The Future Is Last Year – CES 2011 Keynote – Khan Manka, Jr.

Accel Partners, Alan Eustace, Allen & Company retreat, Allen Blue, Ann Mather, Anne Mulcahy, Ari Emanuel, Arvind Rajan, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Bobby Kotick, Bret Taylor, Carol Bartz, CES 2011, Chamath Palihapitiya, Charlie Rose, Chris Hughes, Christopher Cox, Cory Booker, Dan Rose, David Drummond, David Ebersman, David Fischer, David Henke, David Kirkpatrick, David Sze, Deep Nishar, DumbDumb, Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin, Electus, Ellen Levy, Elliot Schrage, Emilie Choi, Eric Schmidt, Erika Rottenberg, Erin Burnett, Gerald Levin, Gina Bianchini, Greylock Partners, Harvey Weinstein, HBO, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, Jean-Bernard Levy, Jean-Luc Vaillant, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, Jill Kennedy, Jim Breyer, Joanna Shields, John Doerr, John Donahue, John Hennessy, Jon Miller, Jonathan Heiliger, Jonathan Rosenberg, Justin Aselage, Katrina Hau, Ken Auletta, Kevin Eyres, Khan Manka, Lachlan Murdoch, Lady Gaga, Leslie Moonves, Li Ka-shing, Lionel Barber, Lloyd Grohl, Lori Goler, Manka Bros., Marc Andreessen, Marissa Mayer, Mark Cuban, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Martin Sorrell, Mathias Dopfner, Matt Cohler, Mike Bloomberg, Mike Gamson, Mike Murphy, Mike Schroepfer, MySpace, Niall FitzGerald, Nicolas Carlson, Nikesh Arora, OnMedea, Owen Van Natta, Patrick Crane, Patrick Pichette, Paul Buchheit, Paul Madera, Paul Otellini, Peter Chernin, Peter Thiel, Phillippe Dauman, Ram Shriram, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rob Wiesenthal, Robby Kwok, Robert L. Johnson, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Shirley Tilghman, Shona Brown, Steve Cadigan, Steve Jobs, Steve Patrizi, Steve Sordello, Sumner Redstone, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Ted Ullyot, Terry Semel, Tom Freston, Tom Friedman, Tony DiSanto, Toy Story 3, Ursula Burns, Vivi Nevo, Warren Buffett, Warren Lieberfarb, World's Largest Media CompanyGood morning.

First off, to all of my friends who are badly hungover this morning – I’m told the Circus Circus Buffet will clean out your system pretty well.

And to all my friends who are still drunk from last night [there are some claps and hoots from the audience] – well done – but pace yourselves, gentlemen and ladies, there are three more drunken days yet to go.

Especially you, Bob Iger[Bob Iger, in the front row, howls like a wolf.]

Last night, we were at Caesar’s drinking on Cleopatra’s Barge and Bob said he was going to close the place down.  I had to remind him it was a casino in Vegas and they don’t close!

Anyway, let’s get started.

How about a joke?  What do you call someone who was a nerd in high school but went on to makes billions in technology and basically changed the way we live our lives?  A nerd.

I’m not here today as an ally to the consumer electronics industry.  Frankly, you can all F yourselves.  I’m here to say to all you geeks and computer dorks who think you can tell Hollywood how to entertain the world that today HOLLYWOOD FIGHTS BACK!

I don’t give a shit about your new phone.  I don’t give a shit about the “digital cloud” you built to hold all my media files – if you guys really want to be useful, develop a killer App that will clean and organize my garage.  And I don’t give a shit about being able to perfectly simulate a Vietnam jungle battle in my family room.

Seriously, why do I need a new phone and new television every fucking year?

When I was a growing up in the 1960s we had one innovation – color television.  That lasted us 20 years until we had a VCR that could play tapes of movies.  That lasted us 20 years until we had DVD players that could play DVDs of movies.

If you freakin’ tech idiots would have left well and good alone, we Hollywood studios would still be raking in billions from DVD sales and my friend Sumner Redstone wouldn’t have to sell his blood and plasma just to pay the rent.  That’s a joke, he actually has other people sell their blood and plasma to pay his rent.

