July 2011 – Behind the Proscenium

July 30, 2011

The Smurfs [REVIEW]

The Smurfs

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

What the Smurf?!?

Another Smurfing CGI poopfest of the summer of pooping Smurfed-up films?

The movie studios have Smurfed us again – right up the Smurfhole.

If animated characters take on real actors, then alarm bells should ring. Excluding again the extraordinary movie gem Beowulf (genius!), it is also already hard at all to call a movie of this kind that can convince.

Then, when a studio then tries the popular cartoon series The Smurfs and in this, is messed up, then red alert should be achieved!

Success!

Anyone who is curious nonetheless: Yes, The Smurfs is really a very weak movie that nobody has to look at – but if you do, blame only yourself (or your Smurfingly annoying mate who said it would be good – dump her now!).

Smurfs live concealed in a village, hidden from the outside world. And it also has a good reason: Among others, it has the evil wizard Gargamel (Hank Azaria) who dicks with Smurfs (not literally – it’s kids movie!). But eventually he succeeds and his cat, Azrael (who does not dick), still make the village identified and found.

During their flight, a little Smurf group, including Papa Smurf and Smurfette (whore), in a magic vortex that brings them into an alien world: New York City – in and of our time.

Then, even Smurfs can’t get a ticket to Book of Mormon (sad Smurfs). And since Gargamel was also to New York, they seek refuge with Grace (Jayma Mays – boring in Glee. Have sex with Mr. Schuester already!) and Patrick (Neil Patrick Harris – ladykiller!), who are trying to help the Smurfs on their way back.

The concept is simple: Take a well-known franchise (in this case, The Smurfs), invent a hair-raising story line and try with as simplistic gags at least a little pep in the boring construct bring.

Or not.

The Smurfs makes it quite simple and shipped the blue little people with the help of a rather cheap gimmick in our world to be found (this is confusing).

As a consequence of a classic culture clash show is taken off, but unfortunately it lacks the rear to the front of even a semi-good idea.

The highlight is when there already is a hopelessly misplaced Gargamel heedless of a braking car.

Hurp durp.

Yes, The Smurfs actually tried it with only the very stale gags that were boring 25 years ago (or more – think vaudeville… IF YOU DARE!) and have since been contradicted by constantly chewed just such ideas and soulless, embarrassing movies.

For any half-experienced viewers of the film ensures only for a large dollop of boredom and who is looking for something for children, should be no problems have a better alternative to find the pool of wonderful animated films.

Even Neil Patrick Harris fans can save the visit as the How I Met Your Mother star burned here is just merciless.

Something like The Smurfs comes out just when they (money grubbing studio tycoons like Khan Manka, Jr.) tries again every last cent out of an old franchise to push.

The story is bleh, the gags are all lukewarm damp squishy sandwich and otherwise it is primarily a high dumbness.

View may well be the only very young audience, but otherwise everyone else of the moviegoers already implemented have seen better.

If I had paid any Smurfing money to see this Smurf-fest… well, I would have yelled “Smurf off and die!” Smurfing Smurf Smurfers. So, one thumb – Smurfing… downward.

Kimmo Mustonenen (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. This learned from The Glee Project – Ryan Murphy is a tool.

July 28, 2011July 28, 2011

Cowboys & Aliens [REVIEW]

Cowboys & Aliens

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Cowboys & Aliens. Who didn’t play this game in the backyard, when you were children?

I was always a cowboy for I had a hat. It (the scenario) was better on my neighbor Kurri’s backyard; than it was on the big-ass screen.

Story? Well, here goes something…

If a stranger wakes up in the middle in New Mexico in 1873, he does not have memory of his past.

So says this film.

The only reference point which he has is, clamped to his wrist, an outlandish metal bracelet.

The foreigner walks into the city of Absolution and confuses and angers of the local cattle baron – his son. And he has run afoul and a brigand (yes, at the same time).

But when he finds out why he can’t think (not booze – though that has made me not think – like last Wednesday… but that is for another article – boy, I was drunk) – I just got lost in my own sentence.

And from here, Cowboys & Aliens enters into same old, same old cycle, which has the again formed group to run into sporadic detours on their journey – only to be alien attacked again and again.

I miss Indians.

The attacks are shot acceptable. Director Jon Favreau is not stranger to the shooting activity, but there’s no tension, no edge of their seat excitement, which should come at all directions and from each possible position of constraint.

