Manka Bros. – Page 15 – Chairman's Blog

January 28, 2010May 6, 2011

Davos World Economic Forum – Khan Manka, Jr. Keynote Address

Adrian Monck, Al Berkeley, Alan Marcus, Alex Wong, Andre Schneider, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, Carine Benetti, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, Carlos Ghosn, Carsten Sudhoff, Christine Lagarde, Christophe Weber, Cristiana Falcone, David Aikman, Davos World Economic Forum, Denise Burnet, Dominic Waughray, Electus, Emilio Lozoya Austin, Ernesto Zedillo Ponce de Leon, Fon Mathuros, Giancarlo Bruno, Gilbert Probst, Guy Goodwin, Guy-Serge Baer, H.M. Queen Rania, Harry Manka, Heizo Takenaka, Helena Leurent, Indra Nooyi, Irene Mia, Ivan Pictet, Jean-Loup Denereaz, Jean-Pierre Rosso, Jeff Immelt, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jennifer Blanke, Jeremy Jurgens, John Moavenzadeh, Josef Ackermann, Joseph Schoendorf, Julianne Jammers, Katerine Tweedie, Kevin Steinberg, Khan Manka, Klaus Schwab, Kofi Annan, Kristel Van der Elst, Kurt Alig, Laurent Desnoux, Lee Howell, Lisa Dreier, Logan Stanton, Malte Godbersen, Manka Bros., Margareta Drzeniek Hanouz, Martina Gmur, Massimo Marino, Maurice Levy, Max von Bismarck, Melanie Rogers, Michael Dell, Mirjam Schoning, Nazi gold, Niall FitzGerald, Nicolas Sarkozy, Olivier Raynaud, OnMedea, Orit Gadiesh, Paul Smyke, Peter Brabeck-Letmathe, Peter Sutherland, Piers Cumberlege, Pratik Bhatnagar, Rajat Gupta, Regula Waltenspuel, Richard Samans, Ricky Van Veen, Robert Greenhill, Rupert Murdoch, Saadia Zahidi, Sarita Nayyar, Sheana Tambourgi, Sherif El Diwany, Stephanie Janet, Stephen Kinnock, Sumner Redstone, Susan Hockfield, Sushant Palakurthi Rao, Terry Semel, Tony Blair, Victor L.L. Chu, William George, world's largest media company

[Manka Bros. Studios Chairman & CEO Khan Manka, Jr. gave a keynote address today at the Davos World Economic Forum in Switzerland. He wanted me to post a transcript of his speech for everyone at the studio to read. It is posted, unedited, below. — Vicky Adler-Modry – Senior Executive Assistant to Khan Manka, Jr.]

KHAN MANKA, JR. ADDRESSES THE 2010 DAVOS, SWITZERLAND WORLD ECONOMIC FORUM – JANUARY 28, 2010

Khan Manka, Jr.: Thank you very much President Sarkozy for that incredible introduction. I had no idea of the impact I and my company have had on you throughout your life. I was genuinely moved by your words. Give my love to your smoking hot wife.

[French President Nicolas Sarkozy embraces Khan Manka, Jr. and exits the stage.]

Khan Manka, Jr.: Thanks to the World Economic Forum Committee – or as I like to call them “The Drunken Dozen” – for choosing me to address this conference. It’s not often that an ex-hippie song plugger from the Laurel Canyon neighborhood of Los Angeles gets this kind of an opportunity. But it’s not often that a hippie song plugger from Laurel Canyon becomes the head of the World’s Largest Media Company. I can thank my bastard dad (legendary Hollywood mogul and Manka Bros. founding brother Harry Manka) for dying 35 years ago and sticking me with this suck ass job.

[Khan Manka, Jr. has to hold while the audience laughs uproariously.]

Khan Manka, Jr.: Let me get right to it. You bankers with your ski resort conferences and presentations looking for answers on what went wrong is such a joke to me.

[A few audible hisses and one very loud “bull shit” is heard from the crowd.]