Accel Partners, Alan Eustace, Allen & Company retreat, Allen Blue, Ann Mather, Anne Mulcahy, Ari Emanuel, Arvind Rajan, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Bobby Kotick, Bret Taylor, Carol Bartz, CES 2011, Chamath Palihapitiya, Charlie Rose, Chris Hughes, Christopher Cox, Cory Booker, Dan Rose, David Drummond, David Ebersman, David Fischer, David Henke, David Kirkpatrick, David Sze, Deep Nishar, DumbDumb, Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin, Electus, Ellen Levy, Elliot Schrage, Emilie Choi, Eric Schmidt, Erika Rottenberg, Erin Burnett, Gerald Levin, Gina Bianchini, Greylock Partners, Harvey Weinstein, HBO, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, Jean-Bernard Levy, Jean-Luc Vaillant, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, Jill Kennedy, Jim Breyer, Joanna Shields, John Doerr, John Donahue, John Hennessy, Jon Miller, Jonathan Heiliger, Jonathan Rosenberg, Justin Aselage, Katrina Hau, Ken Auletta, Kevin Eyres, Khan Manka, Lachlan Murdoch, Lady Gaga, Leslie Moonves, Li Ka-shing, Lionel Barber, Lloyd Grohl, Lori Goler, Manka Bros., Marc Andreessen, Marissa Mayer, Mark Cuban, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Martin Sorrell, Mathias Dopfner, Matt Cohler, Mike Bloomberg, Mike Gamson, Mike Murphy, Mike Schroepfer, MySpace, Niall FitzGerald, Nicolas Carlson, Nikesh Arora, OnMedea, Owen Van Natta, Patrick Crane, Patrick Pichette, Paul Buchheit, Paul Madera, Paul Otellini, Peter Chernin, Peter Thiel, Phillippe Dauman, Ram Shriram, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rob Wiesenthal, Robby Kwok, Robert L. Johnson, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Shirley Tilghman, Shona Brown, Steve Cadigan, Steve Jobs, Steve Patrizi, Steve Sordello, Sumner Redstone, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Ted Ullyot, Terry Semel, Tom Freston, Tom Friedman, Tony DiSanto, Toy Story 3, Ursula Burns, Vivi Nevo, Warren Buffett, Warren Lieberfarb, World's Largest Media CompanySo today, on behalf of Manka Bros.The World’s Largest Media Company – and my studio mogul brethren, I ask the consumer electronics industry to STOP THE INNOVATION.

Stop making my toaster check the traffic before I leave home.

Stop telling the world which bars and prostitutes I have visited.

Stop having these pointless trade shows that only exist so that media executives can act like they’re working but are actually just partying in Vegas [many ‘boos’ from the crowd].

Imagine the turnout CES would have if it were held in Akron every year.

Stop everything you’re doing and let us premium content creators go back to doing what we do best –  entertaining the world.

Don’t you morons understand we just want to make movies and television shows?  It’s killing us to constantly spend our time reconfiguring formats to fit the new phone in our hand or the chip in the back of our brains.

We just want it to be 2003 again. So either join us or get the fuck out of our way because we are going backwards and will do everything it takes to do things the way we have always done them.  Capisce?

Google, Microsoft and Facebook are not the studios of the future.  Audiences can only watch so many movies about computer nerds who save the world and date robot women.

Questions?

Adam Fogelson, Alan Spoon, Alexander von Furstenberg, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Martinez, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brad Grey, Brian Roberts, Bryan Lourd, Chase Carey, Craig Smith, David Geffen, David Rosenblatt, Donald R. Keough, Donna Langley, Edgard Bronfman, Electus, Ezra Kucharz, fairy tale movies, Graham Stanton, Greg Blatt, Greg Morrow, Greg Stevens, Gregg Winiarski, Hans Woolley, Harry Sloan, Hey Diddle Diddle, Jason Stewart, Jay Herratti, Jeff Sagansky, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jill Kennedy, Joanne Hawkins, Joey Levin, John C. Malone, John Ferriter, John Foley, John Malone, Josh Abramson, Jr., Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Louis Castle, Manka Bros., Mark Stein, Michael Eisner, Michael Schwerdtman, Michael Zeisser, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Richard F. Zannino, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Garell, Scott Savitz, Shana Fisher, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Thomas J. McInerney, Tina Brown, Tony DiSanto, Victor KaufmanKhan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. StudiosThe World’s Largest Media Company