And then we find the heroes can die.

No one never did die in the Kurri’s backyard (not for lack of trying).

Cowboys & Aliens is played fast and loose. The film wastes no time with receiving firmly into and soon it is alien time.

This sets the movie away from other, shy, films. Like Super 8. Show the monster already!

Daniel Craig forms persuasive ass-kicker, for very much a cowboy. That is, if you’ve never seen a movie about cowboys – with or without aliens.

I won’t spoil the alien look. They’re gnarly and ugly – like Kathy Griffin (ha! A joke!).

But even awkward exhibition and lengthy letters can work on their way into an exciting adventure film. Unfortunately, no person it seems in Cowboys & Aliens seems to have fun.

Harrison Ford grumbles with constipation, which does in each film for the last several years (two words – stool softener. Changed my life).

There are moments here and, where he and Craig talk to each other with their eyeballs. Those moments are cool.

Sam Rockwell seems the only member which thoroughly amuses himself. At my screening, the chant “More Sam, more Sam” made the rafters dance (disco!).

And this disappointment continues and on into approximately each aspect of Cowboys & Aliens (that is fun to type).

A western film, tries to have John Ford landscapes, can not strike the necessary boundry-lessness of the west – and the alien motivation for the Earth grabbing? Stupid, stupid, stupid (my editor stops me at three stupids).

Summary: Cowboy & Aliens was better in the Kurri’s backyard of my childhood than in the multiplex which now probably fills the backyard of your youth.

Oh, and Olivia Wilde is fetching (new word)!

Kimmo Mustonenen (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

July 22, 2011July 22, 2011

Captain America: The First Avenger [REVIEW]

Captain America: The First Avenger

With With, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Back on the good old days as a new superhero epic didn’t look on film screens apparently every other week, film producers used to satisfy we, us, the public with nothing more than bare exhibitionism.

Now they are just a bore.

Or am I exhausted (thanks for the tired, Transformers)?

Captain America: The First Avenger has strong opening times, a noble execution for sure.

Unfortunately they cannot this standard of the quality support and into crappy melodrama in the last hour ignore (if you can stay awake – yet so loud, how can you sleep?).

This is a dishonor, because a world-striking film of the Captain America could have caused indisputable momentum (my new superhero name!) for The Avengers.

Unfortunately, it is to be not.

Which we have here something I condemn to be underneath the average film, by choppy drawing up and the characters of one dimension (more on this later).

Thus it goes.

As Thor early in the season, Captain America: The First Avenger is requested, in order to do a terrible lot. And that is to explain to us the origin of a Marvel Comics guy, who we don’t know – also to his friends, the family and the sidekicks, then place it in world saving an adventure to the exhibition.

And more!

Suggest a point of romance and prepare for its inevitable sequels as part of the next years studio profits generator, known as The Avengers. Ka-ching!

Chris Evans plays as Steve Rogers – a child of Brooklyn, would like so much his country to serve, and would like the leading role to beat the Nazis in the Second World War (and in the face).

Unfortunately he’s a small guy – with many physical problems, thus Rogers is deemed unsuitable – he even tries to register several times under different names and with different physicians completely around New York.

This has gotten the attention of Dr. Abraham Erskine (Stanley Tucci) – a mysterious scientist working with defense contractor Howard Stark (Domenic Cooper), American Colonel Chester Phillips (Tommy Lee Jones) and British agent Peggy Carter (Hayley Atwell) to develop a medical procedure to turn everyday soldiers into super soldiers.

In Finland, we call these push-ups.

When the procedure works, how can Steve Rogers best serve his country?

He best serves it by not being in a movie as lousy as The Green Hornet but that is not too hard.

Well, he becomes Captain America.

Who wouldn’t?

Most badly of all, Captain America: The First Avenger we get like two films, which are in one smashed.

We could have been with the first part of the film contently, with the Rogers and his abilities discovered and prove ourselves, a hero to be, but director Joe Johnston and the writing team believed to the necessity to go back and start a whole again other plotline over Nazi badasses, which tries to stand for one even still more bad leader than Hitler (what?!?) bent on world domination, Johann Schmidt (Hugo Weaving).

Is this Captain America nemesis number one? Better to save him for the upcoming sequel movie. This one is too long.

