Ben Silverman – Page 10 – Chairman's Blog

April 13, 2010November 15, 2011

Bob Iger Called Me This Morning

Alan Braverman, Andrew Mooney, Andy Bird, Anne Sweeney, Ari Emanuel, Aylwin Lewis, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brent Woodford, Brooks Barnes, Chrstine McCarthy, Disney, Fred Langhammer, George Bodenheimer, Ike Perlmutter, Jay Rasulo, Jayne Parker, Jeff Immelt, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, John Bryson, John Chen, John Pepper, Jr., Judith Estrin, Kevin Mayer, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., Michael Eisner, Monica Lozano, New York Times, OnMedea, Orin Smith, Preston Padden, Rich Ross, Robert Iger, Robert Matschullat, Ronald Iden, Sheryl Sandberg, Stacey Snider, Stephen McPherson, Steve Jobs, Steve Wadsworth, Sumner Redstone, Susan Arnold, Terry Semel, Thomas Staggs, Walter Liss, Willow Bay, World's Largest Media company, Zenia Mucha

Bob Iger and I are on different schedules.

This morning, at about 4:30a.m.(!!), Bob Iger called me while hanging from his gravity bar. (He said he likes to hang upside down about two hours in the morning to get the blood flowing into his head.)

This was exposition I really didn’t need as I was completely hungover this morning after another bizarre night of carousing (different story) in Hollywood with Sumner Redstone (who is still staying at my house because he is afraid to be alone).

Bob said he was calling because I was the only person in town that would tell him the truth. “Even Ike Perlmutter is being a total pussy and won’t tell me what’s what…” – (he said off the record).

It seems Bob has been completely racked with guilt due to the glowing puff piece written about him by Brooks Barnes in the New York Times. He said he is having doubts and doesn’t feel worthy for such praise.

“How do you do it, Khan?”, Bob said. “People write horrible things about you all the time – never giving you any praise – and it doesn’t bother you a bit.”

A single tear formed in one of my eyes. I don’t think he could hear the emotion in my voice.

“Hell no, it’s doesn’t bother me, Bob. Manka Bros., while still the world’s largest media company, has had challenging economics for the past 30 years. You have to keep living your life, Bob – your perfect little freakin’ life with your beautiful little freakin’ wife – and not let work get in the way. We’re all doomed to fail.”

At this point, I had to immediately slam a hair-of-the-dog shot of whiskey before I blew last night’s steak and shrimp from Mastro’s all over the bathroom floor.

I continued: “Fuck the press. Fuck them all. If they like you – fine. If you they hate you – better. You don’t want those people propping you up. They’re only propping you up to, eventually, take you down! The fact that you feel unworthy for this praise proves that you are unworthy of this praise. You need to go climb a mountain – get your head straight.”

“Funny you should say that, Khan, I’m climbing K2 next weekend.”

“Fuck you, Bob.”

I hung up and went back to bed. While I do genuinely like Bob Iger (we met in a hippie drum circle on Venice Beach in the 1970s) – I am now hoping he fails at everything he does. Or falls off K2.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

March 9, 2010May 5, 2011

Abu Dhabi Media Summit

Good afternoon from Yas Island – Abu Dhabi U.A.E.

I am dictating this blog from a mud bath in the giant purple Yas Hotel Spa Resort. Thanks to Stefania Bianchi and Nour Malas from the Wall Street Journal for taking this down and getting it to my office. I apologize for the smell.

When the U.A.E. ruler and prime minister Sheik Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum called me over the weekend to see if I could come to speak at the Abu Dhabi Media Summit, I told him absolutely not. I was preparing for another disastrous night at the Oscars (in which Manka Bros. was shut out yet again!) and did not want to travel 10,000 miles (or whatever) to speak about Manka Bros.’ future in the Middle East.

