fine with me. I didn’t read it.
Ben Silverman: I had the coverage faxed to Diddy’s yacht last night but I haven’t perused it.
Sumner Redstone (over speaker phone): I’ll ‘peruse’ you – right up your ass!
Rupert Murdoch: There’s a movie coming out. I’ll just watch that. What studio’s got that?
Les Moonves: Sony.
Rupert Murdoch: Fuckers ain’t got “Avatar” though, do they? Maybe we should invite Michael Lynton to the next meeting.
Jeff Zucker: Is he really a mogul? You never hear about him in the press.
Rupert Murdoch: Still not fired yet, huh? I give it another five minutes. Gentlemen, please leave your booze behind, I’m having people over tonight.
[Everyone leaves the boat.]
Sumner Redstone (over speaker phone): Hello? Are we talking about the book? Hello? What the fuck is this? I can wait longer than you. I’m gonna live forever…
———————————
Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company
Unbe-fucking-lievable!
