NICKMOM – R.I.P.

Adam Townsend, Alan Ruck, Amy Baer, Angeline Straka, Anthony Ambrosio, Ari Emanuel, Arnold Kopelson, Brendan Fraser, Bruce S. Gordon, Bruce Tobey, Carl Folta, Carla Santos Shamberg, CBS Films, Charlie Gifford, Chase Carey, David Andelman, David Poltrack, Debbie Miller, DebManka Bros., Diego Velazquez, Doug Morris, Fred Salerno, Gary Countryman, Geeta Anand, Gil Schwartz, Harrison Ford, Harvey Weinstein, Jared Harris, Jeff Weiner, Jill Kennedy, Jordana Glick-Franzheim, Joseph A. Califano, Joseph Ianniello, Josh Rothstein, Jr., Keri Russell, Khan Manka, Leonard Goldberg, Les Moonves, Linda Griego, Louis Briskman, Manka Bros., Martin Franks, Meredith Droeger, Michael Shamberg, Nan Morales, News Corporation, OnMedea, Patrick Bauchau, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Sullivan, Richard Jones, Rik Toulon, Rob Friedman, Robert Nelson Jacobs, Rupert Murdoch, Sam Hall, Shari Redstone, Stacey Sher, Steven Friedlander, Summit Entertainment, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, The Weinstein Company, Thomas Dooley, Tom Vaughan, Viacom, Wade Davis, William S. Cohen, CBS Films is dead

Thomas Dooley, James Barge, Robert Bakish, James Bombassei, Wade Davis, Carl Folta, MIchael Fricklas, Brad Grey, Doug Herzog, De De Lea, Debra Lee, Scott Mills, Van Toffler, Cyma Zarghami, Adam Townsend, Alan Ruck, Amy Baer, Angeline Straka, Anthony Ambrosio, Ari Emanuel, Arnold Kopelson, Brendan Fraser, Bruce S. Gordon, Bruce Tobey, Carl Folta, Carla Santos Shamberg, CBS Films, Charlie Gifford, Chase Carey, David Andelman, David Poltrack, Debbie Miller, DebManka Bros., Diego Velazquez, Doug Morris, Fred Salerno, Gary Countryman, Geeta Anand, Gil Schwartz, Harrison Ford, Harvey Weinstein, Jared Harris, Jeff Weiner, Jill Kennedy, Jordana Glick-Franzheim, Joseph A. Califano, Joseph Ianniello, Josh Rothstein, Jr., Keri Russell, Khan Manka, Leonard Goldberg, Les Moonves, Linda Griego, Louis Briskman, Manka Bros., Martin Franks, Meredith Droeger, Michael Shamberg, Nan Morales, News Corporation, OnMedea, Patrick Bauchau, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Sullivan, Richard Jones, Rik Toulon, Rob Friedman, Robert Nelson Jacobs, Rupert Murdoch, Sam Hall, Shari Redstone, Stacey Sher, Steven Friedlander, Summit Entertainment, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, The Weinstein Company, Thomas Dooley, Tom Vaughan, Viacom, Wade Davis, William S. Cohen, CBS Films is dead, nickmom, nickmom is dead, cancelnickmom.com, Margarget Ables, Sara Benincasa, Bridget Benitz, Margaret Bristol, Rachel Callman, Cheryl Family, Noa Gavin, Brittany Gibbons, Joslyn Gray, Carly Hallam, Becky Harks, Calise Hawkins, Kim Hohman, Breena Jennings, Nikki Johnson, Katie Massa Kennedy, Una LaMarche, Risa Lewalk, Raisa Lewak, Sarah Manley, C. Matthews, C. McFadden, Jill Morris, J. Mustian, Julia Nathan, Kelly Nettles, Siobhan North, Kathy Passero, M. Poranz, Amber Porter, Adrienne Hedger, Shannon Seip, Nicole Leigh Shaw, Leanne Shirtliffe, Raven Snook, Lucy Sweet, Aly Sylvester, Adrienne Torrisi, Suzanna Vicinus, J. Vrabel, J. Wysaski, Bronwen O'KeefeIt’s very possible Nickmom will set the record for the world’s shortest running network.

There is no other option for this laughable disgrace than a total cancellation.

In fact, there are only three absolute certainties in this life:

1) The sun will rise in the east;

2) July 4th will occur every year on… July 4th; and

3) Nickmom will be shut down.

Such a complete creative and business abomination cannot possibly survive.

The tombstone graphic here may be a bit premature but it’s guaranteed to be accurate.

So, for the readers who have no idea what I’m talking about – what is this Nickmom that is almost universally hated by parents (mostly Moms)?

Nickmom is a primetime adult-skewing programming block (airing on the same channel as Nick Junior) designed for exhausted moms looking for a laugh or some edgier entertainment after the kids go to bed.

What’s wrong with that, Jill?

What do you have against exhausted moms looking for a laugh?

Absolutely nothing. I’m a proud exhausted mom myself who loves HBO.

But when you make a corporate decision to put on a programming block of comedians talking about sex and cocktails, shows called “Moms Night Out,” etc. etc. right after “Dora The Explorer” signs off, you clearly do not understand how the media landscape works.

Nickmom starts airing at 4pm in Hawaii for God’s sake! And 7PM in California (which is definitely before my daughter’s bedtime).