Khan Manka, Jr.: Fuck you guys. The global economy is not a difficult thing to figure out. Make shit that people want to buy and sell it for a price that people can pay. There is a reason Manka Bros. is the World’s Largest Media Company. It’s simple. It’s because we are the biggest and we are not stupid. When Jimmy Cameron came to me and said he wanted to make a $400 million dollar movie about blue people set on a distant planet, I passed. No fucking way am I shooting a movie on another planet. It’s expensive enough in California!

[Silence.]

Khan Manka, Jr.: I then asked him if he had any teenage Frankenstein movies. Actually, he did. I’m happy to say Manka Bros. has started production on James Cameron’s “Frankie Stein” – for a budget that is almost half of what it cost to make “Avatar“. THAT’S good business. That’s why we’re still IN business.

[Silence.]

Khan Manka, Jr.: The media world is especially easy to figure out. Everybody is trying to come up with new business models, new gadgets, new ways for people to experience the crappy shit we all produce. Translation: We’ve got to exploit this horrible movie or TV series on multiple platforms so we can get our money back. MAKE GOOD CONTENT AND PEOPLE WILL BUY IT. If you want to stick it on an iPad or a Lieberscanner 3000, go right ahead. But first, find writers who can write, directors who can direct, actors who can act, and producers who can produce. Everything else will take care of itself.

[Applause and a few shouts of approval.]

Khan Manka, Jr.: You international bankers are a real freaky bunch. You love to find ways not to give me money for my movies. It’s not like you’re strapped for cash. You recovered and kept all that gold the Nazi’s stole, for Christ’s sake!

[There is gasp from the audience.]

Khan Manka, Jr.: But you’ll all be sorry. We’ve got a great film slate. I thought you idiots liked Will Ferrell. We’ve got three movies with him ready to go: “Gregory Lopez: Excellent Plumber”, “Ray Edwards: African Explorer”, and, my favorite, “Mud Jenkins: County Assessor”. We’re going to make billions with or without your precious money… that you stole!

[A red light flashes in Khan Manka, Jr.’s face.]

Khan Manka, Jr.: I’m being told to wrap it up. So I will end with these words from my Uncle – the great Khan Manka, Sr. – “Hollywood is a town where everybody is desperate for success and nearly everyone fails. But if you are a mogul and you make movies, you will get laid… a lot.” Thank you. I’ll be drinking tonight with the Money Honey at the Hotel Eden bar if anyone would like to come over and get drunk with me.

[Khan Manka, Jr. exits the stage.]

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

January 13, 2010May 6, 2011

Oren Aviv – Manka Bros. Would Like To Offer You A Job

Alan Bergman, Alan Braverman, Andrew Mooney, Andy Bird, Anne Sweeney, Anthony Marcoly, Ari Emanual, Bob Cavallo, Bob Chapek, Bob Iger, Bob Zemeckis, Brent Woodford, Bruce Hendricks, Christine McCarthy, Chuck Viane, Claudia Eller, Daniel Battsek, Dawn Chmielewski, Dick Cook, Disney, Dr. Ed. Catmull, George Bodenheimer, Greg Brandeau, Jay Rasulo, Jayne Parker, Jeff Miller, Jeff Weiner, Jeremy Zimmer, Jerry Bruckheimer, Joe Roth, John Lasseter, John Travolta, Johnny Depp, Kara Swisher, Kevin Mayer, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., McG, Nikki Finke, Oren Aviv, Pixar, Preston Padden, Rich Ross, Richard Ross, Robin Williams, Ronald Iden, Rupert Murdoch, Sam Gores, Sandra Bullock, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steve Wadsworth, Steven Spielberg, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, thewrap.com, Thomas Schumacher, Thomas Staggs, Tim Burton, Walt Disney Studios, Walter Liss, Zenia Mucha

Yesterday, I was shocked to learn that Oren Aviv was fired as President of Disney Motion Picture Productions. While I have never met Mr. Aviv personally, I have heard that he is an excellent cribbage player (and you all know how much I admire good cribbage).

