Miramax – OnMedea

So, it was announced today that Playhouse Disney will become Disney Junior. The folks at Disney Corporate must have put in quite a bit of overtime on that one.

It’s a stroke of brilliance really – just as I thought it was brilliant when Viacom changed Noggin to Nick Jr. last year!

Bravo to Disney’s Brand Consultants who, most likely, put in extremely long hours and probably weren’t cheap.

I can imagine conference calls, late night food deliveries and logo designs on several other names like Disney Tots, Disney Ragamuffins, ToddlerDisney, Disney 2-7 (or ‘The D27!’)… before finally reaching the stroke of genius that is Disney Junior.

And I’m sure it was a tense few days before Bob Iger finally signed off on it. During the presentation, he probably said things like “Disney Junior? Really? Isn’t Junior a term for boys? Nickelodeon did it? OK, go ahead.” And that was that. Disney Junior will launch in 2012!

Being a parent of a five year old, I am not cynical about children’s programming and appreciate the big media companies producing so much content that distracts my child long enough so I can take a five minute break to go to the bathroom (including my own parent company Manka Bros. and our Manka Kids brand – Manka Junior anyone?).

I just think with all the millions of dollars being thrown around at media companies on Brand Management, it’s nice to know that all anyone needs to do to brand something for toddlers it to put the word “Junior” behind it. Clorox Junior, Coke Junior (with 40% less sugar), 1976 Chateau Lafite Rothschild Junior (for French children)…

Maybe I’ll launch OnMedea Junior for toddlers who want to read scandalous corporate media stories about “Dora the Explorer”.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

By selling Miramax back to the Weinstein Brothers (that would be Harvey and Bob) and (ahem) Lord Ron Burkle (he who has single-handedly created thousands of jobs in the prostitution and supermarket industries), Disney Chief Bob Iger has effectively given the coup de grace to Harvey and Bob thus ending their 30+ year run in show business.

But, you say, they’ll be running Miramax, picking up awesome Kevin Smith and Ben Affleck movies that the big studios don’t want to make?

Right?

They’re still in the business.

Sorry. Miramax will out of business in five years.

In 2013, a fire sale of the library will be hastily arranged by GoldmanSachsBankOfAmericaJPMorganCiti (a division of Lending Tree) and the price will be less that $200 million.

I suppose the deal allows the total prick and predator Harvey and his brother Bob the chance to die with dignity and go down in flames with the company they started (the name combines their parent’s first names “Miriam” and “Max”) – but I think a real friend (which obviously Bob Iger isn’t) would have said to stay far away from this horribly overpriced mess of fragmented film rights that have very little resale / remake value left in them.

I suppose that’s why Bob Iger is the current toast of the town and Harvey and Bob are just toast. (Texas Toast if you believe this blog.) Karma’s a bitch.

If the new post-Disney Miramax is run as efficiently as The Weinstein Company, Ron Burkle’s $3.5 billion net worth should be exhausted within 10 or 15 years (though I’m sure he’ll pull the plug once $1 billion is gone and save the rest to solve the growing hooker unemployment problem that has ravaged this country.

(At this point, Ron could probably just trade sex for food – which he probably could arrange to get from his former Ralph’s and Food4Less stores. I would hope he would offer food from Ralph’s so the poor girls don’t have to bag their own groceries at Food4Less).

But enough about Ron Burkle’s (alleged) shenanigans mentioned above, this is about Harvey and Bob – two guys who changed the film distribution industry by taking on the big guys with small movies (and many times winning). But the greedy, creepy bastards sold off the dream for $80 million to Disney and now, the even greedier bastards, want it back for $600 million.

The classic example of throwing good money (well, Ron Burkle’s money) after bad.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

Tag: Miramax

Disney Junior – EUREKA!

Bob Iger Finishes Off The Weinstein Brothers