As far as I’m concerned, there isn’t a future for Manka Bros. in the Middle East. Construction of our Manka Fun Park in Yemen has gotten off to a horrible start due to various terrorist acts in and around the park site, so optimism about the future is not something I’m feeling right now.

But, in a stunning coincidence, as I was speaking to the Sheik, Rupert Murdoch called from his airport and asked if I wanted to hitch a ride to Abu Dhabi on his jet (The Roger Ailes 1).

It’s hard to turn down Rupert – so here I am.

(Note: To Ethan Rubidoux, we’re stopping through Yemen on the way back to check on Manka Fun Park Yemen’s progress. Please triple my personal security and make sure Johnny Walker Blue is stocked in the mini-bar).

I will be speaking at the Abu Dhabi Media Conference tomorrow morning. It will most likely be a variation on my recent speech to the Davos World Economic Forum.

Rupert spoke tonight. He rambled on and on about freedom of the press in the Middle East (or some such bullshit).

Hey Rupert, from one freedom crusher to another – “Nice try.” Think the Sheik buy will that crap from the owner of Fox News?

Rupert was supposed to meet me here at the spa after his speech but I haven’t seen him yet. He has two hours blocked out for a chemical peel.

Later tonight, I’m meeting Eric Schmidt at the Noodle Box here at the hotel. He wanted to meet at the Wandering Camel Discoteque (something like that) but I had to take a pass. My knee has been f-ed up ever since I took a tumble down Whistler while at the Vancouver Olympics. Dancing until dawn is something I can’t really handle right now.

Eric wants Manka Bros. to go exclusive to the Google Android with our mobile content. I’m going to tell him the only way we would agree to that would be if he changed his name to Steve Jobs and changed his company name to Apple.

He won’t respond well to that. But I don’t respond well to others trying to push around The World’s Largest Media Company!

Here’s Rupert now (with Steve Ballmer – and three other guys carrying Steve’s stuff).

Wish me luck tomorrow. I just pray they let me leave the country after I destroy their delusions of creating a “New Media Paradise” in the middle of this miserable desert.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

February 26, 2010May 6, 2011

Lunch With Sumner Redstone and David Geffen

American Abstract Artists, Ari Emanuel, Art Collector, Art Historian, Ben Silverman, Bob's Big Boy Burbank, Bonzai trees, Buying Art, Carly Simon, CBS, Chairman's Blog, Damien Hirst, David Geffen, DreamWorks, Electus, Fred Willard, Hamburger Hamlet, He's Not Comin' Home, Jackson Pollock, Japanese trees, Jeff Koons, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, kara swisher, Khan Manka, Les Moonves, Manka Bros., Manka Bros. Records, massive layoffs, Melinda the first lady of magic, nikki finke, Nokia Theater, OnMedea, Paramount, Philippe Dauman, Picasso, Robert Altman, Rupert Murdoch, Seamus, sharon waxman, Sherry Lansing, Starry Night, Sumner Redstone, Taylor Swift, Terry Semel, The black Eyed Peas, thewrap.com, Titanic, Van Gogh, Viacom, Viacom's Holiday party, Vincent & Theo, Yellow Balloon Dog, You're So Vain

Good morning. Yesterday, as I was having my monthly lunch with Sumner Redstone at the Hamburger Hamlet in Hollywood, David Geffen stopped by to say hello and asked if he could join us. We’ve all known each other for years but it was the first time the three of us ever sat down to a meal. Geffen ordered another Turning Leaf Chardonnay and a shot of Gordon’s vodka and had a seat.

We exchanged a few words about the news that he was Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain” inspiration. He said he thought that song was about him. I asked him if he wanted to get back into the music business and, if so, would he be interested in taking over Manka Bros. Records – which really needs a shot in the ass (Seamus is coming in far below expectations).

He declined and said the only thing that interests him now are those little Japanese trees.

Sumner asked Geffen about his art collection and if he’d be willing to sell a few of his more valuable pieces (in reality, Sumner couldn’t afford a wall covering from Pier 1 right now).