I’m not really sure what Rich Ross has in mind for his executive team at Disney but it seems to me he’s really fucking things up and creating a Colonel Kurtz-like environment of ultimate power. Ultimate power over teenage girl media content… but still ultimate power.

Well, I say, good luck to him. All I can hope is that my good friend Bob Iger has Mr. Ross on a short leash. I get a creepy feeling whenever I drive past the Disney Studios as though those freakin’ Dwarfs are watching my every move. I wouldn’t be surprised if the severed heads of middle managers start to appear on the Disney perimeter fence – stuck on top of the iron Micky Mouse ears – as a warning to those who don’t fall in line.

(And please don’t email me about the above comment. I realize the severed head thing happened many years ago at Manka Bros. when my father, Harry Manka, ran the studio – but it was only that one time – and I heard the guy deserved it.)

But I digress. Back back to Oren Aviv.

Manka Bros., the world’s largest media company, would like to offer Mr. Aviv a very high-level position at the studio. Perhaps even President of the Manka Bros. Theatrical Group (especially considering how shitty a job Robin Rafe has been doing these last couple of years). Even Disney’s worse year is far better than our best year lately.

Whatever job you think you might like, Oren, just let me know. I’m happy to push out anyone (with the exception of Lloyd Grohl) to give you a place here. Things are looking up for Manka Bros. and we’d love to have you on our team.

And don’t even think about going to Fox (Rupert Murdoch will make you clean the urinals) or Paramount (Sumner Redstone will make you wipe his ass).

Let me know, Oren, ASAP – I have a feeling a lot more are about to be fired.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

January 11, 2010May 10, 2011

Manka Bros. Will Not Bid On MGM

Ari Emanuel, Bedi A. Singh, Ben Silverman, Bruce Tuchman, Chairman's Blog, Charles Cohen, Erik Lomis, Gary Marenzi, Gary S. Weinstein, Gerald Ament, Glenn M. Creamer, Harry E. Sloan, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jim Packer, Jonathan M. Nelson, Julie A. Fisher, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., Mary Parent, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, MGM, MGM sale, Michael Vollman, Patrick Corso, Paul J. Salem, Providence Equity Partners, Scott Packman, Stephen F. Cooper, Steve Hendry, Terry Semel, World's Largest Media Company

Good afternoon.

Last night, I called MGM CEO Mary Parent to inform her that Manka Bros. would not be bidding on MGM. Many have speculated that Manka Bros. would be the most likely suitor of MGM (which includes the 4,000 film library) but I have decided that it would no longer be a strategic fit for our company (though if the bidding falls below $1 billion, I may have to rethink things).

Manka Bros. is the world’s largest media company with the world’s largest film library and we simply don’t need to add 4,000 more titles to it. Manka Classic Movies, as it is, can only show about 3,500 movies a year (24×7 without commercials). At that rate, it would take us at least four years to show every film in our library (and we don’t want to show every film in our library as most of them are total crap).

There was a time when I wanted to own all the copyrights of the world. I think I may be changing my mind now that DVD is dead and pirates are stealing everything we produce.

So, sorry MGM, hopefully Time Warner or Fox will bail your asses out.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

P.S. – I would like to offer Mary Parent a job if the new owners foolishly don’t keep her. She seems really on top of things.

January 7, 2010May 11, 2011

The Warren Lieberfarb Experience

Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Barry Meyer, Bellagio Suite, Ben Silverman, Bob Daly, Bob Iger, CES 2010, Chairman's Blog, Chris Cookson, father of DVD, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Zucker, John Calkins, Khan Manka, Lady Gaga, Manka Bros., Michael Eisner, Rupert Murdoch, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Tony DiSanto, Warren Lieberfarb, Warren Lieberfarb and Associates, World's Largest Media Company

Good morning from the Wynn Encore in Vegas!

