In response to my friend Eric Schmidt’s announcement that every employee of Google will receive a $1,000 bonus and a 10% raise, I am announcing a $1,001 bonus and 10.1% raise to the Senior Management team at Manka Bros.
Unfortunately, because of the horrible year we are having at the box office and in our Television Group, we are forced to reduce the salaries of everyone below Senior Vice President in order to pay for this salary increase.
The salary reduction and bonus elimination (effective immediately) for VPs and below and support staff will range from 10.1% to 25%.
[Please note: Jay McBee (President of the Manka Bros. Television Group) and Robin Rafe (President of the Manka Bros. Theatrical Group) will not be receiving these bonuses because they really REALLY suck at their jobs.]
If you happen to see any senior management around the studio lot today, be sure and give them a nice congratulations wave (but try not to make eye contact).