Thomas Dooley, James Barge, Robert Bakish, James Bombassei, Wade Davis, Carl Folta, MIchael Fricklas, Brad Grey, Doug Herzog, De De Lea, Debra Lee, Scott Mills, Van Toffler, Cyma Zarghami, Adam Townsend, Alan Ruck, Amy Baer, Angeline Straka, Anthony Ambrosio, Ari Emanuel, Arnold Kopelson, Brendan Fraser, Bruce S. Gordon, Bruce Tobey, Carl Folta, Carla Santos Shamberg, CBS Films, Charlie Gifford, Chase Carey, David Andelman, David Poltrack, Debbie Miller, DebManka Bros., Diego Velazquez, Doug Morris, Fred Salerno, Gary Countryman, Geeta Anand, Gil Schwartz, Harrison Ford, Harvey Weinstein, Jared Harris, Jeff Weiner, Jill Kennedy, Jordana Glick-Franzheim, Joseph A. Califano, Joseph Ianniello, Josh Rothstein, Jr., Keri Russell, Khan Manka, Leonard Goldberg, Les Moonves, Linda Griego, Louis Briskman, Manka Bros., Martin Franks, Meredith Droeger, Michael Shamberg, Nan Morales, News Corporation, OnMedea, Patrick Bauchau, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Sullivan, Richard Jones, Rik Toulon, Rob Friedman, Robert Nelson Jacobs, Rupert Murdoch, Sam Hall, Shari Redstone, Stacey Sher, Steven Friedlander, Summit Entertainment, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, The Weinstein Company, Thomas Dooley, Tom Vaughan, Viacom, Wade Davis, William S. Cohen, CBS Films is dead, nickmom, nickmom is dead, cancelnickmom.com, Margarget Ables, Sara Benincasa, Bridget Benitz, Margaret Bristol, Rachel Callman, Cheryl Family, Noa Gavin, Brittany Gibbons, Joslyn Gray, Carly Hallam, Becky Harks, Calise Hawkins, Kim Hohman, Breena Jennings, Nikki Johnson, Katie Massa Kennedy, Una LaMarche, Risa Lewalk, Raisa Lewak, Sarah Manley, C. Matthews, C. McFadden, Jill Morris, J. Mustian, Julia Nathan, Kelly Nettles, Siobhan North, Kathy Passero, M. Poranz, Amber Porter, Adrienne Hedger, Shannon Seip, Nicole Leigh Shaw, Leanne Shirtliffe, Raven Snook, Lucy Sweet, Aly Sylvester, Adrienne Torrisi, Suzanna Vicinus, J. Vrabel, J. Wysaski, Bronwen O'KeefeThe biggest problem I have with Nickmom is not a content issue (though it’s really awful – painful to watch). The biggest problem I have with Nickmom is that it is a stupid idea badly executed.

And the ratings are bearing that out as noted by the Wall Street Journal (this is becoming a national story) – 74% decline in two weeks.

There is also a website that has been launched by angry parents – CancelNickMom.com.

Hey Viacom – are you hearing any of this?

People hate it. Drop it. Bring back “Bubble Guppies!”

I always wonder how these epic fails in business happen. This one is stunning.

Nickmom is an idea obviously hatched by out-of-touch corporate executives who think whatever they throw up on the screen (‘throw up’ being key words) will be gobbled up by the masses. They probably imagined their in-boxs filling up with “Thank yous” from weary, under-entertained moms from around the country.

They probably sat there at lunchtime brain-storming sessions falling off their seats with laughter when the suggestion for a tagline came up… “What about ‘Motherfunny’?”  “‘Motherfunny’? Oh, my God, that is fucking hilarious! It sounds like “mother fucker” but it’s actually “motherfunny!”

Thomas Dooley, James Barge, Robert Bakish, James Bombassei, Wade Davis, Carl Folta, MIchael Fricklas, Brad Grey, Doug Herzog, De De Lea, Debra Lee, Scott Mills, Van Toffler, Cyma Zarghami, Adam Townsend, Alan Ruck, Amy Baer, Angeline Straka, Anthony Ambrosio, Ari Emanuel, Arnold Kopelson, Brendan Fraser, Bruce S. Gordon, Bruce Tobey, Carl Folta, Carla Santos Shamberg, CBS Films, Charlie Gifford, Chase Carey, David Andelman, David Poltrack, Debbie Miller, DebManka Bros., Diego Velazquez, Doug Morris, Fred Salerno, Gary Countryman, Geeta Anand, Gil Schwartz, Harrison Ford, Harvey Weinstein, Jared Harris, Jeff Weiner, Jill Kennedy, Jordana Glick-Franzheim, Joseph A. Califano, Joseph Ianniello, Josh Rothstein, Jr., Keri Russell, Khan Manka, Leonard Goldberg, Les Moonves, Linda Griego, Louis Briskman, Manka Bros., Martin Franks, Meredith Droeger, Michael Shamberg, Nan Morales, News Corporation, OnMedea, Patrick Bauchau, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Sullivan, Richard Jones, Rik Toulon, Rob Friedman, Robert Nelson Jacobs, Rupert Murdoch, Sam Hall, Shari Redstone, Stacey Sher, Steven Friedlander, Summit Entertainment, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, The Weinstein Company, Thomas Dooley, Tom Vaughan, Viacom, Wade Davis, William S. Cohen, CBS Films is dead, nickmom, nickmom is dead, cancelnickmom.com, Margarget Ables, Sara Benincasa, Bridget Benitz, Margaret Bristol, Rachel Callman, Cheryl Family, Noa Gavin, Brittany Gibbons, Joslyn Gray, Carly Hallam, Becky Harks, Calise Hawkins, Kim Hohman, Breena Jennings, Nikki Johnson, Katie Massa Kennedy, Una LaMarche, Risa Lewalk, Raisa Lewak, Sarah Manley, C. Matthews, C. McFadden, Jill Morris, J. Mustian, Julia Nathan, Kelly Nettles, Siobhan North, Kathy Passero, M. Poranz, Amber Porter, Adrienne Hedger, Shannon Seip, Nicole Leigh Shaw, Leanne Shirtliffe, Raven Snook, Lucy Sweet, Aly Sylvester, Adrienne Torrisi, Suzanna Vicinus, J. Vrabel, J. Wysaski, Bronwen O'KeefeThe room cannot stop laughing for several minutes. The coldcuts, fruit plates and cookie platters just sit there as middle-aged men (and a lucky female or two including the female VP in charge of Nickmom) howl with laughter at how awesome they are.