Yesterday, I received a call from my old friend and employee Warren Lieberfarb. I was completely taken by surprise as I hadn’t heard from him for a few years.

His ego had gotten so completely out of control after he was crowned the King of DVD that I really had no interest in talking to him or dealing with his bullshit.

It seems that Warren has a new venture in which a large bio-mechanical chip (about the size of a playing card) is inserted under the skin of your arm. Downloaded onto this chip is your entire library of movies, television shows, games and music (HD or standard def).

Using the (patent pending) LieberScanner 8000, this library can be transferred to any TV, PC or mobile device with a simple scan of the barcode on the chip in your arm.

Normally, I would have hung up on Warren right there (especially when he drones on and on about something as ridiculous as the LieberScanner 8000) but he mentioned that he was having a party in his suite at the Bellagio and I had nothing else to do last night (Terry Semel, the jerk, bailed on our dinner plans at the last minute for “something else he had to do”).

I arrived at Warren’s suite via a private solid gold elevator. He had quite a set up – similar to Marlon Brando in Apocalypse Now. High-tech hangers on and home video geeks stood around the outer lobby of his suite just hoping to get a glimpse of the great man. But only a privileged few (such as myself) were allowed inside.

Warren and I go back about 30 years to the beginnings of the home video boom. When the VHS cassette was first introduced, I hired Warren to go from house-to-house to sell Manka Bros. film titles from the trunk of his 1974 Datsun. He was so good at selling shitty copies of “Black Illiad” and “Mother Trucker” for $89.95 each that I offered him the chance to head up our new home video division – but he had already taken a job with Warners.

Things really fell apart between him and me when he was trying to get DVD off the ground and Manka Bros. was firmly in the DIVX camp (we still are today – though, reluctantly, we do offer our titles on DVD). We’re also still in the HD-DVD camp… Fuck Blu-ray!).

So… to continue… I entered the inner-sanctum of Warren’s suite to see him holding court in front of a 75-inch plasma screen. His right arm was exposed to show the giant chip embedded in his arm. Surrounding him was a group of slackjawed lapdog executives all salivating at the thought of this new technology and what it can do for them.

Now Warren doesn’t actually have the funding yet for this new idea, so for his demonstration he was using a child’s scanner from some Fisher-Price grocery store toy. He continued:

Warren Lieberfarb: … As the LieberScanner 8000 rolls over the barcode, my entire library is now transferred to every device in the room – the television, the computer, the iPhone, etc.

Nothing really happened when he clicked the scanner, but people were impressed nonetheless. It was only Lady Gaga that brought up any kind of criticism.

Lady Gaga: Why does it have to be implanted in your arm?

Warren Lieberfarb: Who the fuck are you? Are you wearing butterfly wings? And are they bleeding?

Lady Gaga: Just answer the question.

Warren Lieberfarb: The chip is implanted in your arm so that you always have your intellectual property with you. You won’t lose it if it’s sewn into your arm. And, when you want to buy more movies and music, just scan the item and it’s downloaded into the chip and charged to your credit card.

Lady Gaga: Why not just put everything on a small storage device and put it in your wallet or purse? This idea is so stupid.

Warren Lieberfarb: I want her out of here. Throw her off the roof and see if she can fly.

A couple of MBA-types who looked like they worked out, grabbed Lady Gaga by the wings and pulled her screaming out of the room.

I had seen enough and knew, like Strauss Zelnick’s recent rooftop salon, that I probably shouldn’t have come. I decided to leave without even saying hello to Warren. I’ll send him a fruit basket and wish him well on his new venture.

Tonight, I’ll be playing poker with Ben Silverman at the Palms. If I survive, I’ll write about it.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

January 6, 2010May 11, 2011

Yemen Theme Park – January 2010 Update

Good morning and happy 2010!

Because of all the recent terrorist activity going on in Yemen, I just wanted to give a quick update on the status of Manka Bros.’ billion dollar Manka Fun Park Yemen.