So, I give one drooping thumb.

Movie is in 3D, too bad script arrived in 2D – which is still 1D better than the acting!

Sad face for me.

Sad face for Captain America: The First Avenger.

Kimmo Mustonenen (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

July 15, 2011July 15, 2011

Winnie the Pooh [REVIEW]

Winnie the Pooh

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Of more than 35 years since his last major movie appearance he is finally back: Winnie the Pooh, the honey-loving, always good-natured bear from the woods (where Pooh the bear goes – well… – The Pope is Catholic, right?).

In many places is the question – where the Heffalump has the Pooh been?

Forgotten, ignored, displaced?

This theatrical release alone is enough to run under the great banner of Walt Disney (and his frozen head – article later).

For this had been entirely based on old traditions and even if the marketing was on the safe side, and a post-modern piece of animation a la “Shrek” purported to end – it was a classical fairy tale and a good one at that.

With Winnie the Pooh, Disney goes a step further (or back, in both space and time), but here is a very old-fashioned, even to two-dimensional cartoon (not 3D, much thanks to God).

Is that nice?

Heffalump yes it is!!!

For content, one has taken three original stories of Winnie the Pooh inventor A.A. Milne.

Everything is as usual, feels familiar and exudes the nostalgic charm of the original and would smell like a cookie.

Childhood memories, surprises remain out completely (and we know that surprised children can be calamitous). It is just what you expect.

Pooh has in search of fresh honey, Eeyore lost his tail and then disappears (but not like in Hostel – that would freak me out!).

The story is really Heffalumping slow going, but in this case is not a disadvantage, because the film is primarily designed for a very young audience, and for many it will be the first cinema experience (Playskool’s “My First Cinema!” Send me a check, Playskool).

It will be taken for all time, faster, more exciting passages are interspersed with quiet moments at the pause (I think). Which is for the drooling old and much for the drooling young. And both go in their pants.

By a narrator who is voiced by John Cleese, opens up a playful connection between audience and film world.

Among the hand-drawn pictures in watercolor style are also found numerous pages of a book whose words are the story and interact with Pooh as well as with his friends in the Hundred Acre Wood.

Especially at this point it is interesting for older viewers, since in Winnie the Pooh are many word games and gimmicks with the fourth wall (thanks for that one, theater school!).

Also emphasize the positive, was very successful finale, in which provides an involuntary seizing of the characters in a self-dug pit for jokes – like a “Saturday Night Live”.

Winnie the Pooh is no more, no less, no up, no down. Is a great movie for kids, a nostalgia for the grown and enjoy a short (in the beginning) – namely “The Ballad of Nessie”.

So, as like Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 (what a good weekend for movies!) – two more vigorous thumb wavings – old fashioned and refreshing (lemonade!).

If you don’t go, you are Heffalumping crazy! I stand by this statement.

Kimmo Mustonenen (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. If you have a hatred for my English – go Heffalump yourself! In the pore!

July 13, 2011July 13, 2011

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 [REVIEW]

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

With “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2”, Harry Potter moves into the final battle.

Really the very last.

Sad people everywhere.

For Harry Potter fans, the “Harry Potter” movies are as a kind of Horcruxes – those in which the arch-enemy Voldemort small pieces swapped of his soul and has spread to delay his death (if you say “what?” read the dang books already).

In particular, since the last book appeared in 2007, the disciples of each film have a small piece of the Potter fortune invested, and a director would have to make very many mistakes to screw up the brains of the masses into a revolt which would turn into a hatred of young Harry and his movie. It is a bulletproof film yet still delivers like a train to the heart.

Especially Hermione. Cannot forget her (yowza!).

David Yates, who is responsible for all films since the fifth volume, has done nothing wrong! And that is so right!

The second part of “Deathly Hallows” is a seamless continuation of the first one with Harry, Ron (Rupert Grint), and Hermione (Emma Watson) – with the house-elf Dobby the helpful on the beach – and seems at this beach now, very briefly, the sun (this is complicated business).

Then it is dark again, and Harry is alone again. Naturally.

Again, what could be said from the first part of “Deathly Hallows”: Yates has not illustrated the book, but a mood – a mood of farewell and goodbye.

This is not the romantic, but barren volcanic landscapes, almost surreal in its vastness and desolation, as though Harry Potter’s soul Salvador Dalí carted out and cast in stone.