And then a branding exec chimes in: “But it’s perfect for what we’re trying to accomplish. We’re making mothers laugh.”

Another exec: “And no one needs laughs more than mothers!”

A marketing exec chimes in to make it all relevant: “And ‘motherfunny’ gives it that edge we’re looking for. These aren’t your father’s mothers anymore. Advertisers are going to eat this shit up!”

I’m not going to pound the point anymore and this isn’t a cry from a concerned parent who is worried about the moral fabric of our country – I know how to keep bad stuff away from my daughter, thank you.

But, face it, this is a horrible idea and it needs to killed.

And… it will be. Soon. Guaranteed.

Accel Partners, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Chris Hughes, David Kirkpatrick, Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin, Gerald Levin, Greylock Partners, HBO, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Joanna Shields, Jon Miller, Khan Manka, Li Ka-shing, Manka Bros., Mark Cuban, Mark Zuckerberg, Matt Cohler, MySpace, Nicolas Carlson, OnMedea, Owen Van Natta, Paul Buchheit, Peter Thiel, Rupert Murdoch, Sheryl Sandberg, Sumner Redstone, Toy Story 3Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

CBS Films – R.I.P. – Beastly Update

Adam Townsend, Alan Ruck, Amy Baer, Angeline Straka, Anthony Ambrosio, Ari Emanuel, Arnold Kopelson, Brendan Fraser, Bruce S. Gordon, Bruce Tobey, Carl Folta, Carla Santos Shamberg, CBS Films, Charlie Gifford, Chase Carey, David Andelman, David Poltrack, Debbie Miller, DebManka Bros., Diego Velazquez, Doug Morris, Fred Salerno, Gary Countryman, Geeta Anand, Gil Schwartz, Harrison Ford, Harvey Weinstein, Jared Harris, Jeff Weiner, Jill Kennedy, Jordana Glick-Franzheim, Joseph A. Califano, Joseph Ianniello, Josh Rothstein, Jr., Keri Russell, Khan Manka, Leonard Goldberg, Les Moonves, Linda Griego, Louis Briskman, Manka Bros., Martin Franks, Meredith Droeger, Michael Shamberg, Nan Morales, News Corporation, OnMedea, Patrick Bauchau, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Sullivan, Richard Jones, Rik Toulon, Rob Friedman, Robert Nelson Jacobs, Rupert Murdoch, Sam Hall, Shari Redstone, Stacey Sher, Steven Friedlander, Summit Entertainment, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, The Weinstein Company, Thomas Dooley, Tom Vaughan, Viacom, Wade Davis, William S. Cohen, CBS Films is deadUPDATE: The original CBS Films R.I.P. post below was written on January 25, 2010, right after “Extraordinary Measures” starring Harrison Ford and Brendan Fraser flopped.

The latest CBS Films release to flop is “Beastly” starring actors who didn’t get cast in “Twilight”.  This modern take on “Beauty and the Beast” (one of an endless stream of upcoming Fairy Tale Movies) had an opening weekend of about $10 million.  While this one is not a complete disaster like the previous releases, and may only lose a couple of million, it won’t, by any means, be able to save the life of the division.

———————————————————

CBS Films – R.I.P. (January 25, 2010)

I’m actually surprised there isn’t more inside media coverage of the disastrous debut of CBS Films’ first release – “Extraordinary Measures” starring Harrison Ford and Brendan Fraser ($6.0 million opening weekend from over 2,500 theaters – finishing 8th behind “Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel” in its 5th week).

I realize the Jay/Dave/Conan/Jeff Zucker drama is a much sexier story but CBS Films’ failure is another example of the cocksure executive that believes he can do no wrong.

Adam Townsend, Alan Ruck, Amy Baer, Angeline Straka, Anthony Ambrosio, Ari Emanuel, Arnold Kopelson, Brendan Fraser, Bruce S. Gordon, Bruce Tobey, Carl Folta, Carla Santos Shamberg, CBS Films, Charlie Gifford, Chase Carey, David Andelman, David Poltrack, Debbie Miller, DebManka Bros., Diego Velazquez, Doug Morris, Fred Salerno, Gary Countryman, Geeta Anand, Gil Schwartz, Harrison Ford, Harvey Weinstein, Jared Harris, Jeff Weiner, Jill Kennedy, Jordana Glick-Franzheim, Joseph A. Califano, Joseph Ianniello, Josh Rothstein, Jr., Keri Russell, Khan Manka, Leonard Goldberg, Les Moonves, Linda Griego, Louis Briskman, Manka Bros., Martin Franks, Meredith Droeger, Michael Shamberg, Nan Morales, News Corporation, OnMedea, Patrick Bauchau, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Sullivan, Richard Jones, Rik Toulon, Rob Friedman, Robert Nelson Jacobs, Rupert Murdoch, Sam Hall, Shari Redstone, Stacey Sher, Steven Friedlander, Summit Entertainment, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, The Weinstein Company, Thomas Dooley, Tom Vaughan, Viacom, Wade Davis, William S. CohenLes Moonves, former bit player on “The Six Million Dollar Man” turned powerful CBS media mogul, is the exec on the hot seat this time. (Personally, I can imagine Jeff Zucker pushing this story just to get his name out of the press.)