As they kept talking, a light bulb went off in my head. I would like to buy some art. I’m sitting on an enormous pile of cash and need to do something with it. Banks and stocks are certainly no place to put money these days. And after the massive layoffs and cutbacks at Manka Bros. last year, it might just be the thing that would cheer me up. I’m sure the remaining employees at the studio would really get a kick out of knowing their boss has just bought some really great art for his house and office. And, from what I understand, there are some real bargains out there because of the recession.

So I started to pick David Geffen’s brain. He said his main focus is post-World War 2 Abstract American Art. Well, that’s the most boring fucking thing I could ever imagine. What I want are Picassos and Van Goghs – art that people have heard of.

He said he had a few original Picasso sketchbooks that he may be willing to part with… for the right price. And he had some personal items of Van Gogh – a couple of shoes and an unused toothbrush.

That kind of shit doesn’t interest me at all. I want that Starry Night painting or the Chick Playing the Lute. He said he didn’t own those.

He mentioned Jackson Pollock and I reminded him of the horrible box office grosses of the movie Pollock. He reminded me of the horrible box office grosses of Vincent & Theo (which I blame more on Robert Altman than anything else).

I could go on about our insane conversation, but I won’t (Geffen went on and on about the brilliance of Damien Hirst and Jeff Koons – I looked them up and they are freaks).

Here’s the deal – I want to buy some art.

Anyone at the studio who knows something about it – let me know. There must be a couple of Art History majors floating around the Script Development Department (God knows we have enough Folklore Mythology majors).

Perhaps I’ll even invite you to lunch in my executive dining room.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

February 10, 2010May 6, 2011

Manka Bros. Corporate Offsite

Adrian Monck, Al Berkeley, Alan Marcus, Alex Wong, Andre Schneider, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Bali Four Seasons, Ben Silverman, Carine Benetti, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, Carlos Ghosn, Carsten Sudhoff, Chairman's Blog, Christine Lagarde, Christophe Weber, corporate layoffs, Corporate Offsite, Cristiana Falcone, David Aikman, Davos World Economic Forum, Denise Burnet, Dominic Waughray, Electus, Emilio Lozoya Austin, Ernesto Zedillo Ponce de Leon, Fon Mathuros, Giancarlo Bruno, Gilbert Probst, Guy Goodwin, Guy-Serge Baer, H.M. Queen Rania, Harry Manka, Heizo Takenaka, Helena Leurent, Indra Nooyi, Irene Mia, Ivan Pictet, Jean-Loup Denereaz, Jean-Pierre Rosso, Jeff Immelt, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jennifer Blanke, Jeremy Jurgens, John Moavenzadeh, Josef Ackermann, Joseph Schoendorf, Julianne Jammers, Katerine Tweedie, Kevin Steinberg, Khan Manka, Klaus Schwab, Kofi Annan, Kristel Van der Elst, Kurt Alig, Laurent Desnoux, Lee Howell, Lisa Dreier, Logan Stanton, Maldives Four Seasons, Malte Godbersen, Manka Bros., Margareta Drzeniek Hanouz, Martina Gmur, Massimo Marino, Maurice Levy, Max von Bismarck, Melanie Rogers, Michael Dell, Mirjam Schoning, movie studio, Nazi gold, Niall FitzGerald, Nicolas Sarkozy, Olivier Raynaud, OnMedea, Orit Gadiesh, Paul Smyke, Peter Brabeck-Letmathe, Peter Sutherland, Piers Cumberlege, Pratik Bhatnagar, Rajat Gupta, Regula Waltenspuel, Richard Samans, Ricky Van Veen, Robert Greenhill, Rupert Murdoch, Saadia Zahidi, Sarita Nayyar, Sheana Tambourgi, Sherif El Diwany, Stephanie Janet, Stephen Kinnock, Sumner Redstone, Super Bowl, Susan Hockfield, Sushant Palakurthi Rao, Terry Semel, Tony Blair, Victor L.L. Chu, William George, world's largest media company

Good morning. I have returned from my keynote speech in Davos with a new sense of optimism about our business. After the global success of Avatar and the record-breaking television ratings of the Super Bowl, Old Media is back and we must quickly capture this lightning in a bottle before the New Media geeks take it away from us again.