As many of you may remember, I went to Yeman last August for the groundbreaking ceremony. After that, due to political turmoil and badly handled wire transfers, they never got around to actually starting construction.

Now, it seems that there are terrorists operating in and around the site for the future theme park.

I just want to assure everyone involved that steps have been taken to ensure the safety of any future tourists to our theme park. Metal detectors have been installed and intense cavity searches will be conducted on anyone entering the park. So safety is not an issue and we are moving forward with the project as planned.

Even though I thought the opening would have to be pushed back a few months to 2011, I was reassured by the Yemeni leader Ali Abdullah Saleh that since labor costs in that country are non-existent and there are no overtime rules, the scheduled opening later this year will easily be met.

That’s the beauty of a dictatorship!

This is great news for Manka Bros. because Yemen is a completely untapped market for Western-style entertainment. Disney has been too busy concentrating on China to realize where the real money is. Losers. We will have the market to ourselves.

Now if we can only get a fucking movie that makes money we’ll really be on a roll.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios

December 21, 2009May 11, 2011

Happy Holidays From Chairman & CEO Khan Manka, Jr.

Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brian Roberts, Chairman's Blog, Disney, Electus, Fox, Hanukkah, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., NBC Universal, News Corporation, Peter Chernin, private island, Robert Iger, Strauss Zelnick, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Turks & Caicos, Wall Street, Xfinity

Good morning.

As this challenging year comes to a close, I just wanted to say to the employees that are left at Manka Bros., have a great holiday and I’ll see you at some point next year.

Because my bitch of an ex-wife took my daughter, Connie, with her to some God awful place in Colorado for Hanukkah, I have gone to my private island in Turks & Caicos.

Several other powerful media moguls are here with me to spend a few days in the Caribbean sun before we all have to return to the horrible grind of running a major media company.

I would tell you the names of those here, but Bob Iger and Sumner Redstone said not to say a word – that Wall Street would read something into it and send our stock prices further down. Jeff Zucker, Brian Roberts and Strauss Zelnick also wanted me to remain quiet.

If something interesting happens, I’ll blog about it in this space.

Keep working! 2010 must be better!

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

P.S. – Remember, if you are Jewish, Christmas Day is NOT a paid holiday.

December 2, 2009May 16, 2011

Comcast CEO Brian Roberts Called Me Last Night

Andy Forssell, Angela Bromstad, AOL Time Warner, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Block, Ava Seave, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Daly, Bob Iger, Brian Roberts, Bruce C. Greenwald, Chadwick Ho, Comcast, David Carr, David Cohen, Disney, Dr. Judith Rodin, DreamWorks, Edward Breen, Eric Feng, Fancast, Gerald Hassell, Gerry Levin, Hulu, IAC, J. Michael Cook, Jace Hall, Jason Hall, Jason Kilar, Jean-Marie Messier, Jean-Paul Colaco, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Katzenberg, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Honickman, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, Joe Collins, Johannes Larcher, Jonathan A. Knee, Julian Brodsky, Kenneth Bacon, Khan Manka, Lawrence Salva, Les Moonves, Manka Bros., Michael Angelakis, Michael Eisner, Michael Sovern, NBC Universal, New York Times, News Corp., OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Ralph Roberts, Robert Iger, Rupert Murdoch, S. Decker Anstrom, Sheldon M. Bonovitz, Stephen Burke, Steve Case, Sumner Redstone, Ted Turner, Terry Semel, The Curse of the Mogul, Time Warner, Tom Fuelling, Viacom, World's Largest Media Company

Good morning. I just want to say to all the thousands of Manka Bros. employees who think they’ve got a shitty job… you have no idea how lucky you are. You could work at Comcast.

My old friend Brian Roberts called me in a panic last night.