Four years ago, when Sumner Redstone was completing the disastrous Viacom / CBS split, Mr. Moonves wanted Paramount Pictures so badly that when he didn’t get it, he decided he could create a new Paramount Pictures from scratch – CBS Films.

It’s a cold Monday morning at Black Rock today.

I’m assuming there will be two maybe three more failed releases in 2010 and then a decision to “refocus CBS’ energies on our booming cable network distribution platforms and new media” (translation: the coming end of CBS Films – probably at the end of 2011).

The R.I.P. tombstone above is generous in giving CBS Films a four year lifespan (2007-2011) considering the first release wasn’t until this past weekend – but I think three years of staffing up and development does count at being in business.

Another possibility for CBS would be to acquire Summit Entertainment. At least then they would have two guaranteed hits in the pipeline – the final two “Twilight” movies.

Or… my personal dream plan, somehow have CBS either acquire or wrest away Paramount from Viacom. News Corporation then buys Viacom’s cable channels (assets they sorely need). And Viacom shuts down thus getting us one step closer to saying bye-bye to Sumner Redstone forever.

Regardless of what happens, CBS’ old media experiment is not going to make it.

Adam Townsend, Alan Ruck, Amy Baer, Angeline Straka, Anthony Ambrosio, Ari Emanuel, Arnold Kopelson, Brendan Fraser, Bruce S. Gordon, Bruce Tobey, Carl Folta, Carla Santos Shamberg, CBS Films, Charlie Gifford, Chase Carey, David Andelman, David Poltrack, Debbie Miller, DebManka Bros., Diego Velazquez, Doug Morris, Fred Salerno, Gary Countryman, Geeta Anand, Gil Schwartz, Harrison Ford, Harvey Weinstein, Jared Harris, Jeff Weiner, Jill Kennedy, Jordana Glick-Franzheim, Joseph A. Califano, Joseph Ianniello, Josh Rothstein, Jr., Keri Russell, Khan Manka, Leonard Goldberg, Les Moonves, Linda Griego, Louis Briskman, Manka Bros., Martin Franks, Meredith Droeger, Michael Shamberg, Nan Morales, News Corporation, OnMedea, Patrick Bauchau, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Sullivan, Richard Jones, Rik Toulon, Rob Friedman, Robert Nelson Jacobs, Rupert Murdoch, Sam Hall, Shari Redstone, Stacey Sher, Steven Friedlander, Summit Entertainment, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, The Weinstein Company, Thomas Dooley, Tom Vaughan, Viacom, Wade Davis, William S. CohenJill Kennedy – OnMedea

Disney Junior – EUREKA!

Alan Braverman, Alan C. Greenberg, Andrew Mooney, Andy Bird, Anne Sweeney, Aylwin Lewis, Blythe McGarvie, Bob Iger, Bob Weinstein, Brad Grey, Brent Woodford, Carl D. Folta, Charlies Phillips, Chateau Lafite Rothschild, Christine McCarthy, Debra Lee, DeDe Lea, Denise White, Disney Junior, Fred Langhammer, Frederic V. Salerno, George Bodenheimer, George S. Abrams, Harvey Weinstein, Imagineering, James Barge, James Bombassei, Jay Rasulo, Jayne Parker, John Bryson, John Chen, John Pepper, Jr., Judith Estrin, Judy McGrath, Kevin Mayer, Khan Manka, Lee Solomon, Manka Bros., Michael Eisner, Michael Fricklas, Miramax, Monica Lozano, Nick Junior, Noggin, Orin Smith, Philippe Dauman, Playhouse Disney, Preston Padden, Rich Ross, Robert Kraft, Robert Matschullat, Ron Burkle, Ronald Iden, Shari Redstone, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Steve Wadsworth, Sumner Redstone, Susan Arnold, The Weinstein Company, Thomas Dooley, Thomas Staggs, Tina Brown, Wade Davis, Walter Liss, William Schwartz, World's Largest Media Company, Zenia MuchaSo, it was announced today that Playhouse Disney will become Disney Junior. The folks at Disney Corporate must have put in quite a bit of overtime on that one.

It’s a stroke of brilliance really – just as I thought it was brilliant when Viacom changed Noggin to Nick Jr. last year!

Bravo to Disney’s Brand Consultants who, most likely, put in extremely long hours and probably weren’t cheap.

Alan Braverman, Alan C. Greenberg, Andrew Mooney, Andy Bird, Anne Sweeney, Aylwin Lewis, Blythe McGarvie, Bob Iger, Bob Weinstein, Brad Grey, Brent Woodford, Carl D. Folta, Charlies Phillips, Chateau Lafite Rothschild, Christine McCarthy, Debra Lee, DeDe Lea, Denise White, Disney Junior, Fred Langhammer, Frederic V. Salerno, George Bodenheimer, George S. Abrams, Harvey Weinstein, Imagineering, James Barge, James Bombassei, Jay Rasulo, Jayne Parker, John Bryson, John Chen, John Pepper, Jr., Judith Estrin, Judy McGrath, Kevin Mayer, Khan Manka, Lee Solomon, Manka Bros., Michael Eisner, Michael Fricklas, Miramax, Monica Lozano, Nick Junior, Noggin, Orin Smith, Philippe Dauman, Playhouse Disney, Preston Padden, Rich Ross, Robert Kraft, Robert Matschullat, Ron Burkle, Ronald Iden, Shari Redstone, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Steve Wadsworth, Sumner Redstone, Susan Arnold, The Weinstein Company, Thomas Dooley, Thomas Staggs, Tina Brown, Wade Davis, Walter Liss, William Schwartz, World's Largest Media Company, Zenia MuchaI can imagine conference calls, late night food deliveries and logo designs on several other names like Disney Tots, Disney Ragamuffins, ToddlerDisney, Disney 2-7 (or ‘The D27!’)… before finally reaching the stroke of genius that is Disney Junior.