So… with the recent layoffs and terrible financial news that our company endured last year, it is more important than ever for us to get our ducks in a row. That said, I am arranging a senior management offsite in about a month to determine where we will go from here.

I have narrowed our offsite location choice down to either Bali or the The Maldives.

Please vote on your preference via email or leave a blog comment. I’ll make the final decision in the next few days.

Now, more than ever, we need to commit our resources smartly in order to prosper in this very difficult economic environment.

Also, congratulations to Lloyd Grohl, he was the winner of the Manka Bros. Super Bowl pool. Please drop by my office for your $15,250 winnings. Asshole.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

January 28, 2010May 6, 2011

Davos World Economic Forum – Khan Manka, Jr. Keynote Address

Adrian Monck, Al Berkeley, Alan Marcus, Alex Wong, Andre Schneider, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, Carine Benetti, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, Carlos Ghosn, Carsten Sudhoff, Christine Lagarde, Christophe Weber, Cristiana Falcone, David Aikman, Davos World Economic Forum, Denise Burnet, Dominic Waughray, Electus, Emilio Lozoya Austin, Ernesto Zedillo Ponce de Leon, Fon Mathuros, Giancarlo Bruno, Gilbert Probst, Guy Goodwin, Guy-Serge Baer, H.M. Queen Rania, Harry Manka, Heizo Takenaka, Helena Leurent, Indra Nooyi, Irene Mia, Ivan Pictet, Jean-Loup Denereaz, Jean-Pierre Rosso, Jeff Immelt, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jennifer Blanke, Jeremy Jurgens, John Moavenzadeh, Josef Ackermann, Joseph Schoendorf, Julianne Jammers, Katerine Tweedie, Kevin Steinberg, Khan Manka, Klaus Schwab, Kofi Annan, Kristel Van der Elst, Kurt Alig, Laurent Desnoux, Lee Howell, Lisa Dreier, Logan Stanton, Malte Godbersen, Manka Bros., Margareta Drzeniek Hanouz, Martina Gmur, Massimo Marino, Maurice Levy, Max von Bismarck, Melanie Rogers, Michael Dell, Mirjam Schoning, Nazi gold, Niall FitzGerald, Nicolas Sarkozy, Olivier Raynaud, OnMedea, Orit Gadiesh, Paul Smyke, Peter Brabeck-Letmathe, Peter Sutherland, Piers Cumberlege, Pratik Bhatnagar, Rajat Gupta, Regula Waltenspuel, Richard Samans, Ricky Van Veen, Robert Greenhill, Rupert Murdoch, Saadia Zahidi, Sarita Nayyar, Sheana Tambourgi, Sherif El Diwany, Stephanie Janet, Stephen Kinnock, Sumner Redstone, Susan Hockfield, Sushant Palakurthi Rao, Terry Semel, Tony Blair, Victor L.L. Chu, William George, world's largest media company

[Manka Bros. Studios Chairman & CEO Khan Manka, Jr. gave a keynote address today at the Davos World Economic Forum in Switzerland. He wanted me to post a transcript of his speech for everyone at the studio to read. It is posted, unedited, below. — Vicky Adler-Modry – Senior Executive Assistant to Khan Manka, Jr.]

KHAN MANKA, JR. ADDRESSES THE 2010 DAVOS, SWITZERLAND WORLD ECONOMIC FORUM – JANUARY 28, 2010

Khan Manka, Jr.: Thank you very much President Sarkozy for that incredible introduction. I had no idea of the impact I and my company have had on you throughout your life. I was genuinely moved by your words. Give my love to your smoking hot wife.