One would hardly have thought it possible, but “Deathly Hallows 2” is even darker – a more solitary Harry.

The first part staged the “us-versus-the-rest-of-world” friendly celebration of Harry, Ron and Hermione; the second now the “I-need-act-alone” by Potter.

And alone acting is cool.

Daniel Radcliffe plays his last days surrounded by magnificent scenery as a harried warrior who out of sheer guilt (there had been enough to die for Harry Potter – but who wouldn’t?) accept more aid and the fight against the Dark Lord finally wants to put behind him.

Since there is no heroic martyr, Harry, as a reluctant hero rushes into battle, as if he were going through the stations of a sadistic treasure hunt, to destroy Voldemort along with his Horcruxes and find the three “Deathly Hallows”.

These tasks must be ticked off as soon as possible so that Potter, finally (whew!), has his rest.

And if it is the eternal – no matter.

Which does not mean there is no action spectacle awaiting viewers: Some people speculated on the quiet first part that the director had abolished all the effects for the final.

Wrong, buster!

Yates is interested in still more for characters than for dramatic showdowns. The villains implode rather incidentally – the grandeur of Hogwarts castle turns into a refugee camp.

Crazy.

What an ending!

SPOILER ALERT!

The much-criticized epilogue to make us go “19 years later” wasn’t as much suck as you would thought at first glance (again, you perplexed? Read the dang book!).

Daniel Radcliffe and one that was made earlier with the help of ‘digital 19 years later’ and now looks like Marty McFly, but not so much older than 17.

No, we do not want to keep Harry Potter in memory. No, we want a Harry Potter heart.

At least there will be no more “is your Potter Hairy?” jokes. And God is thanked for that!

Two vigorously wagging thumbs.

This the end that really ends things. Take that “Lost”.

Kimmo Mustonenen (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

July 8, 2011

Zookeeper [REVIEW]

Zookeeper

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

When one in thinking comedy, especially in these comedies, the tastes are as varied as in almost any other genre.

So there are the sophisticated, witty humor, the dark British humor, but also the “hurr durr” and/or “herp derp” or naive childlike humor.

Somehow, yes, any of these styles can be quite irritable (like a bowel) and – according to doses used – to provide lots of fun in the cinema, yet not out of the cinema.

Why leave but Kevin James and Adam Sandler for years on the constant same thing, now worn-kind, one must ask already.

While with “Grown Ups” could see at least a slight upward trend, fueled by the hope was that even Adam Sandler grows up again, unfortunately, we are now witnessing one of his (James, not Sandler) weakest comedies.

Paul Blart is now his Citizen Kane?

In this universe it is the curse.

We get Zookeeper.

We are Job.

Griffin Keyes is a zookeeper and the animals extremely popular, because it deals with them very closely and with devotion (“it” being “he” – you get it! Me too!).

But his job is in his love life very much in the way (damn!), because his dream woman wants to marry him not because he “is just a zookeeper” but because he is just a zookeeper.

Fortunately, the animals can understand people, not only us, but also speak with us – if they want, because a code that forbids them actually.

Animals are shifty and have rules. But to Griffin’s love life to fix it, decide the zoo, to obtain information on the rules of time and explain to the people even as it ensnares the beloved correctly.

What?

Unfortunately, the posturing of a bear is just as beneficial as the territorial markings of a wolf – at least with a human woman. This is true – I’ve seen it on the internet.

Even in the rough story one suspects that the level of humor is rather childish. How bad it really is but then, only in the course of the film clear, because at least when Kevin James pisses middle of the restaurant to a potted palm, because it was recommended by an animal, is such a limit is exceeded.

What?

Very mediocre (this is a short sentence). Wants above all, because there are quite a few such scenes in which we, as viewers, leave the theater either fled or sink in the chair – but not both for that is impossible.

Only the trip with the only really creative and well-developed character – the gorilla (better than Ed, the farting and baseball playing chimp – thanks for this Matt LeBlanc!) – knows how to convince.

This flashes on the existing definitive sense of timing and situation comedy, and fortunately remains sustainable even in the head (in my head or yours? Let me know in the comments!). Is a pity that one is linked somehow many, though not more, strands of plot processed.

Seriously.

Overall, Zookeeper, unfortunately, a disappointment (shocker! Although I expected Sasha Grey level suckage (naughty!) – go “Entourage”!).