And I’m sure it was a tense few days before Bob Iger finally signed off on it. During the presentation, he probably said things like “Disney Junior? Really? Isn’t Junior a term for boys? Nickelodeon did it? OK, go ahead.” And that was that. Disney Junior will launch in 2012!

Being a parent of a five year old, I am not cynical about children’s programming and appreciate the big media companies producing so much content that distracts my child long enough so I can take a five minute break to go to the bathroom (including my own parent company Manka Bros. and our Manka Kids brand – Manka Junior anyone?).

I just think with all the millions of dollars being thrown around at media companies on Brand Management, it’s nice to know that all anyone needs to do to brand something for toddlers it to put the word “Junior” behind it. Clorox Junior, Coke Junior (with 40% less sugar), 1976 Chateau Lafite Rothschild Junior (for French children)…

Maybe I’ll launch OnMedea Junior for toddlers who want to read scandalous corporate media stories about “Dora the Explorer”.

Alan Braverman, Alan C. Greenberg, Andrew Mooney, Andy Bird, Anne Sweeney, Aylwin Lewis, Blythe McGarvie, Bob Iger, Bob Weinstein, Brad Grey, Brent Woodford, Carl D. Folta, Charlies Phillips, Chateau Lafite Rothschild, Christine McCarthy, Debra Lee, DeDe Lea, Denise White, Disney Junior, Fred Langhammer, Frederic V. Salerno, George Bodenheimer, George S. Abrams, Harvey Weinstein, Imagineering, James Barge, James Bombassei, Jay Rasulo, Jayne Parker, John Bryson, John Chen, John Pepper, Jr., Judith Estrin, Judy McGrath, Kevin Mayer, Khan Manka, Lee Solomon, Manka Bros., Michael Eisner, Michael Fricklas, Miramax, Monica Lozano, Nick Junior, Noggin, Orin Smith, Philippe Dauman, Playhouse Disney, Preston Padden, Rich Ross, Robert Kraft, Robert Matschullat, Ron Burkle, Ronald Iden, Shari Redstone, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Steve Wadsworth, Sumner Redstone, Susan Arnold, The Weinstein Company, Thomas Dooley, Thomas Staggs, Tina Brown, Wade Davis, Walter Liss, William Schwartz, World's Largest Media Company, Zenia MuchaJill Kennedy – OnMedea

Bob Iger Finishes Off The Weinstein Brothers

Alan Braverman, Andrew Mooney, Andy Bird, Anne Sweeney, Aylwin Lewis, Bob Iger, Bob Weinstein, Brent Woodford, Christine McCarthy, Fred Langhammer, George Bodenheimer, Harvey Weinstein, Jay Rasulo, Jayne Parker, John Bryson, John Chen, John Pepper, Jr., Judith Estrin, Kevin Mayer, Khan Manka, Lee Solomon, Manka Bros., Michael Eisner, Miramax, Monica Lozano, Orin Smith, Preston Padden, Rich Ross, Robert Matschullat, Ron Burkle, Ronald Iden, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Steve Wadsworth, Susan Arnold, The Weinstein Company, Thomas Staggs, Tina Brown, Walter Liss, World's Largest Media Company, Zenia Mucha

By selling Miramax back to the Weinstein Brothers (that would be Harvey and Bob) and (ahem) Lord Ron Burkle (he who has single-handedly created thousands of jobs in the prostitution and supermarket industries), Disney Chief Bob Iger has effectively given the coup de grace to Harvey and Bob thus ending their 30+ year run in show business.

Alan Braverman, Andrew Mooney, Andy Bird, Anne Sweeney, Aylwin Lewis, Bob Iger, Bob Weinstein, Brent Woodford, Christine McCarthy, Fred Langhammer, George Bodenheimer, Harvey Weinstein, Jay Rasulo, Jayne Parker, John Bryson, John Chen, John Pepper, Jr., Judith Estrin, Kevin Mayer, Khan Manka, Lee Solomon, Manka Bros., Michael Eisner, Miramax, Monica Lozano, Orin Smith, Preston Padden, Rich Ross, Robert Matschullat, Ron Burkle, Ronald Iden, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Steve Wadsworth, Susan Arnold, The Weinstein Company, Thomas Staggs, Tina Brown, Walter Liss, World's Largest Media Company, Zenia Mucha

But, you say, they’ll be running Miramax, picking up awesome Kevin Smith and Ben Affleck movies that the big studios don’t want to make?

Right?

They’re still in the business.

Sorry. Miramax will out of business in five years.

In 2013, a fire sale of the library will be hastily arranged by GoldmanSachsBankOfAmericaJPMorganCiti (a division of Lending Tree) and the price will be less that $200 million.

I suppose the deal allows the total prick and predator Harvey and his brother Bob the chance to die with dignity and go down in flames with the company they started (the name combines their parent’s first names “Miriam” and “Max”) – but I think a real friend (which obviously Bob Iger isn’t) would have said to stay far away from this horribly overpriced mess of fragmented film rights that have very little resale / remake value left in them.

I suppose that’s why Bob Iger is the current toast of the town and Harvey and Bob are just toast.  (Texas Toast if you believe this blog.)  Karma’s a bitch.