[A little back story: Brian and I go way back to my days in King Khan (my 1970s rock band). Brian filled in one night on bass and was absolutely horrible. For some reason, he thought he would be able to rock and get chicks without even knowing how to hold the damn instrument. I fired him after one song. Audience member Dexter Clangfree jumped on stage and finished the show (and became our full time bass player). Brian still hung around the band like a groupie and we eventually let him into our inner circle. We called him “Bogart Brian” because once you passed him a joint, you never got it back.]

Anyway… Brian called me last night in an absolute drunken panic about this upcoming disastrous acquisition of NBC Universal. The first words out of his mouth were: “Khan, what the fuck am I doing? This is madness. Why would anyone in their right mind overpay for a failed broadcast network and failed movie studio! Didn’t you read ‘The Curse of the Mogul’?”

I told him he wasn’t in his right mind but added that ‘The Curse of the Mogul’ is complete bullshit and he shouldn’t pay any attention to what the jealous, wannabe mogul hacks who wrote that book had to say.

I continued: “Manka Bros. is the world’s largest media company. There is no disputing that – and there wasn’t one mention of Manka Bros. it that goddamned book! All credibility is lost right there. And these fuckers are going to tell me that being the biggest isn’t a competitive advantage? Put Mike Tyson in a boxing ring with Wally Cox and tell me that size isn’t a competitive advantage!”

There was a pause. I could hear ice clinking through the other end of the phone. I knew Brian was drinking heavily.

I finished my thought: “That said… this Comcast / NBC deal is fucking stupid. You should do what Tiger Woods didn’t do… pull out.”

Brian whimpered like he always does when in a tight corner: “I can’t do that, Khan. There is something… bigger at hand here. I can’t talk. They’re watching my every move. ZUCKER CROWS AT DAWN!… I’m sorry, Khan, I’ve put your life in danger. Pray for me!”

He let out an anguished grunt which was followed by a muffled click… and he was gone.

Zucker Crows At Dawn? Poor Brian. Another successful brainwashing by Jeff Zucker – who continues to amaze me in his ability to fail upward. Somebody should just fire that guy before more people lose their minds.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

P.S. – To all Comcast shareholders… SELL SELL SELL!

November 19, 2009May 17, 2011

Standing In Line For The Twilight Saga: New Moon

Alex Meraz, Andres Serrano, Anna Kendrick, Ari Emanuel, Ashley Greene, Ben Silverman, big content strategy, Bill Bannerman, Billy Burke, Cam Gigandet, Chairman's blog, Chaske Spencer, Chris Weitz, Christian Serratos, Christina Jastrzembska, Dakota Fanning, Greg Mooradian, Guy Oseary, Jackson Rathbone, Jamie Campbell Bower, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Kellan Lutz, Khan Manka, Kiowa Gordon, Kristen Stewart, Manka Bros., Mariska Hargitay, Mark Morgan, Marty Bowen, Melissa Rosenberg, Michael Sheen, Michael Welch, Nikki Reed, Peter Fancinelli, Piss Christ, Rachelle Lefevre, Rob Friedman, Robert Pattinson, Robin Rafe, Russell Roberts, Stephenie Meyer, Summit Entertainment, Taylor Lautner, tent pole strategy, The Twilight Saga: New Moon, World's Largest Media Company

Good morning.

Last night at about midnight, after a few minutes of pathetic begging by my 12-year old daughter Connie (who is also a newly-minted Manka Bros. Board member), I had my driver, Leif Garrett (yes, former child star) drop her off at the line of freaks waiting to get tickets to The Twilight Saga: New Moon. She told me she was going to meet her (punk ass) friends Jenny and Skylark and wouldn’t be back until she has seen the movie – and then added… “it might take days”.

This got me thinking: When was the last time Manka Bros. had a film that people wanted to see so bad that they lined up days in advance to see the first showings.

The answer? Never. Fucking never. It’s an embarrassment.

We’ve had people show up to block the theater – as they did in 1989 after we made a film based on “Piss Christ”, the controversial photograph by Andres Serrano, but never anyone camping out because they couldn’t wait to see it.

