Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Love Never Dies

Adelphi Theatre, Andrew Lloyd Webber, Anthony Hopkins, Ari Emanuel, Bob Crowley, Broadway, Cameron Macintosh, Coney Island, Coney Island Phantom, David Zippel, Dracula, Francis Ford Coppola, Gary Oldman, Gaston Leroux, Glenn Slater, Jack O'Brien, Jeff Weiner, Jerry Mitchell, Jill Kennedy, Keanu Reeves, Khan Manka, Lord Webber, Love Never Dies, Manka Bros., OnMedea, Phantom of the Opera, Phantom sequel, Ramin Karimloo, Sierra Boggess, Sir Webber, Summer Strallen, Terry Semel, The Phantom of Coney Island, The Woman In White, Winona Ryder, Celia Graham, Liz Robertson, Haley Flaherty, David Thaxton, Tam Mutu, Tracey Penn, Adam Pearce, Charles Bunton, Edward Bracey, Jack Costello, Nick Blair, Dale Branston, Abigail Brodie, Kieran Brown, Chris Gage, Mirela Golinska, Daniel Gourlay, Zara Warren, Alexa-Jayne Robinson, Rae Piper“LOVE NEVER DIES”? That’s the name of the sequel to the Phantom of the Opera?

Adelphi Theatre, Andrew Lloyd Webber, Anthony Hopkins, Ari Emanuel, Bob Crowley, Broadway, Cameron Macintosh, Coney Island, Coney Island Phantom, David Zippel, Dracula, Francis Ford Coppola, Gary Oldman, Gaston Leroux, Glenn Slater, Jack O'Brien, Jeff Weiner, Jerry Mitchell, Jill Kennedy, Keanu Reeves, Khan Manka, Lord Webber, Love Never Dies, Manka Bros., OnMedea, Phantom of the Opera, Phantom sequel, Ramin Karimloo, Sierra Boggess, Sir Webber, Summer Strallen, Terry Semel, The Phantom of Coney Island, The Woman In White, Winona Ryder, Celia Graham, Liz Robertson, Haley Flaherty, David Thaxton, Tam Mutu, Tracey Penn, Adam Pearce, Charles Bunton, Edward Bracey, Jack Costello, Nick Blair, Dale Branston, Abigail Brodie, Kieran Brown, Chris Gage, Mirela Golinska, Daniel Gourlay, Zara Warren, Alexa-Jayne Robinson, Rae PiperYou mean “Love Never Dies” like the tag line to Francis Ford Coppola’s 1992 movie “Dracula” starring the great Keanu Reeves doing one of the worst British accents in the history of film?  “Love Never Dies” like that?

Taking a title from a movie tag line never works.  Does anyone remember “Love Is In The Hair…” the musical version of “There’s Something About Mary”?  No!   Because no one was that stupid.

Look, I’m not here to scream fire in a crowded theater and ruin your billion-dollar party.  I’m a musical fanatic and know by heart just about every song Lord Webber has put in a show (and count Aspects Of Love as my favorite – so how crazy am I?)… but come on ALW!

THE PHANTOM IS NOW GOING TO HAUNT CONEY ISLAND?! Are you fucking kidding me?!

Why the fuck would Christine Daae even take a gig at Coney Island?  Why the fuck would you hire the SISTER ACT lyricist to do LOVE NEVER DIES?!

I have plenty of more ‘Why the fucks…?’ but I’ll cut it off right there and just say – please prove me wrong, Lord Webber, but this has ‘disaster’ written all over it.

Seriously, I haven’t heard this bad of an idea for a musical since Manka Bros. announced they were adapting “Rampage Of The Stegosaur” for Broadway!

Lord Webber, if you’re so insistent on putting a ridiculous premise like that out there (and you wrote it) then all this show deserves is a joke title – something like:

  • The Phantom Goes West
  • Yankee Phantom
  • Coney Island Ghost (I believe ALW actually wanted to call it The Phantom of Coney Island – or something horrible like that)
  • Christine Daae’s A Little Whore (Thanks to Shane the intern.  He says it’ll work in Vegas.)
  • Coney Opera
  • The Phantom 2: Life’s A Beach
  • Etc.

So, “Love Never Dies” by Lord Webber bows in London on March 9, 2010 (with a most-likely closing date after the summer 2010).  I’m sure there will be enough Phantom phanatics to justify a decent run – but Lord Webber doesn’t take bad reviews and slowing box office lightly (i.e., The Woman In White).  And this musical is destined for bad reviews and slowing box office.

Good luck to you and your soon to be crestfallen cast.

Accel Partners, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Chris Hughes, David Kirkpatrick, Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin, Gerald Levin, Greylock Partners, HBO, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Joanna Shields, Jon Miller, Khan Manka, Li Ka-shing, Manka Bros., Mark Cuban, Mark Zuckerberg, Matt Cohler, MySpace, Nicolas Carlson, OnMedea, Owen Van Natta, Paul Buchheit, Peter Thiel, Rupert Murdoch, Sheryl Sandberg, Sumner Redstone, Toy Story 3Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

P.S. – Please don’t have them sing a song on the Coney Island Roller Coaster.  I don’t want to see The Phantom and Christine circle the theater in a roller coaster singing a love ballad.  Please.