Alan Braverman, Andrew Mooney, Andy Bird, Anne Sweeney, Aylwin Lewis, Bob Iger, Bob Weinstein, Brent Woodford, Christine McCarthy, Fred Langhammer, George Bodenheimer, Harvey Weinstein, Jay Rasulo, Jayne Parker, John Bryson, John Chen, John Pepper, Jr., Judith Estrin, Kevin Mayer, Khan Manka, Lee Solomon, Manka Bros., Michael Eisner, Miramax, Monica Lozano, Orin Smith, Preston Padden, Rich Ross, Robert Matschullat, Ron Burkle, Ronald Iden, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Steve Wadsworth, Susan Arnold, The Weinstein Company, Thomas Staggs, Tina Brown, Walter Liss, World's Largest Media Company, Zenia Mucha

If the new post-Disney Miramax is run as efficiently as The Weinstein Company, Ron Burkle’s $3.5 billion net worth should be exhausted within 10 or 15 years (though I’m sure he’ll pull the plug once $1 billion is gone and save the rest to solve the growing hooker unemployment problem that has ravaged this country.

Alan Braverman, Andrew Mooney, Andy Bird, Anne Sweeney, Aylwin Lewis, Bob Iger, Bob Weinstein, Brent Woodford, Christine McCarthy, Fred Langhammer, George Bodenheimer, Harvey Weinstein, Jay Rasulo, Jayne Parker, John Bryson, John Chen, John Pepper, Jr., Judith Estrin, Kevin Mayer, Khan Manka, Lee Solomon, Manka Bros., Michael Eisner, Miramax, Monica Lozano, Orin Smith, Preston Padden, Rich Ross, Robert Matschullat, Ron Burkle, Ronald Iden, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Steve Wadsworth, Susan Arnold, The Weinstein Company, Thomas Staggs, Tina Brown, Walter Liss, World's Largest Media Company, Zenia Mucha

(At this point, Ron could probably just trade sex for food – which he probably could arrange to get from his former Ralph’s and Food4Less stores. I would hope he would offer food from Ralph’s so the poor girls don’t have to bag their own groceries at Food4Less).

But enough about Ron Burkle’s (alleged) shenanigans mentioned above, this is about Harvey and Bob – two guys who changed the film distribution industry by taking on the big guys with small movies (and many times winning). But the greedy, creepy bastards sold off the dream for $80 million to Disney and now, the even greedier bastards, want it back for $600 million.

The classic example of throwing good money (well, Ron Burkle’s money) after bad.

Allen & Company retreat, Anne Mulcahy, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Bobby Kotick, Carol Bartz, Charlie Rose, Cory Booker, DumbDumb, Electus, Eric Schmidt, Erin Burnett, Gina Bianchini, Harvey Weinstein, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, Jean-Bernard Levy, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, John Donahue, Ken Auletta, Khan Manka, Lachlan Murdoch, Lady Gaga, Leslie Moonves, Lionel Barber, Lloyd Grohl, Manka Bros., Marc Andreessen, Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Martin Sorrell, Mathias Dopfner, Mike Bloomberg, Niall FitzGerald, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rob Wiesenthal, Robert L. Johnson, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Terry Semel, Tom Freston, Tom Friedman, Ursula Burns, Vivi Nevo, Warren Buffett, World's Largest Media Company, Rupert Murdoch, Jose Maria Aznar, natalie Bancroft, Peter Barnes, Chase Carey, Kenneth Cowley, David DeVoe, Viet Dinh, Rod Eddington, Joel Klein, Andrew S.B. Knight, James Murdoch, Lachlan Murdoch, Thomas Perkins, Arthur Siskind, John Thornton, Stanley Shuman, Rebekah Brooks, Les Hinton, Teri Everett, jack Horner, Julie Henderson, Reed Nolte, Roger Ailes, Janet Nova, John Nallen, Beryl Cook, Michael Regan, Genie Gavenchak, Brian Lewis, Irena Briganti, Dan Berger, Rosabel Tao, Steven Rubenstein, Suzanne Halpin, Elisabeth Murdoch, Carol Bartz, Roy Bostock, Patti Hart, Sue James, Vyomesh Joshi, David Kenny, Arthur Kern, Brad Smith, Gary Wilson, Jerry Yang, Blake Irving, Ross Levinsohn, Rose Tsou, Rich Riley, Tim Morse, Michael J. Callahan, David Dibble, David Filo, Dr. Prabhakar Roghavan, Jeff Russakow, Elisa Steele, David Windley, Scott ThompsonJill Kennedy – OnMedea

CBS Films – R.I.P.

Adam Townsend, Alan Ruck, Amy Baer, Angeline Straka, Anthony Ambrosio, Ari Emanuel, Arnold Kopelson, Brendan Fraser, Bruce S. Gordon, Bruce Tobey, Carl Folta, Carla Santos Shamberg, CBS Films, Charlie Gifford, Chase Carey, David Andelman, David Poltrack, Debbie Miller, DebManka Bros., Diego Velazquez, Doug Morris, Fred Salerno, Gary Countryman, Geeta Anand, Gil Schwartz, Harrison Ford, Harvey Weinstein, Jared Harris, Jeff Weiner, Jill Kennedy, Jordana Glick-Franzheim, Joseph A. Califano, Joseph Ianniello, Josh Rothstein, Jr., Keri Russell, Khan Manka, Leonard Goldberg, Les Moonves, Linda Griego, Louis Briskman, Manka Bros., Martin Franks, Meredith Droeger, Michael Shamberg, Nan Morales, News Corporation, OnMedea, Patrick Bauchau, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Sullivan, Richard Jones, Rik Toulon, Rob Friedman, Robert Nelson Jacobs, Rupert Murdoch, Sam Hall, Shari Redstone, Stacey Sher, Steven Friedlander, Summit Entertainment, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, The Weinstein Company, Thomas Dooley, Tom Vaughan, Viacom, Wade Davis, William S. Cohen
CBS Films - R.I.P.