This has to change. I called Robin Rafe (President of the Manka Bros. Theatrical Group) at around 3:00a.m. this morning and told her to get right on it. I want movies made by Manka Bros. that generate excitement, and buzz, and long lines at the theaters. In short, I want mega-blockbusters!

I don’t believe I am being unreasonable here. I only want four or five of these types of films every year – year-after-year. And this will fit nicely into our BIG CONTENT STRATEGY launched a few months ago.

I would like a list of these big ideas before Thanksgiving. If you don’t think this is possible, please cancel any Thanksgiving plans you may have and stay at the studio until I have my list.

November 11, 2009October 5, 2017

Dinner With Harvey Weinstein

Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, Bob Weinstein, Harvey Weinstein, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Khan Manka, Malcolm Gladwell, Manka Bros., Mark Gill, Miramax, OnMedea, Rob Zombie, Sizzler, Strauss Zelnick, Terry Semel, Texas Toast, The Daily Beast, The Weinstein Company, The World's Largest Media Company, Tina Brown

Last night, I received a somewhat desperate call from Harvey Weinstein. He said he wanted to take me out to dinner and discuss something that could be incredibly beneficial to both our companies.

I could tell this was going to be a disastrous meeting.

Since Harvey offered to pay, he chose a restaurant that he could afford – the Sizzler on Hollywood Blvd. He told me not worry about what it costs, that he was paying for “all I could eat.”

We sat at his normal booth and the waitress, Maria, brought us some Texas Toast. Harvey folded his piece and took a healthy double-bite.

“Let me get right to the point, Khan. I want to take Manka Bros. off your hands.Based on your Theatrical and TV slates, I can see you are struggling. All I would need is for you to spot me a $10 million dollar upfront payment. I’ll take it from there.”

I barely heard what he was saying because the Texas Toast was surprisingly excellent.

“Khan, did you hear what I said? Maria, more fucking toast over here – chop chop!”

“You want me to pay you $10 million to take my company away from me. Ten fucking million for the world’s largest media company – which my father and uncles founded and built from the ground up a 100 years ago? Are you fucking nuts?”

Maria brought another basket of Texas Toast – our hands bumped reaching for it.

“Fuckin’ losers those guys, Khan. No offense. I’ll turn your goddamned dinosaur of a business into a cash cow in… oh, I don’t know… three weeks! I’ll fuckin’ get Tina Brown to run your books division. I’ll fuckin’ get Rob Zombie to do some kind of movie shit, asshole.Think about it.”

Harvey got up to go to the salad bar. “Do you want some cantaloupe?”

I nodded my head and made a call to Lloyd Grohl (Manka Bros. President and COO) to see if there was anything we could or should do for poor Harvey. Lloyd quickly told me to turn him down nicely and get out of the Sizzler as fast as I could – that my life was in danger!

Harvey returned and saw me clicking off the phone. “Who the fuck was that?”

“Nobody, Harvey. Look, I have to turn you down. Manka Bros. isn’t for sale and will never be for sale. Manka Bros. is a giant fucking media conglomerate. The biggest in the world. You don’t buy us – we buy you. And, from what I hear about your current financial situation, I don’t want to buy you.”

“OK, Khan. I understand.”

I paused, expecting one of his signature tirades. It didn’t come. He was just staring at his Texas Toast.

“Harvey? You’re OK with that?”

“Yes, Khan… but, one night when you’re sleeping, I will enter your bedroom and skull fuck you to death.”

It was said in such a kind, light-hearted way, it almost seemed like a compliment.

Harvey took bite of a taco, the juice dribbling down his chin.

“Hey, Khan… you wanna buy some shoes?”

By the end of the night, I agreed to buy his shoes for $15.

