Project X [REVIEW]

Project X

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Thanks to Odin.  Much thanks.

Why?

Tuesday, with the fact that Tuesday must happen, happens.

Tuesday?

Reviewing assignments for Friday.

My mind is sweating mind thoughts:  “Please Odin, if I am to review that damn “Lorax” movie, drop me first with a face stretching stroke.  Explode my eyeballs.  Make me never to see the whoring out of a great man by his money grubbing widow (because I already am still in the stink of “Cat In The Hat”.  Mike Meyers, you make Canada sad with this.).

Then the God of Cargo came through – assignment “Project X.”

The “YES” I screamed was like that of Ron Jeremy in the day of hay.

“Project X.”

Teenagers in heat.

Crazy crap of the happening.

The party is bigger than big – or than the big it should have been (“Risky Business”, but funny).

First, I, Kimmo place a major hit in the bong.  I say you, the viewer, must do the same.

Then another.

Then one more.

“Project X” is now the adolescent party gone out of bounds “Citizen Kane.”  Without stupid sleds.  Or story.

Movies with plot are over the rated.  Serious.

Plot?  Really?

You are to the reading of a critic think write of “Project X” and you are really thinking the plot is a thing of mattering?  Plot is replaced by:

1)    Boobs

2)    Butt

3)    Tight female bellies (which must be under the age – High School, right?  HOT!!!)

4)    Booze

5)    Midgets

6)    Boobs

7)    Drugs (not just me)

8)    Car in pool

9)    Fat kids to fun out on

10)  Boobs

11)  Hand held camera!

Is this “Cloverfield”?  Better.

“The Blair Witch Project” (more boobs than the witch here)?  Better.

“Paranormal Activity 1-15”?  Better.

The “why” is answered by boobs.  And crazy teen hi-jinks.  Virgins deflowered.  Window broken.  Then another broken.  And hymens (see the deflowering before, but also with the broken part.  YES!).

Do you feel that I am in love with this film?  I am.

It pretends to be nothing more than it is.  Party out of bounds (thanks, B-52’s).  I laughed.  I coughed (after another pull on the dugout I recently purchased off of internet sales).

Conclusion:  If when the seeing of the trailer for this film makes you say “Hells yeah, if I miss this, my life is lesser than that it was” you will love it.

If when you see the trailer you feel the stick crawl up your butt telling you that “fun is only for the young?”  Stay home and watch “Matlock.”

This is no “Shark Night 3-D.”

And, thanks to Odin, this isn’t the crap licking “Lorax.”  I can thank more than one God for that.

So, one thumb asleep.  The other thumb erect, because that thumb likes on the boobs.  Who doesn’t?

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S.  “Glee?”  WTF?!?  Ryan Murphy, although before I never let the suspect for my boner on Dianna Agron, you have gone too much far.  Our feud is to for the public.  I call you out.  Why is my mind your mess?  There will be blood.