There is much reason to be ashamed of strange and often situations that are very drawn to construct and bring on the hair (man I’m drunk). It simply lacks the spark of feeling for a humorous line.

Fans of the usual rather childish level Sandler / James movies will certainly enjoy themselves while here, but everyone else be warned: There is one funny – really only the gorilla excursion, which is hinted at in the trailer already. Everything else is unfortunately not worth the cinema ticket.

One thumb, wagging downward – like photo before in Cialis ad.

Bummer.

“I’m mad…And that’s a fact
I found out…Animals don’t help
Animal think…They’re pretty smart
Shit on the ground…See in the dark.”

“Animals” by The Talking Heads

Kimmo Mustonenen (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. Summer television is the suck.

July 8, 2011July 8, 2011

Horrible Bosses [REVIEW]

Horrible Bosses

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

In Finnish language, “Horrible Bosses” translates to “Hirmuinen Pomoja”.

In Finnish, “Horrible Movie” translates to “Kamala Elokuva”.

Fortunately “Hirmuinen Pomoja”, it is not “Kamala Elokuva” but in fact “Loistava Elokuva”! Which means “Really Good Movie”!

So… great the summer (!) movie season has finally started!

“Horrible Bosses” accepts the challenge put against it “The Hangover 2” and of raises it tons of new heights.

The dudes (and jack-off monkey!) “The Hangover“.

The chicks owned “The Bridesmaids”.

Both of sexes are equally unspeakable in this hilarious new treat “Horrible Bosses”.

John Francis Daley, Michael Markowitz and Jonathan Goldstein all have experience writing or acting and situation of comedies in TV sketch comedies. Yet this smash-up feature script by all of them doesn’t seem choppy or overextended, and director Seth Gordon (“Four Christmases” – yuck, gross) drives it forward like a bullet train – like the new one in China!

Three reserved idiots – Jason Bateman, who is in the enterprise equivalent indentured of the enslavement; Jason Sudeikis, which tries to hold his boss of the credit of the sex with hookers in his office and of firing the people because they are fat (haven’t he seen show where fat women become skinny and hot women in two weeks?) and Charlie Day, which the dentist extorts into an affair before his wedding (yowza!).

They are driven, around homicide to consider of their sadistic supervision forces (Kevin Spacey, Colin Farrell, Jennifer Aniston). Their dorkus “murder consultant” (Jamie Foxx) advises them, around to kill their employers (I wish – just kidding Kyrle!), with which production of the deaths look like accidents.

Smart.

The film is strongest, if it remains with Bateman and again mixes with Spacey, Bateman has that on the easy expressionless “everyman” – perfected in “Arrested Development” and everything since. Spacey, on the dead-panned sarcastic scumbag we have admired since his calmer moments in other stuff.

This brings the one half serious point forward here.

We do not wish the dentist, who is killed – though not (she should not be killed).

Dale’s horny friends can’t understand why he’s miserable – isn’t a hot woman begging tons sleep with him?

And her behavior has accelerate a lot of sexual terrorism before they think it’s wrong. That is not right. Women can be also be pigs (see “Bridesmaids”). And pig women can be hot.

We have learned to regret men sexually harass the female employees, but how seriously we should take a complaint, if the culprit looked like Jennifer Aniston?

This film suggests that we should laugh it off, but the intimidation is intimidation, a foxy chick nonetheless could be the boss (not in my world – sad face!).

The casting agent for this movie should win an award.

Bateman, Sudeikis and Day to beat all the big notes, but even better, they find laughter between the lines.

Day is more stupid than the other two (the scene of him, because the view is priceless), but it works well in conjunction with Bateman, Sudeikis and bone-dry approach, and all three take care that the crazy antics keep to a minimum.

Spacey does not break new ground, but he has a lot of fun, and is a welcome sight.

Aniston takes things down a notch from her new role-playing the main thing and consequently turns into a better performer.

All that is said – now the verdict: So funny, that if I must pee, that would happen right now (or when I saw the movie – I don’t have to go now).

So, two thumbs enthusiastically thrusting skyward (thanks thesaurus!). My face is hurting for the smile. And that is good.

See “Horrible Bosses” at least twice. Regrets? You won’t have them!

Kimmo Mustonenen (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. America’s Got Talent! Really? I mean… really?