I’m actually surprised there isn’t more inside media coverage of the disastrous debut of CBS Films’ first release – Extraordinary Measures starring Harrison Ford and Brendan Fraser ($6.0 Million opening weekend from over 2,500 theaters – finishing 8th behind “Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel” in its 5th week).

I realize the Jay/Dave/Conan/Jeff Zucker drama is a much sexier story but CBS Films’ failure is another example of the cocksure executive that believes he can do no wrong.

Les Moonves, former bit player on “The Six Million Dollar Man” turned powerful CBS media mogul, is the exec on the hot seat this time.  (Personally, I can imagine Jeff Zucker pushing this story just to get his name out of the press.)

Four years ago, when Sumner Redstone was completing the disastrous Viacom / CBS split, Mr. Moonves wanted Paramount Pictures so badly that when he didn’t get it, he decided he could create a new Paramount Pictures from scratch – CBS Films.

It’s a cold Monday morning at Black Rock today.

I’m assuming there will be two maybe three more failed releases in 2010 and then a decision to “refocus CBS’ energies on our booming cable network distribution platforms and new media” (translation: the end of CBS Films).

The R.I.P. tombstone above is generous in giving CBS Films a four year lifespan (2007-2010) considering the first release wasn’t until this past weekend – but I think three years of staffing up and development does count as being in business.

Adam Townsend, Alan Ruck, Amy Baer, Angeline Straka, Anthony Ambrosio, Ari Emanuel, Arnold Kopelson, Brendan Fraser, Bruce S. Gordon, Bruce Tobey, Carl Folta, Carla Santos Shamberg, CBS Films, Charlie Gifford, Chase Carey, David Andelman, David Poltrack, Debbie Miller, DebManka Bros., Diego Velazquez, Doug Morris, Fred Salerno, Gary Countryman, Geeta Anand, Gil Schwartz, Harrison Ford, Harvey Weinstein, Jared Harris, Jeff Weiner, Jill Kennedy, Jordana Glick-Franzheim, Joseph A. Califano, Joseph Ianniello, Josh Rothstein, Jr., Keri Russell, Khan Manka, Leonard Goldberg, Les Moonves, Linda Griego, Louis Briskman, Manka Bros., Martin Franks, Meredith Droeger, Michael Shamberg, Nan Morales, News Corporation, OnMedea, Patrick Bauchau, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Sullivan, Richard Jones, Rik Toulon, Rob Friedman, Robert Nelson Jacobs, Rupert Murdoch, Sam Hall, Shari Redstone, Stacey Sher, Steven Friedlander, Summit Entertainment, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, The Weinstein Company, Thomas Dooley, Tom Vaughan, Viacom, Wade Davis, William S. CohenAnother possibility for CBS would be to acquire Summit Entertainment. At least then they would have two guaranteed hits in the pipeline – the final two “Twilight” movies.

Or… my personal dream plan, somehow have CBS either acquire or wrest away Paramount from ViacomNews Corporation buys the cable channels from Viacom (assets they sorely need).  Viacom shuts down thus getting us one step closer to saying bye-bye to Sumner Redstone forever.

Regardless of what happens, CBS’ old media experiment is not going to make it.  But Les Moonves can take solace in the fact that a very exciting Super Bowl is coming to CBS and he still runs one of the top two broadcast networks in the country.

There was a time when that would have been enough for one man.

Accel Partners, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Chris Hughes, David Kirkpatrick, Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin, Gerald Levin, Greylock Partners, HBO, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Joanna Shields, Jon Miller, Khan Manka, Li Ka-shing, Manka Bros., Mark Cuban, Mark Zuckerberg, Matt Cohler, MySpace, Nicolas Carlson, OnMedea, Owen Van Natta, Paul Buchheit, Peter Thiel, Rupert Murdoch, Sheryl Sandberg, Sumner Redstone, Toy Story 3Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

CBS Films’ Big Test

Adam Townsend, Alan Ruck, Amy Baer, Angeline Straka, Anthony Ambrosio, Ari Emanuel, Arnold Kopelson, Brendan Fraser, Bruce S. Gordon, Bruce Tobey, Carl Folta, Carla Santos Shamberg, CBS Films, Charlie Gifford, Chase Carey, David Andelman, David Poltrack, Debbie Miller, DebManka Bros., Diego Velazquez, Doug Morris, Fred Salerno, Gary Countryman, Geeta Anand, Gil Schwartz, Harrison Ford, Harvey Weinstein, Jared Harris, Jeff Weiner, Jill Kennedy, Jordana Glick-Franzheim, Joseph A. Califano, Joseph Ianniello, Josh Rothstein, Jr., Keri Russell, Khan Manka, Leonard Goldberg, Les Moonves, Linda Griego, Louis Briskman, Manka Bros., Martin Franks, Meredith Droeger, Michael Shamberg, Nan Morales, News Corporation, OnMedea, Patrick Bauchau, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Sullivan, Richard Jones, Rik Toulon, Rob Friedman, Robert Nelson Jacobs, Rupert Murdoch, Sam Hall, Shari Redstone, Stacey Sher, Steven Friedlander, Summit Entertainment, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, The Weinstein Company, Thomas Dooley, Tom Vaughan, Viacom, Wade Davis, William S. CohenCBS Films – that scrappy upstart with the name that screams ‘OLD MEDIA’ (“Films”, really?  Can you even buy film stock anymore?  The world is going digital, CBS) – hits the ground running today with its first release, “Extraordinary Measures” starring Harrison Ford and Brendan Fraser.

