Good morning. Yesterday, as I was having my monthly lunch with Sumner Redstone at the Hamburger Hamlet in Hollywood, David Geffen stopped by to say hello and asked if he could join us. We’ve all known each other for years but it was the first time the three of us ever sat down to a meal. Geffen ordered another Turning Leaf Chardonnay and a shot of Gordon’s vodka and had a seat.
We exchanged a few words about the news that he was Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain” inspiration. He said he thought that song was about him. I asked him if he wanted to get back into the music business and, if so, would he be interested in taking over Manka Bros. Records – which really needs a shot in the ass (Seamus is coming in far below expectations).
He declined and said the only thing that interests him now are those little Japanese trees.
Sumner asked Geffen about his art collection and if he’d be willing to sell a few of his more valuable pieces (in reality, Sumner couldn’t afford a wall covering from Pier 1 right now).
As they kept talking, a light bulb went off in my head. I would like to buy some art. I’m sitting on an enormous pile of cash and need to do something with it. Banks and stocks are certainly no place to put money these days. And after the massive layoffs and cutbacks at Manka Bros. last year, it might just be the thing that would cheer me up. I’m sure the remaining employees at the studio would really get a kick out of knowing their boss has just bought some really great art for his house and office. And, from what I understand, there are some real bargains out there because of the recession.
So I started to pick David Geffen’s brain. He said his main focus is post-World War 2 Abstract American Art. Well, that’s the most boring fucking thing I could ever imagine. What I want are Picassos and Van Goghs – art that people have heard of.
He said he had a few original Picasso sketchbooks that he may be willing to part with… for the right price. And he had some personal items of Van Gogh – a couple of shoes and an unused toothbrush.
That kind of shit doesn’t interest me at all. I want that Starry Night painting or the Chick Playing the Lute. He said he didn’t own those.
He mentioned Jackson Pollock and I reminded him of the horrible box office grosses of the movie Pollock. He reminded me of the horrible box office grosses of Vincent & Theo (which I blame more on Robert Altman than anything else).
I could go on about our insane conversation, but I won’t (Geffen went on and on about the brilliance of Damien Hirst and Jeff Koons – I looked them up and they are freaks).
Here’s the deal – I want to buy some art.
Anyone at the studio who knows something about it – let me know. There must be a couple of Art History majors floating around the Script Development Department (God knows we have enough Folklore Mythology majors).
Perhaps I’ll even invite you to lunch in my executive dining room.
Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company
Due to the uncertainty of the fiscal cliff, the fact that my taxes are going up, the shitty year Manka Bros. has had at the box office, the crappy television shows that were produced for our horrible television networks, declining music sales and the frightening losses in our Publishing Group, I have decided to cancel the 2012 Manka Bros. Employee Holiday Party that was to be held at the Nokia Theater and the other surrounding L.A. Live venues and restaurants.