[French President Nicolas Sarkozy embraces Khan Manka, Jr. and exits the stage.]

Khan Manka, Jr.: Thanks to the World Economic Forum Committee – or as I like to call them “The Drunken Dozen” – for choosing me to address this conference. It’s not often that an ex-hippie song plugger from the Laurel Canyon neighborhood of Los Angeles gets this kind of an opportunity. But it’s not often that a hippie song plugger from Laurel Canyon becomes the head of the World’s Largest Media Company. I can thank my bastard dad (legendary Hollywood mogul and Manka Bros. founding brother Harry Manka) for dying 35 years ago and sticking me with this suck ass job.

[Khan Manka, Jr. has to hold while the audience laughs uproariously.]

Khan Manka, Jr.: Let me get right to it. You bankers with your ski resort conferences and presentations looking for answers on what went wrong is such a joke to me.

[A few audible hisses and one very loud “bull shit” is heard from the crowd.]

Khan Manka, Jr.: Fuck you guys. The global economy is not a difficult thing to figure out. Make shit that people want to buy and sell it for a price that people can pay. There is a reason Manka Bros. is the World’s Largest Media Company. It’s simple. It’s because we are the biggest and we are not stupid. When Jimmy Cameron came to me and said he wanted to make a $400 million dollar movie about blue people set on a distant planet, I passed. No fucking way am I shooting a movie on another planet. It’s expensive enough in California!

[Silence.]

Khan Manka, Jr.: I then asked him if he had any teenage Frankenstein movies. Actually, he did. I’m happy to say Manka Bros. has started production on James Cameron’s “Frankie Stein” – for a budget that is almost half of what it cost to make “Avatar“. THAT’S good business. That’s why we’re still IN business.

[Silence.]

Khan Manka, Jr.: The media world is especially easy to figure out. Everybody is trying to come up with new business models, new gadgets, new ways for people to experience the crappy shit we all produce. Translation: We’ve got to exploit this horrible movie or TV series on multiple platforms so we can get our money back. MAKE GOOD CONTENT AND PEOPLE WILL BUY IT. If you want to stick it on an iPad or a Lieberscanner 3000, go right ahead. But first, find writers who can write, directors who can direct, actors who can act, and producers who can produce. Everything else will take care of itself.

[Applause and a few shouts of approval.]

Khan Manka, Jr.: You international bankers are a real freaky bunch. You love to find ways not to give me money for my movies. It’s not like you’re strapped for cash. You recovered and kept all that gold the Nazi’s stole, for Christ’s sake!

[There is gasp from the audience.]

Khan Manka, Jr.: But you’ll all be sorry. We’ve got a great film slate. I thought you idiots liked Will Ferrell. We’ve got three movies with him ready to go: “Gregory Lopez: Excellent Plumber”, “Ray Edwards: African Explorer”, and, my favorite, “Mud Jenkins: County Assessor”. We’re going to make billions with or without your precious money… that you stole!

[A red light flashes in Khan Manka, Jr.’s face.]

Khan Manka, Jr.: I’m being told to wrap it up. So I will end with these words from my Uncle – the great Khan Manka, Sr. – “Hollywood is a town where everybody is desperate for success and nearly everyone fails. But if you are a mogul and you make movies, you will get laid… a lot.” Thank you. I’ll be drinking tonight with the Money Honey at the Hotel Eden bar if anyone would like to come over and get drunk with me.

[Khan Manka, Jr. exits the stage.]

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

January 11, 2010May 10, 2011

Manka Bros. Will Not Bid On MGM

Ari Emanuel, Bedi A. Singh, Ben Silverman, Bruce Tuchman, Chairman's Blog, Charles Cohen, Erik Lomis, Gary Marenzi, Gary S. Weinstein, Gerald Ament, Glenn M. Creamer, Harry E. Sloan, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jim Packer, Jonathan M. Nelson, Julie A. Fisher, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., Mary Parent, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, MGM, MGM sale, Michael Vollman, Patrick Corso, Paul J. Salem, Providence Equity Partners, Scott Packman, Stephen F. Cooper, Steve Hendry, Terry Semel, World's Largest Media Company

Good afternoon.

Last night, I called MGM CEO Mary Parent to inform her that Manka Bros. would not be bidding on MGM. Many have speculated that Manka Bros. would be the most likely suitor of MGM (which includes the 4,000 film library) but I have decided that it would no longer be a strategic fit for our company (though if the bidding falls below $1 billion, I may have to rethink things).

Manka Bros. is the world’s largest media company with the world’s largest film library and we simply don’t need to add 4,000 more titles to it. Manka Classic Movies, as it is, can only show about 3,500 movies a year (24×7 without commercials). At that rate, it would take us at least four years to show every film in our library (and we don’t want to show every film in our library as most of them are total crap).

There was a time when I wanted to own all the copyrights of the world. I think I may be changing my mind now that DVD is dead and pirates are stealing everything we produce.

So, sorry MGM, hopefully Time Warner or Fox will bail your asses out.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

P.S. – I would like to offer Mary Parent a job if the new owners foolishly don’t keep her. She seems really on top of things.

January 7, 2010May 11, 2011

The Warren Lieberfarb Experience

Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Barry Meyer, Bellagio Suite, Ben Silverman, Bob Daly, Bob Iger, CES 2010, Chairman's Blog, Chris Cookson, father of DVD, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Zucker, John Calkins, Khan Manka, Lady Gaga, Manka Bros., Michael Eisner, Rupert Murdoch, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Tony DiSanto, Warren Lieberfarb, Warren Lieberfarb and Associates, World's Largest Media Company

Good morning from the Wynn Encore in Vegas!

Yesterday, I received a call from my old friend and employee Warren Lieberfarb. I was completely taken by surprise as I hadn’t heard from him for a few years.

His ego had gotten so completely out of control after he was crowned the King of DVD that I really had no interest in talking to him or dealing with his bullshit.

It seems that Warren has a new venture in which a large bio-mechanical chip (about the size of a playing card) is inserted under the skin of your arm. Downloaded onto this chip is your entire library of movies, television shows, games and music (HD or standard def).

Using the (patent pending) LieberScanner 8000, this library can be transferred to any TV, PC or mobile device with a simple scan of the barcode on the chip in your arm.

Normally, I would have hung up on Warren right there (especially when he drones on and on about something as ridiculous as the LieberScanner 8000) but he mentioned that he was having a party in his suite at the Bellagio and I had nothing else to do last night (Terry Semel, the jerk, bailed on our dinner plans at the last minute for “something else he had to do”).

I arrived at Warren’s suite via a private solid gold elevator. He had quite a set up – similar to Marlon Brando in Apocalypse Now. High-tech hangers on and home video geeks stood around the outer lobby of his suite just hoping to get a glimpse of the great man. But only a privileged few (such as myself) were allowed inside.

Warren and I go back about 30 years to the beginnings of the home video boom. When the VHS cassette was first introduced, I hired Warren to go from house-to-house to sell Manka Bros. film titles from the trunk of his 1974 Datsun. He was so good at selling shitty copies of “Black Illiad” and “Mother Trucker” for $89.95 each that I offered him the chance to head up our new home video division – but he had already taken a job with Warners.

Things really fell apart between him and me when he was trying to get DVD off the ground and Manka Bros. was firmly in the DIVX camp (we still are today – though, reluctantly, we do offer our titles on DVD). We’re also still in the HD-DVD camp… Fuck Blu-ray!).

So… to continue… I entered the inner-sanctum of Warren’s suite to see him holding court in front of a 75-inch plasma screen. His right arm was exposed to show the giant chip embedded in his arm. Surrounding him was a group of slackjawed lapdog executives all salivating at the thought of this new technology and what it can do for them.

Now Warren doesn’t actually have the funding yet for this new idea, so for his demonstration he was using a child’s scanner from some Fisher-Price grocery store toy. He continued:

Warren Lieberfarb: … As the LieberScanner 8000 rolls over the barcode, my entire library is now transferred to every device in the room – the television, the computer, the iPhone, etc.

Nothing really happened when he clicked the scanner, but people were impressed nonetheless. It was only Lady Gaga that brought up any kind of criticism.

Lady Gaga: Why does it have to be implanted in your arm?

Warren Lieberfarb: Who the fuck are you? Are you wearing butterfly wings? And are they bleeding?

Lady Gaga: Just answer the question.

Warren Lieberfarb: The chip is implanted in your arm so that you always have your intellectual property with you. You won’t lose it if it’s sewn into your arm. And, when you want to buy more movies and music, just scan the item and it’s downloaded into the chip and charged to your credit card.

Lady Gaga: Why not just put everything on a small storage device and put it in your wallet or purse? This idea is so stupid.

Warren Lieberfarb: I want her out of here. Throw her off the roof and see if she can fly.

A couple of MBA-types who looked like they worked out, grabbed Lady Gaga by the wings and pulled her screaming out of the room.

I had seen enough and knew, like Strauss Zelnick’s recent rooftop salon, that I probably shouldn’t have come. I decided to leave without even saying hello to Warren. I’ll send him a fruit basket and wish him well on his new venture.

Tonight, I’ll be playing poker with Ben Silverman at the Palms. If I survive, I’ll write about it.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

January 6, 2010May 11, 2011

Yemen Theme Park – January 2010 Update

Good morning and happy 2010!

Because of all the recent terrorist activity going on in Yemen, I just wanted to give a quick update on the status of Manka Bros.’ billion dollar Manka Fun Park Yemen.

As many of you may remember, I went to Yeman last August for the groundbreaking ceremony. After that, due to political turmoil and badly handled wire transfers, they never got around to actually starting construction.

Now, it seems that there are terrorists operating in and around the site for the future theme park.

I just want to assure everyone involved that steps have been taken to ensure the safety of any future tourists to our theme park. Metal detectors have been installed and intense cavity searches will be conducted on anyone entering the park. So safety is not an issue and we are moving forward with the project as planned.

Even though I thought the opening would have to be pushed back a few months to 2011, I was reassured by the Yemeni leader Ali Abdullah Saleh that since labor costs in that country are non-existent and there are no overtime rules, the scheduled opening later this year will easily be met.

That’s the beauty of a dictatorship!

This is great news for Manka Bros. because Yemen is a completely untapped market for Western-style entertainment. Disney has been too busy concentrating on China to realize where the real money is. Losers. We will have the market to ourselves.

Now if we can only get a fucking movie that makes money we’ll really be on a roll.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios

December 21, 2009May 11, 2011

Happy Holidays From Chairman & CEO Khan Manka, Jr.

Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brian Roberts, Chairman's Blog, Disney, Electus, Fox, Hanukkah, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., NBC Universal, News Corporation, Peter Chernin, private island, Robert Iger, Strauss Zelnick, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Turks & Caicos, Wall Street, Xfinity

Good morning.

As this challenging year comes to a close, I just wanted to say to the employees that are left at Manka Bros., have a great holiday and I’ll see you at some point next year.

Because my bitch of an ex-wife took my daughter, Connie, with her to some God awful place in Colorado for Hanukkah, I have gone to my private island in Turks & Caicos.

Several other powerful media moguls are here with me to spend a few days in the Caribbean sun before we all have to return to the horrible grind of running a major media company.

I would tell you the names of those here, but Bob Iger and Sumner Redstone said not to say a word – that Wall Street would read something into it and send our stock prices further down. Jeff Zucker, Brian Roberts and Strauss Zelnick also wanted me to remain quiet.

If something interesting happens, I’ll blog about it in this space.

Keep working! 2010 must be better!

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

P.S. – Remember, if you are Jewish, Christmas Day is NOT a paid holiday.

December 2, 2009May 16, 2011

Comcast CEO Brian Roberts Called Me Last Night

Andy Forssell, Angela Bromstad, AOL Time Warner, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Block, Ava Seave, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Daly, Bob Iger, Brian Roberts, Bruce C. Greenwald, Chadwick Ho, Comcast, David Carr, David Cohen, Disney, Dr. Judith Rodin, DreamWorks, Edward Breen, Eric Feng, Fancast, Gerald Hassell, Gerry Levin, Hulu, IAC, J. Michael Cook, Jace Hall, Jason Hall, Jason Kilar, Jean-Marie Messier, Jean-Paul Colaco, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Katzenberg, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Honickman, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, Joe Collins, Johannes Larcher, Jonathan A. Knee, Julian Brodsky, Kenneth Bacon, Khan Manka, Lawrence Salva, Les Moonves, Manka Bros., Michael Angelakis, Michael Eisner, Michael Sovern, NBC Universal, New York Times, News Corp., OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Ralph Roberts, Robert Iger, Rupert Murdoch, S. Decker Anstrom, Sheldon M. Bonovitz, Stephen Burke, Steve Case, Sumner Redstone, Ted Turner, Terry Semel, The Curse of the Mogul, Time Warner, Tom Fuelling, Viacom, World's Largest Media Company

Good morning. I just want to say to all the thousands of Manka Bros. employees who think they’ve got a shitty job… you have no idea how lucky you are. You could work at Comcast.

My old friend Brian Roberts called me in a panic last night.

[A little back story: Brian and I go way back to my days in King Khan (my 1970s rock band). Brian filled in one night on bass and was absolutely horrible. For some reason, he thought he would be able to rock and get chicks without even knowing how to hold the damn instrument. I fired him after one song. Audience member Dexter Clangfree jumped on stage and finished the show (and became our full time bass player). Brian still hung around the band like a groupie and we eventually let him into our inner circle. We called him “Bogart Brian” because once you passed him a joint, you never got it back.]

Anyway… Brian called me last night in an absolute drunken panic about this upcoming disastrous acquisition of NBC Universal. The first words out of his mouth were: “Khan, what the fuck am I doing? This is madness. Why would anyone in their right mind overpay for a failed broadcast network and failed movie studio! Didn’t you read ‘The Curse of the Mogul’?”

I told him he wasn’t in his right mind but added that ‘The Curse of the Mogul’ is complete bullshit and he shouldn’t pay any attention to what the jealous, wannabe mogul hacks who wrote that book had to say.

I continued: “Manka Bros. is the world’s largest media company. There is no disputing that – and there wasn’t one mention of Manka Bros. it that goddamned book! All credibility is lost right there. And these fuckers are going to tell me that being the biggest isn’t a competitive advantage? Put Mike Tyson in a boxing ring with Wally Cox and tell me that size isn’t a competitive advantage!”

There was a pause. I could hear ice clinking through the other end of the phone. I knew Brian was drinking heavily.

I finished my thought: “That said… this Comcast / NBC deal is fucking stupid. You should do what Tiger Woods didn’t do… pull out.”

Brian whimpered like he always does when in a tight corner: “I can’t do that, Khan. There is something… bigger at hand here. I can’t talk. They’re watching my every move. ZUCKER CROWS AT DAWN!… I’m sorry, Khan, I’ve put your life in danger. Pray for me!”

He let out an anguished grunt which was followed by a muffled click… and he was gone.

Zucker Crows At Dawn? Poor Brian. Another successful brainwashing by Jeff Zucker – who continues to amaze me in his ability to fail upward. Somebody should just fire that guy before more people lose their minds.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

P.S. – To all Comcast shareholders… SELL SELL SELL!