Adam Townsend, Alan Ruck, Amy Baer, Angeline Straka, Anthony Ambrosio, Ari Emanuel, Arnold Kopelson, Brendan Fraser, Bruce S. Gordon, Bruce Tobey, Carl Folta, Carla Santos Shamberg, CBS Films, Charlie Gifford, Chase Carey, David Andelman, David Poltrack, Debbie Miller, DebManka Bros., Diego Velazquez, Doug Morris, Fred Salerno, Gary Countryman, Geeta Anand, Gil Schwartz, Harrison Ford, Harvey Weinstein, Jared Harris, Jeff Weiner, Jill Kennedy, Jordana Glick-Franzheim, Joseph A. Califano, Joseph Ianniello, Josh Rothstein, Jr., Keri Russell, Khan Manka, Leonard Goldberg, Les Moonves, Linda Griego, Louis Briskman, Manka Bros., Martin Franks, Meredith Droeger, Michael Shamberg, Nan Morales, News Corporation, OnMedea, Patrick Bauchau, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Sullivan, Richard Jones, Rik Toulon, Rob Friedman, Robert Nelson Jacobs, Rupert Murdoch, Sam Hall, Shari Redstone, Stacey Sher, Steven Friedlander, Summit Entertainment, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, The Weinstein Company, Thomas Dooley, Tom Vaughan, Viacom, Wade Davis, William S. CohenMost start-up production companies don’t have Harrison Ford in their first movie.  Most start-up production companies have the guy or girl that’s holding the boom pole also act in a major role and provide their own food and wardrobe.  But most start-up production companies aren’t called “CBS FILMS”.

Why is there a CBS Films?  It seems that Viacom (before Sumner Redstone’s idiotic decision to split the company in half – thus creating this problem in the first place) has a very nice movie production company called Paramount Pictures.  They also made a couple of Harrison Ford movies.  I remember he played a guy named Indiana Jones for them.

You see, I think it’s ridiculous CBS Films had to be formed.  It’s not going to last (sorry, Les).  New movie companies just don’t make it – even backed by a large media company like CBS.  Yes, go ahead and scream all you want about Summit Entertainment and their success – but after they release two more teen-angst vampire movies – they’re done.

I understand Les Moonves’ desire to run a completely vertical entertainment conglomerate.  But it’s no longer 1995.  The media landscape has changed.  The glorious gatekeeper days are over.   Ask Harvey Weinstein how hard it is to build an empire from scratch (but you may have to buy him lunch to ask that question.  Dude is totally broke).

Look, I work for The World’s Largest Media CompanyManka Bros. – and they have five movie labels and all of them suck.  Sorry, Khan (my boss, Khan Manka, Jr.).  And they’ve been doing it for 90 years.

Adam Townsend, Alan Ruck, Amy Baer, Angeline Straka, Anthony Ambrosio, Ari Emanuel, Arnold Kopelson, Brendan Fraser, Bruce S. Gordon, Bruce Tobey, Carl Folta, Carla Santos Shamberg, CBS Films, Charlie Gifford, Chase Carey, David Andelman, David Poltrack, Debbie Miller, DebManka Bros., Diego Velazquez, Doug Morris, Fred Salerno, Gary Countryman, Geeta Anand, Gil Schwartz, Harrison Ford, Harvey Weinstein, Jared Harris, Jeff Weiner, Jill Kennedy, Jordana Glick-Franzheim, Joseph A. Califano, Joseph Ianniello, Josh Rothstein, Jr., Keri Russell, Khan Manka, Leonard Goldberg, Les Moonves, Linda Griego, Louis Briskman, Manka Bros., Martin Franks, Meredith Droeger, Michael Shamberg, Nan Morales, News Corporation, OnMedea, Patrick Bauchau, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Sullivan, Richard Jones, Rik Toulon, Rob Friedman, Robert Nelson Jacobs, Rupert Murdoch, Sam Hall, Shari Redstone, Stacey Sher, Steven Friedlander, Summit Entertainment, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, The Weinstein Company, Thomas Dooley, Tom Vaughan, Viacom, Wade Davis, William S. CohenEven though “Extraordinary Measures” looks like the kind of movie that would give me a really good cry on a Saturday night at home – WHILE WATCHING THE HALLMARK CHANNEL – I’m sort of rooting against this one to succeed.

You see, I want CBS to buy (or wrest away) Paramount Pictures from Viacom and then immediately close CBS Films.  I want News Corporation to buy all the cable channels and other assets from Viacom.

Then I want Viacom and Sumner Redstone to go away… forever.  (I realize Sumner will still be Chairman of CBS – but Chairman can be overthrown – ask Steve Case – even if it’s an old coot that’s never going to die.)

So, good luck CBS Films.  It’s a tall mountain to climb.  I’m thinking “Extraordinary Measures” will pull down between $10-15 million this weekend.  Whether that is good enough to call the first release a success… we’ll just have to find out.  Less than $10 million and there will be quite a few worried CBS Films execs on Monday morning.

Accel Partners, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Chris Hughes, David Kirkpatrick, Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin, Gerald Levin, Greylock Partners, HBO, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Joanna Shields, Jon Miller, Khan Manka, Li Ka-shing, Manka Bros., Mark Cuban, Mark Zuckerberg, Matt Cohler, MySpace, Nicolas Carlson, OnMedea, Owen Van Natta, Paul Buchheit, Peter Thiel, Rupert Murdoch, Sheryl Sandberg, Sumner Redstone, Toy Story 3Jill Kennedy – OnMedea