Justice League
With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen
There are things for the talking.
All involve dick wagging, dick tugging, boob grabbing, pussy wrangling, and tongue rehearsals.
Ick.
Hollywood, what up?
D.C., what up?
Alabama – you am just being Alabama I guess – if creepy old guy for Senate was dry humping his sister. That is totally of the Alabama.
There are too many to name.
And it is the suck of all sucks.
I now have the sads.
Until… JUSTICE LEAGUE!!!
First was the smoke.
The sweet, sweet smoke.
My brain said, “if that Superman-ending damn poop monster comes back (from B vs. S – Justice At Dawn), I’ll have a poop monster of my own making in my Loom Fruits!”
So I calmed my mind with numbness. And three shots of Kossu.
At 110 minutes I didn’t fear the urinal siren call. So down goes shot #4. Now I was ready.
First, Batman (Ben Affleck – uninvited butt grabber) is still Will Arnett (best Batman) and angsty. Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot) walks in leather pants until the shit (being Steppenwolf – 60s band but now bad guy from shit video game [Ciarán Hinds]) hits the fan as if monkey flung from monkey butt at school field trip while zoo-ing). He wants boxes to make his Mother.
It made sense.
This must be believed.
I mean, he came from space!
The flying monkeys (Oz style) come flying around, but there are no flying houses… wait, yes, there are!
So Batman wants to put a band together.
He finds Aquadude (Khal Drogo) and a self-described Jew who is also The Flash (Ezra Miller).
Then there is (I think) a Transformer called Cyborg (Ray Fisher). He plugs in to more shit than R2-D2.
Yes, that is possible.
There is wit, flung like the fan hitting poop (thanks, Joss Whedon).
This is a “not so dark” DC movie.
And it was awesome-sauce!
Why is this a saying?
And, also, “amaze-balls.”
Why?
Both words are banned from my world.
You are welcome!
What I mean, when said correctly, is two thumbs –
SPOILER ALERT!
“Up, up, and away!”
END SPOILER ALERT!
33% from Rotten Tomatoes is shit flying – water cannon style – from an enraged bull. I will see it again. My love for Gal Gadot is now equal to the love I had for Ginnifer Goodwin in the ancient past and the love I had for Gemma Arterton combined in to a love pile. My only chance for love fulfilling is to see her in IMAX.
Again.
And again Damn.
It is wonderful.
Kimmo Mustonenen – Behind The Proscenium – Manka Bros. Studios
P.S. Louis CK, you are a sick fuck. The internet was created for the porn! Use it!
P.P.S. Al, you were good enough, smart enough, and you still were pooch screwing. Idiot.
P.P.P.S. Who will be next? I will start a “Career Now Dead Pool Because of Sick Predatory Behavior”! Give me the answers that are yours of who is next in the comments!