Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2016 – Day 2 – Burn, Hollywood, Burn

6 Replies to “Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2016 – Day 2 – Burn, Hollywood, Burn”

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5. Khan,

   Wasn’t it nice of Herb to finally lay down a full $33 million this year to actually keep a perimeter around the Lodge and the Inn? Forget the reporters. It’s so refreshing to not have to be with the general public as we skip from Davos to Dresden to Sun Valley and choose the next world leaders. Ha! You thought this was just about new and old media?! It became evident this year that Herb has grander plans. This is quickly becoming the American Bilderberg confab while Herb builds his global base. Ah well, get media titans, world leaders, security chiefs, and generals together, and you end up with Hollywood classics for the masses like, well, Cow Jumped Over The Moon. Your Manka classic really needs to be the subject of a film class at USC.

   I watched in awe as you cornered Ovitz in Bin Tran’s Hole, pun intended. It’s one thing to pound him about being engaged while still being married, but WOW, way to take it to him on the “gay mafia” comment in Vanity Fair after all these years. Incredible. My respect for you now is greater than it was for your drinking prowess.

   Where were you after the end of the paintball massacre on Day 3? You missed an epic showdown between Elon Musk and Sergei Brin. Actually, it became another swordfight to see whose dick was bigger, and did it ever spill over onto Sun Valley Road! Brin marched over to Musk by the Opera House and dug in on how much better Google was at self-driving technology and how Musk can’t steer a company let alone a car. Philippe Dauman intervened and issued a decree that it was time for a live round of Frogger on Sun Valley Road. Well, that was it. Next thing you know, they managed to get the Sun Valley PD to shut down Trail Creek Road down to Sun Valley Road by the Lodge. You must have been at the bottom of a glass to miss everyone calling for the cavalcade of SUVs to go watch what happened next.

   Dauman explained Brin would stand in the middle of the road and not move as the driverless Google car drove at him at 70 mph with the sun setting behind Baldy at his back, and Elon would have to do the same thing with his Tesla. Elon looked ill. He turned pale and wet his dungarees like he’d just read his production forecasts for the Model 3, but like always, he couldn’t back down, now. Oprah was shouting something about how she wanted to see some police officers try the same thing in front of a Tesla. And here you have all these titans with red and green plastered all over them from the paintball fight. To me, this sh*tshow was like a 4th of July Christmas Spectacular, but I digress. Back to the match.

   Brin walked out into the middle of the road as the Google car drove his direction. Amazingly, and perhaps insanely, Brin TRIED to run AT the Google car, and the damned thing STILL managed to avoid him. The crowd was going wild like they’d just seen the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona. Elon meekly shuffled out into the middle of the road turning his head like he was looking for his mama, positioned himself, and before the Tesla was 1,000 feet away, he ran screaming for the shoulder. No shit. I would, too. And I ‘thought’ I heard Sheri mutter something about getting a Tesla for Sumner’s birthday and something about speeding things up. I’m sure she meant that Teslas are fast. There you go. The crowd was hoping for a matador goring, but Musk was forced to fly out after that and barely made the curfew at Friedman. He may not make it back next year. Herb looked disgusted.

   Connie was getting high fives in the teen tent themed like a cowboy bar yesterday, in case you missed that, too. There was an aroma coming out of there that seemed familiar and sweet. I’m sure it wasn’t incense, and the smell was making the ex cop at the plastic fence agitated for some reason. Who needs Bin Tran with Gen Z? She’s a chip off the old block. You must be proud. Her peers were heard to be saying, “Connie? Get the fuck out! (as a compliment) You said what?” We haven’t seen that kind of passion in America since 1969 which was the last time kids really told their parents where to go. I’m surprised she didn’t toss in a gratuitous, “Old people stink, too. You just can’t tell because you’re all, well, old.”

   Hey, what did you think of the SV16 swag? Herb’s logowear is always such a hit, and I’m so glad each year includes a fleece because the Limelight Room is as cold as Sheri Redstone. And, from an ego standpoint, when I venture out amongst the hoi polloi in Ketchum, it’s nice to be able to identify myself as a titan, even if I do it by wearing last year’s logowear at Christina’s before the conference starts, since the locals don’t even know I’m choosing their next political leaders, and they need to know. I sometimes wear my name badge from last year, too.

   We must all be too cold in that God-awful room at the Inn. I saw Publicis CEO Maurice Levy walking down the path along Sun Valley Road by the horses wearing full length jeans, loafers, and a gray winter sweater smoking a cigar in 80 degree weather. It sounded like he was congratulating Philippe Dauman after his latest round of Frogger. Priceless!

   You know, I never believed the conspiracy rumors that Herb plotted to trip Katherine Graham a few years ago so he could finally get a commission check on a WaPo transaction, but you have to admit, Herb’s getting deals done, whatever it takes. After the most recent LinkedIn/Microsoft deal, I’m sure Herb will be able to pay more than $33 million to take over Sun Valley next year and extend the perimeter all the way to Ketchum. Oh, let’s hope. I’d like to roam Sun Valley naked for once.

   Sorry we didn’t catch up AGAIN. I see you shut off the comments section. Did Herb get to you, too? Let’s hope not, my friend. God I love the smell of burning kerosene as we queue up in our private jets to leave. That’s when you know you’ve arrived as a titan. See you at SV17 if not before at Davos. Long live OLD MEDIA…or at least let it live long enough for me to see my retirement check.

   Reply

   1. Terry,

      So sorry to have missed you again this year. You seem to have the right attitude about these bullshit events and it would be most outstanding to get hammered together. Are you going to Comic-Con? Manka Bros. is taking over Hall H for a day to promote our new Irish Potato Famine drama “Gorta Mor – Whilst Ireland Weeps”
      http://mankabros.com/blogs/chairman/2016/06/17/manka-bros-bringing-irish-potato-famine-drama-to-comic-con/

      I did hear all about the self-driving car fiasco and didn’t think much of it but you make it sound so much more exciting. I really wish I could have seen the terror in Elon’s face. (Though I have seen that look once before when we were out for a walk and a squirrel ran in front of him. Elon is petrified of squirrels.) Personally, I am completely bored and unimpressed with the self-driving car thing. Creating a self-driving car is easy, comedy is hard.

      Very excited about the early footage I have seen from our Checkers trilogy. When we bought the rights people thought we were idiots “you can’t turn the game of Checkers into a film trilogy!” Oh, yeah? Just wait until the world sees this one. “The Lord of the Rings” is our bitch.
      http://mankabros.com/blogs/chairman/2014/02/28/manka-bros-acquires-film-rights-to-checkers-3-films-planned/

      We must catch up soon, Terry. Have a good Bastille Day. What is that Thursday? Jesus, how time flies.
      Khan

      Reply