I think I like poor Harvey better than rich Harvey.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

November 3, 2009May 17, 2011

Strauss Zelnick’s Rooftop Salon

Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Lerer, Ben Silverman, Billy Elliot, BMG Entertainment, Bob Lessin, Broadway, David Remnick, Fred Wilson, Gawker, Heather Harde, Henry Blodget, Jeff Weiner, Jeremy Phillips, Josh Abramson, Kara Swisher, Ken Lerer, Khan Manka, Malcolm Gladwell, Manka Bros., Mariska Hargitay, Masa, New Media, Nick Denton, Nikki Finke, Old Media, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Rampage of the Stegosaur, Ricky Van Veen, rooftop salon, Sam Lessin, Scott Heiferman, Sharon Waxman, Sherry Netherland Hotel, short-form content, Slivovitz, Strauss Zelnick, Sumner Redstone, TechCrunch, Terry Semel, The New Yorker, thewrap.com, ZelnickMedia

Good afternoon from New York.

Due to the ongoing $5 million renovation of my Burbank studio office, I have been in New York since last week staying at my usual suite at the Sherry Netherland Hotel.

I don’t like to come to New York that often because everyone is such an asshole, but I felt it was time to check in on the Manka Bros. East Coast operations and take a peak at the rehearsals for our upcoming Broadway Manka musical “Rampage Of The Stegosaur”.

Last night, I received a very nice invitation from my old friend Strauss Zelnick. ZelnickMedia has a very nice collection of assets including Take-Two Interactive and Columbia Music. Strauss and I used to butt heads quite a bit during his whacked out BMG Entertainment days (the asshole wouldn’t let me buy him out!).

Apparently, he has a rooftop salon every couple of months for “heavy-hitters” in the New Media world (which means “small-time punks” to us in the Old Media world). He heard I was in town and asked me to come by. He knew that Manka Bros. had recently committed $1 billion to the production of online short-form content and thought I would bring an interesting large media company point of view.

Thinking this was going to be quite the event, I quickly canceled my dinner (Masa) and show plans (Billy Elliot) with Mariska Hargitay and headed over to one of Strauss’ magnificent midtown Manhattan office buildings for his amazing rooftop salon! However, all that glitters is not gold. As soon as I walked onto that God-awful rooftop, I knew I chose the wrong event.

First of all, for such a rich guy, I would have expected more in the area of food.

While the El Diablo Taco Cart does make a pretty decent taco, Strauss really should have served something a little more high-end for such an “elite” group of New Media freaks (though you won’t get any complaints from Jeremy Phillips at News Corp. He had at least four fully-loaded grande beef tacos before I even got to the front of the line). That’s another thing, I really shouldn’t have had to wait in line. It was a fucking embarrassment, Strauss!

[Another thing, Strauss, you should have said it was BYOB. Surely, you have at least enough money for a couple of cases of PBR. Jesus Christ. I had to call my New York assistant, Ramon, and have a couple of bottles of Slivovitz delivered. I would have had more sent if I knew Malcolm Gladwell was such a cheap drunk.]

So… as for the event… it was a complete disappointment and waste of time. One after another, different “experts” in the shallow world of New Media got up and talked and talked and talked… and didn’t say shit. I was expecting nothing and it still sucked.

Malcolm Gladwell (The New Yorker) basically said we were all full of ourselves if we think for one minute that we’re changing the world in any way. He said it in such a “Fuck you, I’m totally full of myself “kind of way that I really wanted to throw him off the rooftop. But then I become the jerk. Assholes.

Next came another New Yorker writer, David Remnick, who started talking about some bullshit thing.

At this point, I had trouble paying attention as I began to sweat and shake violently and really needed to find a bathroom (thank you, El Diablo Tacos!).

I spent the next hour in the rooftop Port-a-Potty going in and out of consciousness.

The next thing I knew, I was in Strauss Zelnick’s office on a blow up mattress. Strauss said the taco cart really put a damper on the evening’s agenda. Several people, including Heather Harde of TechCrunch required on-site medical attention.

Strauss said the only positive to come out of the salon was that Malcolm Gladwell promised to never come back.

We then laughed and did a shot of Slivovitz. Before I left, I invited Strauss to L.A. where the real media people play.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios