Good afternoon. Moments ago, I was made aware that Gary Barber and Roger Birnbaum have become the heads of MGM. Gary, Roger and I go way back and I wish them nothing but the best (word of advice – just produce The Hobbit and James Bond movies and everything will be okay. Let the other studios produce the crap movies that don’t make money).
As a casualty of this announcement, I would imagine Mary Parent will no longer be handling the production duties at the studio.
Because of this, Mary, I would like to offer you a job at Manka Bros. Much like my offer to Jeff Zucker last week and mostly because of Manka Bros.’ recent horrible run at the box office and on television, you can pick whatever job at the studio you would like (with the exception of Lloyd Grohl’s – which is not to be touched).
Just let me know. We may not be able to offer you “The Hobbit” but we are producing the 13th century Icelandic sagas The Prose Edda and The Poetic Edda by Snorri Sturluson. These epics are so much cooler than “The Hobbit” it’s not even funny.
We’re also doing a $300 million adaptation of The Book of Habakkuk (for my money, the BEST book of the Bible – Old or New Testament).
So, as you can see, there are some big things on our plate… we just someone that’s competent to shepherd these projects home.
Come home to Manka Bros. We’ve got all-you-can-eat yogurt every Friday!